To think most women have been victims of sexual assault? Has anyone not?

[Lighthouseturquoise]

Has anyone here honestly never been a victim of some kind sexual assault.

Even if not rape be it some drunk bloke groping you in a nightclub, a date getting heavy handed or pushy,

an ex boyfriend who just got carried away,

a sleazy boss or work colleague roughing your leg or making an appropriate remarks,

a friends boyfriend coming onto you,

a man thinking you were coming onto him because you were friendly then not taking no for an answer,

a boyfriend coercing you into sex or something as a teenager.

Getting beeped at or wolf whistled and feeling embarrassed and uncomfortable.

I think we sweep it all under the carpet and I bet the average woman during her life gets assaulted or harassed more than once.

[BigFatTent]

2kids just seen your comment on my post. In my case it wasn't really low self esteem but a man who doesn't take no for an answer in all kinds of situations and makes out your are unreasonable if you don't go along with it. He is just someone who who can only think about himself, but it concerns me he's now with someone else who's probably being made to feel he's entirely reasonable in the same way. I'm certain he thinks Ched Evans did nothing wrong. I wonder what she thinks.

[Lj8893]

Not rtft.

I have had my breasts groped more times than I can remember by strangers in pubs, clubs etc. Not just by men either. I've also been told that because they are large than that's a free pass for people to grope them

My ex fiancé (note the ex) used to coerce me into sexual activities when we had an argument "if you do this then I will forgive you" etc.

I'm shocked that people wouldn't find these things and other similar examples sexual assault.

[Pinkstranger]

I was rubbed up (his hand on my genitals) on a crowded train on way to school age approx 13. I kept trying to turn away he managed to follow me with his hand. I felt powerless and never reported it.

[Mysecretgarden]

A boy at secondary school used to run his hand up my legs. Others saw and laugh and the teacher would not move me.
At the swimming pool boys chased me to cover and drop me.
2 boys followed me and cornered me in the lift. I was terrified.
One 'friend' invited himself to my flat in my 20's and I just did not manage to stop him.

[PortiaCastis]

This is from Women's Aid

www.womensaid.org.uk/chedevanstrial/

[EmmaWoodlouse]

I can easily believe most women have, but just for the sake of accurate stats, I haven't.

[ecuse]

Oh, and one I forgot ... on my 16th birthday, in a nightclub, bumped into a friend/work colleague of my step dad's. Didn't know him hugely well but had been at family bbqs at both his place and our place with his wife, kids, our family. He must have been mid 40s, maybe. He snogged and groped me. I was willing enough (drunk, flattered) but afterwards was terribly ashamed, never told anyone, thought I would be judged for snogging a married man. I look back and think WTF that is disgusting. He knew how old I was, had known me for several years as a CHILD. I had literally turned 16 that day. Grim.

[2kids2dogsnosense]

The first time I met exP (father to dc) he repeatedly groped me, despite my objections. Later, he had sex with me, despite me saying no many times. As I gave in and let him, and later had consensual sex, although I was uncomfortable about it, I brushed it under the carpet. I still struggle to say it was rape as I was open to some sexual contact at the time, but it certainly showed me the kind of person he was (even if I didn't want to see it at the time). There were many other incidents where I felt uncomfortable with the sex we had. The relationship became abusive in many other ways too (which I blamed myself for).

It's not unusual for women to be repeatedly raped in what could be misconstrued as a consensual situation (in the way you describe here).

It is usually connected to very low self-esteem, and a condition that they "deserve" it, because if they had been decent girls it wouldn't have happened in the first place.

[Felascloak]

deeedeee I think it is normal but not ok Lots of people on here have come on saying they thought nothing had happened until they really thought about it.
Amazing what we block out.

My DD (she's preteen) told me a boy in her class had been groping all the girls but they didn't tell anyone as all the teachers lived the boy so wouldn't believe them
I think I persuaded her it wasn't ok but it shows how deeply persuasive those messages are

[deeedeee]

Interesting to think about this. I too would never have said that I've been sexually assaulted or harassed.

but

When i was at primary school (six or 7?) , me and a friend showed some boys in our class our bottoms and vaginas because they asked us too. The teacher who found us punished us but not the boys.

Locked in a abandoned garage down a back alley by a teenage boy when I was 8 or 9 or something and he told me he wasn't going to let me go and would rape me. I don't think he did, but don't really remember.

Our PE teacher at school was well known for liking young girls, it was an open joke. He used to teach us all trampolining. We'd have to be dressed in PE knickers and vest and standing around the edge of the trampoline, he'd call the trampoline "the bed" and ask us one by one to get up on the bed with him. He'd then put one hand between your thighs from the back so he was basically holding your vagina and one hand on your chest and bounce you up and down. We were all about 11/12. It took another 15 years or so for him to be sacked.

I remember at this point of my childhood being absolutely desperate for noone to think I was a virgin. It was almost as if it was shameful to be a virgin at my school. Girls were just expected to be having sex and doing everything with boys. I was quite overweight as a teenager, so I was actually a virgin until I was sixteen, but I was so ashamed of that. I made up boyfriends and pretended to be sexually experienced to all my friends, who were all giving boys blow jobs in the cloaks room at break times. I almost felt ashamed that I wasn't. Boys just called me fat and I was ashamed that none of them wanted to try and have sex with me like they did with the other girls. Funny writing that now and thinking about it! I was 12/13/14 when i felt like this.

I remember one boy ( i must of been 14) who I really liked sticking his hands in my knickers and into my vagina and then saying that i really smelt and that he had fishy fingers. That mortified me. Deep shame. Almost cry now thinking about it.

When I got to about 14/15 and lost the baby fat I'd grown out of boys my age anyway and looked far older than my age. Me and my friends used to hang around clubs and laugh at older blokes who we'd let grope and kiss us and buy us drinks and then run off without having sex with them. Looking back it's a miracle none of us got raped. But strange thinking back about how normal it felt to be groped and leered at by older men who would buy us more and more drink.

I'm only really going up to my teenage years now. but so startling to think of those and how utterly normal I felt it was. Is it?

[seriouslyclueless]

Saw this on. A Mighty Girl today and thought it was really good and appropriate.

[Boundaries]

Yup, mrs - male meter reader came today, I let him in but stood on the outside of my front door until he'd gone.
just in case

[MrsHathaway]

As an example of how widespread this is and how we are all absolutely accustomed to dealing with it, I'd like you to consider what you do in this kind of situation:

Boiler conks out. British Gas say they'll send a man out.

There are obvious sensible precautions like not leaving a pile of cash / new iPhone in its box in the bathroom next to the boiler cupboard - precautions that protect you both.

Make sure you have tea/coffee/milk/sugar.

So far so good.

But as a woman at home on her own I also made sure:

• to have mentioned to several people that the boiler man was coming
  
  
• not to lock the front door while he was here
  
  
• not to mention that DH is away for a few weeks
  
  And it's only because of this thread that I realised I did those last three things to protect myself from a hypothetical opportunist. Completely illogical, but just in case.

[MoonHare]

I was groped by a GP (not my own but while away on holiday) when I was 21. You would think I was old enough to know and object but I politely let him do a 'breast examination' without anyone else present. I had gone to see GP for gastroenteritis. Nothing to do with my breasts!

It was only many years later I realised the reality of what I'd experienced.

[AvaMercy]

So I've had the following:

Street harassment - Men approaching me (often late at night) and then becoming verbally abusive and aggressive when I've either told them that I didn't want to talk to them or pointed out how inappropriate the timing and location was (quiet road late at night etc). I've also had men shout in the street that I'm a lesbian when I've refused to speak with them or give them my number. Repeatedly

Groping - lots of bum touching in clubs, in my 20s during late 90s early 00s. You would walk through the crowds and you would feel men's hands grab at your bum. Have gotten into some shouting matches some on the occasion I was able to identify the culprit

Men exposing themselves- once on my way home from work in my mid 20s, a man came up to me on the empty platform and kind of indicates with a nod of his head, that I should look down. When I did, his pathetic flaccid little cock was flopped out. I was so angry that he would do this to me that I started shouting and telling him how disgusting he was and that I was going to call the police. He ran off and I did call the police and they took my statement and his description

In all of these cases I have always worried about what a less confident and/or younger woman would have done in these same situations.

Also, in my teens, we would always go to the local park on our lunch break at school. For a good few months when I was about 14 there was a man in a mask who would regularly wank in the bushes whilst wearing a black cycling mask. My small group of friends and I thought it was hilarious and a little fascinating! (We were young and silly and giggly about the idea of someone with their willy out). But then one day he seemed aware of us and then we suddenly all realised that this was actually very very sinister rather than funny! We didn't go back to that park at lunch time for a very long time after that, never looked out for him again and never saw him again. But we never reported what he was doing to an adult and now in hindsight I really regret it and shudder at the thought of what else he may have done and how dangerous it had been all for what at the time just felt like a bit of a giggle at a weirdos expense!

And these are just my own personal experiences. I could go on and on if I you were to ask me about friends and family members experiences

[KERALA1]

The adjust your behaviour thing is nonsense. The times I have been harassed have been broad daylight whilst wearing very run of the mill clothes or at work. Perhaps we should follow Saudi and all stay indoors shrouded in black cloaks?

[user1476781406]

I've been raped and sexually assaulted. I don't know many women who havent.

[BigFatTent]

This thread is an uncomfortable read for me. I have experienced all of this.

The first time I met exP (father to dc) he repeatedly groped me, despite my objections. Later, he had sex with me, despite me saying no many times. As I gave in and let him, and later had consensual sex, although I was uncomfortable about it, I brushed it under the carpet. I still struggle to say it was rape as I was open to some sexual contact at the time, but it certainly showed me the kind of person he was (even if I didn't want to see it at the time). There were many other incidents where I felt uncomfortable with the sex we had. The relationship became abusive in many other ways too (which I blamed myself for).

I wouldn't change a thing because I have dc but if I hadn't been conditioned to accept this kind of thing just happens, maybe I would have seen it all as a major red flag. You will probably be aghast that I didn't!

[Unicornsandrainbows3]

You know what else? It's still a world wide problem. There are people telling their stories on this thread who are from the UK but also Australia, NZ, America and all over. It's just so sad.

[Unicornsandrainbows3]

Never been drunk in my life and never taken drugs. It still happened to me. In a school uniform. At school. As a child. By the teacher. And again later. At home. With my now exH. Someone I should have been able to trust.

But you know what? It doesn't matter. A woman who's raped while drunk/wearing a skirt/while at a night club is no less serious than a woman who is raped in her home while drinking water and wearing a baggy tracksuit. Neither asked for it. Neither caused it. Neither deserved it.

A woman should be able to be so drunk she can't see straight and still has the right to expect she won't be assaulted!! Likewise she should be able to wear what she wants and go where she wants when she wants without being assaulted!

I honestly don't get how that is so fucking difficult to understand. But obviously for many it is. Sometimes I really hate the world.

[Kr1stina]

I'm just amazed at the poster who says their teenage DD has never been sexually harassed. Unlesss she's HE and has never spent time with any other teens .

So no kids have ever made any unwanted comments about her appearance, or touched her without her consent , asked her for sexual photos or sent her some . No boys has ever propositioned her in an inappropriate way or abused her when she declined his advances. She's never heard a girl called a slag or shamed for doing things that boys do all the time. She's never heard boys talking about girls as if they were objects and she doesn't know anything about porn or go on social media.

Really ?

These things happen every single day in every single high school in the country.

[Datun]

Nothing massively traumatising like some of the poor loves on here . It's heart breaking.

Just the usual leering, propositioning, intimidation and entitled attitude.

And if anyone still thinks it's not about power and control just look at how many posters start with 'when I was 5...6...8'.

We need a cultural shift. Now is the time - with the media reporting of Ched Evans, Trump, the Rotherham gang. Keep talking about misogyny, rape myths, victim blaming with sons, husbands, brothers and fathers. When someone in the pub says 'cor, look at the rack on that' let them feel the discomfort, that it's unacceptable.

[shovetheholly]

Every single day - at school. Teachers and male pupils alike. I thought it was normal until I went to university.

We have to do better at educating boys, and we must react with furious solidarity to any suggestion of "boys will be boys".

[FurryLittleTwerp]

Aged 12 a business colleague of my father's leerily looked at my chest & said "I see your tits are growing"

Aged 14 a neighbour got pissed at our house during a boozy lunch then took myself, my brother & his daughter sledging. While the younger two were whizzing down the slope he cornered me against a hedge, flopped out his nasty purple penis saying, "touch it for me Furry." I barged past him & told my parents later - my Dad had a word, but it was brushed under the carpet & excused as his being drunk - we even went on holiday later that spring with him, his wife & daughter as it was already paid for


Aged 15 a friend of my parents grabbed me, put me over his knee & spanked my bottom because I had been cheeky to him. I dug my nails into the back of his hand & drew blood. This was in front of my parents - he was staying for dinner

All the "usual" whistling, groping & comments in nightclubs while away at university. I don't even have big boobs.

[Felascloak]

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/womens_rights/2758126-Advice-on-discussing-consent-and-treating-girls-like-human-beings-chat-for-8-year-old