I'm sick of my dd getting the blame..

[Usernameinvalid16]

My dd is 2 years old. Dniece (5) Dnephew (also 2) are at my house everyday (both parents work) and normally everything is fine but occasionally they all fight, its usually over toys.
Now i understand my daughter can be rough, we are working our hardest (with her preschool teachers) to get her to stop and her behaviour has improved! She has stopped the hair pulling, biting, pushing and pulling. I am really happy with her progress.

Dsis and BIL can't see the improvement (we physically see them once a week) Dsis does drop offs and pick ups but i only see her for 5 mins in the morning and afternoon.
When they do visit they constantly shout at dd when in my opinion she has done nothing wrong (jumping around, shouting and running in circles) i do remind her to use her inside voice but she gets excited. I don't agree with telling her to 'shut up' because i have a headache..

Dnepew does cry a lot. Whenever my dd gets close he slaps her. I try to tell Dsis this but she thinks the fault lies with dd. I see the 3 dc everyday and i know what they are like! Dniece blames dd for everything even if i seen Dniece do it.
For example Dniece throws all the shoes off the rack and i ask why did you do that? Can you pick them back up please she then turns around and tells me that dd done it and she won't pick them up. Another one is she emptied the 2 toy boxes and when asked to pick them back up she tells me that dd should do it because it was her fault, i could go on.
Dniece obviously tells her version of events and i'm sure you know how children exaggerate things/make them up. I always get a phonecall accusing dd of pulling dniece's hair or scratching her and i think to myself that never happened and fill them in on what we have done that day and they will go on and on with 'but dniece told me this happened' she could tell them that a 3 legged elephant jumped out the bushes and they would believe her because 'she doesn't tell lies'.
Anyway tonight i had a few missed calls and they told me that dniece has a massive scratch on her back (obviously i do not have a clue where that came from) i don't take her clothes off, she uses the bathroom by herself all i do is remind her to wash her hands. She has told them that dd done it but dniece never said anything to me about it (she normally cries and tells me instantly) but nothing like that happened today. Infact i had a word with them all about getting on because they are friends and dniece was huffy about it.
I am getting fed up of it now and its really upsetting me.
Maybe it is dd faults and i'm just fooling myself about her improvement.
I don't know why i'm posting this, i think i just wanted to get a few things off my chest.

[Idliketobeabutterfly]

You are allowing the family to emotionally and verbally abuse your very young daughter. You'd been insane to carry on with the arrangement

[Idliketobeabutterfly]

If you carry on you are complicit in the abuse too.

[Ohyesiam]

No two year olds need to be shouted at.

I don't understand this, you have all the power in this situation. Please don't let these people behave so badly to your daughter again, tell them to find alternative child care as of next month.
Your parenting sounds great, and your daughter sounds like most 2 year olds.

[Usernameinvalid16]

I don't want to harm my future relationship with my daughter. When they leave she is so much happier, i will talk to dsis in the morning and tell her she's clearly not happy with the arrangement and suggest she finds someone else. I need to stick up for my dd i need to be her voice.

[JoJoSM2]

I don't think you should continue with this arrangement - it's not worth sacrificing your sanity and family relationships for it. Couldn't you look after another child instead?

[Idliketobeabutterfly]

Ty. Your daughter will thank you.

[SortAllTheThings]

You sound like you'd be a great childminder

[Idliketobeabutterfly]

Even if they argue, insist strongly.

[SortAllTheThings]

"When they leave she is so much happier"


Aww, poor little thing. Well, that's your answer isn't it. Glad you're going to tell them to make other arrangements

[Usernameinvalid16]

I wouldn't send my dd to them anyway DixieWishbone i have these awful thoughts about my poor dd getting screamed at. They had her for a 'sleepover' once and they haven't had her again 'she's too much'.
I always think i'm doing something wrong with dd, her health visitor wasn't happy that she couldn't pronounce certain words (train, dory would be tain, doughy) her nursery have reassured me that its normal and it will get better. Surely enough it has!
I need to find more confidence/faith in myself, i'm clearly doing a good job as you have all said she sounds like a normal 2 year old.

[RockinHippy]

Sounds to me that isnt only your poor DD who is being made a scape goat for your Dsis kids, byt that you are also a scapegoat/verbal punch bag for your Dsis too. You have no confidence in yourself at all

You sound like you are doing everything right, you are also listening & learning as you go. Yet your dreadful Dsis thinks its okay to come into YOUR home. & not only shout & scream at your poor little DD for doing nothing more than behaving like a typical 2 yr old, but to also belittle your parenting skills too.

Im sorry, but your Dsis is a nasty, bullying self entitled bitch, you are doing her a HUGE favour yet she still sees fit to stomp all over you, how dare she!!!

You sound lovely, they don't - get rid, you deserve so much better

[Idliketobeabutterfly]

You sound like an amazing mother. As for health visitors take them with a handful of salt. To be honest I've never met many which agree on anything.

[GiddyOnZackHunt]

I would write it down too so you can't get beaten down by your sister.

Hand it over and tell her. Don't be bullied into carrying on.

[Idliketobeabutterfly]

Also most of us, young or old, rich or poor, first child or fourth, are just muddling along trying to do our best.

[Blacksheep78]

I was in this situation many moons ago. Every day my DSis would call me after dinner asking about all the things my DNephews had told her my DS2 had done to them. Her boys also 'never lied'.

Final straw was the day my DS2 was out with my DM for the entire day. DSis rang with her usual list of crimes my DNephews had compiled and I let rip. She soon found alternate care that she had to pay for.

We have been NC for years, and my DC's (now grown) were much happier.

[ohtheholidays]

You sound like a great Mum and the way your Sister and BIL have been treating your DD is abusive!
They don't get to scream and shout at your DD in your home whilst your there!
I bet you don't do that to they're children and if you did they wouldn't be impressed!

I agree with the PP's stop looking after they're children and please ignore them and your HV your DD is still so tiny her speach will come on and with her being at nursery some of the week that will help her alot.

I have 5DC and I used to work with children and I don't scream and shout at my own children let alone my nephews and nieces.I hope you can see know that your in the right and they're the one's that have been in the wrong.

[Jinglebellsandv0dka]

They sound like absolute arseholes.

Stop having their DC
Start sticking up for your child and mean it -as in 'do not talk to my child like that again otherwise you can get the fucknoutta my house'

[dowhatnow]

Yep, time to end the arrangements. What do you think their reaction will be?

[Usernameinvalid16]

Idliketobeabutterfly she's our new hv, our old hc was lovely. The old hv would tell me that dd was getting on well and actually spend time with us, listen to my concerns, find me classes, groups etc.. where the new one wants us out the room as soon as we enter.

I do feel like we are blamed a lot, i have felt pushed out of my family for a while, a bit used. I feel like its just me and dd, no one else and that hurts i guess.

[Usernameinvalid16]

dowhatnow they won't be happy i know that for sure. Dsis will go running to our parents and moan about it to them (df won't care he will just say the right things) BIL will go on about it for a long time, he'll moan about the new childcare that they can't afford.

[Hateloggingin]

Op you sound lovely, carry on doing what you are doing, children do not need to be shouted at

They are bullying you, try to work on your self esteem, it sounds as though you are doing a really good job with your dd :)

[Usernameinvalid16]

Hateloggingin thank you, i am trying my best