I'm really angry about contraception

[HoneyDragon]

I have a headache it comes with being at that point in the pack of pills.

And I'm angry. At pretty much all of contraception. Aimed at women because lets face it, we're left holding the baby. Literally and figuratively.

And we're more used to being violated. So a scalpel to the arm for an implant. A piece of metal forced into our uterus. Artificial hormones or stinky spermicides put wherever is convenient for them to work. Uncomfortable but hey it's temporary until it's time to procreate.

And other than condoms, why do we call it protection? Protection from pregnancy. But how many women have had pressure from men over the years for sex if they know they are on the pill. How many men STILL sees woman being 'on the pill' as an excemption, a free pass not to wear a condom, and object when they are told it's not?

I'm angry that as a teen when I had problem periods the GPs soloution was to manage it with hormones and put me on the pill, synthetically managing me. It was years before a sympathetic female GP introduced me to the many other options for managing heavy painful periods.

On a school residential another group of girls noticed it and rumours abounded that I was a slag for a while amongst the boys at school.

And if you have an unplanned pregnancy there is still judging and stigma. Because if a woman is on contraception and falls pregnant it must be her fault. Both my children were unplanned, both times I was asked if perhaps it was self sabotage as I was married and probably secretly wanted them. Over twenty odd years of contraception two pregnancies isn't bad odds in my book. An unplanned pregnancy should not be considered a woman's failure However conversely if you manage to get pregnant after trying for a long time (which is wonderful) people describe this happily as 'nature finds a way'. Nature is only allowed to find her way through the sadness of infertility it seems, not man made barriers to pregnancy.

For many women hormones cause depression, the coil can cause uncomfortable periods and all the other assorted crap. In the 60 years since the 'Sexual revolution' technology has moved on amazingly so why the fucking hell is contraception still so unutterably medically and socially SHIT?

But it is delicious

I am angry with you. It's condoms here as hormones hate me with a passion and sterilisation/Snip are out for us (we have our reasons, it's a mutual choice that neither of us does it)

I can't see how it all has to be so icky.

I wish you could hide certain posters, even when they n/c.

Another thing, I don't know any 'birds' that have tricked fellas.

I do know some blokes who assumed that all hormonal contraceptives are 100% and thus concluded that a later pregnancy had to be the result of deceit. Oh and another who had an ONS with an ex and claimed she had told him she was on the pill now (when she'd never been on it before). She wasn't. She just didn't initiate the condom suggestion when he didn't as she was drunk and so he assumed she must be on the pill...

YANBU. I was put on the pill almost 10 years ago as a teen by my GP to manage awful periods. A couple of years ago (so after being on the pill for about 8 years) I was sick of having to remember to take it every day and worried about how long I'd been on it. Fed up that when I was a few hours late taking a pill, I'd get really sore breasts and have to live with it until the pill pack was finished, so potentially a couple of weeks.

I came off the pill and was quickly flawed with debilitating pain both mid cycle and especially around my period. Not just needing to take some ibuprofen pain, but writhing on the floor pain. Went to my GP and had a referral to gynaecology.

I'm not an expert but a lot of my symptoms and the extremity of the pain tied in with endometriosis. The gynaecologist told me to just carry on with the pill if that helps. I mentioned about investigating what was causing such extreme pain and his reply was 'it's not like you're a newlywed on your honeymoon.' So I guess unless I'm a planning to be vessel for reproduction I just have to suck up the constraints of taking a pill every day, and not bother investigating if there's a medical problem.

I can't believe I didn't put up more of a fight at the appointment. Maybe it was a bit of shock at what he'd come out with? I don't know, but I'm still cross at myself, and still taking the pill when I'd rather not. Ironically I took one pill a couple of hours late earlier this week and have had really sore boobs ever since, with still another 10 or so days of pills to get through.

Just realised that my rant is probably more directed at the pill being used as a sticking plaster than contraception

Everyone who's said they use condoms - great! but what happens when it causes him to flop almost as soon as he's put it on? Not much good I'm afraid so I'm on the pill but can get very bad four to five day (and night!) long headaches.

Soub ime there is good contraception. Because the pill I take stops me hermoraging damgrossly each month. It stops me feeling suicidal just because I have pmt. Moderates many other symptoms also. And I have never had a pregnancy scare on it. I would take it to maintain my health whether I was having sex or not. It comes with risks, but so do my other very necessary medications.

Contraception works for some, doesnt for others, shouldn't only be a women's responsibility.

I've often wondered by it's completely fine to expect women to take hormones for years and years of their life with the Pill then HRT but when men venture into hormones through steroids it's a huge panic.

Fine to hormonally alter and control women though

I have to agree with everyone saying if you don't want to take hormones it not that hard just use a condom.

I never fancied trying the pill - didn't like the idea, and I'm a bit forgetful.

I have never ever had a guy who wanted to shag me change his mind because he needed to wear a condom, and I assure you I'm not a spectacular catch or anything.

I know some people are keen on the male pill idea, but honestly, I can't imagine I'd feel happy taking a guy's word for it (even if he is lovely and trustworthy, if he forgets it's me that has the major consequences!). I do think the male pill would be a good thing for men.

Over twenty odd years of contraception two pregnancies isn't bad odds in my book

Look I get your point about women being unfairly blamed for contraceptive failures, but honestly those sound like terrible odds to me. If you had told me aged 18 "if you have sex in the next twenty years you'll have two unplanned pregnancies" I'd have given up on sex. I'm sorry (because it sound like you've been very unlucky) but of all the group of people I've know for 20+ years (we all meet at uni) none of us has had a single unplanned pregnancy.

Everyone who's said they use condoms - great! but what happens when it causes him to flop almost as soon as he's put it on? Not much good I'm afraid so I'm on the pill but can get very bad four to five day (and night!) long headaches.

Caz that's rubbish

I don't know what I'd do, I honestly don't. I go completely barking on hormonal contraception so even if we could shag we'd end up divorced. I suppose I wouldn't have PIV.

For all those saying they have not had a man refuse to wear a condom, think of all the threads on here where women are with abusive partners, those are the men that refuse.
The men that pester and pressure for sex.
Those women need better options, hormonal options that add to their depression make it harder to leave.

What gets my back up is how many HCPs deny side effects. 'Can't be from the Mirena, the hormone level is too low.' Unless it's zero, it's still about to circulate about your body, those synthetic hormones. 'Can't be the Pill making you depressed, here, have another drug (anti-depressants).'

Don't get me started on age and them trying for force those fucking coils on women.

And the ignorance. SO many HCPs telling women they can't use combined pill anymore as they are 'too old' when it's been known for years now that it can safely be used up to menopause as long you don't have a condition which prevents its use or you're a smoker, etc.

I'm currently pregnant, and this is a big worry for me, for next year. I had 15 years on the pill with few problems - horrible depression on one, constant bleeding for a year on another, but once I found the right one it was fine for a decade or so. However, I'm not allowed to use it any more after some problems during my first pregnancy.

I tried the copper coil. I had horrifically heavy periods (e.g. couldn't go the distance from home to work without bleeding through a super plus extra tampon) which lasted 8 days every 23. I also had really debilitating pain roughly 50% of the time. Doctors told me it was endometriosis, and to switch to a mirena, which sounded fine. I came off the copper coil, intending to get pregnant and use the mirena afterwards. But as soon as I got my coil out, my pain massively reduced. It was still there, but it didn't stop me doing day-to-day things.

So I'm really reluctant to ever put a coil near me again after this pregnancy. But... that is pretty much the only treatment for endometriosis I'm allowed to take as I am now intolerant to hormones. And I do want contraception that is as close to 100% effective as possible (which is why i've never relied on condoms).

There are really no good answers that I can see. It's shit.

This is brilliant and sad too. I totally get it, all our lives we have this to worry about, what to do, having to see the GP or nurse, the hormones being messed with, making sure there arnt any slip ups. Men get away, mostly , with all this stress. People queried my decision to be sterilised - at least if my dh and I had split up he would still have to worry about contraception and I wouldn't ( I know its not fail proof, but it was been 100 % for me) others didn't really get that thought process, but it worked for me. Its hard being a woman, it really sucks.

Malice
"And before any of you get out of your Mumsnet prams"
WTF?!

Oh and just because you typed that misogynistic sentence in strikethrough text doesn't make it any less misogynist.

PIV is "delicious" but women simply trick men into having it... Ri-ight

frenchknitting if you haven't tried it I would try the mirena. For those of works for, it can be great. I went to the dr for the copper coil, but she talked me into the mirena as she said the copper coil can make pain and bleeding stronger whereas mirena tends to have the opposite effect. I was quite sceptical about the mirena, but it was one afternoon of discomfort putting in, followed by two days of my normal level of period pain, followed by years of never having period pain, rarely having any bleeding, and never having to worry about contraception. I wished I'd had one in years sooner!

I know some people don't get on with it at all, and ive heard stories that drs can be unwilling to remove it if they think your symptoms aren't related, but if you don't like it you don't even need to go to the dr, lots of GUM clinic etc will remove it, (or some people just tell the dr to remove it because they want to try for a baby, and the dr can't argue with that!).

helenadove, as I understand it, if a woman has consented to sex with a condom, sex without a condom is indeed rape in UK law.
This is what Julian Asshat Assange is accused of - I know he's accused in Sweden but I saw it cited as an example of something that would stand as rape in the UK too.

Caz, have you looked at the diaphragm? I found it a bit tricky with a retroverted uterus because it feels like I have to reach further in than most (not sure if that's true!) but it did a good job for me, give or take. I do think the condom flop gets better with practice as well.

I've heard about doctors refusing to remove coils and implants. It's fucking atrocious.

I tried the copper coil. I had horrifically heavy periods (e.g. couldn't go the distance from home to work without bleeding through a super plus extra tampon) which lasted 8 days every 23. I also had really debilitating pain roughly 50% of the time.

Whoa. I have no idea what the diagnosis process for endometriosis is, so I am not denying you have it, to be clear.

But, did your doctors clarify before or after that the copper coil causes extremely heavy periods and cramping in some women, even if they don't have endometriosis?

It's officially "not recommended" for women who already suffer from heavy flow or painful periods, because it exacerbates symptoms.

"It's officially "not recommended" for women who already suffer from heavy flow or painful periods, because it exacerbates symptoms."

Yes, that's what I was told when I got mine, that it could make periods heavier and that it wasn't suitable for women who already had very heavy periods. Fortunately in my case the heavier periods were only for the first couple of months, they're now just a bit longer: I now tend to get spotting for a couple of days before they start, which I didn't have pre-copper-coil. All in all though it's been a good choice for me, but it's not perfect and I know people who don't get on with it.

Yes caz here too.
Really if you can't take hormones contraceptive options are very limited indeed.
Love the article posted up thread, thank you whoever posted that.

Women do it to each other, too. You see it on here. A female OP starts a thread about how hormones are no longer agreeing with her, or her ignorant HCP has told her she can't have the combined pill anymore as she's over 35 and there's a load of posts, 'Have you tried Mirena, copper coil, implant?'

At the risk of being flamed, I think there is something of a reality check needed here. I understand that it is frustrating if none of the hormonal contraception methods work or are tolerable for you, so you are left with only condoms or non-hormonal methods. However, you lost me at the point where you describe having the implant inserted or having a coil/mirena fitted is being violated. I think it is totally OTT. It certainly would be a violation if it was fitted against your will or if you were subject to coercion, but otherwise I really object to your characterisation. Many women have them fitted and they work well for them, give them control over their fertility and have few or tolerable side-effects.

I understand the frustration that it is usually left down to women and partly that is down to societal attitudes towards women, especially when it comes to reproduction. However, the fact remains that women experience the most profound physical and psychological impact of pregnancy whether they chose to proceed with that pregnancy or not, so it's not surprising that it has ended up this way. If I'm honest, I prefer being in control of my own fertility rather than relying on someone else. But that is my own personal opinion.

All medications come with risk of side-effects and complications ranging from minor to serious. If you take a medication, then you run the risk of experiencing those side-effects. There is no medicine in the world which has NO side-effects. It simply doesn't exist and isn't ever likely to. Same goes for surgical procedures such as female sterilisation (which has a reasonably high failure rate) and vasectomy.

There really are only limited number of ways to prevent pregnancy in reality, so this idea that there MUST be some better way which no-one has bothered to look into (and this is because it effects women) seems a bit simplistic to me.

Emma I was having a bit of a wind-up. It's Friday........

The only serious part of it is that I do wish there were more male alternatives.

I honestly think (I've taken my piss-takers/troll hat off now) that as the 'tinder generation' hit their stride, the demand for a male pill will only increase.

Ah so you were deliberately being a goady fucker and make no apology for it.