I'm sick of my dd getting the blame..

[Usernameinvalid16]

My dd is 2 years old. Dniece (5) Dnephew (also 2) are at my house everyday (both parents work) and normally everything is fine but occasionally they all fight, its usually over toys.
Now i understand my daughter can be rough, we are working our hardest (with her preschool teachers) to get her to stop and her behaviour has improved! She has stopped the hair pulling, biting, pushing and pulling. I am really happy with her progress.

Dsis and BIL can't see the improvement (we physically see them once a week) Dsis does drop offs and pick ups but i only see her for 5 mins in the morning and afternoon.
When they do visit they constantly shout at dd when in my opinion she has done nothing wrong (jumping around, shouting and running in circles) i do remind her to use her inside voice but she gets excited. I don't agree with telling her to 'shut up' because i have a headache..

Dnepew does cry a lot. Whenever my dd gets close he slaps her. I try to tell Dsis this but she thinks the fault lies with dd. I see the 3 dc everyday and i know what they are like! Dniece blames dd for everything even if i seen Dniece do it.
For example Dniece throws all the shoes off the rack and i ask why did you do that? Can you pick them back up please she then turns around and tells me that dd done it and she won't pick them up. Another one is she emptied the 2 toy boxes and when asked to pick them back up she tells me that dd should do it because it was her fault, i could go on.
Dniece obviously tells her version of events and i'm sure you know how children exaggerate things/make them up. I always get a phonecall accusing dd of pulling dniece's hair or scratching her and i think to myself that never happened and fill them in on what we have done that day and they will go on and on with 'but dniece told me this happened' she could tell them that a 3 legged elephant jumped out the bushes and they would believe her because 'she doesn't tell lies'.
Anyway tonight i had a few missed calls and they told me that dniece has a massive scratch on her back (obviously i do not have a clue where that came from) i don't take her clothes off, she uses the bathroom by herself all i do is remind her to wash her hands. She has told them that dd done it but dniece never said anything to me about it (she normally cries and tells me instantly) but nothing like that happened today. Infact i had a word with them all about getting on because they are friends and dniece was huffy about it.
I am getting fed up of it now and its really upsetting me.
Maybe it is dd faults and i'm just fooling myself about her improvement.
I don't know why i'm posting this, i think i just wanted to get a few things off my chest.

[Hissy]

I'd have terminated the arrangement the second they'd said about parenting not being up to much

Cheeky, ignorant fuckers..

They absolutely need to be dumped and if so much as a squeak of complaint comes out of them afterwards about how unfair it all is, make sure you tell all and sundry how you won't have 2 parents shouting at your toddler or belittling your parenting.

Please look into getting childcare qualifications? It'll be a fabulous step for you!

[Headofthehive55]

Tell them it's "too much" for you too. you aren't benefitting from the arrangement so enjoy your DD on your own. It doesn't benefit her at all.

[tofutti]

I wouldn't put up with this OP, however as a working mum can I ask that you give your sister a few days to find althernative childcare.

You don't have to, however if personally find this distressing.

I don't agree with this. OP is psyching herself up to do this this morning and should follow through. If she delays, she may get suckered in again, as she says. Sis should ask another family member or her in laws, as a temporary measure.

[TheFuckitBuckit]

Good luck op. You are absolutely doing the right thing.

Nobody has the right to shout at your child in your home, ever, family or not. I also agree that it sounds like you have been made the family scapegoat.
I am guessing your sister is older than you, so feels like she has the right to belittle, bully and tell you what to do.......she doesn't.

If she doesn't like the way you look after her dcs she will just have to suck it up when you tell her you won't continue and pay the going rate for childcare elsewhere. You owe it to your own dd to provide a happy secure home which you are doing already but your good work is being undone by your sister every single time she steps through the door.

Enough is enough.

[LucyFuckingPevensie]

Good luck op, hope it goes well.

[SestraClone]

You have made the right decision here OP, well done. I bet you see a difference in your DD when these negative people are round her less often!

[dowhatnow]

If she terminates today without notice then that is going to cause them real childcare difficulties to moan about. Will this make a difference to your future relationship? If the fall out will be just as bad, then do it today. If it will help things blow over more quickly, then give them a couple of weeks notice.

[toomuchtooold]

Read your posts and just wanted to say good luck for this morning! You are well out of that situation, really.
Regarding the HV - some of them (not all, we had one lovely one and one awful one) seem to go into the profession simply to tell people they're doing it wrong! You sound lovely and so does your DD. It sounds like you've been the whipping boy from your family for a long time and that will feed into your lack of confidence but look at you going and doing parenting classes! That's a really healthy thing to do in response to feeling unconfident about your parenting. I'd like to see any of your bloody family be that mature.

[MagikarpetRide]

The op is not providing them a contracted service, she's doing them a favour. What's the mantra on here about using family as childcare? Quite often it's pointed out you can just be dropped whenever and you have no discourse to complain. Sis and bil have taken that risk. Their problem to sort out

[Alwayschanging1]

I agree with everyone that you should stop this arrangement, but giving them no notice and turning them away at the gate seems really unfair. You could have phoned them last night so they could start to make alternate plans without them driving over to your in the morning just for you to say no.

[dowhatnow]

Of course it's their problem but at the end of the day, crap as they seem to be, I'm sure the op doesn't want to fall out with them permanently. So she needs to what is best for the long run, rather than acting on an angry spur of the moment thing. A couple of weeks notice may be the best thing. Only she can decide what is best for her. even though they don't deserve any consideration at all

[RockinHippy]

Good luck OP. I hope it goes well this moring, stay strong

You can do this, you & your DD are worth so much more than the way you have been treat. Sis & Bil are abusive to you & your DD & their DCs are mimicking that behaviour. They do not deserve you doing them anymore favours & nobody would suggest you give them time to sort out alternative childcare if this was an abusive partner. Abuse, is abuse, it doesn't matter who is doing it, once you know & find the strength, you block it immediately.

Heres wishing you lots of strength to do whats best for you & your DD


& I agree, you sound like you would make a fantastic childminder

[BastardGoDarkly]

You're absolutely doing the right thing OP.

Although I agree it's a bit rough to give no notice.

Up to you though, you don't owe them anything, and you and your DD have been treated appallingly by them all.

Good luck!

[CocktailQueen]

Good luck, OP< stay strong - you have M

[diddl]

Hope it goes/has gone well this morning.

Your sister & Bil sound horrible.

Shouting at their niece, shouting at you!

[witchofzog]

Good luck op. You are 100% doing the right thing

[TataEs]

i think you have made the right choice. sounds like they have no respect for u and are taking advantage of you. hope it goes ok

[Usernameinvalid16]

I felt really horrible last night but after reading everyones lovely messages this morning i feel a lot better.
I text her early this morning telling her that the arrangement we have isn't working and the discussion we had last night (about dniece's scratch) really upset me and was the last straw, i tried my best to look after all dc equally, treat them fairly, if they need a few extra days to arrange suitable childcare then that is ok.
She's text back saying that don't bother she will take a day off work and that i'm being selfish. I am ignoring her texts now when she's calmed down then we can talk. I won't change my mind.
Dd seems a bit confused she was running around the house shouting on them but she's currently sat in my bed eating toast (something she's not normally allowed to do)
I don't want to fall out with them permanently but i think we need to spend some time apart before we can have a postitive relationship.

[MagikarpetRide]

Well done op
You handled that in a very pleasant way.
It isn't selfish to not want your dd shouted at, your parenting questioned and false allegations thrown at you constantly. It's not selfish to protect your dd from that either. Don't let her into your head that way.

I suspect, as others have said, you may find your dd's behaviour improves a lot more now.

[BastardGoDarkly]

Well done OP!

👏👏👏👏👏

[Dontpanicpyke]

Hope you have done it op? If you can't face seeing them phone and ignore all calls and the door bell.

Again if you really want to cm properly PM me and I can help you.

It's hard work though and costs a lot to set up but it's a great business and fun.

Personally I would go down the college route and get some qualifications and use the childcare facilities there.

[averythinline]

Good for u though not a fan of toast in bed too many crumbs... stick to chocolate,😀:-)

You are not being selfish you are looking after your daughter.. just repeat to yourself when they start trying to guilt trip you...

If you want to get into childcare then you don't necessarily have to go to college to be a Childminder and you sound like you'd be great. .look on your local council website and there was a grant around to support people becoming childminders a couple of years ago ...but in the short term enjoy just being with your DD

[ShowMeTheElf]

I'd like to suggest that you childproof your home, do some research and look into registering to become a childminder. You sound lovely, and as you say you are interested in child psychology, you could be making some money from people who won't take advantage of the family connection.

[TheresAlwaysTimeForTea]

God she's an ungrateful bitch OP. You've done the right thing. Once she has a little dose of reality (looks at alternative cost of childcare etc.) she will realise what a good deal she had with you. Can't believe she called you selfish! Get ready for her to play the victim to the rest of the family but don't give in to her stomping her feet! Have a lovely day!

[wotoodoo]

YOU are being selfish?????????? OMG op your sister sounds VILE as does BIL and her kids!!

The lot of them are TOXIC TO YOUR SELF ESTEEM so remember any contact with them from now on be prepared and wear your suit of protective armour and ear muffs beforehand.

Sounds like they need to go on a parenting course not you!!

Enjoy your dd, enjoy your new career and keep those ungrateful and rude relatives at arm's length until they have learned some manners and have apologised to you.