Partner seems to think he's my landlord AIBU?

[user1476961324]

TLDR: My boyfriend wants me to move into his house, and is asking for me to contribute what he would consider ‘market rent’ if he rented the room out.

He owns the house outright, and the associated costs (bills etc) are paid by a family trust. I.e. he has no living costs to be there. He’s an adult, FYI, we are in our thirties.

He has recently asked me various questions about how much people rent rooms for, what bills cost etc. I thought he was just interested, as he has never had to pay these costs.

He told me today that he thinks that I should pay £850 per month to live in his flat as that would be the market rate if he let a room out.

I had volunteered to pay half of bills… but £850? It’s only a two bed flat, with no mortgage. I’ve told him where he can stick it.

Am I being unreasonable, or is he?

Wow. Oh dear OP. That doesn't bode well for any future in your relationship does it? Or is he just being really stupid?

Surely £850 would be the cost of renting the flat not just a room? That depends on the area I suppose. But I would be running a mile and would not even be considering moving in with someone like that.

viques Love this idea!

Of course HIBU, you are his partner not his tenant. Do not move in with this man.

Fair enough split bills and food shopping 50/50, but he is just being grabby.

Does he have any good qualities?

Urgh yuck, he just sees £££ when he looks at you. What if you had kids? I strongly suggest you don't! because they're genetically half yours does that mean you'd have to pay half the market rate?

Tight with money tight with love. I hope you ditched him.

£850 for a room! Even in London that's a lot. How much are you paying now? Maybe it's a trust rule anyone has pay rent but surely it should work out deal for you too. So if you are paying £500 now you pay £250 you win he wins.

For nearly £30 a night I'd expect maid, cook and laudry service! Bet he still expecting you to do all housework and cleaning too.

He's sending you a clear message about his priorities. Please listen.

Gosh! That is quite a spectacular request! When DH moved in with me, he gave up his job and moved over 200 miles to be with me, so I didn't expect anything from him. We bought a house together and he has a job so we divide up our living costs as fairly as we can in relation to what we earn. We're in a partnership and money kind of doesn't matter!
DId he say what he's want the money for?

I don't think you should live 'rent free' but nor do I think you should pay 'market' rent.

I would split all bills etc and pay a nominal £200/month rent or something - but then he has to pay for all furniture, new boiler, new windows, new kitchen etc.

You don't think he should profit from you (fair enough but why should you profit from him (not paging any rent)?

He does have good qualities yes!

I’ll ask what he plans on doing with the money.

Glad to hear I am not being as unreasonable as he thinks I am being.

Unfortunately, I have already terminated my current contract (he had not mentioned this previously), so I suppose I will just have to find my own place.

That's a LTB from me. can't stand meanness

He should like a right piece of work, dump him asap, tight, greedy bastard. You should have laughed like a drain then he suggested it.

what other good qualities??!! tightfistedness doesn't go away over time you know....

£850 for a room! Even in London that's a lot.

Not really. You woudl do well to get a room and bills in a nice house/flat share (not a huge HMO) for less than £1000.

Walk away from this skinflint now. Nothing guaranteed to make my vagina shrivel up quicker than this kind of meanness.

Eurgh.

Stay where you are. A boyfriend who wants to make monetary profit from you - yuck.

he should be (as someone else says) be treating you to flash holidays.

If anything all he should ask for is a share of bills, council tax, food etc.

Staggeringly U. When DH moved in with me, I owned my place outright. He did not pay rent. We split the bills proportionally based on how much we were earning, and then when we got married we changed the paperwork so we owned it jointly.

I can't imagine having the bare faced cheek to demand he give me cash for the pleasure of my company. That's really off.

Just think how awesome it would be for a couple to live rent free. With no mortgage.

But he doesnt want that. he wants you paying rent to line his pockets. So he ends up with a big at savings account essentially earning £10,000 a year off you.

How about he lets the whole flat out at market rates and you both rent somewhere else together.

Wonder what the going rate is for a "live in companion"? Might be worth checking, you could end up ahead on this one :D

Op that is very steep for a room, depends on what area. That rent would be for the whole flat. He is making profit from you, and that is not nice, he is showing you who he really is! He is not treating you like a partner, but a stranger, and that is unacceptable. What else is he going to do. Dump and run, very bad qualities. If you get pregnant by him, and have to rely on his income, I suspect he will be very financially controlling, even financially abusive. Run op, that is not a nice man, and would be a massive dealbreaker that someone who supposidly loves you, can be so mercinary and calculating.

If you did pay 50% of bills you'd want to make sure the money actually went to pay the bills, not that the trust continued to pay the bills and the money from you went into his pocket.

It is normal and reasonable to split costs 50/50 if you are both earning and neither gives up work or cuts down hours in order to move in together/ care for mutual children.

However if the running costs of the flat are effectively 0, then you split 0. Obviously you would split food costs, but that is all.

If he was paying 1000 a month you'd split that and pay 500. But that isn't the case, and if he wanted you to move in you are not a tenant.

Yep either viques suggestion :o or get your own place, even if it is at the rent he proposes he is showing himself up as an absolute arse to try to make a profit out of you moving in, rather than just split the costs.

If you moved in he could live off your rent easily as he has no actual accommodation costs... Is that what he had in mind? You'd work and he'd live off your rent money?

When I moved in with DP (into his rented flat) we agreed id put the amount I had been paying on rent into savings as I didn't think I should pay half as he had chosen to live in a more expensive area and nor should I have lived rent free. But we were planning on buying a house a few months later so was a temp thing.

In your situation given your DP has no rent or mortgage costs no way in hell would I pay that amount knowing it was going into savings (whereas in my situation our arrangement made us both better off). I agree with pp that if you were to expect there to live rent free then you would be benefitting from the arrangement to the degree that he is asking for so maybe a compromise could be found? Like I say, we found it best not to think of the value of the accommodation we shares but what we were no longer spending on I.e. whatever you pay on rent now, pay him half of that so you both benefit from you moving in or even better put your old rent in joint savings rather than to him......we certainly had some good holidays that year and it helped towards the house we now jointly own.

He has set the tone. Learn and move on...