...to ask what's the nastiest thing someone's ever said or done to you?

[OohFloorPie]

Feeling a little low tonight, anxiety playing up and ruminating on things that happened long ago. So I thought I'd ask if others are willing to share the nastiest things people have ever said or done to them.

I'll go first. When I was at college I drunkenly admitted that I was attracted to women as well as men and that I thought one of the girls in my group of friends was attractive.

In the cold light of day I expected things to be awkward and apologised, but didn't expect that this group of rather alternative women would turn around and not only shun me, but call me sick, twisted, perverted and start an online harassment campaign against me.

Years later I still feel like I am a terrible person who deserved what happened and still feel awful. Particularly as I've never acted on any attraction I've felt towards women as although I find them attractive, I'm not interested in a same sex relationship and definitely prefer men overall.

What's your worst experience?

Tallulah But she did cross it out! Anyway, vile people's spiteful opinions don't count

A vile campaign started by the mother of a child I had removed from my class (he was disruptive and dangerous) and then later on he was removed from mainstream education, which she blamed on me.

She distributed flyers around my village with pictures of me and my partner, said my partner was a murderer (he's in the RAF), printed information about us adopting our children and our home telephone number (Ex-directory) as well as details about where DP was stationed and how much we'd paid for our house.

Luckily, our village was very supportive of us and all gave statements that led to her receiving an 18 month prison sentence and a restraining order. She tried to contact us again last year and we are waiting on her sentencing for breaching the restraining order.

I've never quite gotten over it. It was awful but a very supportive community helped, as did my employers who backed me. Luckily, my kids were too young to be effected by it, otherwise I'd have wanted a longer sentence.

vile people's spiteful opinions don't count

ut they still hurt.

And anyway - you could argue that any and all of the people who have been posted about on this thread are vile and spiteful.

Otherwise they wouldn't do such deliberately nasty things.

Following on from the sister ones... my very successful sister who earned a fortune, said when we were out together with my mum: "I remember when I thought £50 was a lot of money. Now, it just seems like a couple of quid. I look in things in shops and I can buy myself anything I want."

Conversely, I was chronically skint and had been for years, I had scraped by where she was the big success story of the family. My parents were totally bowled over by her success and money etc whereas I was the failure of the family (although I worked very hard). Nothing I had to say counted whereas they hung on every word she said. I was a bit in awe of her and very proud and not jealous of her success whatsoever. I thought she would have had more tact (and love????) than to say that. It really was crass. She had always been a bit patronising, but on that day I had never felt so low. And such a failure. I cringed uncomfortably at the time and then cried for the rest of the week day.

2 things stick out in my mind.

First was being taped at 19 when still a virgin. It took me a while to realise it was rape.

2nd involves SS. A friend visited with her 2 DCs. Ds kept pulling his pop up toy box around. Eventually it ripped and I told him firmly not to touch. He did it again. I tried to show him how sharp the metal top ring was and he caught his arm on it and had a small scratch.
Next day I get a load of cryptic messages from another mutual friend. Then SW turns up. She asked what happened and I told her and when she asked to see basket I had to go into top of wardrobe, take it out of the bin bag I'd wrapped it in and unwrap the tape I'd used to hold it decompressed down.
Turns out her elder Ds had said something in school. The school rang my friend who instead of saying it was an accident etc decided to tell Ss she thought I had MH problems and he was at risk, he asked a lot why I didn't love him, I was violent etc.
The SW could see through it and apologised. My Ds has autism and didn't even have the language to say any of that at 3 - and still doesn't now at 12.
She had told out mutual friend what she'd done and she was seeking information.

I can't even get a SW to support us or take us on even though my Ds self harms due to his autism. She must have really made a drama to get one to visit within 2 hours of making her report.

Nothing even as remotely horrific as some of the stories posted on here but very upsetting at the time (and still now, truth be told).

My supposed best friend, who I'd supported emotionally and financially for years after she had a disastrous, abusive relationship, screaming at me, in front on my very small children that I was a shit mother with horrible children (they were 4 and 1.5 ). 3 days after we'd had a major family bereavement.

She'd reinvented herself as some sort of "hippy earth mother" (her words). Funny how that didn't manifest itself when she fucked off twice abandoning her eldest child for weeks on end so she could "find herself". I believe he's NC with her now. As am I.

Nasty piece of work but sadly I'm still shaken by it several years later. It was just awful

2kids well, obviously they still hurt. What I mean is at least it wasn't the opinion of someone she loved (or even liked)!! Vile person says vile things... it's kind of invalidated (is how I like to think of it). It's just them doing their thing.

Was just trying to make Tallulah feel better. Sheesh.

imgrr I gasped with horror when I read that. And I work in child abuse.

You poor poor little love, I think that is one of the worst things I've ever heard. It really shocked me.

Thinking of you - I won't forget that ever. I hope your life's brighter now.

I got what you meant, thank you Lolli

This isn't really the worst thing but always sticks in my mind, really trivial compared to some of the horrific stories here.
When I was 12 I hung around with a group of girls and one day a group of them were going to the shop and I asked them to get me an ice-pop gave the money etc. When they came back they were all laughing and handed me a bag and it had a tin of dog food in it instead. Bit silly to still have it stuck in my mind.

Many things:

the latest ones I would say were my dad telling me he wished he had never had me, my brother constantly calling me a fat Barron heifer - my parents laughing in response. And the final straw is I'm a horrid vile person, with no prospects who is the family disappointment - while I pay off their family debt as I'm the only one who has a career and went to school.

OP I'm sorry you feel like this and for the other posters too. Ppl can be so nasty sometimes - but the words ppl say for a laugh have a horrid implication to others for many years after. Many nights crying myself to sleep and the constant nagging in my head that I'm a failure - which isn't true but thanks to their horrid words I can't seem to convince myself otherwise.

Shiny - don't pay another penny for any of those bastards and see them as little as possible. I imagine they are jealous of the success you have.

Two spring to mind that may not be the worse but did really upset me.

My grandmother told me that I was her favourite grandchild because I'd been my grandfather's favourite. Which was a lie, my grandfather being a lovely man who would never have dreamt of playing favourites. She said much worse things to my mum and sister. And plenty of other nasty stuff to me. I get upset if people say the 'favourite' child is lucky. I never felt lucky, I felt guilty as well as hurt and upset, though I would never deny my sister had it worse.

After being off work caring for my partner who had been seriously ill my brand new line manager gave me a bollocking for having time off, reduced me to tears for over an hour then tried to make me go back to work even though I was clearly in no fit state to do so. I was never forgiven for my lack of 'loyalty', was given the crappest jobs, told off for doing things other people got away with, had my hours changed with no warning on my days off, generally prevented from doing my job to the extent my colleagues noticed and would apologise to me over it. My mental health suffered terribly and I ended up handing my notice in when my manager was on holiday even though I had no job to go to.

eyesaidthefly Thank you, I'm very glad that child protection has improved since the 70s and early 80s.

I have been NC with her for many years, I don't even think of her as my mother so when I'm speaking about her I use her name.

Now I am very happy, married to a man who is perfect for me.
Obviously I still get triggered but I'm aware and most of the time cope with it.
I figure I'm a good person and it's her loss that she doesn't have me in her life.

Mine sounds quite banal and stupid now compared to some of the posts on this list.

I remember being about 14 and my friend and I were planning on going to the local disco that Friday. Some of her other friends (the popular kids) also wanted to go. No problem. However, after spending the night at mine, and planning with my parents how to get there and back, she tells me the next day she doesn't want to go as the other girls suddenly aren't going.

Okay, no problem again, but now she doesn't want to do anything that night at all. Of course, you can see where this is going. She and the other girls all went to the disco. They just said they weren't so I wouldn't go. Ditched by your best friend at that age still hurts to this day and I'm in my 30s.

Imgrr it is her loss indeed.

You seem to have turned your life around, I think that's amazing and I'm just so pleased. Good for you.

I won't forget the few lines you've written here. They have moved me profoundly.

On my first day back at work after losing my son when I was 5 months pregnant, I walked into the office and my boss (who had been a friend) and the woman who was to be my maternity cover both walked out and into a different room where I could hear them laughing. I have never felt so bewildered and unwelcome anywhere in my life. After 2 weeks of misery (and many snide comments) I left the job due to depression.

I was bullied very badly at school which affected my self esteem for years. Lots of it was the standard 'Nobody likes you' comments, taking and hiding my things, laughing at me, ignoring/excluding type stuff. But lots of it was looks-based too - calling me ugly, sneering at me for not having a bf ('frigid'), girls sniggering and saying I was 'fat' (I was size 8), people saying I 'looked like a man'. It decimated my confidence for years. All I wanted was to have real, close friends and I think I wasn't too good at it because I remember a couple of occasions where I thought I had a good, close friend and they would end up cutting me out to hang out with other people. A couple of people I thought were good friends went on at me about how 'clingy' I was. I just used to feel as if I could do no right when it came to making friends. I hated being a teenager.

All through that, my mum found it hard to cope with how consistently upset I was and always struggling with friendship woes and bullying. I think she didn't know how to deal with it but her frustration often used to come out in telling me to 'grow up' or 'stop being so pathetic'. It took years to heal the wounds all this stuff left on my self-confidence.

Something that has always stuck with me is when I was about 9 years old, I was a tomboy and so was much more comfortable wearing tracksuit bottoms and a football tshirt. I usually played with boys but I remember one time inparticular I was playing with a few girls that were in my class at school. They all suggested that we should all change into our prettiest dresses and have a tea party in the garden. They all lived on the same street but I lived about 10 minutes away so I ran home and changed into a pretty Burberry patterned dress which was basically the only one I owned. It was given in a bag of second hand clothes and didn't fit me right at all I was quite chubby but I squeezed it on anyway and ran back to play with the girls (still wearing my shabby playing out trainers) . To my horror the girls came out of the garden and stood laughing at me saying they had played a trick on me to see what I looked like in a dress. I was mortified!!! They said they would wait for me while I changed but when I came back they were all wearing the most beautiful dresses and shoes! It was awful. I have a daughter and could not even bear thinking about her feeling the way I did that day. Kids can be so cruel sometimes

My family often say nasty things about my house. They comment every time they come what a shit hole it is when in fact they know, how much longer it takes me to clean and tidy due to a chronic illness. They don't have to come and visit me. And I'm not being lazy. Sometimes i cannot control my fatigue. I do what is important and what my dh values. If I get anymore comments next time, they can bugger off and not come again

wrungout I had a similar experience. I felt like I didn't fit in that well too, and my mum wasn't great at dealing with it either. At primary school I stuck out for liking reading and drawing and was bullied a lot by the rest of the class from 7 onwards - given a nickname and made fun of all the time. It carried on at secondary school, I liked art and odd bands and berry lipstick instead of the frosted pink lipstick everyone else liked. I was bullied there too, made fun of and the butt of the "cool girls" jokes and negative attention at break and lunch. I spent nearly all my lunchtimes hiding in the library. I never had a proper hot sit-down dinner in the dining hall in five years of senior school, I would buy a plain bun and a slice of kraft cheese and hide away to eat it, because I knew if I was seen in the dining hall I would be bullied in front of everyone else, food thrown at me, that kind of thing. By then I had learned to deal with it completely alone because my mum wasn't interested and I worried that she secretly agreed that I was odd and different and why couldn't I just like frosted pink lipstick and top ten bands.

It was only whn I left home at 19 that I pretty much instantly found my sort of people, people who loved the things I loved and thought I was cool instead of odd. I also turned from ugly duckling into something of a swan and there was a memorable occasion when I bumped into a cool girl in town a few years on and she was amazed at how I looked (and my confidence, I guess). I've never looked back and I know I'm considered cool/artistic/beautiful (dare I say it) now.

Just hope that anyone reading who has a young or teenage DD can show that often those who don't fit in at school because they like different things to the majority, can hit their stride after school. Just got to get through those years first

Lollipops

Well . . .that escalated quickly . . . .

Shiney

I'm so sorry that you have had this all your life - when it starts early it gets ingrained and we find it hard to value ourselves but I promise you it can be done. You are still allowing yourself to be ground down by your family because you are using your money to pay off their debt - things like this contribute to low self-esteem.

However, I've been in a very similar position of desperately trying to gain the affection of family members who aren't prepared to give it. It can't be done. Learn to think selfishly. Perhaps you could ask your GP if you could have some counselling to help raise your self-esteem?

You don't need to be mean to your family - but you do need to make them recognise that you are a wonderful, loving and caring person (that is obvious from your post) and that you are entitled to respect. You need to give it to yourself first - it may or may nor follow from your family, but you will be better able to step back from their selfishness.

It is heartbreaking how much casual cruelty is meted out - not just by children, but by adults, and particularly friends and family; the very people we should be able to rely upon to defend and support us.

No wonder so many people suffer from low self-esteem and depression. very, very sad.

My first boyfriend said to me that all his mates took the piss out of him for losing his virginity to a fat ugly goth in a rancid hoodie (that was me by the way)

"You have been a vegetarian for 6 months now and you are still really really fat" - my best friend at secondary school