AIBU to be fuming with this woman? (Re: Adoption)

[BowieFan]

Basically a friend of a friend was on about kids on flights. I said I hated taking DS1 and DS2 on planes when they were little because they hated it, I did and so did everyone else on the plane. The woman said "Oh but you'd feel different if they were your biological kids!"

AIBU to be absolutely fuming about this? I know I should have a thicker skin, but it worries me that there are genuinely people out there who thinks my adopted kids are somehow lesser than hypothetical biological ones

[AngelsWithSilverWings]

What an idiotic thing to say! Some people just don't get adoption and never will. This sort of ignorance makes me so angry. That 'pain in the guts' love you feel for your children is the same no matter how they came into your life.

[LateToTheParty]

YADNBU! What an ignorant cowbag she is! I'm an adopter (without birth children) & I can't imagine loving mine more if I'd made them myself.

I've only flown a few times with them and it wasn't the most pleasant way to spend a couple of hours, but that has fuck all to do with whether or not we are biologically related!

Well done for not flattening her, and I'm sure most people don't actually share her insane views.

[ample]

FFS
Well done for turning your back on her and walking away. I think I would have roughly manhandled her and not been the better person

It makes no difference whether you give birth to a child or not. Love for a child is love. She's living in a box.
Being a biological parent doesn't mean you love the child more or are a better parent (and sadly we live in a world where we know this is not the case).

[BowieFan]

LatetotheParty

Completely agree with you. I can't imagine loving my kids any more than I do right now - they are still the single best thing that has ever happened to me and they make me proud every single day.

I only flew twice with DCs as a baby. Once was when we brought them to this country from their birth country and once was when we had to go back to their birth country to finalise the adoption after our probation. I still think I would've hated it if they'd have fallen out of me!

[HerOtherHalf]

You can't cure stoopid so don't waste time and energy trying.

[LateToTheParty]

*BowieFan
*

[Ncbecauseitshard]

So if they were biologically yours you'd enjoy taking them on a plane and making them uncomfortable? She's a dick.

[Bogeyface]

I can think of a lot of things you could say to her, but they would all make you look as bad as her, so I think if you saw her again I would stick with "Your comments about my children being adopted has upset and offended me hugely, so I do not want to talk to you" and walk away again.

Stupid ill informed bitch.

[Babblehag]

I have 3 sons, ds2 isnt biologically mine, however he came in crying the other day because he'd gouged both his knees after falling off a scooter, it broke my heart. I feel just as much love for ds2 as I do for 1 and 3, yanbu.

[Scarydinosaurs]

I came on to say that she MUST have misunderstood you and thought you were talking about the children of fellow passengers. But clearly not!

Some people have the most bizarre opinions- indeed, I've always thought that many adopted children have the privilege of being even more cherished than some of those born to reluctant parents by accident. Adopted means chosen, wanted, fought for usually. The woman's ignorance is astounding.

[BowieFan]

Scarydinosaurs

I thought that too, that's why I had to challenge her on it! Hence my disbelief.

Agree with you about the being chosen thing. My DCs are fond of telling their cousins (when they used to argue as kids) "My mum and dad chose me, yours got stuck with you!"

[2kids2dogsnosense]

They are YOUR kids! You look after them, you encourage them, you tech them and most importantly you LOVE them!

How dare she say such a vile thing? Love is love - it flows fully and can't be measured because it just "is". When you love, you love with all of your heart and soul - and biological "accidents" can't make that love any the less.

[ThumbWitchesAbroad]

Whoah! Fucking terrible thing to say to you!! Am well impressed you didn't lamp her, tbh.

Agree with PPs that I'm very glad you have your DC, and not someone like her, as she clearly would treat them as "different" because they were adopted. (My brother would too - he's like that - it's a despicable attitude).

[Ifounddory]

The other thing that baffles me is that it can be very easy to have your own (although obviously not always) but it's ALWAYS very difficult to adopt. Do these people think you just decide on a whim that you want a child and go pick one from an orphanage as if you were shopping in Tesco?

Also often people who have adopted have had not only to fight really fucking hard for their kids (It's NOT an easy road by any means) but many of them have also fought to have kids biologically before that.

I think anyone who adopts is bloody amazing. It's a choice you make and it's a rough and long road to get there. Way longer than a pregnancy.

[FRETGNIKCUF]

wow.... you say this is a friend?

I hope she's an ex friend.

[SantasLittleMonkeyButler]

Eh?

What a very, very stupid thing to say!

[ZuleikaDobson]

It almost sounds as if she's saying you would be less worried about your children's distress if they were yours biologically. If she really thinks a traumatic plane journey with distressed small children is any easier if they are biological, she's living a fantasy life. Or does she think you resented spending the money on flights for adopted children?

[daisychain01]

It is horrid how people draw such crass and ill informed conclusions about how you feel about those children, whose lives you are enriching every day you are their mum.

Equally, I find it similarly bazaar how people assume that a step parent can't possibly feel immense depth of love for a child. They just can't fathom the ability for that unconditional love.

Blood is thicker than water, but love is thicker than blood is my mantra to the detractors.

[RabbitsNap01]

that comment is so imbecilic i try not to give it headspace. It's sad how you can be having a simple conversation about how dreadful taking small children on a plane is, and you get insulted out of left field.

[MerryInthechelseahotel]

I've adopted ds and some of the insensitive remarks have floored me. I like to think it's just people don't think before speaking and it comes out wrong but, I don't know, it could be really what they believe. What a stupid thing to say ffs.

[tonsiltennis]

Please tell me that other people heard this oxygen-thief's appalling views? Especially the mutual friend!

[MagikarpetRide]

My dc aren't adopted and there's no way I'm taking those fuckers on a flight until I can be safely assured the lure of an iPad will keep them still for the duration of the entire flight.

Horrible comments

[FucksSakeSusan]

You have more restraint that me OP!

I am also an adopter and do try and gently pull people up on stuff when they insert their feet into their mouths, but in this case I would have torn her a new one! Completely unacceptable!

[chattygranny]

I'm a fellow adoptee and couldn't agree more with PP (sorry don't know how to bold): As an adoptee I'm firmly on your side on this one. I despise when people refer to my bio Mum as my "real" mum. Eh naw, my mum and dad (long history of majorly complicated relationship with my Mum) are my real mum and dad. Ups, downs, arguments, fallouts whatever, they fed me, clothed me, loved me, kicked my arse when I needed it and got up in the night when I was poorly. Adopted or not your kids are your kids, pregnancy or not you are their Mum! I'm so sorry someone said this to you, what a shitty thing to say. They're a twat IMO. Never let anyone make you feel "less of a mum" because you're not, you're their Mum and you're amazing.