I'm really angry about contraception

[HoneyDragon]

I have a headache it comes with being at that point in the pack of pills.

And I'm angry. At pretty much all of contraception. Aimed at women because lets face it, we're left holding the baby. Literally and figuratively.

And we're more used to being violated. So a scalpel to the arm for an implant. A piece of metal forced into our uterus. Artificial hormones or stinky spermicides put wherever is convenient for them to work. Uncomfortable but hey it's temporary until it's time to procreate.

And other than condoms, why do we call it protection? Protection from pregnancy. But how many women have had pressure from men over the years for sex if they know they are on the pill. How many men STILL sees woman being 'on the pill' as an excemption, a free pass not to wear a condom, and object when they are told it's not?

I'm angry that as a teen when I had problem periods the GPs soloution was to manage it with hormones and put me on the pill, synthetically managing me. It was years before a sympathetic female GP introduced me to the many other options for managing heavy painful periods.

On a school residential another group of girls noticed it and rumours abounded that I was a slag for a while amongst the boys at school.

And if you have an unplanned pregnancy there is still judging and stigma. Because if a woman is on contraception and falls pregnant it must be her fault. Both my children were unplanned, both times I was asked if perhaps it was self sabotage as I was married and probably secretly wanted them. Over twenty odd years of contraception two pregnancies isn't bad odds in my book. An unplanned pregnancy should not be considered a woman's failure However conversely if you manage to get pregnant after trying for a long time (which is wonderful) people describe this happily as 'nature finds a way'. Nature is only allowed to find her way through the sadness of infertility it seems, not man made barriers to pregnancy.

For many women hormones cause depression, the coil can cause uncomfortable periods and all the other assorted crap. In the 60 years since the 'Sexual revolution' technology has moved on amazingly so why the fucking hell is contraception still so unutterably medically and socially SHIT?

holly You pretty much wrote my post. Exactly the same experience, and yet when I told my GP, she just kept insisting that my periods would eventually regulate and possibly stop altogether. I had no idea when the bleeding would start and stop, it was happening three or four times weekly for over two years.

I felt constantly grubby and had to wear sanitary protection on a daily basis 'just in case'. It took three visits to get it removed; it was only because I broke down and cried the third time, that I actually got rid of the damn thing.

I feel your pain, OP.

I can't take hormonal contraceptives either. If I got pregnant I would be in a very bad mess, for different reasons.

The only thing I'd take issue with is the idea that we 'have' to take the pill because no one has bothered to make a contraceptive for men. I expect both people to use some form of contraception (diaphragm, condoms, whatever). I wouldn't leave it to a man to take a pill any more than I'd expect my DH not to bother with a condom because I was taking one.

While it's absolutely outrageous (if true) that info about hormonal side-effects has been suppressed, it probably wouldn't have made a huge amount of difference to our lives as we'd still have had to do something about contraception.

holly re: your link...... Oh dear!

shove that guy is beyond belief. And there was a follow up today where another reporter interviewed him and he was still repeating the same shit. While I love the internet, it's annoying that it facilitates people like this actually get their five minutes of fame, when 20 years ago he'd just be (in)famous for his daft beliefs in his circle of friends.

Jess - I'm so sorry. I know from so many women I have spoken to that it is a widespread problem. But every individual who is affected has a devastating experience.

For me, the problem became absolutely nightmarish. I would bleed so much every day it was like having the heaviest day of a normal period. There was no day off. When I was actually in my cycle, it was off the scale - I couldn't leave the house, or even go downstairs. I would go through box after box of tampons and eventually had to give up my job because I couldn't travel. I ended up so anaemic that I couldn't get up the hill to my house and didn't trust myself driving because I would black out - so I didn't see friends or family either. It got worse and worse for FIVE YEARS, despite my going back and back to the GP so many times (in the 20s). The most ironic thing was they wouldn't do anything because 'it might affect my fertility'. Yes, because I was having so much sex while I was housebound, miserable, and bleeding constantly. The fucking symptom was infertility itself! I told them this REPEATEDLY and they still ignored me. The years that was affected were my early/mid 30s, and all the way through this I knew I was running out of time, yet I could not make them understand despite telling them point blank what was happening.

It only stopped when I was referred and FINALLY diagnosed and given lots of GnRH and then 3 rounds of surgery, which they couldn't do before giving me repeated transfusions of iron because I was on the verge of collapse.

It was absolute hell.

jess and silent - part of me wonders if he's just a comic, getting a rise out of the press?! Surely no-one can be that stupid?!

Totally hear you OP... does my bloody head in. Pill makes me moody, implant causes continuous bleeding and my attempt at having the coil in ended miserably in failure after my cervix spasmed and I was left in awful pain for days... total shit xx

shove I wonder if there's learning difficulties there. In which case, it's doubly awful the media's up and run with this, the guy's had death threats.

And I'm sorry for your awful experiences, how shocking that no one took you seriously.

Many women will not have long stretches without using hormonal contraception. However all those "side effects" sound like a normal cycle to me! Having spent until I was in my forties without contraception I can say that what you are describing sounds like normal. Headaches, bloated, sadness, cramps, pain, weight gain.....

I am so fucking happy that I'm done having children and dh had the snip.

No more horrible hormones inside me and the copper coil resulted in my 5th lovely child. The pill failed once as well with perfect use.

The options we have are shit.

I agree that contraception is unfairly the 'burden' to usually be carried by women. And huge numbers of women are fobbed off when they have serious problems with hormonal or invasive contraception. I was on the pill for nearly 20 years. No problems whatsoever - that doesn't mean that many other women do experience often very severe problems.

But I don't believe that as it's seen as a 'woman's problem' that more isn't being done to find a better pharmaceutical alternative. Pharmaceutical companies are big businesses and any company coming up with a non-invasive, non side-effect and effective form of contraception (other than condom, diaphragm etc) would make billions.

I've been a HCP for 20 years and there is not one manufactured medication I can think of that doesn't have potential side effects for some people; from over the counter meds like paracetamol and ibuprofen to diabetes meds; thyroid meds and on and on. Anti depressants I was on made me well; same meds provoke severe side effects in others. There is not one anti-psychotic medication on the market that doesn't have the potential for severe (and sometimes life-threatening) side effects and globally MH meds mean BIG money for pharma companies. Because the social and economic costs are enormous.

Two friends of mine had chemotherapy for cancer which resulted in cardiac failure - cancer is another 'big money' potential earner with huge amounts of research and investment.

It's not that pharma companies/researchers can't be arsed to come up with non invasive and no side effects medication contraception - they'd be quids in if they did. Same as if they came up with non-invasive and non - side effect medications for pretty much anything.

I haven't read the whole thread yet (but will). I so agree OP! YANBU! It is a feminist issue and makes me mad.

"Having spent until I was in my forties without contraception I can say that what you are describing sounds like normal. Headaches, bloated, sadness, cramps, pain, weight gain....."

The difference for me was that on my normal cycle I get that just before/during my period. On the pill I was like that ALL. THE. TIME. It was like permanent severe PMT.

This post could not have come at a more apt time. I had my implant removed yesterday because after a year it really started to cause me some nasty issues.
I'm sat here trying to breastfeed my little boy and my arm is throbbing.
I refused the copper coil I had booked an appointment for because after all the tests and things I've had done recently, I couldn't face another assault on my body which would leave me (albeit temporarily) miserable and sore. I'm fed up of fake hormones coursing through my body.
At the moment it's condoms or not at all for my DH so I can start feeling more like me again!

Yes leedy it was all the time. Unless pregnant. Pregnancy was fab!

I loved my combined pill, the progesterone was entirely suitable and I didn't have the PMT rage all the time. I loved the fact my periods were light and predictable when I was on it. I tried a few and went back to my GP if it didn't suit until I got one that did.

I think the pill isn't the problem, rather the fact your GP wasn't sensitive to your needs and you weren't assertive.

Turns out that some professors and consultants DO think compassionatley- have a look at professor studd's website.

Piv isn't necessary all the time in a relationship. You don't have to have it if you think you're ovulating and want to avoid a pregnancy.

It's worth while getting to know your body and using ovulator prediction sticks if your cycle is irregular.

If your DH/DPs cannot tie a knot in it for a few days in the month then I think you're angry at the wrong person, actually. Whatever happened to thinking ahead and family planning? Nobody's entitled to have piv sex. It's really stupid to have piv sex when you might get pregnant if you don't want to get pregnant. If you're with someone who doesn't respect that biological fact, you should LT stupid B.

I'm not sure how getting so angry is going to do you any good. A clear head is needed I think. Personally, I tune out if people are raging.

If you want more money for better care, why do you keep voting in the torys? They are cutting and gutting the health services. That's who it might do some good to be angry with. Get political and campaign for better health care, and against budget cuts. Vote for someone else if this administration isn't to your liking.

Being angry is all very well, but it's a bit ridiculous if it stops you seeing clearly and you attack the person nearest to you (in this case the health care pactitioner) when the problem is political and economic. The GP and HCP's aren't the baddies.

Feminist issues are political. Time to start campaigning for better, more sensitive and more holistic care even if it is more expensive, and stop voting in the bloody same old same old tories if you want something different.

"I think the pill isn't the problem, rather the fact your GP wasn't sensitive to your needs and you weren't assertive."

That old chestnut. It's the woman's fault for being treated badly because she's not assertive.

Bullshit. Some doctors are sexist and incompetent, they dismiss the needs and requests of their female patients.

Also, weird assumption that the OP is single-handedly responsible for the Tories being in Government

I'm never going near hormonal contraception again. Combined pill gave me migraines and thrush constantly. Switched to Cerazette mini pill and turned into a moody, temperamental nightmare that I'm amazed my dh put up with. Switched to a different mini pill and was 'just' depressed and put on weight. When I finally came off them altogether it was like a fog had lifted and I felt so happy and alive.

Unfortunately condoms have a tendency to start a bout of thrush these days. I'm thinking of trying the cap. It's that or the copper coil, but the last thing I want is something that will possibly make my periods heavier and more painful. Plus the getting it in

Well somebody voted them in didn't they AnotherEmma ?

Also it is your responsibility to get the best treatment for you .... the GP isn't a mind reader with a crystal ball.

It is your responsibility to be assertive and demand the treatment you want that suits you. You're a grown up, so act like one. Don't rollover and take treatment that isn't suiting you and go weee weee weee all the way home. Take back your power and stop being a pushover.

If you think you're not empowered enough to demand the correct treatment for you, you need to learn how to be more assertive.
There are courses and techniques to learn, go on one, learn some.

You are a stakeholder in your own health and life: stand up for yourself.

Yes it's an old chestnut, because there is truth in it. Like a cliché.

Have I missed the non hormone options for managing heavy periods? Still curious about this.

Go on emma. Say it. Say it takes the cunt

In my early 20s I visited the doctor to say that the pill I was on made me queasy to the point I was getting too thin and as well as making my boobs sore and bigger.

He dismissed me saying that most women would be happy to be thin with big boobs.

I thought, fuck this, decided I would only use condoms and 20 years later have stuck to that.

Yanbu.

Thanks to the posters who offered advice on my copper coil problems. My gynecologist said that it might have caused endometriosis, which sounded like nonsense to me. I did always have pain to a lesser extent prior to the coil.

It's reassuring to know that people have had success with the mirena too, I probably will try it, if the doctor agrees to remove it at the first sign of trouble.

Miranda. Fab. No pain, no bleeding. Life back.
It worked for me!