...to ask what's the nastiest thing someone's ever said or done to you?

[OohFloorPie]

Feeling a little low tonight, anxiety playing up and ruminating on things that happened long ago. So I thought I'd ask if others are willing to share the nastiest things people have ever said or done to them.

I'll go first. When I was at college I drunkenly admitted that I was attracted to women as well as men and that I thought one of the girls in my group of friends was attractive.

In the cold light of day I expected things to be awkward and apologised, but didn't expect that this group of rather alternative women would turn around and not only shun me, but call me sick, twisted, perverted and start an online harassment campaign against me.

Years later I still feel like I am a terrible person who deserved what happened and still feel awful. Particularly as I've never acted on any attraction I've felt towards women as although I find them attractive, I'm not interested in a same sex relationship and definitely prefer men overall.

What's your worst experience?

Threatened to be raped.
Told they wished I was dead.

Being threatened if I left someone.

Being told I'd deserve to be raped.

Some people are really nasty. I'm sorry for others experiences.

I believe that one of the reasons people are posting on this thread is to have a very small voice in a very big world. My post allowed me to say something that I have never told anyone. I posted 2 things about my mother, I could easily have posted 2000.

In real life no-one is interested. If you were to speak about these things, you have a fear that people like Cheeky would sneer and ask why? Why do you have to bring this up? What good would it do?

Most heartbreaking is that others don't believe you. When my mother remarried she painted a completely false picture of life with My lovely Dad. Told Lies about me, which made him think I was an ungrateful hard hearted daughter.

On here, people hear me, understand me and believe me. I guess some people might think this is a pity fest, which is why so many of us keep things hidden deep inside.

Fair enough OP. But as for those now accusing me of bulying - ironic given my life history! - and telling me to get overmyself, you are a fucking joke. If this thread is to help people and you talj to me like that when i asked the OP a genuine question out of concern for other womens mental wellbeing and you takk to me like that? Shame on you. At least OP has the graciousness to be polite in her response which is appreciated.

I am genuinely concerned that there will have been women posting and reading this thread feeling upset. I am a good person. But your attacks have left me feeling very upset.

Cheeky what was the point of your post? To give the op another thing to feel bad about?

No one had to dredge up painful memories.

You should be ashamed of yourself

I absolutely agree that it's carthartic. Some things can make you feel so deeply ashamed, you feel you can never tell anyone for fear they might share the view of the person who originally perpetrated the nastiness.

I for one am glad the OP started the thread. It has made me really think about how much unpleasantness I have taken on board from other people, and how I will move forward in dealing with it. Can't see that being anything other than useful to me, really.

And im now in tears.

Guess i better just get over myself eh? As one lovely poster put it. Mumsnet bullying at its finest.

I wouldn't wish any of what I've read here on my worst enemy. I had concluded a long time ago that it was me, I didn't deserve decent parents, a nice family, good relationships. Reading some of these experiences has done more for me than counselling to convince me that whilst I may not be entirely blameless, some people are indeed cunts.

Well you shouldn't have attacked first. Don't like the thread, don't read it.

Enough

Fuck of yourself. Your post was nasty, there was no need for it at all.

I'm with spade. OP ignore.

"I need more than you, you need to emotionally detach yourself from me". From dh during his affair.
Ouch- that stung like blazes.

cheeky. I'm sorry that you're upset. Is it possible you misinterpreted the OP's intention? I think she just intended to start a thread where people could talk about things that have happened to them, which they are uncomfortable about discussing in real life. Take a few deep breaths, and maybe share some of your own stuff. It might help (it did for me)

molly. Oh yes. My ex said something very similar. I wasn't 'enough' which is why he cheated. Still working on convincing myself I am.

I apologise to you OP for mistakenly thinking you were a troll. My post had good intentions as I was reading the thread, feeling upset about these women and what they have been through, and questioning why someone would invite them to recall these painful memories. How anyone could have read my post as anything other than being out of genuine concern for the women on this thread is beyond me.

The following attacks from others have been upsetting to read.

I'm now off to deregister.

I wish you well OP and I'm glad that some women have found this thread to be cathartic for them. Sadly it hasn't been for me.

cheeky. Some threads are difficult to read, especially if you can relate to the experiences on them. I have several I avoid for that reason. Don't de-register. Mumsnet is a fab place for talking things through.

A good few years ago, I was a senior team leader in the public sector. A member of my team was emotionally very fragile, borderline competency issues etc etc. I bust my backside to support her over a number of years. No enable, support.

The team was quite a large one and when I went on ML, two of the team applied to cover my post. But only one was appointable.

When I return from ML, I am faced with a huge list of accusations. I was accused of bullying the vulnerable team member, harassment and discrimination (racial, religious and disability).

It nearly broke me. The ensuing investigation cost 10s of thousands of tax payers money. Every single claim was found to be unsubstantiated.

I later found out that the person behind it all was the one who didn't get my ML cover. She manipulated the vulnerable team member and helped her create all these falsehoods. She even wrote her grievance complaint for her.

Both team members left and I tried to rebuild my team. But the trust was gone. Trust on my side. I couldn't be sure who else was involved. I was suspicious of everyone.

So I left. Walked away from a public sector job that I was bloody good at. With 20+ years experience under my belt. Now work freelance, privately. So I can pick and choose who I work with.

Blimey, that felt good writing it down.

And cheeky? It takes guts to apologise. So well done for that. Don't leave because of a misunderstanding.

Obviously several people did read your message in a different way, it's a shame that instead of explaining as you have done now, you went on the attack and we're abusive.

I hope you find a way to resolve any issues you have and find peace.

*were - bloody autocorrect!

Being raped and beaten up.
Having my so called best friend turn against me in year 3 and getting the whole of my tutor group follow me around at break/lunch time spewing vile hate at me.
Fucked me up for years. Still don't have close friends now.
My dh blaming me for almost having an affair as I was fucked up on meds and a complete evil bitch for 6 months.
Sad now

QueenLizIII

What a bitch! I would never assume that something arranged was a treat - I'd always ask "What do I owe you for the tickets/whatever" and if my cash was refused, I'd make sure that I paid for food/drinks/taxis - or if these didn't factor into the night, the next hight out would be my treat to them.

Obviously your "friend" doesn't look at it that way. She's so fabulous that people are expected to pay for the pleasure of her company. I suspect that other friends have got wise to her and are avoiding her, and that you, and possibly even a couple of others, who haven't seen her for some time and assume that she has changed, and have become her latest victims.

As my Grannie (a very wise woman) would have said "Nae wonder she's got houses."

There are a lot of people who maintain their wealth because they sponge off others. You do well to cut her off - but it's very hurtful to think that you have poured a lot (financially AND emotionally) into a friendship, only to have your kindness abused.

Quite a few nasty comments from my dad. He's odd - lovely most of the time but also bad tempered.

When I was a child I screamed I spilt boiling water on my hand. He shouted at me and said he thought he and my mum should send me away.

It was appalling.

He threatened me with "big trouble" if I didn't do well in my school exams and instilled in me a deep fear of failure.

Yep, he could be cruel.

NC for this...

My grandad sexually assaulted me as a teenager. I could never tell my family as they wouldn't believe. My mum would say I was attention seeking. It would kill my dad being his dad and all. I love my dad and I'd hate to hurt him. Luckily my grandad is now dead as of a few years ago. Sounds horrible saying lucky but at least I don't have to see him. I remember him coming over every Sunday, I hated going downstairs to see them here. I remember him coming to my dance performances every year. He'd want me to come sit on his knee every time. I was 13 to 15 years old. I could cry thinking about it. My dh knows but I don't discuss it with him. I have nightmares frequently but doctors say I have to go on depression tablets before they will let me have therapy. I attempted suicide multiple times just after it happened when I was 17 to 18. I told my mum years later about the suicide but now she denies I told her and I must be attention seeking again. I didn't attention seek. I wanted to be dead so I didn't have to feel the emotions I was feeling at the time. After my grandad died everyone could only talk about what a saint he was. What an amazing man...

It took a long time to let my dh near me sexually after that. It was just before we married that I finally was able to actually have sex with him. I can't be touched though by anyone except dh. Made pregnancy was horrendous due to the emotional stress so we're only having the one child but now I'm so protective of dd.