I'm sick of my dd getting the blame..

[Usernameinvalid16]

My dd is 2 years old. Dniece (5) Dnephew (also 2) are at my house everyday (both parents work) and normally everything is fine but occasionally they all fight, its usually over toys.
Now i understand my daughter can be rough, we are working our hardest (with her preschool teachers) to get her to stop and her behaviour has improved! She has stopped the hair pulling, biting, pushing and pulling. I am really happy with her progress.

Dsis and BIL can't see the improvement (we physically see them once a week) Dsis does drop offs and pick ups but i only see her for 5 mins in the morning and afternoon.
When they do visit they constantly shout at dd when in my opinion she has done nothing wrong (jumping around, shouting and running in circles) i do remind her to use her inside voice but she gets excited. I don't agree with telling her to 'shut up' because i have a headache..

Dnepew does cry a lot. Whenever my dd gets close he slaps her. I try to tell Dsis this but she thinks the fault lies with dd. I see the 3 dc everyday and i know what they are like! Dniece blames dd for everything even if i seen Dniece do it.
For example Dniece throws all the shoes off the rack and i ask why did you do that? Can you pick them back up please she then turns around and tells me that dd done it and she won't pick them up. Another one is she emptied the 2 toy boxes and when asked to pick them back up she tells me that dd should do it because it was her fault, i could go on.
Dniece obviously tells her version of events and i'm sure you know how children exaggerate things/make them up. I always get a phonecall accusing dd of pulling dniece's hair or scratching her and i think to myself that never happened and fill them in on what we have done that day and they will go on and on with 'but dniece told me this happened' she could tell them that a 3 legged elephant jumped out the bushes and they would believe her because 'she doesn't tell lies'.
Anyway tonight i had a few missed calls and they told me that dniece has a massive scratch on her back (obviously i do not have a clue where that came from) i don't take her clothes off, she uses the bathroom by herself all i do is remind her to wash her hands. She has told them that dd done it but dniece never said anything to me about it (she normally cries and tells me instantly) but nothing like that happened today. Infact i had a word with them all about getting on because they are friends and dniece was huffy about it.
I am getting fed up of it now and its really upsetting me.
Maybe it is dd faults and i'm just fooling myself about her improvement.
I don't know why i'm posting this, i think i just wanted to get a few things off my chest.

[MissMargie]

Be careful. You must be firm.
If you say vaguely that you don't think it's working she will come back with excuses and tell you how much she appreciates you blah blah blah so that you agree to keep the arrangement.

Finding good cheap child care is the holy grail for mums (or sometimes parents) I really don't think she will give you up easily.
Be prepared to stand your ground.
Don't criticise just say you want a change, nothing about the DCs. And stick to it.

[Optimist3]

Tell them 'they clearly aren't happy, your DD is not happy and you are not happy. You're not happy with them believing dneices lies and all the shouting at DD '

[chaplin1409]

You sound like a fantastic mum. Enjoy the time with your daughter.

With the speaking my dd3 started nursery at 3 (in Wales) and hardly spoke she is now 10 and does not stop. They all do it in their own time.

[BoboBunnyH0p]

Good luck, stay strong, I'm sure they will turn on the charm once they realise they are losing the cheap child care. But stay firm and remember this isn't your fault, you sound like a lovely mum and you are putting your child first.

[BeingATwatItsABingThing]

I am so glad you have decided to stand up to them! They are appalling! I'm concerned about the DNephew slapping your DD every time she comes near him. How awful for her. And anyone shouting at my DD would not be tolerated more than once.

There aren't two shiny fucks I could rub together about your arsehole sister and BIL but you sound like a perfect parent. You are trying to work through it in a way that is beneficial for you and your DD. When you are struggling, you ask for help. You give your DD nothing but love. Children ask no more from their parents. You should be proud of yourself.

Get rid of the negativity and abuse from your sister and BIL and she will grow up to be a lovely person.

[liquidrevolution]

You sound lovely OP. Please don't let them bully you into giving them cheap childcare any more. you and your daughter are worth much more.

Your daughter's words are as well pronounced as my DDs who is 2.3. Her friends pronouce words better but my DD knows more words. It's all swings and roundabouts. Don't bother with the hv unless you are really concerned about something as it just makes you worry about nothing.

[rainbowstardrops]

Good luck OP!
I can't believe they shout at your DD - she's only 2!!!!
Let them worry about their own childcare situation and maybe they might be more grateful to the next person!

[mouldycheesefan]

You are providing childcare for free for two children full time, who don't get on with your child? There is zero benefit to you and your dd it actually sounds detrimental to your dd.
Good to hear you will stop doing it. Don't be railroaded in to just doing it two days or one day etc. Just stop completely.

[CrazyDuchess]

Good luck OP you do sound so lovely!

[MsJamieFraser]

I wouldn't put up with this OP, however as a working mum can I ask that you give your sister a few days to find althernative childcare.

You don't have to, however if personally find this distressing.

[Buggeritimgettingup]

Good luck this morning OP. Be strong,clear and concise. [Flowers]

[MagikarpetRide]

I can't get over how they 'don't think your parenting is up to scratch' yet leave their kids with you constantly whilst riding rough shod over you and telling you how bad you are when you are there.

Be honest with yourself, if you felt your dd's nursery wasn't up to scratch and you disagreed with their methods would you send her there?

Good luck this morning. Don't let them or the flying monkeys get to you until they can sodding well respect you.

[MagikarpetRide]

Ps having done a parenting course doesn't mean you've ever been a bad mum. I've known a few people who've done them solely to keep the job centre off their backs. One of the best mums I knew had let her ex eat into her head so did one through the school. No shame in doing one at all.

[Buggeritimgettingup]

[FleurThomas]

I think for your dd's sake you need to stop. This sounds like verbal abuse and she really shouldn't be exposed to it.

[OzzieFem]

I feel sorry for you dd. She has these two kids coming to her house and playing with her toys. Some small children have favorite toys that are special and these should not be put where the other kids can access or damage them.

Perhaps you can set up some sort of recording device that shows your Dsis and BIL exactly who is starting the trouble, but personally if I was in that situation I would tell them to sling their hook and find other child care.

For dd

[OzzieFem]

cannot not can

[OzzieFem]

Forget that previous postage regarding cannot.

[LeftRightUpDown]

Really hope you are strong enough to stop having them but I am concerned that it seems that you are also the scapegoat in the family and will bow down to the pressure and will continue

[LeftRightUpDown]

I do wonder if your DD behaviour is because of them always being around and they are affecting her with their negatively

[LeftRightUpDown]

Please take strength from this thread and the amount of people who have said to stop this arrangement.

Do it for your daughters sake before she gets old enough to believe that her cousins are better than her and she becomes the next scapegoat

[Planty18]

This is so awful! I think you've done more than enough for them and I would imagine you and your daughter will be much happier after today. I hope it goes ok this morning. Well done for doing what's right for your own child, you have the right to be respected in your own home.

[NancyJoan]

God, they sound horrific! Give them the heave-ho today, and you'll feel so much better.

[youarenotkiddingme]

Good luck this morning.
If Dsis tried to persuade you just ask her outright why shed want her children looked after and mixing with a child, who in her own words, is laid, shouty, too much and hurts her DD frequently.

[TaggieRR]

Good luck, I think you're doing the right thing for your dd.