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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

MIL regifted our gift and I've seen it

286 replies

Spindlewood · 22/10/2016 10:47

Sorry it's a m in law thread . I'm married and have a goodish relationship with m in law, not great but okay . I bought her last xmas a gift from us as usual and a little gift from our 2 children for her . It was a pair of oven gloves and matching tea towels , nice not naff design . Anyway I go for dinner last night at husbands cousins , see same oven gloves and don't connect that they are what I've picked out hence why I like them and compliment cousin . She said thanks " aunty spindlewood " bought them and they came with these and then shows me the matching t towels ! I know it's only £15 worth of gift but I'm annoyed about it and want to tell her I've seen them . Long line of recently irritating things by her , which I always let go but this one for some reason has irked me more than others . I am trying to have a word with myself to forget it but finding it hard ! What would you do ?

OP posts:

SheldonCRules · 22/10/2016 11:52

I can think of nothing worse for Christmas than a tea towel and oven glove. It's so impersonal and condescending, just because she is female doesn't mean she wanted something for the kitchen.

Not hard to understand why she passed it on.

pastelmacaroons · 22/10/2016 11:53

DH family is always giving us kitchen items, knives, bowls, tea towls, stuff for baking, i have never thought of it,

NavyandWhite · 22/10/2016 11:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

pastelmacaroons · 22/10/2016 11:55

Even so Sheldon - to pass it on where op can see it?

viques · 22/10/2016 11:56

Perspicacia has it right. I love vintage bed linen , and buy it on eBay, sadly much of it has clearly been given as wedding presents, put in a drawer for best and never used before being cleared out .Such a waste. The regifting rule is simple. Thank you letter, followed by swift exit to charity shop.

BeverleyBrook · 22/10/2016 11:57

Blimey you gave someone an oven glove, and are surprised they were less than thrilled!? I re-gift/resell/donate 50% of every Christmas. Otherwise we'd be drowning in oven gloves. Expect no less from the rest of the family. Meh.

TheHiphopopotamus · 22/10/2016 11:58

At least your MIL didn't regift them back to you, like my SIL did with something I'd given her for xmas once

Pagwatch · 22/10/2016 11:59

God yes Navy

'My MIL gave me oven gloves for Christmas'

That would be quite the thread

BadEngleesh · 22/10/2016 12:00

OP
Thing the moral for me is to leave dh to buy his own mothers gifts from now on then I won't give a shit

Perfect solution. It's what I do.

HyacinthFuckit · 22/10/2016 12:00

Were you seriously telling me to get off my high horse after that post of yours olly?! How unintentionally hilarious of you. Pot kettle indeed. But I note with interest that no, you can't point us to anything OP had said to suggest her OH isn't capable of choosing gifts for his own mother. That says everything.

schbittery · 22/10/2016 12:01

This is why I lobby for only buying children presents at Christmas. Gifts for adult family members once you've got kids, is a massive headache and unnecessary expense for all involved. I hate it.

ItShouldHaveBeenJessCastismas · 22/10/2016 12:01

She also got perfume she liked, though - bet that didn't get passed on!

pastel. I shouldn't at the book cover (but I did). My ex bought me a travel iron once (I never iron). Funnily enough, when my mum visited me on my birthday, she was grumbling about her iron being broken, so I gave her mine. I didn't wrap it up as a 'gift' though, and she was very pleased.

redshoeblueshoe · 22/10/2016 12:01

DH was recently given a fun present. He opened it, laughed, then asked the giver if he could re-gift it. I think it will be fun tracking its movements, and we have been wondering if it will eventually be re-gifted back to us.
OP I do think you have been treated harshly, maybe next time try

Liiinoo · 22/10/2016 12:02

Yes I would be a bit if someone gave me oven gloves and tea towels. I love cooking and baking so already own all the oven gloves and tea towels I need. And my tea towels are all classic white linen with a blue stripe, I wouldn't want random patterned ones, no matter how pretty they were.

FannyWincham · 22/10/2016 12:02

She clearly liked them enough to be associated with them as a gifter and it sounds like your cousin likes them. Win win.

RepentAtLeisure · 22/10/2016 12:05

Thing the moral for me is to leave dh to buy his own mothers gifts from now on then I won't give a shit

Yes, do that! He should be buying them anyway really!

pastelmacaroons · 22/10/2016 12:06

My MIL gave me oven gloves for Christmas

i am sure mine has - mine is a 1950's HW - she has give me lots of kitchen stuff. I never thought anything of it - I personally have no great interest in choosing baking tins, new knives, bowls etc.

I am very happy if someone wants to spend their time doing that.

ChocolateWombat · 22/10/2016 12:08

Stop being so sensitive. Many many of the presents we give people, when given as surprises are not to their taste - it's simply a fact. We have to accept when giving a surprise that they might not like it. Would you rather it sat in a cupboard gathering dust or went to the charity shop - because those are the other options? Do you think MiL should get the items out when you come round and carry out the farce of using them and saying how she loves them, so you can see and hear.

It's a shame she didn't like the gift. However, it's really not a big deal is it - no doubt she's given you things you don't like too at times. See it for what it is, not a big deal and move on.

To avoid in future, perhaps ask her what she'd like...or just accept that giving surprises is a bit hit and miss and it wasn't a personal attack on you to give it away. If you start making thinly veiled comments about sil seeming to have the same oven gloves, you'll just make yourself sound petty and cause friction - life is too short to see problems in such a minor thing, or to take action to escalate it into a problem which will worsen relationships.

If you do choose to make a comment about it, it will be you, not her who is creating tension. Totally unavoidable. Forget it and move on.

FlabulousChic · 22/10/2016 12:09

To be honest that's a shit present

pastelmacaroons · 22/10/2016 12:12

Would you rather it sat in a cupboard gathering dust or went to the charity shop - because those are the other options?

what about the option to re gift but not to someone who Op will see and whose house she will visit?

Surely a kinder and more diplomatic option?

ChocolateWombat · 22/10/2016 12:13

I remain amazed at how many people are just looking for opportunities to take offence over the most minor things and to then generate tension and conflict with people......when there is absolutely no need. This is a great example of this.

Op really has nothing to be offended about In this case. She is already a bit irritated with MiL so seems to be LOOKING for something to create a bit of an issue about. Why on earth would she do this, rather than looking for harmony? What is the point of generating conflict? I can only assume some people enjoy it or have nothing else going on to give themselves something more constructive to think about!

pastelmacaroons · 22/10/2016 12:14

To avoid in future, perhaps ask her what she'd like

Did you bother to read the ops post Choclate? Its quite clear op Brought her Perfume that she asked for!!!!

pastelmacaroons · 22/10/2016 12:15

I would say if you don't want to generate conflict Dont Regift to someone who the present buyer visits and will see the gift!

BennyTheBall · 22/10/2016 12:16

I would've regifted oven gloves and tea towels. No, actually, I would never give such items as a gift.

Sgtmajormummy · 22/10/2016 12:16

I look on any present I give as "it's yours to do as you like with".
So if she wanted to re-gift it, and save some money and effort for herself at the same time, that's her choice.

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