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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want Hubby's parents over Christmas morning

319 replies

Bananamama1213 · 16/10/2016 06:41

Our children are 3 and 4. Every year since they've been born, hubby's dad and Step-mum invite themselves over at 8am because it fits in with them going to a Christmas swim at the beach (to watch). They live 30 minutes away.

His dad takes over with presents. He will sit down on the floor and help then open them and then open up all the boxes and put things together. I hate it because he pushes me out and I can never enjoy the morning as a family.

They are my children, I believe that it's okay for me as a mother to have the morning with my children.

Last year he brought 2 of his sisters down who me and kids have never met before! (We've been together 8 years). So kids were nervous opening them. It was very overwhelming having 4 extra adults in my front room.

I'm thinking that they can come over later or Christmas Eve or Boxing Day. We go to my family every year as we all live down the same road and have Christmas dinner there. We hadn't seen his mum for two months until today, and his dad we see fortnightly. Whereas my family is so close, we all go to my Aunties on a Saturday for 3-4 hours!

OP posts:
LagunaBubbles · 17/10/2016 07:24

granparents were kept away on Christmas Day

God that's so sad, life is short and children grow up so quickly. As I said before my Mum always came early on Christmas Day to see the kids opening their presents. She wasn't a "visitor" I had to "entertain" - she was my boys Nanny and they loved having her there! I could still "slop about in my Jammies". She was also my DHs MIL - and he would have got short shift if he had suggested banning her from the house on CD. If his Mum at the time lived closer then she to would have been welcome at 7.30am!

worrierandwine · 17/10/2016 07:33

I don't think you're BU with that request at all, I wouldn't like that either- my living room invaded on Christmas morning! However, it goes both ways and DH might not want to spend Christmas dinner with your family so be prepared to have to make sacrifices of your own.

pinklemonade84 · 17/10/2016 10:42

I think the op is getting unfairly slated. She says in her first post that she would be happy for fil to come a bit later.

Why should she have to miss out on her children opening presents to keep her fil happy? She makes it clear that he takes over and has done every year since her dcs were born. I think she is well within her rights to want time together the 4 of them to open presents before fil arrives. Would anyone else let their in laws push them out like this?

Just because they have a closer relationship with her family (which I'm sure her dh would object to if he thought it was too much), it doesn't mean that she has to be guilted into allowing fil to come into their home and take over the way that he does.

Craigie · 17/10/2016 17:42

YABU.

silvergirl267 · 17/10/2016 18:24

You've put up with this for years, it makes you unhappy. Stop it now. It will be harder to stop every year, your kids won't be young forever, and you deserve at least one happy memory of a Christmas morning where YOU and their dad help them open their presents

I don't think you are being unreasonable AT ALL. This is your family you are thinking of, you, your husband and kids. I think the grandparents should fit around you. I'd hate to have ANY visitors at 8am any day, never mind Christmas Day. Your husband needs to grow a pair and say to his dad that it doesn't suit to come around at that time and you'd be happy to see him at a time that is mutually convenient. And if he is unreasonable about it, then say we'll see you on Christmas Eve or Boxing Day.

And don't let the oh so perfect parents on here bring you down, you do what suits yourself. I don't often comment on threads because I think there are too many nasty comments . Call your husband "hubby" if you so wish!

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 17/10/2016 18:39

Your husband needs to grow a pair and say to his dad that it doesn't suit to come around at that time and you'd be happy to see him at a time that is mutually convenient.

He needs to start saying to the OP he doesn't want to spend every Saturday, Christmas Eve and Christmas Day with her family tbh.

clarehhh · 17/10/2016 18:40

Invite them for lunch at 2 instead, and have lovely quiet morning with presents.Also hide lots of the presents for later or another day so children less overwhelmed, can understand Inlaws want to see them open theirs but you could just do Father Christmas gifts then your own later in afternoon or even Boxing Day.

justgivemeamo · 17/10/2016 18:40

surely its irrelevant how much time you spend with your family when his dad is taking the really precious moments from xmas morning,

if they stop en route to the swim, why not simply get them to stop on the way back by which time, present opening has happened?

user1468518769 · 17/10/2016 18:44

Christmas is about families, not presents. Every year I take my dd to my mums and the whole family open their presents there. I don't get to be the one who opens the presents with my dd my mum usually is. My dd loves it. I get to cuddles later and listen to her tell me all about her day.

This is probably the last Christmas my dd will be able to do this as my mum has terminal cancer. But my dd will never forget the my mum and all the special times spent with her. I don't need a certain occasion to spend time with dd, and I wish she could open her presents every year with my mum.

user1468518769 · 17/10/2016 18:46

Oh and in-laws are always invited but never come as they don't like to leave the cat on its own to long.

Postchildrenpregranny · 17/10/2016 18:47

Haven't read ft but we always did Father Christmas I. e. stocking presents, on our bed with our children .In our pj's....It would have felt very odd to have anyone else there
Other presents were (still are)opened over drinks and nibbles at about 11am Much more civilized hour for 'visitors' ,even family
Your post strikes me as being about more than this one issue though ....

Postchildrenpregranny · 17/10/2016 18:49

And we opened presents when the DCs woke up Any time from 6am...There's no way I would have made them wait til 8

maroda16 · 17/10/2016 19:08

I think yabu, just a bit!! This is our first Christmas with our little boy, we're doing what we always do, I cook all the meat on Christmas Eve, we call to my fiancé's parents on Christmas Eve too for an hour, (I also work Christmas Eve) then Christmas morning we get up, open presents, call to my parents for a couple of hours, come home for dinner and then go to my in laws for the evening. I visit my sister and her kids on Stephens day while fiancé and his dad go for a couple of pints, pick him up and come home! We get to see everybody, nobody feels left out and we get our alone time too. If you spend that much time with your own family it's very u fair to not spend time with your in laws, they love your kids too!!!

justgivemeamo · 17/10/2016 19:10

user Flowers i hope this xmas is truly special Sad

My dm never got to open presents at all with her gc. Sad in fact she never knew they existed.

But I still feel for very young DC xmas is about gifts and the excitement of xmas morning.
If op feels her FIL is encroaching on this when after all its her and her dh and probably her who has been buying, planning and preparing for months....then I think she needs to do something to address it.

We give all our gifts - as from FC here, but I am not a martyr to the extent I would want pils to come in and take over the present opening

Millymollymanatee · 17/10/2016 19:19

I totally understand about your FIL taking over the present thing and I think you need to change what happens there.

I really don't think it's fair that you spend every Christmas Day with your parents. How do you think your DH's family must feel?

You need to talk to your DH and organise a Christmas that is good for you and includes both sides of the family. Could you perhaps do Christmas Dinner at yours and invite both sides? Or perhaps alternate with seeing one lot Christmas day and the others on Boxing day.

clam · 17/10/2016 19:20

You say that "this is the way we've always done it," but you're only 23! How many Christmases can there have been?!

And please stop calling him hubby!

beccabanana · 17/10/2016 19:22

I hope all the posters sneering and snigging at OP using the term 'hubby' realise they're acting like bitchy girls at school; giggling behind their hands because the girls in class said a word they thought 'cringe'. I'm sure there are loads of words or terms you use that irritate the crap out of other people but they're not nasty enough to make fun of you.
OP I totally get your family situation, mine is similar and my husband prefers being with my family than his own. I would either invite FIL over for a later breakfast and open his pressies with the kids after you opened your pressies with them earlier in the morning and bite your tongue about the loudness and taking over just for an hour or two. He's excited and it's Christmas!

mummylove2monsters · 17/10/2016 19:25

YANBU ! It's awkward having them there while you open presents- I'd hate it - I would just ask them to come later and get up earlier to do presents with the kids x

CrikeyPeg · 17/10/2016 19:29

Oh good grief, people who take umbrage at use of the word hubby - how on earth do you cope in the real world. I have visions of you running from public places on a daily basis, shrieking your ears covered ... I can't imagine living in such a small world.

pollymere · 17/10/2016 19:32

I think you should spend Christmas Day with just the four of you, at home. It's not fair if you want your morning free of his family then toddle off to yours for lunch! Your kids are a great age for a proper family Christmas to your routine. Visit your family and his outside of this day.

Kika2901 · 17/10/2016 19:52

I would not want any family either mine or other half's over at 8am! We'd all still be in our pyjamas. I agree Christmas mornings are fairly special and I wouldn't appreciate having visitors over at that time but you do need to find some more time for them if you are going to your folks every year. Do as you have suggested and make time for them later in the day? Or alternate and the year you go to your parents have the in laws over on Boxing Day instead.

Millymollymanatee · 17/10/2016 19:55

I absolutely agree that posters are being bitchy over the use of the word hubby.

Cintacmrs123 · 17/10/2016 19:56

If it doesn't feel right to you then it isn't alright. Christmas is about you as a family it is not about balancing Grandparent time it is about enjoying your kids.

thenovice · 17/10/2016 20:25

Why not do your family present opening on Christmas Eve after evening meal, like in some of Europe? Then when FIL come's round he will just be helping open what he has brought round. Also you could say "we are planning on having a lie-ion this year so not before 9 am please".

pamhill64 · 17/10/2016 21:24

My DS and DIL have always spent Christmas morning since having dcs alone as family time before going to her mums for the rest of the day, changing from Lunch with DIL mum and then tea with us. As DGC came along and grew we reluctantly agreed that we wouldn't see them on Christmas Day as we agreed it wasn't much fun if they had to be prized from their toys and rush around, although going to her mums after lunch still occurred. Boxing Day has always been spent with her extended family at a house party, again with her mum in attendance. And no we can't see the kids Christmas Eve either as it's a "special family time" too. OP whilst your PILs are coming too early imo to say not to come At All and exclude GPs from the pleasure and excitement of seeing the kids on such a special day simply says "you're not welcome/wanted enough to spend special times with" and is really hurtful. Imagine if you're DH/DP banned your family from seeing the kids at Christmas and insisted on spending Every Christmas and Every weekend with his family. What would you say about fairness, about the kids knowing and feeling part of the maternal as well as the paternal family then? Please think about this. Suggest ways of compromising so everyone is happy eh.