Partner seems to think he's my landlord AIBU?

[user1476961324]

TLDR: My boyfriend wants me to move into his house, and is asking for me to contribute what he would consider ‘market rent’ if he rented the room out.

He owns the house outright, and the associated costs (bills etc) are paid by a family trust. I.e. he has no living costs to be there. He’s an adult, FYI, we are in our thirties.

He has recently asked me various questions about how much people rent rooms for, what bills cost etc. I thought he was just interested, as he has never had to pay these costs.

He told me today that he thinks that I should pay £850 per month to live in his flat as that would be the market rate if he let a room out.

I had volunteered to pay half of bills… but £850? It’s only a two bed flat, with no mortgage. I’ve told him where he can stick it.

Am I being unreasonable, or is he?

Are you going to be having seperate rooms?

Why would you pay market rate to share a room/flat?
And he gets market rate rent but still gets to live rent free??

If he was paying rent or mortgage I would agree you should pay half but this is mean.

Maybe what YelloDraw says?

How nice it must be to have a family trust to pay one's bills!

OP it sounds like he's used to the world paying out for him.

When me and dh first got together he moved in to my flat that I owed outright, he didn't pay "rent" but he did contribute to the bills ( council tax, gas, electricity etc) and of course the food shop.
Now we own a house jointly and all bills are still jointly paid for.

I could understand you boyfriend asking for a contribution to bills as I think that is fair but to ask for "market rent" like his renting out a room is a bit far.

At first I thought he would be imagining that if you move in and live as a couple and it all goes tits up after a few months you would claim a share of his property.

But that still doesn't explain why he would charge someone he is supposed to love such an extortionate price when he isn't paying anything at all (in terms of rent/mortgage).

I can only imagine he doesn't want you to benefit from his "silver spoon" good fortune - which is very unattractive.

Why would you want to be in a relationship with someone like this, never mind live with them!

Tell him to rent out the room to someone else if making money is his aim HTH

If making a relationship together is your agreed aim then please bear in mind the following.

(I have experience of family trusts.)

They skew the balance of recipients relationships outside the norm and are often exclusive and protected so should you eventually marry him/have kids with him do not assume that you will have any sort of safety net for you or the children should something happen to him. It could all be in the hands of trustees who have their own ideas as to what their responsibilities are. IE even if he ever wanted to provide for you at some point, even in they way he normally should in an equal relationship/marriage, though he doesn't sound like he would anyway, he may not be able to due to the possibly bizarre terms of the trust.

If you progress your relationship with him in any way my advice is always keep your finances separate and consider your own finance and living needs your own responsibility. Ensure you always have somewhere you could live if needed, even if you buy and rent out a property. Protect your own things as much as you can. Prenup or living together agreement may (or may not) help in some way. This is because his 'things' are protected from you whether he wants them to be or not.

MAKE SURE YOU ALWAYS FEEL FINANCIALLY SAFE.... BECAUSE HE ALREADY FEELS FINANCIALLY SAFE. Otherwise you will resent him and your relationship will suffer.

If you live with him, in my opinion you should be able to cover half of all day to day living expenses he/you both incur in that property. If living in that property includes paying a mortgage of some sort then either a contribution in the form of rent or a contribution to the mortgage secured by some sort of title to part of the property if appropriate. Check for land registry charges against the property and other legal wheezes before assuming you can ever buy/own part of it. Even via a will this is probably not assured with a trust in place. For household fixtures and fittings the split of contribution depends not the ultimate beneficiaries and their level of benefit and the amount you are willing to risk loosing if you end up out on your ear.

I am not a legal professional but I believe you need your own independent legal advice form an appropriately qualified legal professional before setting up home with this person.

Paying half he household bills, you should Absouletly do that but paying rent to share his bed is weird!

Either had a honest and frank sit down chat with him and explain obviously your pay your share of household bills ( gas, electrify, water etc) but you won't pay "rent" to live with a boyfriend and (I assume) share his bed

Or find somebody else

£850!! I'd dump the stingy git.

He's being very clever and legally, what he's doing is right in terms of protecting his interests.

If the relationship goes belly-up, he has solid proof that you have no claim on his property.

From your perspective, not sure if marriage etc. was ever on the cards but it certainly would raise a flag to me to say he's certainly not life partner material.

BTW is he actually intending to formally rent you a room - as in you will move into a room which is your private space, where you keep all your things and sleep every night, and he cannot go into without asking your 24 hours in advance?

Or is he intending to charge you for a space in his bed and the use of half his sock drawer?

Completely unreasonable , lacking self awareness and greedy too.
For a start he could ask a letting agency if he wants a true rental costing.
But that would be for youtpr own room... Will you have that?
Paying him to live with him too... Just seems a bit distasteful and skewed.

Please say absolutely no to living with him.

I suspect he knows the price of everything, and the value of nothing.

We both earn similar amounts, in professional jobs; so it isn’t like he’s skint.

It’s an almost identical cost to what I pay at the moment – I suspect that was part of his logic. If you can call it logic.

As I say, quite happy to pay half of bills (as this comes from a shared trust) – but they can’t be more than a couple of hundred pounds a month.

Bloody hell .

Will he expect personal and domestic services on top of market rent? He sounds entitled.

How long have you been together? How old are you? Do you hope to marry?

I would go against the grain slightly here and say you're both being unreasonable. You should not expect to live rent free just because he's a trust beneficiary. However, he should not take advantage of you.

My dh owned outright when we met. We did a deal that my rent equivalent went on a mortgage in a separate small house in my name. I was happy as I got something if we didn't work out and he was happy cos he could see I wasn't a sponger.

I think he would have to pay tax on that rental income, as it's above the Lodger Limit set by HMRC. So would have to complete an annual self-assessment form.

He's a tosser, btw.

At least you are finding out before you move in with him, OP, though I'm sorry he has turned out this way. He sounds like an overprivileged arse.

Seriously OP, someone upthread (apologies, can't see who) said that he is sending you a very clear message.

I agree completely, he really is. Listen now.

I've lived with a tight wad man who was rich himself and I paid him 'rent' to live in his house. When we broke up (due to his EA) I was homeless with absolutely nothing to my name.

Shared trust? Is this a discretionary trust? Who are the trustees?

If it is a discretionary trust the trustees have a vast amount of power.

I agree it's a red flag and you will never be equal.

I don't see how he sees things panning out long term, but I think you will be a lodger for life with him. He will never give up his security on his flat.

The only way for you to be equal is to buy another property together, equally, or for you to buy a house and let it out so that you have a fallback plan. Either way £850 a month is rediculous for subletting from him. House shares cost £300 back when I did them, no way are they £850. £850 a month in mortgage payments would buy a lot.

I don't think he is a keeper.

You may as well find a way of raising a mortgage etc. he is going to bleed you dry...

eh he wants u to pay 850 poundxs a month to move in with him?

and he didnt tell u this till u ended your tenancy? what a knob-and what are his great qualities taking u out for dinner buyhing u stuff?

he sounds obsessed with money

Paying half the bills would usually be the right thing to do but there aren't actually any apart from food are there? Does he work or does the trust support him entirely? I would run away as fast as I could TBTFH

Yes if you are not in London, see if you can get a mortgage on your own place.

\It will be an investment for you rather than lining his pockets.

I don’t want to not pay my way – it’s important to me to maintain my independence, and part of that for me is splitting costs equally. I am no freeloader – I’ve been able to look after myself perfectly well so far!

I just object to paying market rent when he has no outgoing costs as part of that; I’m not sure what it will even be spent on.

Thank you for all your advice. I agree, this is probably a bit of a red flag.

As to what I will get? Yes, half a bed and probably a drawer or two!

OP whatever his good qualities are, his greed is a potential deal breaker. This is not someone you want to be financially entwined with in the foreseeable future. He is grabby, greedy and conniving and stupid to say the least.