I'm really angry about contraception

[HoneyDragon]

I have a headache it comes with being at that point in the pack of pills.

And I'm angry. At pretty much all of contraception. Aimed at women because lets face it, we're left holding the baby. Literally and figuratively.

And we're more used to being violated. So a scalpel to the arm for an implant. A piece of metal forced into our uterus. Artificial hormones or stinky spermicides put wherever is convenient for them to work. Uncomfortable but hey it's temporary until it's time to procreate.

And other than condoms, why do we call it protection? Protection from pregnancy. But how many women have had pressure from men over the years for sex if they know they are on the pill. How many men STILL sees woman being 'on the pill' as an excemption, a free pass not to wear a condom, and object when they are told it's not?

I'm angry that as a teen when I had problem periods the GPs soloution was to manage it with hormones and put me on the pill, synthetically managing me. It was years before a sympathetic female GP introduced me to the many other options for managing heavy painful periods.

On a school residential another group of girls noticed it and rumours abounded that I was a slag for a while amongst the boys at school.

And if you have an unplanned pregnancy there is still judging and stigma. Because if a woman is on contraception and falls pregnant it must be her fault. Both my children were unplanned, both times I was asked if perhaps it was self sabotage as I was married and probably secretly wanted them. Over twenty odd years of contraception two pregnancies isn't bad odds in my book. An unplanned pregnancy should not be considered a woman's failure However conversely if you manage to get pregnant after trying for a long time (which is wonderful) people describe this happily as 'nature finds a way'. Nature is only allowed to find her way through the sadness of infertility it seems, not man made barriers to pregnancy.

For many women hormones cause depression, the coil can cause uncomfortable periods and all the other assorted crap. In the 60 years since the 'Sexual revolution' technology has moved on amazingly so why the fucking hell is contraception still so unutterably medically and socially SHIT?

Nothing to add but what is with the obsession from midwives, gp etc to get you onto some form of hormonal contraceptive the minute you give birth? I was asked in recovery from my 24 hour labour followed by rotational forceps what form of contraceptive I would be using, my reply was 'no sex ever again'. I was asked again 10 days later when my mw was signing me off and when I said condoms - she actually tutted! I was asked AGAIN by my GP at my 6 week check and I said condoms again, she said she didn't really advise that and I should go on the mini pill, gave me a prescription that I've left unfilled. I really object to being told by hcp what contraceptive I should be using when I've not asked their opinion.
If/when I have a second child I'm going to tell them I don't believe in contraceptives as it's against my religion just so they leave me alone!

Kay, I was asked by my OB after my baby at my check up 10 days post c section, however it was more of a when you start being sexually active again what do you plan on doing.

I'm BF ATM and he didn't recommend the mini pill or pill for me and said condoms were fine. I didn't want to go on hormonal contraceptives again as it dulled my personality and sex drive and made me gain weight.

Previous to being pregnant I was on the pill/implant for years and I don't want to go back to that.

Shutup - I think I've been unlucky, I feel that I was patronised quite a lot throughout pregnancy, labour and postpartum. My mw actually said to my husband and I 'now you're parents there's to be no more pubbing and clubbing it' - She didn't know anything about our social life can't think of anything worse than going to a nightclub these days.

Felascloak

I was asked again 10 days later when my mw was signing me off and when I said condoms - she actually tutted!

Changed GP nurse went into hysterics and insisted they needed to get me on contraception immediately after hearing we used condoms otherwise I'd immediately get pg.

Our youngest was 6 .

I went along with it as I hoped someone would talk though all our options. Last GP it was Miranda coli or nothing. I was reluctant as knew several women who'd had pg on that and I hadn't reacted very well to last pill before first pg and looking back all that well to first.

I got the hard sell for Miranda coil - ignored that but did get talked into having pill again though made a big deal about me really being too old for it- ended up with anxiety so bad I was struggling to function.

Nobody wants to talk through all the options with me - they have preset solutions.

In my 20s first job GP tried to talk me into injections refused anything else really as it was my best option - but I couldn't get to GP without taking time of work as had to commute and couldn't do that every three months.

I knew a woman who had two terrible pg - pre-eclampsia both times, different DP, begged to be sterilised ended up with three more children from two pg beofre they would - ended up with 4 under 3 - before would sterilise her or DP as they were two young.

I've felt after birth MW and HV were very pushy about contraceptive - despite me being able to not get pg for a good ten years before we wanted - suddenly it was if I couldn't be trusted to do what was best for us. Last HV was very judgemental about age gaps we had decided on - about 2 years between them all hardly uncommon and she was told we'd planned it.

Pill left me depressed so came off it after 2 years, and used condoms for the next 10. For the first five I wasn't In a committed relationship so would've wanted to use condoms anyway

It is the pushing of the mirena by all hcp that I find frustrating. It is mentioned EVERY time I see someone even though I have told them it is not an option I am prepared to consider as when I last took progesterone it was a close run thing as to whether I will kill myself or someone else (not hyperbole, dh had to talk me down from high places/ hold me to stop me cutting).

For the past year I have been having excruciating abdominal pain. I've had numerous scans and internals, ending in a laparascopy. At every appointment I have asked if it could be my copper coil and been dissuaded from having it out. I was told it couldn't possibly be the cause. They did generously propose they could take in out and stick a mirena in though. (See rant above about my fear of progesterone)

5 days after my laparascopy I was rolling round the floor in agony yet again. Naproxen, codeine and tens machine not helping. In a haze of pain induced madness I decided the cure was to pull my coil out myself. Which I did. (Not recommended- I was unable to think logically due to the pain). I have not had a single day of pain since. Not one. After a year of being on constant painkillers.

The focus on keeping me on contraception mean the possibility of removing my coil was just not considered as an option. I do wonder why that wasn't explored before I was given a laparascopy. I get the feeling it was more important to keep me on contraception than explore a potential cause of my pain.

I think the pill isn't the problem, rather the fact your GP wasn't sensitive to your needs and you weren't assertive

HUGE, erroneous assumptions on your part. About people's sex lives and relationships. I've stated ALL contraception, non hormonal too.

And that is the problem. Contraception is based on someone else deciding about a woman's body. No woman should have to assert for bodily autonomy. It should be a given that they know.

Im fed up of this attitude that a woman being angry is weak willed and and assertive. That if you are receiving bad treatment, it is your fault. If you get pregnant and it's not planned, it's your fault. If you don't have a regular predictable cycle like Joan next door, it's your fault.

No it's not.

And not assertive

I totally agree that women should not have to be assertive to be respected. Really, it should be the default for medical professionals to respect us.

And I also agree that contraception options for women suck.

Not having PiV has so far worked our really great for me, no unwanted pregnancies at all.

More women should consider that option, as it does not require any medical professionals that could be condescending towards you, and according to statistics, most women don't orgasm from PIV anyway.

And if you do want PIV, the man can wear a condom. Really, it is the least he can do, considering that HE does not bear the risk of pregnancy.

What I find ridiculous is that the majority of contraception is made for woman, pills, coils, caps, all sorts of things to stick in our body/blood. Yet only things for men are condoms and vasectomy. Why has nothing been made for men to stick in their bodies or some sort of tablet ?

I was refused sterilisation after having 2 horrendous pregnancies due to spd. Actually have permanent damage to my hip. Can't take anything with hormones in it as they interfere with my medication that I need to stay alive. Told gp we would be using condoms. He told me that they are no longer recognised as a contraceptive and that I need to be on the pill or coil. Sterilisation was not an option as I was still of 'child bearing age'

Dh went to the same gp, told him about my spd in pregnancy, health issue etc. Basically the same reasons I gave for wanting sterilised. He got referred for a vasectomy straight away despite being younger than me !
Why was he allowed to be sterilised and not me ?

misskitty Told gp we would be using condoms. He told me that they are no longer recognised as a contraceptive

"In my 20s first job GP tried to talk me into injections refused anything else really as it was my best option - but I couldn't get to GP without taking time of work as had to commute and couldn't do that every three months"

As a chlidfree by choice woman this used to really piss me off. There should be just as much right to take time off work so a woman doesnt get pregnant as there is right to take time off for pre natal care.

8miss That is misogynistic in the extreme.

I've always seen fertility as a completely personal thing. I've had non hormonal coils since I was 16. Regardless of who I was with. Every man I have had consensual sex with has automatically worn condoms with no questions of whether I am 'covered' or not.

Dh wore condoms even when he knew I had a coil. We both feel that unless you want a baby you should take responsibility for yourself. When I decided I wanted a baby I had the coil removed. Dh continued using condoms for a while longer as he wasn't ready to conceive yet.

We don't see contraception as a joint decision at all.

oncetherewasthisgirlwho from this thread it would seem others have also had gp's tell them that about condoms. mrsgwym above has the same experience.

I e been refused free condoms at a clinic as 'they are for men' I certainly asserted that day.

Yes, it's shitty that hormonal contraception has side effects. However, I cannot thing of a single medication men or women take on a long-term basis that doesn't have side-effects. It is up to the individual to make an informed decision whether the benefits of the drug merit its use.

Condoms only have 82% efficacy with typical use, whereas the pill/patch are 91% and long-term contraception (implant, IUD) are 99%+. So often condoms are recommended in combination with other methods, because a 4 out of 5 chance of becoming pregnant isn't good enough for most people.

Ormeloxifene is a different approach to contraception, however it's closely related to tamoxifen so I would highly, highly doubt that it will have any fewer side effects than other contraception - just different ones. It is also unlikely to be licensed in Europe until it is understood how it actually works to prevent pregnancy.

Also, if it is the recent research about depression rates with contraception that are making you concerned about it, then you should know that the research doesn't show a definite cause-and-effect between the two. Yes, more women on contraception are being diagnosed with depression, but given this has no correlation to dose of hormones and the change is only seen in the first few years, it is quite likely that it is simply that women who are already seeing a GP every 3/6 months for contraception will mention other problems, too.

'Not having PiV has so far worked our really great for me, no unwanted pregnancies at all. smile

More women should consider that option, as it does not require any medical professionals that could be condescending towards you, and according to statistics, most women don't orgasm from PIV anyway.'

What statistics?! PLENTY of women enjoy PIV and orgasm from it, multiple times. Why on Earth should women forgo the pleasure that comes from PIV because the medical profession treats them badly? The default should be HCPs who are not fucking condescending sexist twats, not that women should refrain from sexual intercourse.

"The default should be HCPs who are not fucking condescending sexist twats, not that women should refrain from sexual intercourse."

Indeed

Not having PiV has so far worked our really great for me, no unwanted pregnancies at all.

But what if you want to have PiV sex? I'm only 28 - I'm not willing to give it until my childbearing years are over!

I think it's up to everyone to get the treatment they need.

The GPS have had their budgets cut because of budgetary cut backs.
They don't have a magic ball and if you have a problem with any treatment you receive, complain and be assertive to get the care you deserve.

I think it's marvellous we have contraception, and they we are allowed to access it, and that we can plan our families. Eschewing PIV sex is a very very reliable and side effect free contraception.

I really can't see your argument HoneyDragon, or why you seem so angry, are you saying that contraception is all wrong? That somehow it's unfair that women have the pregnancy?

Women have wombs, we have hormonal cycles and we have breasts to feed babies. Males by comparison cannot have a baby! They have no organs to support a pregnancy or feed an infant.
If that's what's making you angry, I don't know what to say, except you're not making a lot of sense, and also that I'm not your enemy... Nowhere did I say we shouldn't be treated respectfully.

There are differences in male and female biology, and women are the ones who can carry and feed an infant, men are not.

I believe every person who goes to access healthcare and is deserving of respect. It's up to the person who is presenting to ensure they get the best care for them, and to come back again and again if the treatment offered isn't suitable.
You have to say what you want, the HCP and GP don't read vibes emanating from your body! You need to engage in a dialogue with your HCP, and be assertive about getting the treatment that you need.

There's no point in taking a prescription for something that doesn't suit. Just refuse the prescription of something that doesn't suit you, and ask for a longer appointment to go into your treatment options more completely.

Gps and HCP are overworked and it's up to you to get a win win. That's respectful both ways. If you need a long appointment ask for one, and if you're not getting the treatment that suits you, ask for a referral to a specialist (and don't leave without one).

HoneyDragon, I suggest you have a read of prof studd's website. It's quite enlightening.

My husband is a gem. I went on the combined pill at 15 for periods and skin. Then had a boyfriend. Stayed on this brand until after marriage and planning a baby. Always felt ok on it but never 100%. After baby mini pill... disaster. Contraceptive patches... horrible skin rashes, paranoid it had peeled off. Always left sticky bits. Back on progesterone only pill. Made me put weight on, greasy skin and hair. Absolutely destroyed my sex drive. Literally turned my stomach thinking about it. Stopped all contraception and husband taking charge of it all for a while. Been using condoms for 6 months. Best thing ever.
We don't want any more babies but at 29 we are both told by our gps we are too young to steralise. We don't know out own minds and all that...my husband buys bulk packs from amazon. We have our usuals and a little bag of fun ones on child free nights. Not many of those but makes us feel like teenagers again

given this has no correlation to dose of hormones and the change is only seen in the first few years, it is quite likely that it is simply that women who are already seeing a GP every 3/6 months for contraception will mention other problems, too.

I'm not buying this. It could be that women who are going to be affected by the hormone are affected by any amount, and in individual ways.

It could be that the body eventually settles down, or that women become resigned to how they're feeling and stop mentioning it to the doctor.