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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want Hubby's parents over Christmas morning

319 replies

Bananamama1213 · 16/10/2016 06:41

Our children are 3 and 4. Every year since they've been born, hubby's dad and Step-mum invite themselves over at 8am because it fits in with them going to a Christmas swim at the beach (to watch). They live 30 minutes away.

His dad takes over with presents. He will sit down on the floor and help then open them and then open up all the boxes and put things together. I hate it because he pushes me out and I can never enjoy the morning as a family.

They are my children, I believe that it's okay for me as a mother to have the morning with my children.

Last year he brought 2 of his sisters down who me and kids have never met before! (We've been together 8 years). So kids were nervous opening them. It was very overwhelming having 4 extra adults in my front room.

I'm thinking that they can come over later or Christmas Eve or Boxing Day. We go to my family every year as we all live down the same road and have Christmas dinner there. We hadn't seen his mum for two months until today, and his dad we see fortnightly. Whereas my family is so close, we all go to my Aunties on a Saturday for 3-4 hours!

OP posts:
PigletWasPoohsFriend · 17/10/2016 21:24

If it doesn't feel right to you then it isn't alright. Christmas is about you as a family it is not about balancing Grandparent time it is about enjoying your kids.

Apart from the fact it isn't just the OPsame decision is it? Her DH also gets a say!

Cintacmrs123 · 17/10/2016 21:57

True but if she is unhappy - wouldn't a lovely hubby want to rectify that I am not suggesting not seeing his parents. I am saying family time in the morning.

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 17/10/2016 22:17

True but if she is unhappy - wouldn't a lovely hubby want to rectify that I am not suggesting not seeing his parents. I am saying family time in the morning.

Wouldn't a lovely wife keep the arrangements as they are considering they spend so much time with her family?

Cintacmrs123 · 17/10/2016 22:47

She is not suggesting less time she is suggesting a different time. She could increase her time with his parents throughout the year but that is another matter -she just wants to see her kids open their presents with just her hubby sounds reasonable to me.

38cody · 17/10/2016 22:54

Why not invite them for dinner? They'd be delighted and you can pop in to your family before or after and have the morning to yourselves.
We open 'santas' pillowcase of pressies in the morning but all the others after lunch- you could say it's a bit overwhelming for them and just do santas and the inlaws in the morning and the rest when they're gone?

bibbitybobbityyhat · 18/10/2016 05:12

All the ring fencing of the madness that is young children opening their Christmas presents as "magical/precious/special time for just your little family" is making me feel nauseous tbh.

My teenagers have never opened their Christmas presents just with us. We are always with one set of grandparents and long may that continue.

I am sorry to read that you are so sidelined in your grandchildren's lives Pamhill64. Your dil sounds thoughtless at best and really quite selfish at worst. Much like the op.

ohdearme1958 · 18/10/2016 06:50

Pam, that was a horrible read. Im so sorry you find yourself in this situation. Nothing anyone says will make it feel better but I am hoping that between now and Christmas Day your situation changes.

Bruce02 · 18/10/2016 07:12

I can't stress enough that he gets on better with my family than his own. He spends more time with them

My dh gets on better with my parents than he does his own. My dad is his best friend.

We don't however exclude his family. They are my kids grandparents. I go out of my way if I can to accommodate them. An hour on Christmas morning is definitely something I could accommodate.

tofutti · 18/10/2016 07:39

Alot of holier than thou people on this thread. Many people berated the OP for not allowing FIL to come later in the day, then others pointed out that OP said FIL could come later. Did the beraters apologise? Did they fuck. Also, it's not just FIL, it's step- MIL too.

Why not read between the lines of what OP is saying. OP says FIL followed her and took the screwdriver from her. Why not find out more about this? Why does OP feel taken over by FIL? Is her forceful? Does he treat her like the 'little woman'? Why does he think it's automatically his right to play with the kids and push out OP.

Is it reasonable for FIL to invite OP and her DH for Christmas and then withdraw the invitation? Is this decent behaviour?

Instead, many have rammed the 'welcome your FIL' message down OP's throat, driving her away from the thread.

KERALA1 · 18/10/2016 07:54

My Dc aren't allowed to open main presents until after lunch (church / walk) in morning and stockings from Father Christmas. Always been done that way - Victorian hang over. Nicely staggers the day. Everyone gathers after lunch and everyone opens presents together, whichever family are staying. Really communal kids hand out the presents enjoy seeing adults open presents they have given etc

This scrabble to rip open presents first thing is abit bratty IMO.

Ragwort · 18/10/2016 07:55

I loathe the concept that opening presents is the 'magical' aspect of Christmas - to me that is one, small part of the whole celebration and I hate the fuss some families seem to make over presents. no wonder so many people are so materialistic. I really am not looking forward to being 'expected' to view any future grandchildren opening presents on Christmas morning. Hmm

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 18/10/2016 08:02

Opening presents is a big thing for me. Not me opening mine, others opening things I have got them. I love seeing their face when they open it because I put a huge amount of thought into every present I buy. I have bought presents all year as people show an interest in something.

But my absolute favourite part of Christmas is Boxing Day. We play games and just laugh all day. It's great. Unfortunately DP is working this Boxing Day so we'll have to work it around him. Sad

tofutti · 18/10/2016 08:07

no wonder so many people are so materialistic.

I do agree with this.

TheNaze73 · 18/10/2016 08:08

YABVU, it's all about your family, why don't you swap this year and invite his around for dinner?

leighb23 · 18/10/2016 08:27

I couldn't be bothered reading all 11 pages, I don't understand why everyone objects to "hubby"??!

Alwayschanging1 · 18/10/2016 08:45

There is no rhyme or reason on this website. On this thread the OP has been slated for not wanting visitors at 8 am Xmas day and has been blamed for the fact that they do not see as much of the PILs as they do her parents. Apparently, it is all her fault.
How many times do you read on other threads that the arrangements with the PILs are the DHs problem? "You don't have a PIL problem - you have a DH problem". But on this thread the OP is being blamed for the lower contact with the PILs. If PPs feel so strongly that contact should be more even, then they should be ranting at the DH not the OP.

londonrach · 18/10/2016 08:50

Yabu re having lunch with your parents every year. Tell inlaws not come xmas morning and you cone to them for lunch and see your family in the evening and the year after swap it so your famiky get lunch, his gets xmas eve. That way you get the xmas morning together as a family and both families see you on xmas day. 😍

londonrach · 18/10/2016 08:51

Or do lunch at yours for his family or if you brave enough both sides!

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 18/10/2016 08:51

Why not read between the lines of what OP is saying

What like make things up that don't exist?

RhodaBull · 18/10/2016 09:01

Thinking about it, the word "hubby" is quite sweet. My aunt always called my uncle "Hubs" and I thought it rather nice (in spite of my mum doing the full MN sneer). Much better than a false drawling "Daaarling".

Anyway, aside from that I think the OP is being mean. Dsis did the same thing: bil's family was Absolutely Not Welcome on high days and holidays, and especially not at Christmas. Even phone calls from her mil were received with theatrical groans. When bil left home her treatment of his family was one of the (many) reasons he cited why she was BU.

I tolerated dh's parents for ten Christmases. My wings are waiting at the Pearly Gates, I can tell you. We did Christmas stockings in bed in the morning and then big presents in the late afternoon, after they'd gone. Christmas is no excuse to be selfish and unkind.

38cody · 18/10/2016 09:09

Where's the op?

38cody · 18/10/2016 09:09

Probably popped round her mums😄

38cody · 18/10/2016 09:12

I would happily spend the whole Xmas day with all of my family and not see in- laws at all over Xmas. Luckily SIL lives in Canada and they go there so that's just what we do.Smile

Thirtyrock39 · 18/10/2016 09:13

By 8am at our house on Xmas day it feels like mid morning as stockings etc all get opened hours earlier I wouldn't like extended family there for Xmas eve bedtime or stockings but after that i wouldn't mind it's one of those where you have to think how extra special it is for the kids having grandparents there

tofutti · 18/10/2016 09:14

What like make things up that don't exist?

What 'made-up things are you referring to, Piglet ?