I'm really angry about contraception

[HoneyDragon]

I have a headache it comes with being at that point in the pack of pills.

And I'm angry. At pretty much all of contraception. Aimed at women because lets face it, we're left holding the baby. Literally and figuratively.

And we're more used to being violated. So a scalpel to the arm for an implant. A piece of metal forced into our uterus. Artificial hormones or stinky spermicides put wherever is convenient for them to work. Uncomfortable but hey it's temporary until it's time to procreate.

And other than condoms, why do we call it protection? Protection from pregnancy. But how many women have had pressure from men over the years for sex if they know they are on the pill. How many men STILL sees woman being 'on the pill' as an excemption, a free pass not to wear a condom, and object when they are told it's not?

I'm angry that as a teen when I had problem periods the GPs soloution was to manage it with hormones and put me on the pill, synthetically managing me. It was years before a sympathetic female GP introduced me to the many other options for managing heavy painful periods.

On a school residential another group of girls noticed it and rumours abounded that I was a slag for a while amongst the boys at school.

And if you have an unplanned pregnancy there is still judging and stigma. Because if a woman is on contraception and falls pregnant it must be her fault. Both my children were unplanned, both times I was asked if perhaps it was self sabotage as I was married and probably secretly wanted them. Over twenty odd years of contraception two pregnancies isn't bad odds in my book. An unplanned pregnancy should not be considered a woman's failure However conversely if you manage to get pregnant after trying for a long time (which is wonderful) people describe this happily as 'nature finds a way'. Nature is only allowed to find her way through the sadness of infertility it seems, not man made barriers to pregnancy.

For many women hormones cause depression, the coil can cause uncomfortable periods and all the other assorted crap. In the 60 years since the 'Sexual revolution' technology has moved on amazingly so why the fucking hell is contraception still so unutterably medically and socially SHIT?

Condoms work well for me and DH. I hate hormonal contraceptives.

But Emma, vasectomy side effects happen to men. Of course they're more important side effects

Indeed!

The NHS website says 1 in 10 men get long term testicular pain post vasectomy:

www.nhs.uk/conditions/contraception-guide/pages/vasectomy-male-sterilisation.aspx

This may not be up to date in light of carmenta's comment.
I'm not trying to belittle issues with other forms of contraception, I just think no method is perfect.

Anchor The male pill caused very high levels of impotency. I don't believe it'll be widely adopted.

Doesn't the female pill cause loss of libido? Perhaps that doesn't matter because we're still penetratable. [angy]

(ps. Not suggesting you personally think that, Anchor)

I've never taken any pill or put anything in my body for contraception.

I always used condoms, never had any problem with men that refuse to use them. Me and dh also used them without any mishaps for 12 years before we ttc.
DH is looking on to the snip as we are now sure we don't wish for any more DC.

It would be nice if every women could have a pill that suited her but there is only what we have at the moment and you have to protect yourself some how against pregnancy if that's not what you wish for so it's trying to find something that doesn't make you feel bad or good old trusted condom

I've never liked the idea of pumping hormones into my system & my only dabble with the pill was a disaster so confirmed my thoughts so have always used condoms. It's simply never been an issue for me: no condom = no sex.

I once had a man ask me if a condom was essential. This was on our first date I walked.

There have been cases of men pulling off the condom in the middle of sex. Now as far as im concerned that is rape. Because the woman has consented to sex with a condom not without.

I dont think it would be seen this way in a UK court though.

1 in 10 men may well get long term testicular pain post-vasectomy (I've read between 7 and 12% depending on the study and when they choose to define "long-term" as starting). The point is that nearly that number of healthy men without vasectomies get testicular pain from time to time as well, because the testicles seem to be something of a sensitive spot where referred pain etc crops up. So the causal link between the vasectomy and the pain is questionable.

But you're right, no form of contraception is perfect. It's just that the female versions tend to be a lot more problematic than the male versions in terms of breadth and severity of side-effects, and also they get minimised. For example, I've been told by GPs that the mirena coil has no side effects. Which is clearly utter bullshit.

HoneyDragon What alternative methods did your sympathetic doctor recommend?

I've been on the pill since I was 18 for the same reason. I don't like the thought of the implant or injection and an alternative to medication would be great.

Many people have spent many years working to produce the wide variety of contraception available, and many are probably still working to produce new and better forms. What have you done, you moaner? It's all somebody else's fault, you have no choices. I think you are one of those people who is incapable of being happy or contented. And you seem to think there is some sort of human right to good contraception. If you think you can do better, go ahead!

I am honesty a-boggle at the number of women on this thread just throwing their hands up and going "It's all we have! Can't do anything about it! No point getting angry, just got to make the best of it if you don't want to get pregnant!", like our contraceptive options are some kind of immutable natural force, rather than, y'know, products made by humans. Who could possibly make better products if they could be arsed/there was any money in it.

It's always been condoms for me.

I've never had a man refuse to wear one. In fact most of my hook ups haven't even needed to be asked to put one on.

No condom No sex!

If a man doesn't want to respect your body by wearing a condom, you don't have to shag him

Without the pill, I had crippling periods and a face full of cystic acne. I love it and would not be without it.

A man who's not willing to wear a condom doesn't respect you enough to shag you.

1989 Three months on the combined Pill.

1992 to 1994 two years on the combined Pill.

1994 to 1997 3 and a half years on Norplant (the first implant Put in at GPs removed by FPC.

2003 to 2008 Five years on Depo Provera the injection.

2014 three months on the Mini Pill.

In 1995 i asked to be sterilized as im childfree by choice. The answer was no.

I asked again in 2003 at the age of 30 Still no.

Yanbu contraception is shit. I'd never ever have a coil or implant. I've used the pill and on the whole it was fine, but also gave me headaches. Stick to condoms now.

To be honest I wouldn't trust a male pill, as I'd be the one carrying the pregnancy I'd want to take control of contraception.

I'm also of the belief that when the time comes the man should have the snip as women go through enough with periods, pregnancy, childbirth, menopause. But it's not popular to upset the poor men.

Oh, look, charleston is inviting my first ever Mumsnet DFO.

Seriously, you're not allowed complain about contraceptive options if you aren't INVENTING A NEW ONE? And being unhappy about them means "you are one of those people who is incapable of being happy or contented"? Christ on a bicycle.

And actually, people could be doing a whole let better in terms of contraceptive research, they're not all working away "to produce new and better forms". Eg the male pill, which has been more or less entirely unfunded: www.theguardian.com/society/2016/jul/23/what-happened-to-the-male-contraceptive-pill

To protect myself against pregnancy I have to use what's on the market right now No it isn't all great and hopefully in the future some clever person in a lab somewhere will make something that suits the majority of women but until then...

I tried a few pills didn't get on with them so for me it's condoms, I've never had a man refuse to wear one and honestly if a man can't be bothered to put one on you don't have to shag him. It's your body you can walk away

No condom no sex

DrDre

"You may experience some pain but in most cases this is mild and lasts for a couple of weeks. Some men (1-2%) experience ongoing chronic testicular pain following vasectomy and this will be discussed during consultation."
www.bpas.org/more-services-information/vasectomy/vasectomy-faqs/

That's quite a discrepancy with the 10% figure quoted by the NHS, isn't it?!

Oh dear charles.

I don't think you've grasped the point at all.

I don't think anyone's denying that to protect against pregnancy your only options are what's on the market right now (my own choice is a fetching copper womb widget). I just think it's perfectly legit to accept that and still be annoyed that none of the options are particularly great.

I've never taken any pill I'm not putting it in to my body.

It's always been condoms for me, never had a man refuse to wear one. If a man does refuse then you shouldn't be shagging him anyway

I'd happily take a pill if one was available. Women have a much broader choice when it comes to contraception.

Right I'm back

This boils down to rights/responsibilities. As the op mentioned, women are literally left holding the baby (or they can be). A woman absolutely has the right to choose (whether or not to become pregnant, or whether or not to continue with it). That right also comes with responsibilities. The contraceptive pill gave women control over their reproductive capacity. I think that's a good thing.

I just wish we blokes also had the same breadth of options.

And before any of you get out of your Mumsnet prams, I know that PIV isn't the only means of having sex (though it's bloody delicious) I know that you can have the snip (considered permanent) and I have heard of condoms.

I'm just saying, a pill, or implant of some sort (for us blokes) would prevent any unwanted 'accidents' we all know a bird that's tricked a fella thus, right?

As you were

Women shouldn't get annoyed about things that effect us, they should smile and be grateful.

Yes it is AnotherEmma