To think most women have been victims of sexual assault? Has anyone not?

[Lighthouseturquoise]

Has anyone here honestly never been a victim of some kind sexual assault.

Even if not rape be it some drunk bloke groping you in a nightclub, a date getting heavy handed or pushy,

an ex boyfriend who just got carried away,

a sleazy boss or work colleague roughing your leg or making an appropriate remarks,

a friends boyfriend coming onto you,

a man thinking you were coming onto him because you were friendly then not taking no for an answer,

a boyfriend coercing you into sex or something as a teenager.

Getting beeped at or wolf whistled and feeling embarrassed and uncomfortable.

I think we sweep it all under the carpet and I bet the average woman during her life gets assaulted or harassed more than once.

You are extremely naive if you believe men beeping at you are paying you a compliment.

They are not, men who do this will beep at anyone with a vagina.

Yes I've been subject to countless instances of sexual harrassment and 'minor' sexual assaults, and 2 serious sexual assaults. I don't know any woman who hasn't experienced some kind of harrassment at least.

No, never happened to me, apart from wolfwhistling in my younger days. I wouldn't call this sexual assault.

I've never experienced anything on that list.

And I agree with you, I think probably 75% of women have experienced at least one of your examples. Possibly more

The straw that broke the camels back for me in going to townie clubs was when I was on the dance floor with my friends..we were used to men coming up and grinding into you, but one sleazy pervert started to rub his fucking erection up and down on my bum.

I hope it subsided when I he landed on the floor and no I dont regret pushing him

YANBU.

Coerced into sex acts by a boy I went to school with aged 17, 20 years ago. Blamed myself because I'd had feelings for him (even though I hadn't wanted to participate - had no idea of consent then). Put up with nightmare year of slander, lies and social isolation as a result because he was worried I might start telling people.

He fucked me off a couple of weeks ago by appearing on my Facebook newsfeed grinning wankily at the school reunion I was too scared to attend.

Several months after his assaults in the 90s and in the midst of his character assassination campaign, I was raped outside a nightclub with a guy I'd just met. Blamed myself because, yes, I was blind drunk (I was drinking to deal with the abuse the previous person subjected me to).

Starting to deal with it all at the grand old age of 40.

Yep, I've been sexually assaulted a few times in my younger days. Now I'm over 40 and invisible to men.

*raped by, not with - obviously.

I have never been assaulted or harassed. I am very lucky, and I also never liked parties, clubbing, drinking, etc, and led a very quiet life when I was younger.

I've managed to get through my life without being the victim of a sexual assault

Interesting wording in these responses - like sexual assault is something you can avoid if you manage your life correctly.

I think your self-esteem must be through the floor if you consider wolf-whistling or beeping a 'compliment'.

Yes, I have, several times.

Ritchy I don't think it is right to deny other people's experiences and throw around accusations of "victim blaming". A lot of the things on this list happen more often to people who go out, go drinking, like to have a laugh with some guys, and to quote SolomanDaisy: "have big breasts and don't wear a sack". This is not the same as saying that those women should be blamed if they are assaulted. Far from it.

Being a bit of a hermit doesn't protect you from all the criminals out there, but, in my experience, it makes certain kinds of assault less likely, as I said in my post of 17'09". I am offended that you think this is victim blaming. I am the last person to victim blame, and think we should be able to dance around drunk in our underwear without even the hint of a rude comment from anyone.

I have. I've been coerced into sex my boyfriends, once when he absolutely knew I didn't want to. But I didn't fight and essentially gave in. Had a guy on tube sit opposite stroking his election when I was 16.
Groped in clubs, beeped at, often heckled when out running. It's not a compliment.

I agree the 'managed' to get through life comment implies that you can avoid assault/harassment if you're careful.

I could have avoided all the incidents that have happened to me if I'd never left the house and not gone to work.

Nope, none of the above.
However, regularly flashed at when at school but we just laughed at them because they were, and are, so ridiculous.
My sister was assaulted on her way to school by someone I had just walked past. We went straight to the teachers and gave statements to the police. He was caught and then other girls came forward to say the same had happened to them. I don't know why they didn't say anything at the time.

Beeping and wolf-whistling is not a fucking complement! It's harassment. I'm not even that keen on random men coming up and complementing me - who the fuck made them the arbiter of my looks?? It's creepy and intrusive.

I wouldn't describe a wolf whistle or cat calling, if it's not sweary or sexual, as assault or harassment. Sometimes it's not nice, but only to me as bad as bad manners or rudeness.

But sometimes I've liked it from men who were attractive! Like on the other thread where there was a goady fucker asking if women shame men who are ugly and approach them, by calling them creepy. Same behaviour from different men can be felt and perceived differently.

I don't feel that applies where the behaviour is sweary, sexually explicit, involves touching or continues after it's been made clear the woman is not interested though.

I never have.

And I think wolf whistling and lewd comments are insulting acts of aggression.

God loads. Friend and I being locked in a club by the owner and his mate when it closed, both being coerced in to separate booths and attempted to make us perform sexual acts - we managed to get out relatively unscathed but it was touch and go.

Was raped at 14 by a foreign student (took my virginity) - who very kindly told me after he'd finished that he had HIV and to expect to die in the next few years (this was early 90's - was still somewhat of a death sentence), he didn't, (or at least didn't transmit it to me) but I spent years terrified. As if raping me wasn't insult enough.

Plenty of other relatively innocuous (not wanting to minimise) examples.

Loads and quite often it's been years later that I've actually considered it an assault:

• followed home by a stranger and the guy actually tried to push his way in the door, luckily friend was there to help
• some guys started to 'crowd' me saying sexual things. When I told them to "fuck off" they got nasty. only managed to get away by the skin of my teeth
• followed home again. took refuge in the hotel over the road until the guy disappeared
• older boss pushing his penis up against me and trying it on whilst at work
• letting someone have sex with me, even though I had said no numerous times, because it was easier just to let them do it than to fight back

There are loads more instances. I would make a terrible witness/victim in court though as I liked to go out partying and was quite promiscuous. I also liked to think I was street wise and could handle everything. By luck I survived many a scrape without too much harm. It did colour my view of men for a whilst.

Yes, several times.

With breasts from an early age and blonde hair, yes, repeatedly. From preteen. Into my 30s. Thank fuck nothing worse than groping.

For me it was mostly older men trying it on. All of them friends of my parents or the dads of siblings friend.

one told me I would be a good fuck. I was 14.

another told me I was clearly aroused by him because my pupils were dilated. He was a friends dad. I was 13.

The man who yelled at me to get my tits out. (many of them)

The GP that groped me through my knickers aged 9 or 10.

The gay guy who thought it was OK to grab my tits because he was gay.

The men who would grind themselves against me in a club.

The man who was verbally abusive to me because I accepted a drink, chatted with him for a bit, figured he wasn't for me, then turned him down when he suggested a one night stand.

The partner who hit me.

The partner who tried to get me pregnant against my wishes.

The boys at school who would repeatedly snap my bra straps.

The housemate who stole my knickers and would walk in on me in the shower because he kept removing the bolt for the latch.

OK not all of these are assault. I know that. They are certainly predatory, harassment and scream of the entitlement of some men who think they can have access my body by what ever means.

When I was a teenager I didn't realise groping etc was sexual assault. I just thought that was what happened if you had big breasts and didn't wear a sack. It's quite scary to think I thought like that, how accepting girls are of appalling male behaviour.

I have. I thought it was normal until recently when i thought, no, that just wasnt right.