AIBU to be fuming with this woman? (Re: Adoption)

[BowieFan]

Basically a friend of a friend was on about kids on flights. I said I hated taking DS1 and DS2 on planes when they were little because they hated it, I did and so did everyone else on the plane. The woman said "Oh but you'd feel different if they were your biological kids!"

AIBU to be absolutely fuming about this? I know I should have a thicker skin, but it worries me that there are genuinely people out there who thinks my adopted kids are somehow lesser than hypothetical biological ones

Wow! Posting on FB, she's only digging that hole deeper, isn't she.

Could one of your friend post something like 'are you talking about the woman who you told didn't love her kids because they were adopted?'

Wow she's a delight! What had she told her husband, and the person in the shop? I can't think of a version of this that makes her look like anything less than a terrible arse!

I have three children- two are adopted and I gave birth to one.

I love them all differently, but with equal passion.

YorkshireLass2012

No they weren't there, thankfully! Ironically enough it was at a coffee morning for local mothers. Everyone else was a bit aghast at what she said. My DCs wouldn't have been bothered by it but they know I'm sensitive about it so they probably would've said something themselves! Frankly, they know they're loved, which is all that matters to me. I was just fuming because I can't believe she genuinely thought her opinion was OK.

I do like MagikarpetRide's suggestion

YANBU at all, just a great mum

Ds1 is biologically mine and after the first time bringing him on a plane, I vowed never to fly anywhere with him ever again. Luckily on the way back he was much better or he'd never have left Ireland till he paid for it himself!
What a horrible woman she sounds. She sounds like the sort of person who thrives on hurting other people. Don't let people like her get to you; of course you love and adore your children however they joined your family!

Oh my yes of course you should be fuming!! I would be. This woman is obviously very thoughtless and mean. Anyone with half a brain cell would know this is a horribly insensitive comment and completely stupid in the context of the conversation.

If people are stupid enough to think your adopted kids are any less your kids, that is their ignorance and you shouldn't concern yourself with people like that when you know better.

I try not to get involved with threads about adoption. I have a mix of bio children and adopted children. I don't love one more than another. But unless people have walked in my shoes they wont have any insight into the attachment theory.

I hated taking any of my children on flights when they were under 5. Adopted or not. Under 5's on flights are a PITA no matter whose womb they grew in :D

Why on earth would she want people to stop sending things to refugees ! She is a vile vile person. I'm a straight talker but I'm not ignorant or uncaring. I'm from Liverpool (hence my user name. Anfield is Liverpool FC ground). I would bring my hand back from Birkenhead and slap her into next week. I now feel sorry for her kids. She should of been vetted and screened and assessed before she gave birth. She wouldn't stand up to the rigours an adoptive parent has to go through. Your much better than her. I'd love to meet her. 10 minutes should be long enough.

Well I'm glad her DH got the right story from yours in the pub - she MUST know somewhere deep down that she's in the wrong, or she wouldn't be lying about it - she's just too brassfaced to ever admit it.

Dreadful scenario, but I feel it's going to come back and bite her, not you.

I've heard shit like this in the past, never fails to amaze me (I'm adopted and couldn't have felt more loved and wanted).

A friend is having terrible problems with her teen adopted children (who were adopted as toddlers) - drugs, violence, booze. She's really going through it. The amount of 'friends' of mine who have said "Don't know how she copes, can't she send them back", "Don't know how she puts up with that, they aren't even hers". "I couldn't be that patient when they aren't my kids" etc etc.

Astounding and horrible. These are usually quite well educated decent people. They also know I'm adopted. I can't get my head round their attitude. The amount of times I've had to reply "They are HER CHILDREN, she loves them just as much as we love ours". Would you walk away from yours?

annfield62

Ah a fellow Scouser! 20 years ago I would have smacked her into next week, but I left that part of me in Norris Green!

user1476781406
How the fuck do you know bowies love for her children isn't unconditional? Fuck off with your fuckwittery. Of course she loves them unconditionally. She isn't just going to abandon them when she's bored ffs.

Wtf user?? Have you completely ignored the people on this thread who have both bio and adopted children and say they love them equally?

Have reported them for being a goady fucker.

user1476781406

Have you actually read the thread? This thread? The one with adoptive parents and children themselves asserting that it makes no difference to how much they love their kids?

What a stupid ignorant post and attitude.

There are plenty of bio parents out there who don't unconditionally love their dcs. Or even just love them.

I think what she means is that the love a Parent feels for their adopted children can never be the same as the love a Parent feels for a biological child

That has to be the most ignorant, mind-blowingly nonsensical comment I have ever read on Mumsnet!

Well BowieFan I thought I'd left that part of me in Toxteth when I moved to Roby but she,s made it rear it's head again. But look at all the support you have. Bye the way are you a red or a blue. (Sorry I don't know how to do the smiley faces on here)

I'm an adoptee, find it unbelievable that anyone could have such views. The woman is obviously clueless as to the endless hoops people have to jump through in order to adopt. And there is no need to bring it onto bloody Facebook ffs. Well done to op's dh.

Have reported the comment by user147... - even more unbelievable and ridiculous. You're lucky you can hide behind an anonymous name and a screen

I get why people could think that about adoptee/biological.... I really do.

But given that adoptees and their parents have said this is bullshit repeatedly I think you have to trust that they know best!

It's an interesting that user thinks that an adoptive parent can't unconditionally love a child.

I know this may be a poor analogy but I love my dh and cat unconditionally.