To be angry that my disabled child is treated differently?

[lottieandmia]

I am so pissed off. My uncle has just given my two NT children £10 each and has left out my severely autistic dd as though she doesn't matter.

She may be disabled but she loves clothes like any other teenager. My mum is trying to defend him and it makes me so mad. Dd2 ( bless her) said 'I'll share mine with dd1'

But that isn't the point - it's not about the money it's the blatant disregard for her because she's disabled.

That's horrible. I'd be tempted to tell him that if doesn't want to include DD1 in any present giving in future, he shouldn't bother to give at all. In fact I'd be seriously tempted to go NC.

YANBU, how horrible. I would tell him if he won't give all the children money, don't give any of them any at all.

i think i would give him the money back and tell him not to bother i also have a severly autistic child.

That is horrible. I think you would be quite right to say no more presents if you are going to distribute them in this manner. Telling that a child has more sense of what is right than he does. He should be ashamed of that and I would tell him so.

I would have to say something to him. Do it calmly but make it clear he cannot treat her differently like that.

That is utterly horrible and there can be no justification for it.

Please ask you dd's to return the money and have no further contact with such a vile man, ever.

Your poor dd, to not even be acknowledged as a person, that makes me feel sick. I can't imagine how bad this feels for you op. At least you can be very proud of your dd2.

That's vile behaviour - I wouldn't want anything more to do with him.

What a lovely dd2 you have. You can be very proud of her

Your mum and your uncle on the other hand are arses.

Your DD2 sounds lovely, well done her for offering to share. I know that's not the point, I'm raging on you and your DD behalf. It's not fair to give to 2 and not the other. I'd say something to him, explaining the impact of his actions.

You need to tell him how unfair that was otherwise he may do this again in future. My disabled DD has no concept of money and wouldn't have a clue if her sibling was given something and she wasn't, but I'm pleased to say that no member of our family has ever left DD out when it comes to presents or cash gifts.

My mum is trying to say that he thought that because my dd has no concept of money then it would 'just be absorbed into the household costs' what rubbish. I can think of a lot of things she would like. I'm upset that my mum is trying to defend this BS.

I'm going to send the money back to him.

What reason did he give, or what were the circumstances of him giving the money to your other DC?

Agree give it back - I couldn't do it calmly. I'd change it into pennies and throw it at him

If the two who were given money are generous types, ask them to donate it to an autism charity and then send a thank you card to your uncle thanking him for his donation to said charity.

Op can you give it back and cover the gifts yourself?

you need to say something though

Even if she has no concept of money, does he not think that you could have given her some ideas of what she could buy with it?

Why didn't your mum say something at the time?

What a your did is offering to share with her sister.

Would she be able to give hers back to uncle and say she won't accept it because it's not fair on her sister and as she'd like a new item of clothing too.

Not on. Say so if they can't see it give the money back and tell them to get lost. My dd is autistic and severely learning disabled. I have fallen out on occasion with my family because I insist she is a person and be treated as such. There can be no budging on that basic principle. There csn be discussion and ignorance but once you point out the options there has to be respect and equality.
So sorry for you too I am always so hurt and upset by things like this. It's awful.

I have an autistic DD and I'm fuming reading this.
I would also return the money from the other two to him (but give all 3 DC something to make up for it) and tell him to stuff his thoughtless, discriminatory presents. The twat.

How mean and cruel.

GIVE HIM THE MONEY BACK.

Sorry for shouting, but you need to make it clear how wrong he is to be ignoring your third child in this manner.

Wow he sounds like a piece of work. The excuse was a jab at you as well as your DD, trying to imply you would misappropriate money marked for her. Well out of order. I'd definitely tell him not to give your DC gifts in the future unless he can include all of them and tell him that your DD2 offered to share with her DSis, that should shame him that a child is more considerate than him!

OP I am so angry for you. I would, without a doubt, send the money back to him but I would include a letter. I would tell him what you have told us, that yes, she may be disabled but she also loves clothes etc etc. Tell him that your DD2 offered to share with her and make him ashamed that she has more decency and compassion than him as an adult.

YY I would let him know how his behaviour is unacceptable and why.
Your dd, disabled or not, is still a child, his niece and should be treated as such, not as a second class family member.
And if he was actually thinking that she couldnt really have understood the value of it, then what about giving her something instead??