Partner seems to think he's my landlord AIBU?

[user1476961324]

TLDR: My boyfriend wants me to move into his house, and is asking for me to contribute what he would consider ‘market rent’ if he rented the room out.

He owns the house outright, and the associated costs (bills etc) are paid by a family trust. I.e. he has no living costs to be there. He’s an adult, FYI, we are in our thirties.

He has recently asked me various questions about how much people rent rooms for, what bills cost etc. I thought he was just interested, as he has never had to pay these costs.

He told me today that he thinks that I should pay £850 per month to live in his flat as that would be the market rate if he let a room out.

I had volunteered to pay half of bills… but £850? It’s only a two bed flat, with no mortgage. I’ve told him where he can stick it.

Am I being unreasonable, or is he?

Sadly, sounds like he was asking you to share his house, not his life. How long have you been together?

what size house has he got to ask for that kind of money you could rent a whole house for that!! not just a room tell him to pog mo thoin!!

Do you really need to ask us? I think you know the right answer - as indeed do we lol x You are worth someone better than this!!!!!

I would run just as fast as you can. I don't know him but even from just what you've said he will be controlling, mean and he obviously doesn't love you. I can assure you that if he did he wouldn't be asking you for a penny lol Hun run now!!

My HD never asked a penny from me as he wasn't in need of the money (before we were married). I think if he couldn't afford it that's different. But sharing the expense is one thing. Making money from you is not something I think is health in a relationship that is meant to be a partnership

Lodgers have almost no rights. He can give you a couple of week's notice and you'd be out on your ear - this is not a houseshare where you have an equal claim on the place.

I'd suggest he rents his place out and you split costs on one that is mutually shared. Because the proposal he's made isn't just grabby, it makes your home wholly dependent upon his feelings about your relationship, and also puts you in a place where if you ever want to leave, you have to move out, and he's your last landlord for referencing purposes. You rent somewhere together, and you both have an equal stake and claim on it.

Big nyuh from me, in your shoes.

if as some couples do, you had a joint account you would effectively be paying yourself...lol

If you stay with him, obvs. Which I would imagine is doubtful, now.

I moved in with my partner a few months ago into his house and i only pay half of food bills. He pays the gas and electricity and i pay my car which he gets use of (lifts from me). It works out better for us but he wouldn't dream of asking me to pay rent, let alone if he owned the house. I also half in for anything needed for the house like the new cooker, sofa etc so its partly my house too.

Your partner is being very unreasonable, at least you found out his true nature before moving in together

The premise considering his circumstances leaves a bad taste. Surely if everything is covered rather than paying rent you could both use the money to enjoy your selves. Docent sound like the sort of person who wants to share his life with you. An idea that my be worth thinking about in terms of your long term future.

It'd probably be cheaper to get your own mortgage 😂😂

Can't remember if I said it but if you are paying market rent like a tenant and he is a landlord then surely he covers all LL costs such as replacing broken white goods, furniture, plumbing etc. TEnants don't pay for that unless they are responsible for breaking them?

Oh Stormtreader.

£850 for a room? Where does he live, Buckingham Palace?
Run for your life this is a huge insight into the real him. I'd run a mile.

If this is what he's like - run a mile. If you have kids, he is likely to make extra burden fall on you as now. No generiusity - but grabby. Not attractive!

It's customary to pay half the rent/mortgage with a partner (or split it another way e.g. proportionate to salaries if more fair).

You are already doing this. 50% of nothing is still nothing.

Wow this sounds like my ex! And he wouldn't even add me to the tenancy. Run a Mile he obviously just wants more money to be able to spend on himself.

Yes, I'd tell him politely that he's looking for a lodger there, and u were looking for a relationship, not a rental; suggest he gets in touch with a letting agent, and say goodbye :-(.

Sophie, what's wrong with him wanting more money to spend on himself? The OP wants more to spend on herself too, and that's why she doesn't want to pay rent. Why not split the difference and pay something like £400 a month? There is usually a financial benefit when a couple moves in together, even if that isn't the reason for moving in. Why should only one of them get that benefit? If the OP pays £400 a month, they are both much better off than they were before they moved in.

I'd put to him the market value of sexual favours.

I would suggest he is a git

Adding to the chorus of LTB!

Hahaha! Pay me market rent for an entire room, but oh, wait, you won't get that, you pay that share my bed and suck my dick.

'Based on everyone’s advice my next move is to just plainly tell him that I have made plans to live elsewhere, as I am not prepared to let him profiteer from me.

Then I will go and do that.

I agree with the comments of ‘if this is what he is like now, what about in 5, 10 years?’.'

Tell him this and do it. I'd go one step further, at that stage in my life I wanted marriage and kids. I didn't bother wasting years of my life on someone like this, tbh.

Take a good long look at what you want out of life and act on it.

The fact that he completely refuses to discuss the matter should be ringing huge alarm bells for you. This is a my way or the highway person. Do you really think that's what you deserve, or want? Fuck that for a game of soldiers. I couldn't be with someone who refuses to even fucking communicat like an adult.

'I've had a long think about it. I'm ready to move on from this relationship. It's not working for me anymore. It's time for me to end this.'

No one seems bothered about the fact that the OP earns more than her boyfriend and isn't suggesting putting that into a communal pot. Surely if she wants to be a couple, she would share that too? It smacks of wanting things both ways - I want to share in your good fortune of having a mortgage free house by not paying rent, but I'll be damned if I'll share my high salary with you. On MN when the man doesn't share, it is usually suggested that assets are pooled so both people have identical spending money. If the OP keeps her salary and doesn't pay rent, she'll have far more spending money than her boyfriend.

Most people pay half each if they are working and after a while if it is working living together then a joint account that you both get paid into and share the money.