To be angry that my disabled child is treated differently?

[lottieandmia]

I am so pissed off. My uncle has just given my two NT children £10 each and has left out my severely autistic dd as though she doesn't matter.

She may be disabled but she loves clothes like any other teenager. My mum is trying to defend him and it makes me so mad. Dd2 ( bless her) said 'I'll share mine with dd1'

But that isn't the point - it's not about the money it's the blatant disregard for her because she's disabled.

[monkeywithacowface]

I'm glad you are going to send back the money. I can't believe someone could be so unkind.

[Wellywife]

From what you've said in your latest post your DD1 might feel like a second class citizen anyway, before the cash incident, if he ignores her too. How does she deal with that?

[lottieandmia]

I've decided to deal with it myself by cutting him out of our lives. My dd2 has now said she also doesn't want to see him again. She's very loyal to her sister - they both are. But the 13 year old in particular is very mature. If someone hurts her defenceless sister she wants nothing more to do with them.

[monkeywithacowface]

Your girls are a credit to you and you sound like a lovely mum

[TeaInGlasgow]

The guy sounds like a dick but I think your mum is the bigger problem. How sure are you that he actually left out your DD? Is it at all possible that he gave £30 and your mum kept £10 for some reason? The way you describe her attempts at making excuses, bringing up past events and, as another poster said, her desperation to avoid offending him make it seem like she's feeling guilty and is doing what she can to avoid being caught out.

[Nicpem1982]

How rude of your uncle op. There is no excuse for this I would return the gifts that were gifted to your other children and go nc

[lottieandmia]

I am sure my mum would not have kept £10, despite the fact that she herself has been complicit herself.

Unfortunately he is apparently moving to my town and I really hope he stays away from me and my children- he's a bad influence.

I think my mum has come to terms with the fact that I am going to send the money back. I have always felt that he thinks my disabled daughter should be put away somewhere and this makes me even more mad. But at least she has myself and her sisters to stand up for her.

[lottieandmia]

I have posted the money back to him with explanation that

1. I will not tolerate dd1 being treated like a second class citizen by anyone.
   
2. I'm offended that he would take a swipe at me in saying if he gave money to her it would be 'absorbed into the household costs'
   
3. To stay away from us in the future.
   

I've hardly ever seen him much in our lives anyway and as far as I'm concerned he's a bad influence on my other children. His wife was a lovely person and I think sometimes when someone is married to someone particularly lovely it makes them better than they were on their own but she has now died and ever since then I have noticed things creeping in like unpleasant comments about migration and a sympathy with the BNP.

I doubt he is going to be anything other than outraged at my letter because I've told him in the nicest possible way to get lost. But I really don't care. Sometimes doing the right thing is important no matter who you piss off. And if I had kept the money I would have been complicit in the whole thing.

[pointythings]

Well done. You've done the right thing.

[lottieandmia]

Thank you