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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Partner seems to think he's my landlord AIBU?

681 replies

user1476961324 · 20/10/2016 12:15

TLDR: My boyfriend wants me to move into his house, and is asking for me to contribute what he would consider ‘market rent’ if he rented the room out.

He owns the house outright, and the associated costs (bills etc) are paid by a family trust. I.e. he has no living costs to be there. He’s an adult, FYI, we are in our thirties.

He has recently asked me various questions about how much people rent rooms for, what bills cost etc. I thought he was just interested, as he has never had to pay these costs.

He told me today that he thinks that I should pay £850 per month to live in his flat as that would be the market rate if he let a room out.

I had volunteered to pay half of bills… but £850? It’s only a two bed flat, with no mortgage. I’ve told him where he can stick it.

Am I being unreasonable, or is he?

OP posts:
TheSilveryPussycat · 20/10/2016 13:47

Yes, the Trust will make a difference. Do you know its terms? Who are the trustees?

Sunshineonacloudyday · 20/10/2016 13:47

He owns the house out right so no mortgage or rent to pay. Bills is paid out of a trust so yes pay for food and pay half the bills the trust pay. There shouldn't be much to pay out if its 50/50 he's taking the piss out of her and trying to take control.

Floggingmolly · 20/10/2016 13:48

Keeping her hands off his inheritance would only be necessary if she was actually contributing to the mortgage, wouldn't it?
Staying there free of charge could hardly give you any greater rights over the property than paying rent to stay there?

PersianCatLady · 20/10/2016 13:48

Right, I have read the whole thread now and yes I definitely think that he is trying to protect his interest in the property or is being told to by his family.

One concern is that if you were to live with him as a partner for two years or more and he was to die without leaving a will in theory you could make a claim against his estate for a share of the property.

Whether that claim would be successful is another matter but if you live there as a tenant then the issue never arises.

ParadiseCity · 20/10/2016 13:49

Often on MN we hear about Cocklodgers. I think this guy has created a new species.

A Lodge Cocker perhaps.

wiltingfast · 20/10/2016 13:50

I wouldn't move in with him. Sounds like really bad news to me.

PersianCatLady · 20/10/2016 13:50

Keeping her hands off his inheritance would only be necessary if she was actually contributing to the mortgage, wouldn't it?
No not necessarily, if you see what I have posted above.

By keeping this a strictly LL & T relationship, there will never be any risks (like this).

SittingAround1 · 20/10/2016 13:52

YANBU. I'd be worried about the long term situation with this man. There is a serious financial imbalance here and he doesn't seem to have any intention of changing that. How long have you been together?

FWIW my boyfriend had a free flat the first year we lived together due to work, he didn't charge me anything to live there and we split the bills and food 50/50. Without him asking I saved what I would have spent on rent towards a deposit for a place for us together. We're now married and although we have separate bank accounts keep everything roughly financially equal.

If you're going to stay with this man he needs to understand you're in it together as a team (as equal partners).

thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter · 20/10/2016 13:52

He thinks he's doing YOU a favour? Hmm

Exactly as Doinitfine pointed out earlier, a partner would be happy to share their good fortune (which it is, just pure luck of getting a trust fund, no graft, nada) he's viewing this, you, as a money making opportunity when he already has it cushier than a lot of people. He'll already be financially better off if you pay half the bills as again he pays nothing, so wanting rent on top of that is pure greed.

Also it's not £850 for a room, it's £850 for half his bed, I can't recall seeing any property lets on Rightmove advertising half a bed. Hmm And if he's going to be like that then yes I'd charge him for any cleaning, cooking, laundry, admin, sexual favours (there's no way I'd willingly have sex with someone as mean as him) etc etc seeing as you're only the lodger.

Aeroflotgirl · 20/10/2016 13:54

Either way, he is not behaving how a loving partner should, and that is a massive dealbreaker.

MuseumOfCurry · 20/10/2016 13:55

I agree that it has a whiff of future-proofing about it.

How long have you two been together, will you get married, have you discussed children, who pays when you go on holiday, etc?

Scribblegirl · 20/10/2016 13:55

But persian (dusts off rusty law degree) does it have to be market rent? Could it not be a tiny, nominal sum to satisfy the legal requirement?

Plus I'm sorry, when DP and I bought he was putting down a far larger deposit and we shelled out for a deed of declaration of trust so that his inheritance was protected. Surely a legal advisor would look at legal ways around the problem rather than him profiting from her?

Floggingmolly · 20/10/2016 13:56

Living with your partner for two years gives you zero rights of inheritance, unless you're actually named in the will...

SkippingPages · 20/10/2016 13:57

You can only live there as a tenant if landlord lives out. A landlord occupier can only take lodgers. They have less rights and due to this pay less than tenants. My understanding is that he has assessed 'market rent' on what equal sharers would each pay, renting a 2 bed flat. I can see his/his family's concerns, but he's going about it in a scummy way, imo, that could harm your interests and have you paying to live somewhere that wont feel like your home.

Original poster
user1476961324 · 20/10/2016 14:00

That is strange though, does this mean that there are people up and down the country who are technically Landlord and Tenant for legal reasons, while actually being in a relationship with one another?

I have wondered if he has got some advice from someone, and not thought it through before telling me i.e. ‘you should charge her market rate so she isn’t freeloading’.

Which is all good and well if you have a lodger, but makes less sense if you are in a relationship with that person (in these circumstances).

Not his finest moment.

OP posts:
SittingAround1 · 20/10/2016 14:01

If he is trying to protect his inheritance/ stop you from making future claims on the flat I'm sure there is some sort of declaration form you could sign without having to pay the market rate each month. You'd need to speak to a solicitor though.
I'd be wary if you get married and/or have children with him, you need to protect yourself financially.

buttercup54321 · 20/10/2016 14:01

Get rid of him fast!!!!

toptoe · 20/10/2016 14:01

Have you been together long? He may be protecting his assets if you haven't been together long. But really, thinking about making money from you moving in is odd. If he doesn't trust you, he shouldn't invite you to live there. If he wants to make money out of you living there, you shouldn't move in. Despite it being a bit cheaper than elsewhere. It would make you wonder where all the money was going every month.

Inequality and imbalance = unhealthy relationship.

ThatsWotSheSaid · 20/10/2016 14:05

It's possible he thinks he is making sure you are not after him his money. But if he isn't sure of your intentions he shouldn't have asked you to move in. I think to really make sure you are on even footing you should rent his house out and get somewhere else that is genuinely both of yours. My partner owns our house and has never asked for rent, we share our money (I earn less but I look after the kids more).

WindPowerRanger · 20/10/2016 14:05

Protecting assets is one thing, making money from you is another. Don't move in!

ample · 20/10/2016 14:06

Moving in together (regardless of whether the place is his) is half and half surely Confused otherwise get a better deal with a place of your own.
I wouldn't be taking this relationship much further tbh. Sounds like the start of what I can only see as weird and controlling behaviour. Keep and relish your independence and don't put a ring on it

Theoretician · 20/10/2016 14:13

As I understand it, the OP paying £850 is based on the principle of both paying their own way through life without subsidising each other. This is in isolation a perfectly reasonable principal, but it works best when people are actually financial equals and less well the further you get from that.

The OP and everyone who thinks she should be paying less than £850 are expecting him to subsidise her. I think it's a reasonable point of view, that a less well-off partner should be subsidised, but I disagree that it is necessarily reprehensible to refuse to subsidise a partner.

I think there's a measure of financial illiteracy fueling the outrage. Suppose you moved in with a partner who had a mortgage payment of £1000 a month, which is roughly what the property would cost to rent. He then gets an inheritance that enables him to either pay off the mortgage, or buy a second house of the same size and rent it out. If he pays off the mortgage, then according to OP logic, there is no cost to living in the house so no contribution needs to be paid. But there is a cost, the £1000 a month he's not getting from investing the money. The fact that a house is paid and there are no monthly cash-flows going to a mortgage provided does not mean the use of it is worth nothing.

If people are married and sharing finances all of this would be a non-issue. The £850 payment would not change anyone's financial position because all money belongs to both, whose account it's in is irrelevant. However that's apparently not the case here.

loobyloo1234 · 20/10/2016 14:13

My sister moved in with me 6 months ago whilst she saved for a house ... she is staying with me for approx a year

I've asked her to pay her contribution towards the bills and her food only. That is all. I'm probably worse off when I take into account toiletries, loo roll, cleaning products etc, but as she's my SISTER I wouldn't dream of charging her half of everything Hmm

Your OH sounds like a greedy twat

Original poster
user1476961324 · 20/10/2016 14:15

We have been together almost two years.

I think if he was future-proofing, he would probably say.

I genuinely think he thought it was a reasonable thing to ask for. He has been asking a lot of questions about the cost of renting recently; but I thought this was in relation to renting out another property, rather than assessing what I should be paying to him!

OP posts:
Aeroflotgirl · 20/10/2016 14:18

That calculating approach, would put me right off, and to ask you too!