AIBU to be fuming with this woman? (Re: Adoption)

[BowieFan]

Basically a friend of a friend was on about kids on flights. I said I hated taking DS1 and DS2 on planes when they were little because they hated it, I did and so did everyone else on the plane. The woman said "Oh but you'd feel different if they were your biological kids!"

AIBU to be absolutely fuming about this? I know I should have a thicker skin, but it worries me that there are genuinely people out there who thinks my adopted kids are somehow lesser than hypothetical biological ones

As an adoptee I'm firmly on your side on this one. I despise when people refer to my bio Mum as my "real" mum. Eh naw, my mum and dad (long history of majorly complicated relationship with my Mum) are my real mum and dad. Ups, downs, arguments, fallouts whatever, they fed me, clothed me, loved me, kicked my arse when I needed it and got up in the night when I was poorly. Adopted or not your kids are your kids, pregnancy or not you are their Mum! I'm so sorry someone said this to you, what a shitty thing to say. They're a twat IMO. Never let anyone make you feel "less of a mum" because you're not, you're their Mum and you're amazing.

^^ this and more aboutsimilar posts.

just remember this:

when you met your DP you didn't share the same blood, it was when you married, had a wedding cert and a ring, THEN you became family.

why should it ne any different about a chid? its not biology, its chemistry, and PARENT is a verb, not a noun.

oh, and if there were so called 'real'parents, then millions of children wouldn't be in childrens homes or with proper parents.

It's truly amazing what some people think they can get away with.

OP, dont bother letting her come round to clear the air, she just wants to be centre of attention and say more shit things. Cancel it. she's not worth your time.

OP, I think you dealt with that really well. You sound great. I think I would have just about restrained myself from punching her but then cried with rage. And good on your friend for also challenging her. I doubt someone with those beliefs will change overnight so just be ready to kick her out quickly.
(I did give birth to my DCs but not the pets, I chose the pets and they bring me great joy, DCs have their moments and those moments do not include on aeroplanes)

I admire your dignity in challenging her and then just turning away.

Don't let her "clear the air" as it appears she's still trying to defend her abhorrent attitude. Either she's apologising because she's realised that she was absolutely and totally wrong or she's not worth another second of your time.

She's just been round. The only apology I got was "I'm sorry if you were offended but I'm straight to the point (aka a cunt) and say what I think. If you don't like that, then that's up to you. For the record, I still believe what I said was true."

She said this without a hint of irony or any apology. DP ripped her to shreds. I should have just avoided her coming round but I've no idea how she got my address and have no means to contact her.

Wow.

I hope he told her to fuck of to the far side of fuck then fuck off some more. Then nodded his head twee-like and said 'i'm straight to the point'

I'm not normally one for naming and shaming on Facebook but in this case, I'd be sorely tempted to do so I'd like to think I'd resist the urge

But essentially, she's shown herself to be a twat - not just to you but to others - so just ignore her from her now on. Blank her totally. She - and others - will know why.

She's not worth any further interaction. And I feel sorry for her kids if she is inculcating the same attitudes in them.

Hardly an apology. That's shocking. She's obviously clueless

In rough terms DP said something to the effect of: "If you love your children only after giving birth to them, then clearly me and BowieFan aren't very good parents - all we've done is give our sons good homes, a good education and brought them up that everybody - no matter who they are or where they come from deserves respect. Clearly your biological parents didn't do a similar job with you. You must love your DCs so much though, that's why you're here upsetting a family with your disgusting opinions instead of looking after them. And, by the way, lying on your back and popping out four kids does not make you better than BowieFan. It doesn't make you better than anyone. At the end of the day, we are all parents and if you think you feel like you only love your children because you gave birth to them, I feel very sorry for you. Now I suggest you fuck off and don't bring this shit into our home again."

And that's why I love DP!

to BowieFan's dh!

Wow op, I don't think your lack of thick skins the problem here, it was the friend for being an absolute utter moron! I don't know what else to say but I feel for you being subjected to stupid comments like that. People making them should self destruct.

Hindsight is wonderful, but it would have been great to say 'Ah yes, you may have a point. Because in that case I would love my children SO much more that I DEFINITELY wouldn't want to put them through the trauma. With adopted children it wouldn't matter so much would it, because I wouldn't care so much?'.

Her comments are just so incredible.

Reminds me of a good family friend, who is also a primary school teacher. She remarked on the closeness of my partner and our children. We are two women, I gave birth, partner has no biological connection to the children but is very much their mum and their 'go to' parent as she is at home with them etc etc.

Our friend commented 'It's interesting really, you're proof that adoption can actually work'.

Wtf??

Some people...

I love your DP too.

I'm willing to lease him out on a time share basis. He's good any time he has to argue, it's how I got out of paying a parking fine once.

Oh no!!! Just seen the update about the visit!!!! WHAT?!?!??!?!

Perhaps we could adopt your DP?

Joining queue to love your DP!
It had crossed my mind that maybe the woman was herself adopted and felt rejected by her adoptive parents. I think her visiting you and reinforcing her awful attitude puts paid to that idea. Appalling behaviour.

Love your answer to the Goth remark. Our 16 year old, asked whether she is a Goth, sighs 'No, but everyone thinks I am,' she is keen on carefully applied eyeliner and has some enviable Doc Martens!

Ooh yes! Can we adopt your DP?
He sounds like he'd be useful when people are annoying me.

Brilliant! Your DP I mean. I'd like to say I hope she slunk out, thoroughly ashamed, but she sounds like the type who would still think she's right and that your DP was being rude and unreasonable. There's no talking to people like her but she is going to find herself friendless pretty soon if she keeps that up.

Don't worry, I won't name and shame her on facebook but there were enough other mums from our community at this coffee morning that saw what happened. Already had quite a few messages saying how disgusted they were. I did hear one or two people go over to her to take her to task after I'd left the room.

DP is just annoyed that she's either never been challenged on these remarks before or she's too thick to realise how awful they are. She's one of these people who seems to thrive from saying horrible things (and I think she genuinely believes them) like Katie Hopkins. I was already a bit cold on her from when she said she was going to lead a campaign to stop the local schools from sending stuff to the shoebox appeals for refugees. She never did though, mainly because lots of people told her how awful that was.

🍾🏅 or your dp well done him shutting her down to say something once 😡 but to go round some ones house to insult them!! She's an absolutely bitch!!!

My friend has just phoned me pissing herself because the woman is now ringing all the people from the mums' group saying how disgusting DP was and that she felt "violated".

Funny, she didn't seem to feel violated when she continued to protest how right she was when DP asked her to leave nicely. Good job everyone knows how calm DP is and the other mums saw what she said at the group!

On the upside, my best friend has said this has finally given her a reason to cut off contact with the nasty woman!