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AIBU?

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Original poster

MIL regifted our gift and I've seen it

286 replies

Spindlewood · 22/10/2016 10:47

Sorry it's a m in law thread . I'm married and have a goodish relationship with m in law, not great but okay . I bought her last xmas a gift from us as usual and a little gift from our 2 children for her . It was a pair of oven gloves and matching tea towels , nice not naff design . Anyway I go for dinner last night at husbands cousins , see same oven gloves and don't connect that they are what I've picked out hence why I like them and compliment cousin . She said thanks " aunty spindlewood " bought them and they came with these and then shows me the matching t towels ! I know it's only £15 worth of gift but I'm annoyed about it and want to tell her I've seen them . Long line of recently irritating things by her , which I always let go but this one for some reason has irked me more than others . I am trying to have a word with myself to forget it but finding it hard ! What would you do ?

OP posts:
Trifleorbust · 22/10/2016 11:19

If someone buys you a gift, you should be grateful for their effort and kindness in doing so. Giving it away is indeed rude. If you wouldn't tell them you did so (and I assume you wouldn't) then why would you defend the practice of doing it to start with? Hmm

pastelmacaroons · 22/10/2016 11:19

I have nothing against the odd re gifting.

But I would not Re gift something Mil gave to me - to her own sister or someone I knew she would be seeing?

Does anyone not see this? Re gift - but not where the buyer might see it?

pictish · 22/10/2016 11:19

We are talking about oven gloves and tea towels right?

Maybe she didn't like the design as much as you did. Maybe they weren't to her taste.

Still, she could have at least kept them in a drawer forever.
So rude.

jelliebelly · 22/10/2016 11:21

Leave it be - my mil is notoriously difficult to buy for so I just don't put as much emotional effort into gift buying for her these days (married 20 years!)

Original poster
Spindlewood · 22/10/2016 11:21

Ollycat

It wasn't the " only " gift , it was in addition to perfume she had asked for , think this post has served its purpose , thank you

OP posts:
ItShouldHaveBeenJessCastismas · 22/10/2016 11:22

pastel. I agree - if you're going to do it, then at least have the decency to make sure the gift-giver and the next recipient are unlikely to cross paths! Sort of basic common sense, really!

NorbertDentressangle · 22/10/2016 11:22

Spindlewood have you never re-gifted anything?

Surely everyone has been given a gift that they don't like or want at some point and have passed it on to someone who would like it or, if not, to a charity shop.

Sosidges · 22/10/2016 11:23

When my huge family asked me what I would like for birthdays, Christmas or Mother's Day, I would love to say, "please do not buy me anything". However it would be incredibly rude and hurtful to do so. I don't think your MiL did anything wrong. I do not re-gift but I do donate some things, unused to a Charity after a while.

CotswoldStrife · 22/10/2016 11:23

From the OP

Long line of recently irritating things by her

There may well be things you are finding irritating, but regifting these items is not the best issue to raise it on!

I do appreciate that it can be a bit wounding if you feel regifting is questioning your taste, but I don't think your MIL was taking a shot at you there.

llangennith · 22/10/2016 11:24

If anyone ever gave me something as impersonal as oven gloves or tea towels I'd regift them too!

pastelmacaroons · 22/10/2016 11:25

Nobody wants oven gloves anf tea towels as presents really though do they, let's face it they are not good presents

well actually I find buying things like this a total bore in fact we dont have a kitchen where anything matches and certainly not oven gloves. In fact our oven gloves are horrid - probably we inherited them with the house - i dont give a shit about such things, so YES if someone got me some nice ones - I would happily chuck mine away and replace them. Zara home do lovely ones but expensive to buy on line.

My Mil is your archetypal 1950's housewife who is wedded to her beloved kitchen. I would never buy her oven gloves she has made is crystal clear she doesn't like my taste over the years, but someone whom she likes could get away with buying her some.

Original poster
Spindlewood · 22/10/2016 11:25

I accept now , very poor gift choice and sends wrong signals although I didn't think that at the time just thought she liked baking so would use them and didn't want her to burn her hands and it was in my budget . I am not perfect , I have received gifts I haven't liked and clearly have given gifts others haven't either . I guess the bottom line is I would have preferred not to find out . Thanks for all commenting and constructive feedback . Enjoy your weekends .

OP posts:
greenfolder · 22/10/2016 11:27

You could get a bottle of gin for £15 😀

pastelmacaroons · 22/10/2016 11:28

I agree - if you're going to do it, then at least have the decency to make sure the gift-giver and the next recipient are unlikely to cross paths! Sort of basic common sense, really!

Exactly and its this that's the really callous thoughtless part isn't it.
Mil has also re gifted our gifts op = to granny and we saw them in grannies room. Sil has re gifted to my dc too - a compact mirror for a child's 1st bday Hmm And re gifted to me.

whoopsagain · 22/10/2016 11:28

I have never re-gifted anything.

Once a year we do a massive car boot for charity and sell off everything. We also put some on ebay for charity. I would much rather we didn't get gifts- I say constantly no gifts, no gifts but some people just insist and they are usually the people who give thoughtless generic gifts. It is a cultural thing and it needs to be broken. We all need to stop gifting crap and by re-gifting we just make the cycle continue.

My mother gives me whatever she got free from the Book People- as it is a shame that I never have as many gifts as everyone else. Why would I want an atlas of the wine of the world or an antiques roadshow handbook?

pictish · 22/10/2016 11:28

I think anything that involves 'designs' such as this gift or jewellery say, or bags or clothes or art or whatever are poor gift choices unless you know the recipient will love it.
Taste is so subjective. I think it's very difficult to get right.

pastelmacaroons · 22/10/2016 11:29

For what its worth op my own DM would never have done this and been very grateful you even thought of her.

ThoraGruntwhistle · 22/10/2016 11:29

My ILs have tried giving us back things we've bought them on a couple of occasions. Stuff they've said they liked and thanked us for, then it's been put in a pile of junk on the table that they want to get rid of, and it's offered back to us because they've forgotten who gave it to them.

This is why we don't even try anymore, they get wine and cheese for Xmas now.

pastelmacaroons · 22/10/2016 11:30

spindle as I said I would love some pretty oven gloves ours are not great. Keep it to wine and flowers this year and dont put so much effort in - after all you know where it ends up Smile

Blueroses14 · 22/10/2016 11:31

Your feelings are hurt. And that's a shame. But better to pass on unwanted gifts than clog up your house and psyche. I am sometimes up front and after saying thank you so much etc,I may say I've just bought such and such and don' t be offended if I regift this lovely whatever. Next year get a gift voucher tucked into a chocolate bar or a nestling in a small house plant. It's all about presentation.The truth is, by the time you are a grandparent you've got most of what you want and it's nice to go and buy your own thing.

whoopsagain · 22/10/2016 11:31

For what its worth op my own DM would never have done this and been very grateful you even thought of her.

Wait until you are dealing out her house- You will probably find cupboards full of unwanted gifts. I know that we did.

Blueroses14 · 22/10/2016 11:32

Yes. My father always says he likes gifts with 'the merit of mortality.' Drink, it eat it. Move on!

NavyandWhite · 22/10/2016 11:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

pastelmacaroons · 22/10/2016 11:34

Presents my DM received - were based on the GF or wife of the times. Sometimes she got lovely baskets of smellies, scarfs etc which she gratefully received.

Other times - nothing at all. So yes - she did gratefully receive and be thankful someone had gone to the trouble of buying her something actually. The taste - was never part of the equation.

pastelmacaroons · 22/10/2016 11:35

whoopsagain Sat 22-Oct-16 11:31:17

I think you missed the past tense in my post Hmm