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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Partner seems to think he's my landlord AIBU?

681 replies

user1476961324 · 20/10/2016 12:15

TLDR: My boyfriend wants me to move into his house, and is asking for me to contribute what he would consider ‘market rent’ if he rented the room out.

He owns the house outright, and the associated costs (bills etc) are paid by a family trust. I.e. he has no living costs to be there. He’s an adult, FYI, we are in our thirties.

He has recently asked me various questions about how much people rent rooms for, what bills cost etc. I thought he was just interested, as he has never had to pay these costs.

He told me today that he thinks that I should pay £850 per month to live in his flat as that would be the market rate if he let a room out.

I had volunteered to pay half of bills… but £850? It’s only a two bed flat, with no mortgage. I’ve told him where he can stick it.

Am I being unreasonable, or is he?

OP posts:
Writerwannabe83 · 21/10/2016 18:57

This is very bizarre.

He has zero outgoings do what exactly is this 50/50 split that is being talked of? How can OP pay half of £0? Grin

When I moved in with my DP (now my DH) I gave him £500 month which went towards the mortgage, bills, food shopping and any general household upkeep costs.

If you were to move in with your DP he should be over the moon about you sharing your life together, even if it means you are saving lots of money due to not having any rent/bills to pay anymore. Why should he feel angry about you saving money? Why should he be jealous about it?

He should be looking at it in terms of you saving money can now be saved and put towards your future together. Why on earth would he be wanting to make a profit out of you?

That's not love.

I could never be with someone who was more interested in how they could make money out of me rather than just be happy to have me in their life.

Lynnm63 · 21/10/2016 18:59

Another vote for LTB.

sambly · 21/10/2016 18:59

Yanbu
When my now husband moved in I had no mortgage, but was paying all bills etc. He was studying, but got a job to contribute to bills and food.
Would have never occurred to me to ask for rent from him, he was my partner not my tenant.
Be very wary...

BlindBear · 21/10/2016 19:00

Unreasonable.

secrethideaway · 21/10/2016 19:05

LTB

Rainbunny · 21/10/2016 19:08

I think too many posters are fixating on the issue of whether the OP is trying to freeload off her boyfriend and that's not the real issue. The OP has stated very clearly that she wants to pay her own way, what she's concerned about is how her boyfriend has gone about this. Frankly I think he wants too much money considering that she would be sharing a bedroom with him.

The concern that the OP has here is what her boyfriend's actions say about his attitude towards money and relationships, it does seem to hint that he has a very "mine and yours" approach to shared expenses which might bode trouble down the line. I personally think that the OP should not ignore her concerns and stay living independently, things might change in the future but for now that's what I would do.

PlumsGalore · 21/10/2016 19:12

If I were you OP I would bow out now, you probably have (the thread that is, not necessarily the relationship) A number of people on here haven't even read all the thread as you keep having to repeat yourself.

FWIW, I agree with 100% what you have said.

For me, if he is committed to a long term relationship and loves you over and beyond hen he wouldn't be asking for anything. It would be "user, I love you to bits, move in with me, share the bills, let's save up for marriage, our own house, babies whatever and live happily very after"

Anything less isn't a shared, happy, committed relationship.

GrandMarmoset · 21/10/2016 19:14

Wow. Time for a new partner. That's really out of order in view of his circumstances.

fvboyle · 21/10/2016 19:15

I'm a psychotherapist. I have come across people like this. Despite all his obvious wealth he still has issues with money which deeply distort his ability to act appropriately in a relationship. They will only cause trouble. Keep your distance!

Daydream007 · 21/10/2016 19:21

YANBU. He is taking the P, especially given the fact that he has no bills to pay due to his silver spooned upbringing! Wow, I am shocked. It's not as though he has a mortgage either! He wants to make a nice little earner from you! Live on your own!

DoinItFine · 21/10/2016 19:25

No one seems bothered about the fact that the OP earns more than her boyfriend and isn't suggesting putting that into a communal pot.

He is many times wealthier than her.

He doesn't even need his salary.

If there was a "communal pot", he would need to put in a lot more than her.

But nobody is asking for a communal pot.

Just that a very wealthy man does profiteer from his girlfriend.

Sara107 · 21/10/2016 19:31

When I moved in with bf I paid half the mortgage and bills which seemed to me fair. He didn't actually ask for anything. In this case the mortgage and bills are nothing so it doesn't seem fair that op should pay anything except half the grocery bill.

piggypoo · 21/10/2016 19:54

What a massive ponce! He sounds like he has a huge sense of entitlement, YANBU.

LadyStoic · 21/10/2016 20:01

Mere concept of this was enough to make me read all 614 postsGrin I need a life but OP, YADNBU!

I know it's been said but it worth repeating, when someone tells you who they are then LISTEN.

The real kicker for me is the fact he only raised this with you after you'd handed your notice in on your place - run m'dear, nay SKIP actually and as quick and as fast as you can...

Shock
cheval · 21/10/2016 20:05

Many years ago I had a boyfriend who tried the same thing, he did have a mortgage, but I was his girlfriend not his tenant. I told him no. Or I could pay and then start charging for sex, cooking dinner, lifts, putting up with us boring friends, etc. We didn't last too long.

TurquoiseDress · 21/10/2016 20:05

Wow OP!

Yes he is being massively unreasonable.

£850/month? that is utterly ridiculous!

BlueFolly · 21/10/2016 20:06

When you charge 'market rent' it is in return for the detriment of having to live with some random.

Having your partner move in is supposed to enhance your life.

kathyjoy · 21/10/2016 20:13

I'm not sure where exactly you live but 1) £850 is an extortionate amount for a single room. 2) Even if £850 was the going rent for an entire 2 bed flat, if you were renting/paying the mortgage on that place, you'd split it 50/50 so really he should only ask for half of that. Imagine if he were paying rent/mortgage, you moved in and he asked you to pay all of the rent. You'd never do it! 3) It's fair enough to ask you to pay 50% of the bills even if those bills are already paid for but asking you to pay all that is terrible and it strikes me that he doesn't love you - he just see's £££ over your head. He wants to take your money to buy himself nice things. He's asked you to move in note because he wants to take your relationship to the next level but she he has a cash cow. There's obviously something he wants and it's possible he cannot touch the trust find except to pay his bills, so you're his way of getting whatever it is that he wants.

Do you want to be treated this way?

It strikes me that he is used to getting something for nothing, especially as he lives in a home that has all been paid for and doesn't have to pay any bills. You don't want to be with a person like this is will only end in tears.

Ilovetea33 · 21/10/2016 20:19

What BlueFolly said.

kathyjoy · 21/10/2016 20:21

I don't know the ins and outs of this trust fund but many can be limited so it can only be used for certain things. As he has not purchased a larger place I am going to assume that this trust fund is restricted to be used only for bills. He has no rent but presumably he must work to be able to afford food and leisure activities. My best guess for why he is asking for a ridiculous amount is he wants to quit his job and let you pay for his lifestyle. Again, I don't know much about your partner but yeah ... based on what information you gave in your initial post, this is what I think the most likely reason is. He's looked at all he could possibly get, seen a life where he doesn't even have to have a job.

Is that what you want to be? Somebody who pays for his lifestyle while you have to work for your own?

EBDH · 21/10/2016 20:32

If you have not already LTB, then you are in trouble. LTB ASAP and count yourself lucky.

Kato5 · 21/10/2016 20:52

I am sorry to say but there are no more gentlemen left. There is no love in that relationship and no morals at all levels. Money is not happiness even if you have plenty of it.

Kato5 · 21/10/2016 21:01

Is there a way how I can go on property ladder without taking a mortgage?

SherbrookeFosterer · 21/10/2016 21:23

I hate to be cynical. But this sounds fishy.

But are you 100% sure he owns the property outright and 100% sure the bills are paid through a trust.

I have a nasty feeling this may possibly not be the case.

Love with your eyes open, friend.

YeOldMa · 21/10/2016 21:30

Whatever the situation regarding finances, if you can't discuss it sensibly without one side throwing all their toys out of their pram, it really isn't going to be an equal relationship and is therefore unlikely to work. I don't think he's a keeper and you've had a lucky escape.