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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask what wedding mistakes you made....

228 replies

ILiveForNachos · 23/10/2016 16:26

With the kitchen and bathroom threads it made me think of the the things people wouldn't do if they got married again (or things they would do if they had the chance again)......

OP posts:

DocMcFanjo · 23/10/2016 17:08

Not a consideration for everyone but I would possibly have paid our childminder to come for the prep to mind our at the time 8 month old DD and have her fed and napped and ready to go.

Making sure she was happy and rested was literally the only stress of the day for me.

Thankfully we had arranged for my mum's wonderful friend to mind her for the night- I wish I'd worried less about that as DD couldn't have been happier in the midst of friend's gaggle of kids!

lanbro · 23/10/2016 17:10

The only thing I would change is the photographer. A friend offered to take photos, I worried and paid a 'professional'. Friend's photos were miles better so could have saved £500!

GrinchyMcGrincherson · 23/10/2016 17:13

I don't regret

Not doing a sit down meal.
Not getting drunk
Not having posh wedding cars
Taking the help offered.
Spending my money on wedding rings (both platinum, mine also has diamonds. They cost about a grand each. This was half the cost of my wedding)

Gwenci · 23/10/2016 17:13

Would've used a different photographer with hindsight - definitely agree shop around as much as you can. We really liked her online portfolio and photography style but ours didn't end up looking anything like those. There's one where I have a fire extinguisher coming out of my head. And she wasn't cheap!

Wouldn't have bothered with favours and instead would've put a card on each table explaining that the favour money had been donated to a charity close to our hearts. No need for favours IMO.

Other than those small things, it was an amazing day and I wouldn't change anything else!

RaingodswithZippos · 23/10/2016 17:13

Wearing ridiculous heels - they were gorgeous but I couldn't walk in them.

Getting married on a day when England were playing Greece - all the men disappeared to watch the match and Beckham scored to let England qualify for the World Cup.

Apart from that, we had little money so it was a no frills registry office ceremony followed by a social club do, with no photographer. Family friends took photos and my parents had an album made as a gift, and paid for our honeymoon. I always think it would be nice to renew our vows and have a more lavish do, but then it hasn't affected the quality of our marriage so maybe it's a waste of time.

CaptainCallisto · 23/10/2016 17:14

Take someone with me to my dress fitting - even if it ended up being DH.

I had nobody else, but didn't want him to see me in my dress before the day.

The bodice was too big around the bust, they said it would be about £150 to have it altered because of the beading (the bloody thing was only £350 to start with!) and I didn't think we had an extra £150 to shell out there, as the whole wedding was coming in at less than £2000.

Because I could only see the front of the dress, and the assistant said it looked absolutely fine, I decided not to bother.

Now I look at my wedding pictures, with the bodice sticking out and gappy, and get really cross with myself. Mum was upset too that I hadn't called her and asked if she could pay for the alterations

ZestyDragon · 23/10/2016 17:14

I wish I hadn't bothered with a wedding video. I didn't want one and DH was pressured into it by FIL. PIL and BIL behaved so bloody badly in public on the day that thinking of it gives me the rage and I could never watch it or let anyone else see it. Asshats.

thecolonelbumminganugget · 23/10/2016 17:15

This has made me feel so much better! Getting married next year and spent a small fortune on a photographer on the basis that her photos are really beautiful and well put together and have been worried about whether it's really worth the money.

QueenofLouisiana · 23/10/2016 17:16

I'd remember to pack comfy shoes for the following day. I had to totter around in my wedding heels white a casual dress and cardi.

I had a register office wedding for 40 people, afternoon tea in a country cottage style village hall and a simple dress. My wedding night was in a very old farmhouse b&b, we ate breakfast with people we'd never met who'd been to a wedding in the neighbouring village. I'd do the same again.

shinynewusername · 23/10/2016 17:18

I wouldn't have invited evening only guests. I realise now that it feels really awkward to come to the evening only because the party has left without you. Whole thing or nothing.

Notso · 23/10/2016 17:21

I really wish we had got married just DH and I with witnesses at the register office while I was pg with DC1.
My wedding was great fun and a lovely day but it was all really done to please other people.

GrinchyMcGrincherson · 23/10/2016 17:21

The only thing I would change is the photographer. A friend offered to take photos, I worried and paid a 'professional'. Friend's photos were miles better so could have saved £500!

I know two people who have had this happen. Guests photos were far better than official ones. One was a photographer herself and did my wedding (brilliantly) I was gutted for her. We suspect the guy stole a portfolio because the photos were NOTHING like the ones she'd seen. Out of focus, badly framed, bad lighting, mess. She won't even look at them.

Justwondering79 · 23/10/2016 17:23

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

KC225 · 23/10/2016 17:24

Got married in Vegas, which I don't regret. We decided to sneak off as we couldn't afford to pay for people to come and didn't want to pressure people into an expensive trip etc.

We told a people u we were going on holiday. A friend of DH and his girlfriend guessed and so did one of my best friends. All three wanted to come out didn't seem to mind the expense (pre kids & hideous mortgages) and were sworn to secrecy.

It was so much better with them there. The five of us had a blast. We had postcards made of one of wedding photographs and we sent one to everyone we knew. I was so shocked at the amount of people who said they would have come to our Vegas wedding had they known. Even my BOSS. My regret is not telling more people about the plans.

Hoppinggreen · 23/10/2016 17:24

For some reason it didn't want my dress to drag on the ground so I was holding it up with one hand. In all the photos I have got a handful of dress and it's all bunched up

JustHappy3 · 23/10/2016 17:25

I regret not having any photos of just me and my mum. Got plenty of me and my dad and me, mum and dad but none of just us two.
I regret (slightly) not going with the blue and white wedding dress to please my dad.
I regret not putting someone in charge of fetching me a drink once an hour.
I regret putting bestman& chief bridesmaid on the top table when they'd have had a much better time with our mates. I thought we had sorted it by putting their spouses next to them but actually putting all 4 elsewherewould have made more sense.
I regret not asking family and friends with little kids what they needed. I was genuinely clueless and i know now i could have made it sooo much easier for them.
I regret leaving it til the night before to wrap up presents (for bridesmaids etc). Should have done that weeks in advance!

1frenchfoodie · 23/10/2016 17:29

I didn't ask DH to make any sort of speech (or have his best man do one). He is low key and shy and we definately did not want loads of speeches but I naively expected him to say a few words. It grates that the only words he said when he stood up were 'ladies and gentlement the lamb roast is ready'.

KatsutheClockworkOctopus · 23/10/2016 17:36

I regret letting DH invited his work mates. They were an odd bunch who had been outstandingly rude to me when I'd met them previously. They all stood together and drank up the free bar and didn't acknowledge me in the slightest. At one point one of them came onto the dance floor and attempted to literally drag DH out of my arms.
They disappeared at the end of the night without saying anything. We saw them at breakfast the next day where they once again ignored me completely! They really put a dampener on things for me.

blinkineckmum · 23/10/2016 17:37

I would've spent more on food and drink fir guests. I didn't have a photographer and don't regret it.

n0ne · 23/10/2016 17:37

Sort out a photographer who could do the whole day, including the reception. We have no photos of the reception and none at all of certain guests.

Invite people much earlier than 2 months before. Loads of people couldn't make it (especially as we live overseas from my family and friends) because we didn't give enough notice. I'm really gutted about that but it was our own fault.

Make more of an effort for the 'after party' in my own country. It ended up everybody just going to a pub for a roast.

iklboo · 23/10/2016 17:40

I'd arrange transport for DH & to the hotel instead of trying to get a taxi BIL2 fecking nicked the taxi we'd ordered. We ended up getting a lift from MIL's fella at the time who thankfully hadn't been drinking.

MyGiddyUncle · 23/10/2016 17:40

Things I would do differently:

Have real flowers instead of fake.

Ask for more casual photos of the guests enjoying themselves rather than nearly all the photos being of groups smiling at the camera.

Employ a nanny to watch the two dc because my sister did a shit job after volunteering and I had to have one eye on them all night

Speak to dh before the wedding and spell out that getting blind drunk by midnight, being unable to consummate and pissing the bed at 4am would not go down well.

Bumbleclat · 23/10/2016 17:42

I wish I'd have invited my step daughter's grandparents who I adore and who were a bit put out not to be invited I think :(
I wish I'd have invited the family that I was nannying for, my aunties and cousins who I didn't invite because I didn't want to inconvenience them with the travel etc.
I'm a massive introvert and really would rather have not had to endure the whole stress of it, I also have a very complicated family and it all just felt really amplified on the lead up to the day.
I also struggled to feel close to anyone, my friendships are not the closest I'd say I felt quite lonely somehow, it was as it turned out, a beautiful day I just can't imagine ever being the type of person to enjoy it.
I bloody love my husband though and each anniversary I feel delighted that I never have to go through another wedding again!!

DanGleballs · 23/10/2016 17:43

My DP would say he hates his ex ss. I haven't met him but considering he killed kittens as a child, was sexually inappropriate in many ways, beat his pregnant girlfriend and lots more I can see where he is coming from. Context is everything.

acquiescence · 23/10/2016 17:43

Not me, but at my in laws wedding recently weekend there was a 2.5 hour gap between the ceremony and meal and ONE drink provided. Don't do this. At ours we had a 1hr 15 min break and allowed for 3 drinks per person.

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