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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think he shouldn't be kicking up such a fuss

281 replies

Notonthetrain · 15/10/2016 17:41

I had arranged to meet a friend this evening, and wasn't planning to get back late, so DH was going to take me to and pick me up from the train station. Train station is less than ten minutes away.

Now he is refusing to. If I want to go out I need to be responsible for myself, which is all very well and good except if he'd said something earlier I could have made arrangements earlier. Now I'm stuck Sad

OP posts:
diddl · 15/10/2016 20:09

He keeps the keys of your car & would take you off your insurance if you drove your car without his permission?

Yup, that's all types of fucked up.

ConvincingLiar · 15/10/2016 20:09

You have two cars between you and he holds all the keys? What the actual fuck?

petalsandstars · 15/10/2016 20:09

My DH has been known to bath the DC, bundle them into pjs and drive me into town then go home and put them to bed. Making sure I've enough money for a cab home and taxi numbers.

Sounds like your friends have a glimpse of who he really is. You need to make a plan and get out.

Original poster
Notonthetrain · 15/10/2016 20:09

It's not exactly he holds the keys. But will take them, off me if he wants.

OP posts:
Soubriquet · 15/10/2016 20:10

And you think this is normal?!

AnyFucker · 15/10/2016 20:10

No, you do not sound like you have MH problems. Your problem is an abusive husband.

If you divorced him you would be entitled to at least half of everything. Then ongoing child support.

Doublemint · 15/10/2016 20:11

No you sound like an emotionally and financially abused woman op. I'm saying that as gently and kindly as I can.

He is abusive.

ShebaShimmyShake · 15/10/2016 20:11

No no, OP, I'm sorry if that's how it sounded. You do not sound ill at all, just gaslit. I'm saying that men like him often claim their partners are ill (or "bad with money") to get you to doubt yourself and defer decisions to him....and I worry that he'll threaten to use it against you if you split.

AnyFucker · 15/10/2016 20:12

If you held tightly to the car keys when he tried to take them off you, what would happen ?

Original poster
Notonthetrain · 15/10/2016 20:13

It's a horrible feeling

OP posts:
Original poster
Notonthetrain · 15/10/2016 20:13

Oh, I don't know I guess he would force me to give them to him

OP posts:
Chippednailvarnishing · 15/10/2016 20:13

what would happen if you refused to let him have the keys?

Doublemint · 15/10/2016 20:13

How?

Madinche1sea · 15/10/2016 20:14

What would he actually do if you just took the car keys and went out now?

AnyFucker · 15/10/2016 20:14

Force you in what way ?

Soubriquet · 15/10/2016 20:15

I'm guessing he would physically yank them from your hand yes?

NicknameUsed · 15/10/2016 20:15

"But will take them, off me if he wants."

This is wrong on so many levels. Do you not see that?

Where are the spare keys?

Original poster
Notonthetrain · 15/10/2016 20:15

I don't honestly know AF. Honestly I'm not sure what he'd do.

OP posts:
2kids2dogsnosense · 15/10/2016 20:15

Agree with Chippednail

Do NOT let him bully you like this - he is being a childish, spiteful twat.

And when you get home hide the car keys so he can't use it until YOU are ready. (You live by the Car Key, you die by the Car Key . . . we can all do childish. He doesn't have a monopoly.)

Or don't cook his tea - you're "too tired" to do more than one portion.

Original poster
Notonthetrain · 15/10/2016 20:15

I don't think he'd yank them out of my hand.

OP posts:
ShebaShimmyShake · 15/10/2016 20:16

He'd physically force the keys off you if you refused to hand them over? Has he used force on you before? Please don't dismiss anything as not a big deal....has he ever laid a hand on you? A shove?

Doublemint · 15/10/2016 20:16

You can see what we are getting at here OP. no one should change their behaviour because they are fearful that someone may react in a harmful way.
This is not being considerate, it's not "making the marriage work", it's not "letting go for an easier life". It's living in fear of what he would do to you if you did what you want. its abuse.

AnyFucker · 15/10/2016 20:17

He doesn't have to physically take the keys then. He has trained you to give them up like a compliant 3yo caught with hands in the cookie jar.

Chippednailvarnishing · 15/10/2016 20:18

He's got you exactly where he wants you. Just like the good little wife.

Soubriquet · 15/10/2016 20:18

I think you need to have a serious think don't you

This man has you very well trained to do exactly what he wants and you don't question it for a second

You said you have a daughter right?

Would you want your daughter to marry a man like like your Dh?

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