MIL regifted our gift and I've seen it

[Spindlewood]

Sorry it's a m in law thread . I'm married and have a goodish relationship with m in law, not great but okay . I bought her last xmas a gift from us as usual and a little gift from our 2 children for her . It was a pair of oven gloves and matching tea towels , nice not naff design . Anyway I go for dinner last night at husbands cousins , see same oven gloves and don't connect that they are what I've picked out hence why I like them and compliment cousin . She said thanks " aunty spindlewood " bought them and they came with these and then shows me the matching t towels ! I know it's only £15 worth of gift but I'm annoyed about it and want to tell her I've seen them . Long line of recently irritating things by her , which I always let go but this one for some reason has irked me more than others . I am trying to have a word with myself to forget it but finding it hard ! What would you do ?

Here's a grip OP.
You are miffed/upset over an oven glove and some tea towels.
Goodness me!

You MIL probably didn't like them. Would you prefer she used them despite them
Not bring to her taste? Just to please you?

If so perhaps you should stop giving people gifts - certainly those that have a burden/obligation to adore attached.

My mil once regifteddinething I got herbs I to me a couple of years later. I think she genuinely didn't realise silly old git.

*Regifted something I got her back to me

I would have a laugh about it with her.

Just to clarify Magic changes it was in addition to an expensive bottle of perfume she had chosen , it was a token gift from the grandkids

Op myself and many other posters have realised this and read your op - this is AIBU and you must remember some posters sit on here spoiling for a fight.

I dont think you are BU and many others dont.

You know now - I have had my fingers burned - and I like many other posters not just on here - on this thread but across many threads I see around XMAS say they simply dont make an effort with their in laws any more for a whole host of reasons..

Keep it simple, flowers, choclate - wine.

triffle I agree and the whole world of presents given in the fashion of many posters on here and the world of re gifting was opened up to me by my in laws.

Its sort of made the whole thing seem rather heartless and cold fraught with the trepidation your gift will be passed on or binned etc.
We simply came at presents in a whole different way growing up, they were something to be grateful for!

This - you regift to friends if family have bought for you and vv. I don't see the problem with regifting N general though

you never buy a man household goods so why is it okay for a woman

eh?

I've bought dh several things to use in the house over the years, and now also do for my ds - who wrote the rule about not being allowed to buy household stuff for people who appreciate it? - cos I didn't get that memo

huh? I've bought baking sets for DNephews, I've bought cooking things for DF and DH and DB, they all like to cook

you never buy a man household goods so why is it okay for a woman

As a data point: I give all sorts of gifts to my family as I do a combination of practical and fun. What I do is to give a specific gift to a person (suede coat, Uggs, Tiffany iced tea stirrers, etc) then have a big pile of more prosaic gifts that everyone can help themselves to. The latter include kitchen fire blankets, tools for breaking car windows / cutting through seatbelts, first aid kits, Leatherman tools, leather gloves, scented candles, iPad cases, silly T-shirts, books, etc.

It is not a naff gift, I imagine the pattern or colour just were not to her taste. My mil gave me frilly flowered kitchen chair pillows, they were navy and we're not to my taste at all, nor did they match my kitchen. Luckily they were the wrong shape for the seats so I asked her if I could exchange for others. And didn't have to mention not liking them. I would have re gifTed them but she would have wondered why they were not on the chairs.

So what? My mum wouldn't use an oven mitt - she likes to use a teatowell and would give the gift to someone who appreciates it. Not a problem - why would you want to embarrass your MIL over this? YABU

That's why stuff you choose for others is such a bad idea. Imagine how much time and money is wasted each year on unwanted shit. If in doubt, good wine is always a hit. If from kids, good chocolates or high quality tea/coffee/biscuits YOU KNOW THEY USE. I hate hate hate this buying everyone stuff. It is a waste of money that can go so wrong. Bolly is on offer at Morrisons if anyone is in doubt.

Oven glove and tea towel is about the most rubbish present on the planet anyway. Why would you even think that was an OK token gift from your children? Whatever happened to home made gingerbread iced in that very special way?!

GOINGMADINTHEOUNTRY
Good wine wouldn't be appreciated at all by my bbf who doesn't drink - she'd prefer the oven and I can't abide Champagne so I guess you still don't have all the answers...

I don't think you're being unreasonable OP. I donate unwanted things to charity, not to close family members of the giver. And so what if it's not 'to her taste'? No one's asking her to go out wearing it. She obviously didn't think the items were that bad though; if something is so hideous you can't bear it taking up mere inches in your cupboard or drawer despite it always being useful, you're not going to take responsibility for having bought it.

I wouldn't say anything though, just either avoid choosing anything for her and stick to what she's asked for or get her something personalised so you're less likely to see it at your husband's cousin's house within the year.

So maybe she didn't like them or already had some she prefers so she reused them. Better than sitting somewhere on a shelf.

I knew really I was overreacting , that says more about me I appreciate , I also now know several other things about myself thanks to this thread , namely I buy dodgy, offense inducing gifts . Think it's GV all round this years . Thanks again for the comments .

Anyone ever told you you are also passive aggressive?

Giving them to a charity shop would have been better than passing them to a family member where the original giver will notice them. Regifting was better than throwing them away or them going unused though.

I agree it's not a great gift though. Someone who loves cooking will already have several. Someone who doesn't won't have any use for them.

I recycle loads of gifts, it's well known by close friends and family as I'm very honest and open, so we've talked about it and it's taken in good humour. I know what I like and don't have space for things we're not going to use.

Everyone close to me knows not to buy me a surprise (except hubby who sometimes does and nearly always gets it right) and we always share our list of ideas for Christmas gifts, being considerate of value. My hubby loves to choose something from me, we make it fun together to choose something special. I'm very practical and we're not loaded so I like to get things we will really love and use.

With my mum, sister and mum in law we make it a lovely day out and choose things together. My mum and mum in law love a surprise so I plan ahead, think carefully but always include the receipt in a small envelope making it clear they can exchange it if they would prefer something else. Works for us!

I think gift buying is a minefield nowadays - everyone has so much stuff already and most can afford to buy what they want (if it is a small thing such as the OP bought).
I would not want an oven glove and t towels unless it matched my nice new kitchen, or was a best quality oven glove which never lets the heat through.

But what is the OP to buy (or her DH), I hate bath stuff, I always squirt most of it down the loo so that the buyer thinks I've used the stuff (when they visit) then after a month or so bin it.

I'd probably prefer an oven glove etc whcih I can give to oxfam than toiletries or chocolates whcih I would bin (chocs too fattening).

DH buys huge bouquets for me, I dont' want more.

I guess teh only option is a gift voucher, not much fun for the DCs to give though.

I personally wouldn't mind being gifted oven gloves and teatowels as I'm a practical person and wouldn't give a shit about the colour/design.
However, if I did regift it wouldn't be done within family.
I can see how you feel a little hurt OP when you did pick them out personally so YANBU. Move on quickly from this as is not's worth any overthinking.

My ex mother in law would wrap up dish sponges/ washing up liquid /tea towels etc then I had to sit there smileing politely while her daughter flashed her diamond earrings or similar. I get I was not her her daughter but really yes a box of Kleenex?

I don't see the problem either albeit I would probably have found someone a bit more distant as the recipient - saves any embarrassment. On the other side of it, my MIL bought my eldest a hideous outfit when she was a baby. I took it back to Gap and bought something else. She asked me a few weeks later if it fitted: I said it was lovely but unfortunately not the right size so I changed it which I hoped was OK. I'd thought that was tactful but for years afterwards everything came with the labels cut out.....!!

Yabu she probably didn't need them and the person they were regifted too obviously does like them so...... you gave a gift and it's brought joy.....to someone 😉

Also. Don't take offense. Would you want to be told you have the same taste as your MIL? I bet your husbands cousin is more on your wavelength anyways