...to ask what's the nastiest thing someone's ever said or done to you?

[OohFloorPie]

Feeling a little low tonight, anxiety playing up and ruminating on things that happened long ago. So I thought I'd ask if others are willing to share the nastiest things people have ever said or done to them.

I'll go first. When I was at college I drunkenly admitted that I was attracted to women as well as men and that I thought one of the girls in my group of friends was attractive.

In the cold light of day I expected things to be awkward and apologised, but didn't expect that this group of rather alternative women would turn around and not only shun me, but call me sick, twisted, perverted and start an online harassment campaign against me.

Years later I still feel like I am a terrible person who deserved what happened and still feel awful. Particularly as I've never acted on any attraction I've felt towards women as although I find them attractive, I'm not interested in a same sex relationship and definitely prefer men overall.

What's your worst experience?

Toocleverbyhalf

I have one with my younger (by 7 years half sister) by my dad's third marriage.

she finished uni and was engaged and living up north (I live near London) and suddenly the engagement broke up and she had to move up north etc. Anyway I went to see her at her request (I'm so upset can't do anything please visit me - were her words) and stayed at a B&B as no space in her shared house. We went out for a meal with her and a new boyfriend and he laughed and made fun of an epileptic woman having a fit in the restaurant. when I got back to London she rang me or texted to ask what I thought of the new boyfriend and I told her (not going into details) I wasn't keen on him.

This was in the days when email was relatively new. Fast forward a couple of weeks and one of the partners at a fairly new job spoke to me saying I'd been signed up for drug and alcohol abuse websites and what was this about?! Apparently this had been done through my work email address and only my half sister, a close friend and my boyfriend had this email address at the time - no one else had it! It turned out the new boyfriend of my half sister was quite spiteful (I'd heard him speak when we went out for a meal up north) and I guessed it could be him. Anyway I tried to confront my half sister, got nowhere and ended up getting a solicitor (family friend) to write a legal letter to her warning her off me. Half sister then rang me furious to say she had almost been fired over this and what was I talking about she had no idea?! I didn't believe her for some reason and cut her out of my life. I did speak to and see her younger half sister and younger half brother a few times.

Fast forward a few more years (about 6) and for some reason I thought maybe now time has gone by to try to make amends - also I had heard from my real whole brother that she had been in touch with him and met up with her husband and sons. I had heard that she had told him she wanted to meet me etc and put things behind us. after speaking to her on the phone a couple of times where she sounded fine and friendly I breached meeting up and got a swift rebuff back saying no never etc. I was annoyed/angry with her especially as this was at cross purposes with what she'd said to my brother.

Then 2 years later for some reason I thought - lets try again and emailed her - I got an email back immediately asking why I hadn't apologised for last time etc... and a whole lot of other abuse - a barrage of abuse. I decided from that day forwards that with all of them I could not be bothered and told my brother not to keep in touch with her either (unfair of me his decision but I felt it was her having control). Luckily he agreed and she had also been toxic with him, using him for photographic work.

phew that was long. strange to say, don't miss her!

My own sister didn't invite me or my children to her 21st birthday. Long back story but she wasn't speaking to our parents at the time, but I was just piggy in the middle.

What hurt more was that all my other family kept it secret too.

Lots more has happened since but this was just the beginning of my realisation of who my 'family' really cared about.

I was lying on the sofa one day, I was around 8 or 9, when my 'D'M who was prone to spiteful outbursts looked down at me and said "You've got a nose like a pig." I've been self-conscious of my nose ever since. I was contouring way before Kim Kardashian made it a thing. Nobody else ever said anything about my nose, not even my school bullies, making me think that objectively it couldn't be that bad, but when I look in the mirror I see pig nose.

For background I was a very ill baby. Aged ten, my mother went too far when telling me off whilst throwing all my things into a bag to kick me out; "you should have died when you were supposed to"

She completely denies it to this day and had no recollection of it apparently. I think of it often, and although we have a good relationship now, now that I'm expecting my first child it's makes me very anxious to remember it for some reason.

A group of girls in school who spread a false rumour that my father was sexually abusing me, and alienated me from my friends.

Someone I classed as a very close friend as we were both going through infertility at the same time. I met with her for coffee and to meet her newborn baby and we got talking about me starting clomid that week. She told me "well you're not REALLY infertile if they think a pill will sort you out are you! You've got absolutely no idea! Good luck with your paracetamol baby!"

Gosh, I'm feeling pretty sad now! for everyone

Squak 💐 I've had that line and was the most hurtful by far also!

What hurt moreso was that his own mother & 6 sister's were all abused, now in their 50/60s and all have drink and drug issues, which I have non, but the comment sent me into secondary wounding - i had to see a counsellor the next time he spouted it out, i told my exdp, I may not be over it but at least I have sought help over three years, got justice & not allowed the toxicity/poison of it to ruin the next generation of my family, unlike his own mother who is to pissed to know what day of the week it is and has a new terminal illness every week (nasty but it needed to be said)

A boy at school when we were about 15 told everyone I had given him a blow job. We had kissed. He started a campaign against me and I had pretty much the whole year calling me a slag and shouting about me giving him a blow job during lessons. No teacher intervened at any point. I can't believe that sexual bullying like that was left unchallenged by the school.

It was a very unhappy time of my life, and I don't think I'll ever 'forget and forgive' but it doesn't haunt me. Although if I did happen to meet him as an adult I think I would find it very, very hard not to knee him in the bollocks.

My first H always rejected ant affectionate move I made towards him or if I tried to instigate sex, and we seldom had sex, yet he would sit there looking at girlie magazines in front of me making comments like "Cor I would do her" or "I would give her one" It was all designed to hurt and humiliate me,and for a few years had a very bad effect on my feeling of self worth.

My youngest sister (on whom we all doted on) took out an application in the County Court against myself and my older sister(we were joint executors of my late fathers will) she had convinced herself (egged on by her odious husband) that we had misappropriated funds from my Fathers Estate. She would not discuss it when asked what the problem was just saying, repeatedly "We have our concerns!" a few days before the hearing I phoned her up and pointed out to her that they would be liable to pay our costs, barristers fees childcare costs (while we were in Court) because we had done nothing wrong, and a solicitor and an accountant who had looked over the estate accounts had said the admin of the estate had been "perfectly handled" We never went to Court she withdrew, but I have never forgotten or forgiven the fact that she thought that we would do this- we were always close, and my older sister virtually brought her up as my Mother was an invalid so she did a lot of the Mothering duties. She was so hurt by her behaviour.
The irony is they persuaded my dad when he was suffering terminal cancer to loan them a large amount of money which, although the agreement was they would pay interest on it they never did once he died and they stopped the repayments, and we let the do it because they were "family"

Two things have really stuck with me.
One - on a flight home after finding out my brother had been killed. I happened to be sitting next to a friend on the plane (unexpectedly bumped into each other in the airport). He knew what had happened yet spent the whole flight crying because he thought his girlfriend might be about to break up with him.

Two - having dinner with pil when fil asked if I wanted seconds. I said no. He said I should because I was looking scrawny. Mil commented that my face was scrawny but I still had a big bum. They knew that I had been suffering with an eating disorder for a decade at this point. It was 20 years ago and I still battle with anorexia. My dh was there and he said nothing. I was too shocked to say anything.

In chronological order:

Neglected and abused until about 13. Unfortunately my sister stopped us from being fostered.

Physically & psychologically abused by first proper boyfriend

Raped as an adult.

Bullied in work (led to a breakdown)

psychologically abused by most recent ex

The worst was the childhood. Everything else was/is easier to get over.

Some of these are
to all on this thread

I got married when I as 20. I invited my mother, MiL and new SiL to come to choose the wedding dress. At the time I had very bad acne on my back.

They all piled into the changing room and two assistants helped me into the first dress. When they left to get a different dress, mother said, " did you see the look of revulsion on their faces. If it was me I would be to ashamed to get married". I should have not been surprised whe. I was 13 she said to a room full of Uncles, Aunts and Cousins, "she thinks she is all grown up now just cos she got a pair of titties". Then grabbed at them.

An ex colleague at my old job called me 'little miss eats her feelings' to my other colleagues on emails, not to my face. She also suggested that one of our colleagues should call their new dog the same name as mine, obviously because I was such a bit*h I guess... Clearly I have gotten over it so well that it's my MN username :)

That same year my mother told me that my then boyfriend would never marry me as no one wants to have a fat wife. That we might have made it to 7 years together but eventually he WOULD leave me, I could be sure of that. (We are now married and into our 14th year together, he adores my rolls).

This is the same woman who had been telling me I was fat, spotty and generally an embarrassment for most of my teen/young adult life. I was the 'perfect' teen, no drinking, no drugs (no social life really) straight A student, part time job, Prefect, Deputy Head girl etc.. an embarrassment though because I was fat. I really wasn't THAT fat, a size 12-14 throughout my teens.

Fucking hell this is the saddest thread I have ever read and the posts regarding mothers spite to their own children is just beyond anything normal.

Just sending unmumsnetty hugs to everyone and you have reminded me how bloody lucky it is to have a happy childhood

Some of these are really vile!

I have another one. Fresh out of secretarial college, 21 years old and one of the teachers there arranged for an interview for me at Church House in Westminster as a Secretarial Assistant and I got the job. I was introduced to people at the interview and went along on my first day.

Was greeted by the other secretary whose job it was to look after me for the day show me around etc. She talked about this in the canteen "oh god I've got to look after super isn't it a pain?!" She wasn't jokingly saying it either. Everything I did was overly criticised and she asked stuff like "where do you live? Oh at home, at 21?!"'and sneered and told me I should've moved out by then! (I'd been engaged at 21 and living with my fiancé but broke up at 21 too!). After almost a whole day she kept on with nasty open comments (other staff were lovely). At home time her colleague also a secretary but higher than her spoke pointedly to her and told her to shut up and "I'll have a word with you tomorrow" telling nasty secretary off.

I'd been bullied in my second job as a receptionist by the chairmans secretary (she tried to bully other staff and after I left got a final written warning about it, at a petroleum exploration firm) and left with anxiety after 2 years at 18 and couldn't face another bully situation so I walked out and didn't go back to church house job. Nasty secretary had been nice as pie and normal at interview either jealous of a new starter or Jekyll and Hyde!

I went temping for a year after that in probation offices as receptionist/secretary and loved it until I got another office PA role.

One of Dhs old nasty managers ( who really was an ass) told me i was thick. It still rankles, i have esteem issues anyway. Years ago but i still remember it. As liquid said, people can be so horrible.

A pupil was removed from my class for telling me "you ought to wear some makeup, you look like shit", my wanker line manager responded "well, he's got a point" when I explained what happened.

miaow I hope you are ok? Bitches.

Litrine bloody hell what did you do?

when i split from my ex he was exposed for the lazy waster he was and it took me many years to trust another man.. I have since met and am with a lovely man who looks after me well and we make a great team....My so called best friend got drunk at our new sons christening and announced to the room that I had clearly gone for the money this time and not love!!! She was shown the door sharpish but I often wonder is that what people really think.

My best friend when I was 12 decided she didn't like me when we moved to high school. She managed to turn literally the whole year against me (100+ kids). My stuff would go missing. No one would talk to me. Constantly made fun of and bullied. It was awful. Still affects me.

In 6th year, my close male friend (sensing a theme!), sent me a text that was meant for someone else. "I'm going out with big fat bunty"

Cut off all contact with him and haven't spoken to him since. 15 years now.

Oh, and last year, my manager bullied me out of my job and into depression! That was fun.

My mother told me that she was really angry that she was pregnant, when expecting me and that she didn't want to be anyone's mother. Clearly she got over that as I am the eldest of 3.
She also told me I shouldn't get married and have children and I would have ginger-haired twins with IQs of 50.
She has lied on several occasions, too.

Some of these are really awful.
Mine's tame but always sticks in my mind. When I was 17 I went to a sixth form college to do my A levels (my school didnt do A levels, it was crap and this was the 80s).
On my first day there was a kind of assembley where you got assigned a tutor. I was on my own and asked this girl if the seat next to her was free. It was so I sat down, then I could hear her mates slagging me off, saying " you're going to have problems with her", and going on and on like I was a stalker. Id just sat down and made no attempt to join in their conversation.
It sounds a bit over the top, but it made me wary of speaking to people. Even now, when people offer friendship and invite me on nights out, etc, I always feel a bit awkward, like they dont really want me there.

Fucking hell. Some people are such cunts. to all here.

Being told I wasn't the sort of woman he would ever choose to have a baby with

By my ex. I was heavily pregnant at the time with his child

I've got another one!! Years ago I was going out with some new friends from work who liked clubbing etc.

There was another friend in the group who worked elsewhere and was an Aussie girl. My work friend Y said "oh you and M will get on" gave various reasons and mentioned we shared the same star sign etc. So we all meet in a pub I say "hi M pleased to meet you" got chatting to her spoke about shared interests and then she said "I don't think I'll get on with you we have nothing in common, we are not the same at all" (especially after i mentioned we shared same star sign). So I thought ok but we still all went clubbing together. Then a sister (H) of Y's boyfriend joined the friendship group and we all hung out but M and H really got on and One time were being really nasty about me (talking in whispers etc) at an Ann Summers party!

Fast forward a couple of years and M was due to be sent back to Australia as her visa had run out. She didn't want to return. Next thing we knew she'd eloped with T, a DJ friend of ours and married in Australia and returned pregnant. She also had a Hindu ceremony which we went to. We had some mutual friends who at the Hindu ceremony were talking in not quiet voices how M had married T only to stay in UK and not for love and the marriage wouldn't last. M also vetoed my wedding outfit (a Lacey top) but any other revealing outfits were OK. She only invited me as she'd have got stick if she hadn't done.

Anyway at our next club night out I'm afraid I took her to one side in vip room and told her who thought she had married T for a visa and not for love. She was really upset and it sort of split/ruined the friendship group. I don't feel great about what I told her now but sort of feel she deserved it after her condescending attitude generally towards me.

Not exactly the nastiest? But last week in work when the food trolley came past ( I work in a six-floor office block and they regularly bring snack/coffee trolleys round ) I stood up and began rooting in my purse for change when I caught my co-worker looking at me with this knowing look.

I asked what the look was about and he went "You standing up whenever the trolley comes... You always get stuff from the trolley."

It wasn't said insultingly but as a simple fact... I've not got up to get anything since because I feel really self conscious about it I now bring in fruit and granola and nobodies batted an eye-lid at my healthy snacks and I'm not sure if that's better or worse?!