AIBU to be fuming with this woman? (Re: Adoption)

[BowieFan]

Basically a friend of a friend was on about kids on flights. I said I hated taking DS1 and DS2 on planes when they were little because they hated it, I did and so did everyone else on the plane. The woman said "Oh but you'd feel different if they were your biological kids!"

AIBU to be absolutely fuming about this? I know I should have a thicker skin, but it worries me that there are genuinely people out there who thinks my adopted kids are somehow lesser than hypothetical biological ones

Well done both of you. It won't have been easy for you. Have a now!

Oh bowiefan sorry you have to go through this from such a pathetic woman. I am adopted (adopted at 8 days old) and have felt utterly blessed my whole life. My parents want me so very much and have never stopped showing it and have made my life so wonderful and so 'normal'. Your children are lucky to have you and DH

I have two biological children and one adopted and when I hear stupid comments about loving adopted children I think of this poem.
Not flesh of my flesh

Not flesh of my flesh
Nor bone of my bone,
But still miraculously my own.
Never forget for a single minute,
You didn't grow under my heart,
But in it.
Author: Fleur Conkling Heyliger

Adoptive parent here.
Your DH is a hero but such a shame that he needed to defend your family from such a person.
Thankfully we've had very few thoughtless comments over the years but there have been some.
And while I'm here, let me mention how great my 2 kids are, despite difficult early starts they are happy, healthy kids who bring joy to our lives every day. (And drive me mad too). I love them to bits.

How I see it is that if biology meant anything no child would be adopted. Not everyone is able to parent a child and there are many reason or no reason at all.

It takes someone special to adopt a child.

Another massive fan of your DH, Bowiefan!

She's one of those people who just can't be wrong, by the sound of it. Her opinion is based on almost no knowledge, but she'll defend it to the death because it's the only one that matters to her and she has to be right.

There's no arguing with that level of egotism, none at all.

But equally, you don't have to put up with it either, so I'm glad you and your friends have taken the steps they have.

Have some and and - and I hope your 2 sons know exactly how wonderful their parents are!

anything, I think most adoptive parents are actually more loving, not less loving

well now you are being as bad as her!

How absolutely charming.

Stupid, hateful bitchy comment from someone who clearly has no idea what love is.

What a horrid woman. I have two kids. One adopted and one biological. Absolutely no difference in my love or feelings for either of them. I think I might be in a police cell if she had said that to me. Rise above it x

My dh is adopted, if anyone had said this to his mum she would have given them a tongue lashing that the whole street would have heard! Out of order, give this bitch a wide berth in future! Horrible nasty cow.
I hope your ok now.

What an absolutely ignorant cunt of a woman.

They are your children. Full stop.

What I cannot get over is the idea that the parent of any child, adopted or otherwise, would feel anything but horror at taking a child on a long haul flight (or a short haul one for that matter). We all know it is simply hell for all concerned.

I am an adopter with a lot of friends with kids, biological and adopted and I have never known one to say "Kids on a ten hour flight? Love that shit". If you take them it is not actually a measure of how much you love them, it is a measure of how much you want that holiday.

As for the suggestion that you would love a biological child enough to take them on a plane but not your adopted child that is to me the indication of the limits of her imagination and compassion. How sad for her.

Another adoptive parent here too and a member of the BowieFan DH's fanclub!
She's a self-opinionated moron. I would hope that she might learn from this, but sadly I doubt it. I hope her precious biological children grow up knowing better. Thank fuck that at least we know that there's zero chance of her ever becoming an adoptive parent!

"Wow- do you realise you were being so offensive or are you just stupid? thats a real shame for your kids! " would have been my comment. What an arsehole

Huh, her comment doesn't even make sense. She's talking nonsense obviously :(

Slight update: DP got an earful off her husband last night when DP saw him in the pub. DP just stayed calm and repeated what the woman said to him and, shockingly, her husband said my DP was right! Her husband said she'd told him a complete pack of lies, basically.

Oh and the woman in question has been on our village's facebook page basically slagging me off without mentioning my name. She's done the same on her (public) facebook profile as well. What a woman. Definitely can't ever be wrong!

BarbadosGirl

Completely agree! I dread taking the kids on flights even now at nearly 15. I dread taking DP as well. Even if I'd actually given birth to my sons (and frankly, considering we adopted them at four days old, it's hardly like I adopted them and missed out all the nappies and disgusting crap) I wouldn't be thrilled at taking them on a flight!

I have only read the op, but I have to say I have rarely heard such a stupid, ignorant and ridiculous comment made.

Don't be upset.. anyone who can say this is honestly not worth your distress!

You love them. You feed and clothe them. You want what is best for them. You are their care giver and they love, need and look to you as their mum for guidance, comfort and support. They are definitely YOUR children. That woman is ignorant. They are your children because you feel it in your heart and that's what counts.

Well done Op and your DP, what an awful woman. Good ideas re school and the citizenship /PSHE type lessons on adoption . Reminds me of a friend of my DC who has adopted cousins. He has said a few times to me over the years " but of course they are not my REAL cousins " I have always put him right and told him they are of course his cousins.... to make sure my DC understand that his attitude is abhorrent to me ..... sadly though as a young person he must hear that from his family, how else would he form these views? Let's hope she crawls back under her stone OP and you don't have to see her again.

Unbelievable!

I think I've always been kind of good with this stuff. Even as a kid I never differentiated between "real" aunts/uncles and my mum's friends who were aunties and uncles. A lot of the time I was closer to my mum's friends who were called aunty than I were to my real ones.

To me, family is anyone you choose to be your family. Biology doesn't mean a thing, in the scheme of things. Me and my close friends who went through school and uni together consider ourselves family, not friends.

I suspect she is jealous of you so came out with that hurtful bile. I would have used the C word on her which I only use on special occasions..

What an ignorant woman! Please, please tell me her remarks were not made in front of your children? Not sure how old your children are OP but a remark like that could really hurt them and / or make them question the world around them.
Well done for responding. Hopefully, this woman took the incident away and has now had time to reflect how callous, inappropriate and ignorant her remarks were. She clearly has some learning to do!
You have opened your heart and provided your children with a good home full of love. That is being a parent. 🌺