I'm sick of my dd getting the blame..

[Usernameinvalid16]

My dd is 2 years old. Dniece (5) Dnephew (also 2) are at my house everyday (both parents work) and normally everything is fine but occasionally they all fight, its usually over toys.
Now i understand my daughter can be rough, we are working our hardest (with her preschool teachers) to get her to stop and her behaviour has improved! She has stopped the hair pulling, biting, pushing and pulling. I am really happy with her progress.

Dsis and BIL can't see the improvement (we physically see them once a week) Dsis does drop offs and pick ups but i only see her for 5 mins in the morning and afternoon.
When they do visit they constantly shout at dd when in my opinion she has done nothing wrong (jumping around, shouting and running in circles) i do remind her to use her inside voice but she gets excited. I don't agree with telling her to 'shut up' because i have a headache..

Dnepew does cry a lot. Whenever my dd gets close he slaps her. I try to tell Dsis this but she thinks the fault lies with dd. I see the 3 dc everyday and i know what they are like! Dniece blames dd for everything even if i seen Dniece do it.
For example Dniece throws all the shoes off the rack and i ask why did you do that? Can you pick them back up please she then turns around and tells me that dd done it and she won't pick them up. Another one is she emptied the 2 toy boxes and when asked to pick them back up she tells me that dd should do it because it was her fault, i could go on.
Dniece obviously tells her version of events and i'm sure you know how children exaggerate things/make them up. I always get a phonecall accusing dd of pulling dniece's hair or scratching her and i think to myself that never happened and fill them in on what we have done that day and they will go on and on with 'but dniece told me this happened' she could tell them that a 3 legged elephant jumped out the bushes and they would believe her because 'she doesn't tell lies'.
Anyway tonight i had a few missed calls and they told me that dniece has a massive scratch on her back (obviously i do not have a clue where that came from) i don't take her clothes off, she uses the bathroom by herself all i do is remind her to wash her hands. She has told them that dd done it but dniece never said anything to me about it (she normally cries and tells me instantly) but nothing like that happened today. Infact i had a word with them all about getting on because they are friends and dniece was huffy about it.
I am getting fed up of it now and its really upsetting me.
Maybe it is dd faults and i'm just fooling myself about her improvement.
I don't know why i'm posting this, i think i just wanted to get a few things off my chest.

[Fluffycloudland77]

I would imagine when they cost childcare you will get emotional blackmail though.

[Tomorrowillbeachicken]

Well done OP. Love your DFs attitude and can totally see why he wouldn't get on with her.

[Usernameinvalid16]

I have stayed with dd at nursery before and it surprised me how much i loved it. Now i have more free time and if they need a parent to stay i will be volunteering, use it as some experience.
We were going to have a picnic lunch in the livingroom but we've been invited out so we'll the picnic tomorrow instead. I'm booking a weekend away next week.

[TheColonelAdoresPuffins]

They might come crawling back to you once they've checked out the available childcare and seen the cost. They may have been hoping you'd do the school run for them next year and cover any sickness/snow days/inset/school holidays etc.

[Tomorrowillbeachicken]

Yeah but if they come crawling back think of them as illegal drugs and just say no as they'll be bad for you.

[TheColonelAdoresPuffins]

Yes don't give in. They've been bullying you and your daughter too long and now it's bitten them on the bum.

[FurryLittleTwerp]

well done standing up to your sis - now don't cave in to pressure!

[Usernameinvalid16]

I hope she calms down soon and see's it from my point. She may realise that i have been reasonable and apologise (might be asking for too much) until then i will avoid talking about childcare if anyone tries to bring it up i will change the subject. Or tell them i don't want to talk about it.

[MrsJayy]

Just say it wasnt working i cant/wont watch them even if they try and guilt you and they will.

[hellsbellsmelons]

You are already making good plans for your days now you don't have 3 kids in tow.
Already a positive.
Your DDad sounds lovely and supportive.
Have a lovely weekend away and well done!
Don't let DSis drag you down. Seems she might be a lot of the reason for your low self-esteem.

[mysistersimone]

You, sound frigging awesome! Your sister is selfish, I'm so pleased your Dad is on your side. Please stand your ground, staying honest and civil will keep you on the upper ground. She can throw all the strops she likes but I'm time she'll realise what a good thing she had. Still stunned that she slags you off as a parent then gives you her children.

I'd like to just do a quick celebratory dance - whoop whoop. Love it when the down trodden rise up, especially when they tap into their inner lioness. Good for you for pursuing childcare qualifications. High five!!

[38cody]

Sorry op but another vote for not having them anymore - can't help but wonder if you have fed in to this blaming DD "Bil and DS can't see any improvement" - so you've accepted the 'blame' and said she's improving? I bet they loved that! It's a toxic situation - change it now, they'll have half term to find alternative for DN after school care.

[38cody]

Legalities of taking payment? Are you a registered childminder? FFS - it's her sister!

[Usernameinvalid16]

Its really quiet in my house now, its going to take a while to get used to it but i like it.

[liquidrevolution]

Enjoy spending this amazing time with your DD. My DD is 2 and I am constantly seeing changes. I dont want to miss a thing but I work 4 days a week

You rock btw...

[Usernameinvalid16]

Dd has noticed the change, she's been crying a bit more than usual just trying to reassure her.
Will be sure to fill our day tomorrow with craft activities (make some autumn leaves)

[Usernameinvalid16]

Thank you for all your lovely comments!

[BeingATwatItsABingThing]

Well done OP! You have done the absolute right thing by your DD!

[P1nkP0ppy]

Well done op, I hope your SIL is reading this thread.
You and your dd definitely deserve much better and here's to the beginning of something infinitely better for you both 💐🍷

[graphista]

Well done!

She's about to find out

1 one day won't be long enough especially during October week!
2 childcare professionals may be wary of taking her on when as I suspect she will, she'll come across as ungrateful and awkward!
3 REAL childcare costs!
4 that she was onto a bloody good thing and has shot herself in the foot!

I had a similar situation with a friend - never again!

I suspect she'll come crawling full of apologies and promises - don't give in it won't last.

[MrEBear]

5 and she isn't in school, what month is her birthday?

[CountessOfStrathearn]

She's already said she is in Scotland, MrEBear.

[MrsJayy]

Your day with your Dds might be quiet but it will.be hassle free. No reception year in Scotland that is why niece isn't in school yet.

[dementedpixie]

The cut off in Scotland is the end of February so children are at least 4 and a half to start school and some are closer to 5 and a half when they start (those with march/April/may birthdays)