I'm really angry about contraception

[HoneyDragon]

I have a headache it comes with being at that point in the pack of pills.

And I'm angry. At pretty much all of contraception. Aimed at women because lets face it, we're left holding the baby. Literally and figuratively.

And we're more used to being violated. So a scalpel to the arm for an implant. A piece of metal forced into our uterus. Artificial hormones or stinky spermicides put wherever is convenient for them to work. Uncomfortable but hey it's temporary until it's time to procreate.

And other than condoms, why do we call it protection? Protection from pregnancy. But how many women have had pressure from men over the years for sex if they know they are on the pill. How many men STILL sees woman being 'on the pill' as an excemption, a free pass not to wear a condom, and object when they are told it's not?

I'm angry that as a teen when I had problem periods the GPs soloution was to manage it with hormones and put me on the pill, synthetically managing me. It was years before a sympathetic female GP introduced me to the many other options for managing heavy painful periods.

On a school residential another group of girls noticed it and rumours abounded that I was a slag for a while amongst the boys at school.

And if you have an unplanned pregnancy there is still judging and stigma. Because if a woman is on contraception and falls pregnant it must be her fault. Both my children were unplanned, both times I was asked if perhaps it was self sabotage as I was married and probably secretly wanted them. Over twenty odd years of contraception two pregnancies isn't bad odds in my book. An unplanned pregnancy should not be considered a woman's failure However conversely if you manage to get pregnant after trying for a long time (which is wonderful) people describe this happily as 'nature finds a way'. Nature is only allowed to find her way through the sadness of infertility it seems, not man made barriers to pregnancy.

For many women hormones cause depression, the coil can cause uncomfortable periods and all the other assorted crap. In the 60 years since the 'Sexual revolution' technology has moved on amazingly so why the fucking hell is contraception still so unutterably medically and socially SHIT?

Malice, did you see the article I linked to upthread? The "traditional" contraceptive industry has been very reluctant to fund male pill research, unfortunately.

So what will this miracle form of contraception look like, exactly? No side effects, effective at preventing conception and preventing STDs, puts contraceptive onus on men not of women but can be seen to be in use to provide reassurance?

Ladies, I give you (drum roll)...the condom

What's with all these weird patronising blokes lately talking out of their arses.

Most medications have side-effects or problems one way or another. Which medical researcher in the field wouldn't want the kudos and financial rewards that would come with inventing the perfect contraceptive? Do you have any evidence that research in this area is being suppressed for some reason? If not, what are you complaining about? If it can be done, it will be done. Complaining that it isn't being done fast enough and to your specifications is being an entitled madam. You have choices. Use them.

A condom fan here, never had a man refuse to wear one, never had any accidents with one. Never let a man refuse to wear one, if he's doing that he doesn't deserve to shag you anyway

I tried the pill and I took many different brands for a few years but it wasnt for me.

I'm sure in the future they will bring out something most women are ok with but until then I choose condoms because they are far less evil than the pill

On another forum I used, there was a bloke who is convinced that feminists are suppressing research into male contraceptives. FFS.

It's awful.

I had 15 years of struggling with contraception. Everything made me sick and fat. I had migranes and illness.

My favourite thing about now being in a same sex relationship is no contraception needed 😆😆😆

Is anyone else absolutely CRINGING at Malice describing PIV sex as 'bloody delicious'?!

sick. Not envy.

ME madhatter

Reversible male pills are more difficult because you have to stop every single sperm. With women you just have to focus on one egg. Sperm are tiny and there's so many of them. It's not sexism so much as scientific difficulty.

madhatter I've just seen that.

Bloody delicious= Fucking creepy

Complaining that it isn't being done fast enough and to your specifications is being an entitled madam. You have choices. Use them.

Do you have any idea how much of a bellend this makes you sound?

"Ladies, I give you (drum roll)...the condom"

Though am I alone as a woman in preferring condom-free sex, or is this only something terrible selfish men think about? It's not like the condom is completely downside-free either (though was still much much better for me than the pill), hence my not entirely buying the prevailing "but it's not a problem if the pill doesn't suit you, just use condoms, SIMPLES!" line.

Only on mn would a man suggesting condom use as a contraception option be called "weird", "patronising" and accused of talking out of his arse!

what have you done you moaner

Quite a lot. As a manufacturer. Several things that as I type are keeping people alive.

I'm so sorry I didn't go into medicine and pre empty this complaint by using my magical seeing into the future powers when I was fifteen and develop a passion and skill for biology.

My bad

The pill gave me a blood clot. Yes I know it's rare but it does happen.

The coil gave me months of spasming pain and swollen reproductive organs.

Mustn't complain though eh charleston. Wouldn't want to come across as an 'entitled little madam'

You really do sound positively clueless though.

"Do you have any idea how much of a bellend this makes you sound?"

I suspect not. Also does he/she think we're all sitting around in a state of celibacy and/or constant pregnancy because we're refusing to use any of the currently available contraceptives until we get our moon-onna-stick version?

YANBU. You would think that science would definitely have sorted out decent low side effect contraception by now.

I also think that women's experiences of side effects are minimised or dismissed by the medical profession. Reporting of side effects is one of those times where the plural of anecdote IS data.

Flyingelbows it was nothing to do with wearing condoms.

It was his creepy language and telling us that a male pill would prevent the poor men from getting tricked into fatherhood.

I found the pill fine til I had children (on it 10 years without a break) but when I went back on microgynon afterwards the side effects started, including frequent, long, irregular periods which would continue for weeks, stop for a week, start again for a few weeks, disappear for ages, return as spotting, then be heavy for 10 days etc etc. My doctor told me it was age initially, though I was only in my late 30s - never any suggestion it could be the pill, though when I decided to come off it for other reasons my periods returned to regular as clock work normal ones after a couple of months

Lighthouse, malice has a point. Do a search of mn and you won't have to try hard to find a "Dh doesn't want another baby but I do should I just get pregnant?" thread?". And he's right, piv is bloody delicious. Is it OK if I suggest alternative sexual practices just because I have a uterus?

Argh, YANBU. I am shortly finishing feeding DS2 (possibly) and staring down the barrel of hormonal contraception again. Won't get a coil as I've heard too many horror stories about Doctor's refusing to remove them when there are problems. Neither DH nor I are the world'a biggest fans of condoms, but needs must.

And I'm fucking sick of the pressure from the GP to get something implanted, basically because it's cheaper.

People wonder why pharmaceuticals aren't investing big bucks in new treatments? That's why - the cheapest option is good enough, we're only women, we should be grateful not to be pregnant 75% of the time and shut up about the fact that none of the options are particularly marvellous.

Actually I wouldn't, at least not a hormonal one. As a biologist (not a reproductive one though) I think it would be terribly difficult to do. Things like infertility wouldn't be nearly so common if we really had a good understanding of the complexities of reproduction and conception. And I don't think it is for lack of trying that we don't, I think we are only just now starting to unravel the mystery that is us.

I agree with your second point though.

I am fed up of painful periods and of all the pathologies of menstruation being swept under the carpet by the medical profession and society at large.

Did you know that the AVERAGE time to diagnosis for endometriosis is 7.5 YEARS?

Many women with fibroids and other problems are having to go back not just two or three but ten or twenty times to the GP to get a referral.

I have had enough.

I feel really strongly about contraception. Currently pregnant but I'm absolutely dreading having to have some form of contraception make me miserable. BF means the mini pill is the only pill option and after having my last baby and going on it, it made me so very depressed, and I felt unwell every evening after taking it.

I hate the idea of the coil, and I've heard lots of stories about it being unreliable.

I've never had much luck with hormone based contraceptives anyway, even when not breastfeeding. Why do I have to pump my body full of hormones that make me feel like shit.

I've mentioned to DH about having the snip after baby is born, but I've a friend who's filled my head with worry about that too, what if I die, it means DH couldn't start a family with another partner. It seems so final too, what if we do want another child in the future.

In a nutshell, why in 2016 is there not a better option, that doesn't make you unwell? We have never had much luck with condoms, and I can't say I enjoy sex while using them anyway.