...to ask what's the nastiest thing someone's ever said or done to you?

[OohFloorPie]

Feeling a little low tonight, anxiety playing up and ruminating on things that happened long ago. So I thought I'd ask if others are willing to share the nastiest things people have ever said or done to them.

I'll go first. When I was at college I drunkenly admitted that I was attracted to women as well as men and that I thought one of the girls in my group of friends was attractive.

In the cold light of day I expected things to be awkward and apologised, but didn't expect that this group of rather alternative women would turn around and not only shun me, but call me sick, twisted, perverted and start an online harassment campaign against me.

Years later I still feel like I am a terrible person who deserved what happened and still feel awful. Particularly as I've never acted on any attraction I've felt towards women as although I find them attractive, I'm not interested in a same sex relationship and definitely prefer men overall.

What's your worst experience?

Jeez, people are so cruel. Especially to those who love them the most. Why?
I think 'family' sometimes undermine or bully you in order to make themselves feel better about their own unhappy or unfulfilled lives. That doesnt make it acceptable behaviour at all, but when I'm down and crying because I think what they say is true (I'm a cunt and waste of space), it helps me to understand their motives. :(

Rabbit12345, we must have similar sisters. I think mine make things up in order to justify their shitty treatment of me.

They're not in my life either. I refuse to apologise for being me or for being happy. Thats ok. Its very sad, but its ok.

skilled I think I love your neighbour too!

[flowers for everyone]

Back in 1966 my then best friend started an an affair with my husband. They carried on for nearly two years and all that time I was confiding in her about my husband's apparent coldness. I was 22 and had been with my husband since I was 16 though only married a year. I eventually found out through a bank statement and miscarried my first baby. The friend I was staying with rang to tell him and he said it was," No concern of mine."
I have never again fully trusted a friend.

My DF has said lots of hurtful things, but not (I think) to deliberately hurt me but because he just doesn't understand that what he says hurts people. Two examples:

1. I was 10 and my mum had just died. We got talking to a stranger somewhere who was very sorry to hear that such a young girl had lost her mother. DF:s reply was: "No, it doesn't really matter as she has always been closer to me than to her mum".

Obviously, losing any family member is always going to hurt like hell, but the truth is that I was always a lot closer to my DM.

1. A few years later my DF met a new woman who had a DD the same age as me. Apparently, my DF's GF was taking her DD and the DD:s friend to London for a shopping trip. I didn't know about it until my DF told me: "I asked if you could go as well but the DD said she didn't want you to come because she doesn't really like you".

Why he thought I would be better off with that information I will never understand. Especially since he could have said nothing and I would never known about my hypothetical chance of going to London with them...

Another, non-DF related thing that sounds petty but has really stuck with me:

Spent a Saturday in the town centre with my friends A, B and C as a teenager. Friend A invited her friend X along. X had never met me, B or C before. We spent a few hours all having fun together I thought and then we bumped in to X:s friend Y, who had never met any of us before. X then introduced the group to Y as: "My friend A, her friends B and C and...whatever".

I also forget names of new people all the time, so if she would have said: "Sorry, what was your name again?" I don't think I would have cared, but being called "whatever" just made me feel like I really didn't matter and that no one wanted to be friends with me if they could avoid it. To this day, I find it hard meeting new people as I'm convinced they would rather not get to know me. But then my self esteem is pretty crap anyway.

Long, boring post, but cathartic writing it. to everyone else!

This is not in the same league as other posters, but it had stuck with me. I was 4 or 5 and just started primary school, I was a very quiet shy girl. I was on my own one playtime and I remember wandering around the playground, an older girl (top class) said to me, completely out of the blue "you are the ugliest little girl I've ever seen", I even remember the vindictive delight/sneer on her face turning to shock as I started to cry saying I wanted my mum, and she tried to hush me. Even 30 odd years later it makes me v sad to think why someone could take pleasure in hurting a smaller more vulnerable child, and how upset I would be if that happened to my own dd. I never told anyone.

Oldest friend and bridesmaid ghosted me a week before my wedding. Her two DC were also bridesmaids. I'd bought dresses, she'd reserved rooms I couldn't cancel and she left me without a bridesmaid.

She just didn't show up. Wouldn't answer the door. Her sister finally got an answer a few weeks later. Turns out she was jealous as she thought nobody would ever want to marry me. She expected to be happy and loved and really thought I would always be alone.

If she'd have told me all that before the wedding then at least I wouldn't have stood there telling people why half the wedding party didn't turn up.

I've not told anyone this in real life.
I lost two babies with a ex boyfriend. He and I didn't live together but obviously had enough of a physical relationship to make two babies and saw each other naked throughout the pregnancies. He came to ultra sounds etc.
My mother who lived 12000 miles away throughout these pregnancies but of course saw the bump photos on FB etc, read my emails, logged on to my hotmail account searched through them then contacted the man - father of the children - and told him I'd made the whole thing up, was never pregnant.
He agreed she was absolutely right. Haven't spoken to either since.

Absolutely mental.

I fell out with my ex 'best' friend (both going through a lot of shit, bereavement, addiction, all sorts, some very crossed wires). I'd not long moved cross country with DS1 to escape my violent, sexually, emotionally, and financially abusive XP. Ex BF has form for being a professional victim. I was struggling with terrible mental health issues at the time.

She and a pair of her equally nasty cronies found my XP on Facebook, and told him my address, and where DS1 went to nursery. Bear in mind that my XP had also harassed HER at one point. She told everyone I'd lied about the abuse, that I'd lied about everything in my life full stop. It started off yet another cycle of harassment, police involvement, malicious social services referrals, and having to move house.

I confronted her after months of stewing. She broke down in tears and said she was pregnant, and deserved a quiet life with her DH. I was also pregnant when the harassment started, and she knew damn well I was.

I will never, ever forgive her.

I was bullied at school on and off, some were short term but the one that sticks is when I left one school to go to another (fee paying school) because a fellow school friend of mine had moved there - we were both 14. At first she was lovely, welcoming (I visited her at home etc) then because I think I wanted my own friends rather than to hang around with her and her gang she made my life a misery. Partly due to her behaviour I left school 6 months before final GCSE exams and had to do home study, this meant I only got 4 GCSEs compared to 8/9. I was predicted to go to uni from the fee paying school due to my prowess in French. I then decided to work rather than study. Some years down the line found her on FB and we are 'friends' I did email her and say I'd forgiven her which she was happy and relieved about as she Felt guilty she told me about bullying me, but even now some of her behaviour I'm not sure about!

Bullied at work 3-4 years ago for 2 years by wife of family friend who got me a job and was a temp in same firm and her 'friend' who worked as pa in same very small firm. Luckily I had counselling whilst there or I wouldn't have survived. Really nasty behaviour from both of them and I was so low couldn't leave for a couple of years!

Oh these stories are just awful. I'm just horrified with how some people behave towards others. I'm so sorry. The one of the wee girl giving her mum a kiss and she wiped it off nearly made me cry. If it helps op I've had my fair share of vile things being done to me. A few years ago I had who I thought was a good friend. She invited me over to lunch but when I arrived another guest was there and lunch had been eaten. I wasn't late so was a bit confused. She produced some left overs and scraped stuff onto a plate. The other guest was a nice woman who suggested I should have come earlier. "" She's grateful for anything these days, ask her what her husband does for a living go on".
I sat frozen to the seat and the other lady said "er ok what does he do?".
I explained to the mortified guest that my husband had lost his job and was unemployed. My "friend" was peeing herself laughing and saying that with all my airs and graces you'd never think we were on the dole. It was like something from Little Britain. Now I'm going back 20 years but I still recall how awful it was. Weirdly she contacted me on fb recently, we had a quick chat and she asked if we owned our own property yet. I delighted in telling her we own not one but two properties outright. She just said well who would ever have believed that you guys would have money? Just so rude.

My sister. Years ago, when my ex husband was leaving me for someone else, she told me I needed to sort my children out, clean my house and lose weight. I'd just had a baby & already had two children under 3. It destroyed me so much that even my estranged husband was shocked & had a word with her. The vitriol went on for quite a few years ( I'd be pissed off if I lived next door to you, you can't keep a man, I could go on forever), until the day that I told her that her daughter was a spoilt brat & she stopped speaking to me. That was 20 years ago and I'm still scared of her even though I know she's the one with the problem.
You're not alone OP, these things can still hurt years after the event, I just hope you can move on more than I can.

Pisssedoff omg!! That's insane!

theres so much now i could write a list but i will share a summary i have been treated like crap but nearly everyone in my life including my parents.Pretty much all the friends i make disappear.Its kind of hard to pick one when theres so many

i guess being physically hit with a hockey stick could be one

I have learnt that in life i am just not socially compatible with most people you kinda learn to live with it.Some days its a hard thing to carry sometimes its not

OP sorry for the late reply I know the thread has moved on but just wanted to reply to your post to me, just to reassure you that it is ok to be asexual too if this is what you are comfortable with, and perhaps you may not like to seek a partner when you have children under 18, some people prefer not to. However if you do feel you wish to have a sexual partner again you may like to consider seeking psychosexual therapy to help you unpack your feelings of sexual desire or lack thereof and perhaps broader difficulties with intimacy and attachment with a partner. Good luck in the future I hope you find yourself a nice partner if that is what you do want or either way feel comfortable with yourself

exh would regularly tell me to sleep with one eye open, told me when an ex boyfriend died, that I was only upset because I couldn't go and shag him anymore, accused me of sleeping with his friends/brother/cousin etc. on a weekly basis, obviously was also violent but the worst was after dc was born he demanded at six weeks after his birth a verbal agreement that we have sex every other night, as it was my marital duty. I pointed out to him that we no longer lived in the fifties, that rape in marriage is a thing and can I could get divorced on the grounds of that. He wasnt bothered, in his eyes we had the conversation therefore it was going ahead, that first night I was working out the least impacting way I could leave him.

My mother who I have very little contact with, would blame me for stealing money and beat me for it, even after my brother admitted doing it, would call me names throughout my teenage years in reference to my breasts, nose, glasses, braces. Told me when i was 18 that she blamed my dad for getting her pregnant and wrecking her life. Told me when I was 26 she always hoped she would eventually bond with me especially in adulthood so we could be best friends or something, but it was never there.

I could list so much more but I don't want to.

I now have a wonderful family, My children are never insulted the way I was, and all are told how handsome they are. We tell each other we love each other every day. My now partner treats me like a queen. I have my dgm and df as family support. That is all in the past and I have a wonderful future. My mother has probably seen the error of her ways, esp as both brothers are in and out of prison etc, and I am the only "decent one" as she puts it. Perhaps if she wasn't a narc they would have been somewhat different. Btw she was a single parent until I was 15.

rose. Very much doubt you are not 'socially compatible' with people; rather your kindness and non-judgemental approach possibly attracts people who will take advantage of your good nature. Very tough to sort the wheat from the chaff, but I'm sure, in time, you will meet individuals who value you for your decency.

Compared to most, mine won't be bad but I've had a group of very nasty girls (now ex friends) turn on me when I called them out on bitching about the others in the group whilst they weren't there. I was so sick of it and it just didn't make sense, it was like a vicious circle of bitchiness and nastiness. Anyway, they made my life hell for a while but now I'm away from them it's like a weight has been lifted.

When I was younger, I was dancing in a club, some man made a comment to me about my huge bum, and not in a nice way, which seriously upset me and possibly contributed to future issues between myself and food. Mad really as I was a size 8 back then so by no means big. Anyway, it really really taught me to be careful with my words and to be as kind as possible to others as you just don't know how the things you say might affect someone.

'Socially incompatible' Fucking autocorrect!

My ex-fiance asking me if I wanted to rent the house he'd kicked me and my child out of so that he could move out and live with his new pregnant girlfriend......and then asking me why I wasn't replying to his reasonable question.

The girl my first boyfriend cheated on me with ringing me up and calling me frigid, telling me it was all my fault. I was 17. It stuck with me for a while, that.

Nearly 30 ago my first husband was beating me up. As I tried to stop him, the phone rang , I grabbed it and screamed for help before he snatched it from me. It had been my mother who did nothing ( thankfully my burly neighbour kicked the door in and saved me). When I asked my mother why she hadn't phoned the police she said " you're such a drama queen, I knew it would blow over."
Currently, my daughter's new very controlling boyfriend has forbidden her to have any contact with me( apparently I ask too many questions) which means I haven't seen my lovely grandson for 2 months.

Totally the most minor thing in comparison to some of the posts, but in primary school (so 30-35 odd years ago), a boy told me I was "too rough" to play with them at their ball game.

Having never ever been one for dollies and other things that the girls were doing, I was left by myself at breaktimes pretty much thereafter. Pretty sure that's what led to a near-lifetime of not really having any friends.

Now I actively think about it, it makes me feel pretty shit

No where near as bad as some of these, but 2 of my so called 'friends' at school wrote a 5 page letter in my school leavers book. It was all about how pathetic I was, and that they'd never been my friends the whole time we'd been at school, it was all part of their way of taking the piss out of me. Now I just think fuck em, but reading their message while they sat and openly laughed at me was horrible....

When my 'D'F said 'How come you're 27 and still single?' Or perhaps when he looked at someone on telly the same build as me and said 'What a great fat lump she is.'

When I was 17, I slept with a boy. He texted me afterwards and said he wouldn't shag me again because my old self-harm scars put him off what he was doing.

ItShouldHaveBeenJessCastismas Fri 21-Oct-16 14:45:17
rose. Very much doubt you are not 'socially compatible' with people; rather your kindness and non-judgemental approach possibly attracts people who will take advantage of your good nature. Very tough to sort the wheat from the chaff, but I'm sure, in time, you will meet individuals who value you for your decency.

thank you for your kindness but after years and years of it i mean over a decade you have to learn to live with it or it will tear you apart. I have had friends who i have been with for years turn on me.I have not just had the typical other mums shun me i have had people with similar problems shun me.

i know and understand i cant really have friends i just need to learn to carry it better