AIBU to be fuming with this woman? (Re: Adoption)

[BowieFan]

Basically a friend of a friend was on about kids on flights. I said I hated taking DS1 and DS2 on planes when they were little because they hated it, I did and so did everyone else on the plane. The woman said "Oh but you'd feel different if they were your biological kids!"

AIBU to be absolutely fuming about this? I know I should have a thicker skin, but it worries me that there are genuinely people out there who thinks my adopted kids are somehow lesser than hypothetical biological ones

[icy121]

Who the hell was she?! A friend?! Oh my god, what a smug fucking cunt. Send her a glutterbomb. Do it. And, if appropriate, call her kids' school as a concerned parent and say one of her precious kids has taught your child to say "I can't believe you've been fucking that whore" but you don't want to give your name as you don't want to cause a huge scene but would the teachers mind having a quiet word

[MagikarpetRide]

I highly suspected there would be tears. People who like to reserve their rights to their opinions and foist them on others don't tend to like the fact that others often find them lacking.

[MissMogwi]

What an ignorant woman. I'm adopted and my mum and dad love me and my sister just as they would if we were their 'real' children. They've done everything for us, bollocked us, supported us, everything - just as I do for my own children.

I'd feel sorry for her as her view on love and family is so narrow. What a shame for her.

[MissMogwi]

Missed loads of thread, good on your DH. What a champ!

Ugh what a sad knobhead she sounds.

[prettybird]

Actually, on a more serious note, it might be worth having a word with the school and suggest that they incorporate into one of their PSE lessons (not sure what they're called in England) some gentle reminders about adoption being a wonderful thing and not something that is undertaken lightly. It is something that demonstrates true love and generosity.

If she's prepared to say (and defend ) such horrible things to your face, god knows what she's teaching her children.

[Helloitsme87]

I think you should have pulled her up on the comment right away as that's absolutely disgusting. I cannot believe she actually said that. Hope she's feeling mortified now.

[BowieFan]

Helloitsme87

I did pull her up on it, giving her a chance to explain herself but when she repeated it I was a bit taken aback by it.

I doubt she's mortified, she seems to be the type of person who has never been challenged on her views properly.

[acasualobserver]

DP asked her to leave nicely:

Now I suggest you fuck off and don't bring this shit into our home again

[TataEs]

my nephew on being adopted:

Ignorant child: your mummy doesn't love you properly cos you're not her real son

nephew: eff off, my mum chose me, yours just got stuck with u

wise words, despite he's language

this woman is a Cword. your husband is awesome. i hope she went home with her tail between her legs and she loses a fair few friends over her words today. i for one wouldn't be friends with someone i knew had those views.

[BowieFan]

prettybird

I know the school her kids go to and some teachers there who were shocked by this. They've said they'll go to the head and request that there be a bit of a focus on adoption in their citizenship lessons. We already do it at our school, but they don't at theirs. Hopefully if they start teaching it to her kids early enough they'll be able to see how horrible a person their mum is.

[BowieFan]

acasualobserver

To be fair, DP had asked her three times nicely to leave before that as she was upsetting me and he was not prepared to have someone making us feel uncomfortable in our own home. It was only when she kept repeating her rubbish that he said what he said. I can't blame him, it's very hard to not react when someone is basically telling you that you don't love your children.

[HmmmmBop]

Another member of BowieFanDH fan club here.

The worst comments we had were from our family

'But what if you get a prostitutes child?'

'What does the real mum think?'

'You'd understand if you gave birth'

'Never mind, it will happen for you' - about falling pregnant after adopting two kids.

[LeilaB123]

Your DP is fantastic (as are you) Well done for standing up for yourselves and your children (and other adoptive families) and telling her straight to the point! She should be fine with that since that's what she said she is like! Ba ha ha... I'd feel sorry for her ignorance if she hadn't come across as such a rude nasty individual with no decency to apologise.

[BowieFan]

We got that from random people over the years. My all time favourite was:

"But their dad might have killed people!"
"DP's in the RAF... what do you think he does?"

Oh and "Oh, you'll love kids when you have some proper ones." Errr... alright then. I've had DS1 and DS2 for nearly 15 years and I still dislike most kids other than my own!

[BowieFan]

Thank you LeilaB123 if she had been genuinely ignorant I would have let it slide, but I think she knows these are nasty things to say but gets off on saying them, somehow.

[bbcessex]

She is a twonk. what an arse.

[bbcessex]

I can't believe you've had to listen to comments like those. .. what absolute idiotic nobbers they are..

[prettybird]

Good to hear that teachers at their school are on to it; although I'd prefer to hope that her children would be able to get her to see the light

[a7mints]

I think the thing is most people would prefer to, and do produce their own children and I think for many having kids which are genetically theirs and their beloved's is preferable to them.so I think that is clumsily their train of thought
But to SAY to someone they love their child less because they are adopted is stupid and cruel

[RaspberryOverloadTheFirst]

Sumg ignorant bitch, that one is.

Wonder if she'd reckon my grandad loved his bio kids? That all the belting (buckle end, mind), abuse, pissing all the money up the wall, etc, etc, were just signs of how much he loved them, eh? He did the world a favour by dying.

Then I contrast that with the loving, doting, adoptive parents next door. And I have a damn good idea who actually loved/loves their kids more. of the two.

[BowieFan]

Completely agree. I know the minority is abusive to their kids, but Fred West, Fritzl and others had biological children and were abusive and horrible. I don't think biology has anything to do with it.

If anything, I think most adoptive parents are actually more loving, not less loving. The amount of hoops and checks we had to go through (and still have to 15 years later) just shows how much we love our kids, surely? Anyway, if it weren't for the fact that our kids have a very slightly different features that are unique to their birth country, as well as their foreign sounding names (although they are both versions of English names), you'd never even know they were adopted.

We stopped telling people we adopted them years ago. People always knew when they were babies, somehow. Now, we're just a family. The only time it ever really comes up is when we have our annual medicals through DP's work and some doctors don't realise DP hasn't passed down any of his hereditary conditions.

The kids aren't arsed really. Like I said, they've discovered the "my mum and dad chose me, yours got stuck with you" argument years ago!

[SabineUndine]

You absolutely aren't being unreasonable and she'd be an ex-friend so fast she wouldn't know what hit her. I'd block her on FB and everywhere else and if anyone questions it, tell them exactly what she said. Completely stupid fucking bitch.

[roasted]

The fact that you and DP have gone all Mama Bear and Papa Bear at this woman I think proves just how fiercely you love your kids. It doesn't matter what she thinks - I'm sure your children know just how loved they are and what they think and feel is a damn sight more important.

A lot of people put up with their kids because they made them and they're therefore forced to love them. You chose your kids. You wanted to be parents so much you went through every hoop possible to get them. I have a huge amount of admiration and respect for people who adopt and can't even see the distinction between adopted children and biological ones - it's an amazing amount of love.

This woman is an idiot and everyone around her knows it.

[BowieFan]

Thank you for the kind words Roasted. I was worried me and DP had gone overboard in our reactions but every one of our friends has told us that, if anything, we didn't go far enough.

I did have her on FB despite her only being an acquaintance, but I've blocked and deleted her now. The friend who introduced us to each other has done the same and there's quite a few people who are very disgusted by what she said. I hope she sees her senses. I don't want an apology off her. Frankly, I don't want to see her ever again. I just don't want another family to be upset by her horrible words.