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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

MIL regifted our gift and I've seen it

286 replies

Spindlewood · 22/10/2016 10:47

Sorry it's a m in law thread . I'm married and have a goodish relationship with m in law, not great but okay . I bought her last xmas a gift from us as usual and a little gift from our 2 children for her . It was a pair of oven gloves and matching tea towels , nice not naff design . Anyway I go for dinner last night at husbands cousins , see same oven gloves and don't connect that they are what I've picked out hence why I like them and compliment cousin . She said thanks " aunty spindlewood " bought them and they came with these and then shows me the matching t towels ! I know it's only £15 worth of gift but I'm annoyed about it and want to tell her I've seen them . Long line of recently irritating things by her , which I always let go but this one for some reason has irked me more than others . I am trying to have a word with myself to forget it but finding it hard ! What would you do ?

OP posts:

AppleJac · 22/10/2016 17:06

My MIL tried to re gift a very expensive bottle of brandy on facebook that i bought her one christmas.

She always has Asda smart price brandy and for christmas i decided to buy her a premium brand bottle of brandy.

I saw her facebook status trying to give it away as we are friends on facebook.

That was the last present she ever got off me.

EddieHitler · 22/10/2016 17:09

Nowt wrong with practical gifts. My FIL is a nightmare to buy for (no hobbies, nothing he wants or needs, diabetic, doesn't eat sweets) he now asks us for practical things so that he doesn't get another gift set/pair of socks/mug. On father's day he asked for WD40, so that's what he got.

YuckYuckEwwww · 22/10/2016 17:11

Just because I don't want to look at someone else's taste every day and re-gift something, doesn't mean I didn't appreciate the gift/thought in the first place.

I just don't see how it would make me any more grateful to keep something I didn't like than it does to be grateful for the thought, then send it somewhere it might be liked/used

EddieHitler · 22/10/2016 17:16

I've re-gifted some beautiful presents because I can't use them (sensitive skin), it's not that I didn't like them, I just didn't want them to go to waste.

Applejac- she might just prefer the Asda stuff, buy her that and make her happy.

My mum loves cheap wine, she wouldn't thank you for a decent bottle. It's awful, but it's what she likes so that's what we buy her.

Liiinoo · 22/10/2016 17:20

There are worse things to do with a gift than regift it. My mum had mentioned she could no longer afford her favourite Chanel perfume. So I bought her some for Christmas. I nearly passed out at the price, but it's my mum and she likes it so hey-ho.

She opened it and was suitably grateful...and then said 'its so lovely I'm never going to open it'. And she hasn't. What a waste of money.

Trifleorbust · 22/10/2016 17:28

I don't know, you know. When I was growing up, giving away something someone had given you would have been considered egregiously rude. Have we all become so obsessed with ourselves that we now think it's more important that gifts are to our exact taste, than it is to respect the fact that someone has chosen and given something to us? Has the world and basic courtesy changed that much? I'm only 32 😂

YuckYuckEwwww · 22/10/2016 17:29

actually, what I don't like is seeing something I've given kept but un-used! One of the ILs does this and I just think "if you don't like that brand of soap just give it away? why keep it to gather dust" - just seems pointless and wasteful!

Original poster

Spindlewood · 22/10/2016 17:34

Just to clarify Magic changes it was in addition to an expensive bottle of perfume she had chosen , it was a token gift from the grandkids, clearly a bad one and for all those saying did you buy the f in law a household gift , I didn't because he died 5 years ago and she does do all the cooking . Think I would like this thread to stop now as a previous poster asked of me if I was spoiling for a fight/ argument , I am not with anyone and wouldn't want anyone to have one on my behalf . I knew really I was overreacting , that says more about me I appreciate , I also now know several other things about myself thanks to this thread , namely I buy dodgy, offense inducing gifts . Think it's GV all round this years . Thanks again for the comments .

OP posts:

Mymouthgetsmeintrouble · 22/10/2016 17:37

My mil regifted some very nice teacups back to me 8 years later

Rafflesway · 22/10/2016 17:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AbernathysFringe · 22/10/2016 17:55

Next time you have to buy her anything, get it personalised with her name.

AbernathysFringe · 22/10/2016 17:57

Agree that there's something a little off about regifting, unless you specifically say, 'oh so and so gave me this, but it's not really my style, would you like it?' when you give it to someone who the original giver isn't going to meet!!!

NavyandWhite · 22/10/2016 18:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MoveItMoveItMoveIt · 22/10/2016 18:03

It's annoying but no biggie. Don't bring it up.

AllMyBestFriendsAreMetalheads · 22/10/2016 18:09

I give most small gifts that are unwanted to the PTA Christmas tombola when non-uniform day comes around, but if I'm regifting to a person then it's still done with thought. I'd only regift something I thought the person would like and use.

TheNewSchmoo · 22/10/2016 18:10

OK, we get it, cut the Op some slack now eh.....

Said from a position of not even knowing matching tea towels and oven gloves existed!

AmeliaJack · 22/10/2016 18:12

Spindle you are looking at this all wrong.

This is hysterical - you could have some tremendous fun with this!

Next time you're in the kitchen with MIL ask to use the oven gloves.

Or
Say (gushingly) that you are so pleased she liked your set that she bought another set for cousin.

Or
Buy her another identical set this year as you'd noticed she'd misplaced hers.

There's loads of fun to be had with this.

Original poster

Spindlewood · 22/10/2016 18:17

That's a good shout Amelia Jack , but they were from BHS so now impossible ( if not rare ) and that's a whole other thread .......

OP posts:

flupi · 22/10/2016 18:18

Just laugh about it. Make it a bit of a joke- see if she recycles the next present you give her. It's impossible to buy for other people. Just try to buy gifts you like then you have a clear conscience!

Bluesrunthegame · 22/10/2016 18:22

I'd be a bit miffed, tbh, although I can see the MIL can do what she likes with her own possessions. It's the getting rid of the stuff so quickly and to someone who you might visit and so might see it. Slightly thoughtless.

You could make a joke of it if you really feel you have to, but it might be better to say nothing. Although next Christmas, you could jokingly say you hope she keeps this year's gift a little longer or doesn't pass it on to the same person.

FinderofNeedles · 22/10/2016 18:32

Just let it go. Life's too short.

Maybe, at some point, just bring up regifting in conversation, casually, and see what her point of view is on the matter. But only if you actually want to hear her POV, not just so you can have a go at her.

e1y1 · 22/10/2016 18:38

A gift should be given unconditionally.

So if your MIL wanted to burn them, that is her prerogative.

Whilst it's never nice to feel a gift is unappreciated/unwanted. But once it is given, the recipient can do what they like with it.

GinAndTunic · 22/10/2016 18:43

I don't see a problem. Your mother-in-law accepted a fairly anonymous gift with grace and passed it along to a person who could make use of it.

Trifleorbust · 22/10/2016 18:47

Of course a person can do what they like with a gift. That doesn't mean it's not rude to give it away as a gift, pretending you bought it. Grim.

Clankboing · 22/10/2016 18:56

My dad and his brother give each other books as presents. His brother sometimes accidently gives him books that he gave previously but normally dad not too fussed as he likes what he bought fortunately.

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