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Original poster

I'm really angry about contraception

233 replies

HoneyDragon · 21/10/2016 13:32

I have a headache it comes with being at that point in the pack of pills.

And I'm angry. At pretty much all of contraception. Aimed at women because lets face it, we're left holding the baby. Literally and figuratively.

And we're more used to being violated. So a scalpel to the arm for an implant. A piece of metal forced into our uterus. Artificial hormones or stinky spermicides put wherever is convenient for them to work. Uncomfortable but hey it's temporary until it's time to procreate.

And other than condoms, why do we call it protection? Protection from pregnancy. But how many women have had pressure from men over the years for sex if they know they are on the pill. How many men STILL sees woman being 'on the pill' as an excemption, a free pass not to wear a condom, and object when they are told it's not?

I'm angry that as a teen when I had problem periods the GPs soloution was to manage it with hormones and put me on the pill, synthetically managing me. It was years before a sympathetic female GP introduced me to the many other options for managing heavy painful periods.

On a school residential another group of girls noticed it and rumours abounded that I was a slag for a while amongst the boys at school.

And if you have an unplanned pregnancy there is still judging and stigma. Because if a woman is on contraception and falls pregnant it must be her fault. Both my children were unplanned, both times I was asked if perhaps it was self sabotage as I was married and probably secretly wanted them. Over twenty odd years of contraception two pregnancies isn't bad odds in my book. An unplanned pregnancy should not be considered a woman's failure Angry However conversely if you manage to get pregnant after trying for a long time (which is wonderful) people describe this happily as 'nature finds a way'. Nature is only allowed to find her way through the sadness of infertility it seems, not man made barriers to pregnancy. Confused

For many women hormones cause depression, the coil can cause uncomfortable periods and all the other assorted crap. In the 60 years since the 'Sexual revolution' technology has moved on amazingly so why the fucking hell is contraception still so unutterably medically and socially SHIT? Angry

OP posts:
Pumkinpie73 · 21/10/2016 13:51

I've never had a man "refuse" to wear a condom. Really when your there naked, hot and bothered you think his going to not bother because he has to wear a condom.
You also don't have to shag anyone that "refuses" to use a condom, it's your body so it's up to you!

Once you've had children, you can have a chat with your dp/DH about the snip and see if that's something he would like to do.

Yes hormonal contraceptives isn't great for every woman but if she doesn't want a baby you take them or you don't let men "refuse" to wear a condom. It's your body and you have to protect against pregnancy if that's isn't what you want

Pumkinpie73 · 21/10/2016 13:52

The pill has always been good to me. I started taking it at 15 never had a problem.
DH is getting the snip next month as our children days are over

TaraCarter · 21/10/2016 13:55

I'm also angry that I had to work out through trial and error why I wanted to kill myself (that is how bad it got), and that no-one ever asked about my mental health while they checked my blood pressure.

Cockblocktopus · 21/10/2016 13:57

Why isn't the snip more common in the UK?

In my immediate circle every man has had it done. It's just what you do once your family is complete.

It's ducking selfish to expect your partner to take the chemical burden of birth control when you could sort it yourself with little down time and rare side effects.

leedy · 21/10/2016 13:57

"Yes hormonal contraceptives isn't great for every woman but if she doesn't want a baby you take them or you don't let men "refuse" to wear a condom. It's your body and you have to protect against pregnancy if that's isn't what you want"

What, so if you don't want a baby "you take them" even if they give you (just to list my side-effects that I got): depression, panic attacks, almost constant bleeding, migraines, no libido, and bloating. But hey, at least you're not pregnant, eh? Stop complaining! Also many women don't particularly like condoms (though they're obviously better than nothing).

It is, unsurprisingly, obvious that you've never had any problems with the pill. But that doesn't mean that those of us who wish there were better contraceptive options available are just being somehow precious and demanding about it.

Ghostpumpkin279 · 21/10/2016 13:58

I have a fair few casual sex encounters and I've never had a man refuse to wear a condom. If they want sex they wear the condom Simple! You don't have to shag anyone

The pill has been hit and miss for me, some of them had side effects for me but I'm currently on one that for the past year has caused me no side effects.

It's shame there isn't a contraceptive that suits every woman, but we've only got what's on the market and if you don't want a baby what else can you do, it's contraceptive pill/coli/implant or condom. You have to protect your body against pregnancy if that's not what you want

Smartleatherbag · 21/10/2016 13:59

I agree with you OP.

Lorelei76 · 21/10/2016 14:00

OP sorry you're having a horrible time
Am now wondering what non hormonal methods work for heavy painful periods, never heard any suggestions that didn't involve hormones.

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 21/10/2016 14:01

Oh god the idea of cervical clamping makes me feel all faint.

I am now feeling very grateful for both the pill and the fact that I don't react to it.

leedy · 21/10/2016 14:01

"but we've only got what's on the market and if you don't want a baby what else can you do"

But I think that's exactly what the OP is angry about. Why isn't there anything else on the market?

DrDreReturns · 21/10/2016 14:02

All contraception (including vasectomy) has pitfalls imo. Cockblocktopus vasectomy has a complication rate of 10% (not sure if that is the right term) so it's understandable not to want to have one imo. I had the snip and fortunately it went OK but I'm not so sure I would have it if I had the choice again - I was more cavalier about it at the time.

Feedmechocolate67 · 21/10/2016 14:04

I've not had a man refuse to wear a condom, I find men are generally pretty good with them. Most of my um encounters don't even need telling

The pill was hit and miss for me but before we ttc I took the same pill for 3 years with no side effects at all.

DH had the snip about 3 years after our youngest as we knew for sure then that we didn't want any more children

In an ideal world there would be a pill or similar to suit every women but as it stands we've only got what's on the market so what can you do? You keep trying to find something that suits or you insist on condoms and don't let anyone refuse because you have to protect your body against pregnancy

NameChange30 · 21/10/2016 14:04

Do you have a source for the 10% figure?
Also worth pointing out that the headline figures may include minor short-term side effects as well as serious long-term ones.

Callipygian · 21/10/2016 14:04

The pill has recently been HEAVILY linked to depression, especially in young people.

I would actually recommend a diaphragm - the "actual" effectiveness rate is just as good as condoms. If you couple a diaphragm with a BBT thermometer and cervical mucous checks then use condoms during your most fertile days its very very effective.

NameChange30 · 21/10/2016 14:04

My last post was to DrDre

MrsSpenserGregson · 21/10/2016 14:05

I share your frustration OP. Hormonal contraption plays havoc with my mind, so I can't take it. Years of depression and anxiety bahhhh. When I finally stopped messing around trying different pills and mini pills it was as though I became "me" again.

Sadly, I believe that this is about as good as it will get. Condoms, or invasive drugs / devices inserted or implanted into women. When it comes down to it, even though I am in a very stable LTR with a man who is responsible and who doesn't want any more children any more than I do, it is my body that would be affected by a future pregnancy and therefore I would not be comfortable relying 100% on a male pill. Also, I would not wish impotence / depression / other side effects on my partner, any more than I would wish them on myself.

It is very, very frustrating.

carmenta · 21/10/2016 14:07

DrDre some research into vasectomy side effects has also shown that healthy men who haven't had a vasectomy report pain in their scrotum at almost the same rate as reported post-vasectomy long term pain. So there is some reason to believe that as reasons not to get involved in contraception go, post-vasectomy side effects are a bit tenuous and inflated.

user1476140278 · 21/10/2016 14:09

OP I totally get you. I agree. It's all down to women aside from condoms.

Which is why I haven't been on the pill since I was about 21 and haven't ever had anything put inside me for contraceptive purposes either.

Condoms only.

BarbarianMum · 21/10/2016 14:09

Anyone who wants to sleep with me has always had to wear a condom (these days dh could have the snip if he wanted I guess). It's never been a problem.

user1476140278 · 21/10/2016 14:10

I just don't understand why women take that nasty chemical shit. Condoms are very effective....especially teamed with timing your ovulation.

I've been working on understanding my cycle for years.

DrDreReturns · 21/10/2016 14:10

I don't have a source - sorry. It was a figure the GP quoted to me when I asked for the snip.

Frouby · 21/10/2016 14:11

Op yadnbu.

I can't take the pill as it gives me raging headaches and I pass out. So I won't even try any of the other more permanent hormonal contraception.

I really don't fancy the copper coil.

So we are left with condoms. And natural family planning. Luckily dp is very controlled and withdraws in good time and touch wood we are OK at the moment.

I believe natural family planning when done correctly is as reliable as other forms of contraception. But are we educated on it or encouraged to use it? Are we fuck. Because the withdrawal method might not be convenient for the menz and might spoil their enjoyment a bit and we don't want that.

user1476140278 · 21/10/2016 14:11

Oh yes...and any man who refused to wear a condom would not be having sex with me.

NameChange30 · 21/10/2016 14:11

It's ironic of course, how much the risks and side effects of vasectomy are highlighted and even exaggerated, whereas the risks and side effects of hormonal contraception for women have been ignored and minimised.

BolshierAryaStark · 21/10/2016 14:14

Oh I hear you OP, pre DC I took various pills etc & also went through years of having an injection in my arse, what glorious fun that was. After DC I said enough, your turn-condoms or snip, he opted for the latter