To think most women have been victims of sexual assault? Has anyone not?

[Lighthouseturquoise]

Has anyone here honestly never been a victim of some kind sexual assault.

Even if not rape be it some drunk bloke groping you in a nightclub, a date getting heavy handed or pushy,

an ex boyfriend who just got carried away,

a sleazy boss or work colleague roughing your leg or making an appropriate remarks,

a friends boyfriend coming onto you,

a man thinking you were coming onto him because you were friendly then not taking no for an answer,

a boyfriend coercing you into sex or something as a teenager.

Getting beeped at or wolf whistled and feeling embarrassed and uncomfortable.

I think we sweep it all under the carpet and I bet the average woman during her life gets assaulted or harassed more than once.

[Ifounddory]

I barely drink. I've never been roaring drunk outside of my home or the home of someone I trust. I don't really do many pubs and have only ever been to clubs about 10 times in my life. I don't wear skimpy clothing. I never walk alone at night.

I "do everything right" according to some but I have been a victim of sexual assault (more than once)

Women's behaviour is often irrelevant and even not doing all those things men like to tell us we should not tempt them with doesn't matter.

I fear you are right OP. The only solution is that we need to raise our sons to respect women.

[HmmmmBop]

Too many times to remember and only recently realising (for some things) that it wasn't ok.

However, I think the inclusion of wolf whistling etc in the list is a distraction. It's not OK but it's not on the same scale as rape or sexual assault.

To try and consider them under the same umbrella minimises the severity of a physical sexual assault.

[orangeterry]

I've not

[lljkk]

Some of that is harrassment not assault.
I don't think me chasing gropers down the street (arseholes) was sweeping anything under a carpet.

I love Anita Hill & how she spoke truth to power, but I can't really understand women who don't screech fury back at any person who does this shit.... or who turns into an evangelical crusader about this stuff yrs later. Not judging, coz we're all different. Just saying I'm already outside OP's simple narrative about what happens in response.

[heateallthebuns]

It is victim blaming to say you can avoid it if you avoid certain places. As I said I was wanked at twice on the street / in a park while wearing jeans and a winter coat walking along minding my own business with a resting bitch face. Once at 12.30 in the day, the other walking home at about 10 at night.

I'm really surprised some people are saying nothing has ever happened to them at all. Have they never got public transport or walked down the street alone? They must have been cat called at at the very least.

[Happyhippy45]

In my peer group I can safely say all of us have been sexually assaulted at least once. Varying from unwanted advances/groping to violent sexual assault/rape.
The earliest one I remember was age 15, myself and 2 friends (girls) were invited to a boy in schools birthday party. It was in the middle of the afternoon and we got to his house to find we were the only girls invited. There were about 9 boys there.
The party was in the boys bedroom.
We were pinned down, snogged, groped, hands down underwear. Fucking horrible. They were all in on it.
We managed to escape when his mum called them to get burgers and hot dogs. This was the 1980s. Yes we were raised to think this was normal. I hope nowadays these same "boys" would be horrified to be reminded of their behaviour.

[RalphSteadmansEye]

Yes, and that's why I said I was very lucky not to have experienced any of those things in places like work, relationships, friendships and public transport.

But lots of people are quoting pubs and clubs as being places where it's almost expected you'll get assaulted - if you never go there, or have friends who drink etc etc, these are less likely to happen to you. That is NOT blaming women who go to these places and suffer these assaults.

[lljkk]

I don't like the word "victim", either. It doesn't fit how I feel about what happened, whatever arsehole behaviour they did.

[BowieFan]

I have had drunken gropes but in situations where I was actually actively snogging the guy.

I don't really see beeping and wolf whistling as sexual assault and am worried that some people do!

[Lighthouseturquoise]

Regarding the wolf whistling. Obviously that's a debate within itself. It wasn't something that particularly bothered me once upon a time. I drive everywhere now so it's rarely an issue.

Then a couple of years ago I went to get my hair cut, dh dropped me off and arranged to pick me up up the road at a bus stop.

Walking up that road I got beeped and shouted at from vans no fewer than 10 times, there's nothing extraordinary about me and I was wearing a long maxi skirt and tshirt. I got to the bus stop and it happened a couple more times.

It really got to me, the beeps had made me jump, I felt embarrassed and ending up hiding in the bus stop under my cardigan waiting for dh.

I refuse to accept that wasn't harassment.

I've had other things happen to me so I KNOW the difference, but wtf gave those blokes the right to make me feel like that?

[LostSight]

What a depressing thread. Add me to the list of those who have experienced a number of those things. Some involved alcohol, but the first I recall was in a bookshop when I was about fourteen and some middle aged man came up and started to say sexually explicit things. No idea what I was wearing, but I didn't do skimpy ever, so the idea you can somehow avoid it through some kind of behaviour modification is just wrong.

[Findmuckery]

Very quiet and shy at school but groped up skirt and breasts almost daily by a group of boys. They did it constantly to a lot of girls.
Groped as early teen walking dog in park
Man approached me in park, he was naked with an erection and asked me if I wanted to ride him. It was on a summers afternoon
17 and a virgin, summer, wearing summer dress, man put fingers inside me on bus. It was daylight. Was utterly vile.
Was raped by partner I was splitting up from. He knelt on my arms and put his hand over my mouth.
Groped regularly by 90 year old FIL who has dementia. I've learnt to avoid being on my own with him or ever hugging/kissing him goodbye.
Revolting really isn't it?
Wolf whistles or beeping never bothered me as I didn't see it as harassment just silliness

[Agerbilatemycardigan]

Groped by friends of parents at 8 and 12 years old

Anally raped by an ex

Groped by colleagues and bosses

Had vile sexual suggestions whispered in my ear by a stranger

Hands up my skirt and down my top (countless times)

Been rubbed up against on public transport

As for middle age invisibility, I'm now 52 and have still had men behaving inappropriately towards me, except now I'm supposed to be grateful for the attention

It's never fucking ending sigh

[Xenophile]

I don't know a single woman who hasn't experienced some form of sexual aggression.

Spanning from being touched up on the tube every single day through to being gang raped every woman of my acquaintance has been affected.

[stitchglitched]

They belong under the same umbrella because they all epitomise unsolicited sexual contact or communication, objectification of women and how men feel entitled to treat women. No one is saying they all have the same severity, but they are all part of the same problem.

[madein1995]

I have many times, in nightclubs really. Mainly groping my bum etc when dancing. Once was scarier though, was sat by a guy just chatting and drinking and he kept pressuring me for sex, I was uncomfortable so started trying to leave and making excuses. He wouldn't let my hand go and kept groping me, right in the middle Of The club and no one noticed. Thankfully I was sober enough to stamp on his foot with my heel and run outside to the bouncers with my friend.

Another time was my real lucky escape. I was 16 and drinking in the park with mates. One of them went home early and one was kissing her bf. Friend who left, her ex was trying it on with me. Was happy for him to kiss me but nothing further. When he groped me I tried to scream and he covered my mouth. Lucky I was sober enough to bite the hand and run away. I later found out he raped friend and that was why he was an ex.

[Findmuckery]

Yes agerbilatemycardigan I'm also in my 50s and it really is never ending! 🙄

[Velvian]

Yes; I have been coerced into sex while underage & was sexually abused by my partner through my teens & early twenties. One of my 2 sisters was too & I often think we can't be that unusual.

[mumofthemonsters808]

Here's mine and I have never told another soul

I was only 17 and was having sex with my friends brother, when four of his friends appeared naked in the bedroom and asked to join in. I grabbed my clothes and tried to run out of the room, but I was not quick enough and ended up in the ensuite bathroom, they locked me in and each took turns to come into the room and asked me to have sex with them. Two hours later, the final one came in and I just let him do it, because I really wanted to go home.He finished, washed his penis and spat on me and left the door open. I run downstairs and they all cheered and throw my bag at me, which they'd stuffed with food and stolen my money.

A few months later, I bumped into them in a local pub and the one who I'd had sex with threw his drink over me, which splashed all over my face. Twenty years later I bumped into him and he immediately recognised me and shouted across the pub "Do you remember 1987 ?" with a massive grin on his face and I think he told all his new mates because they were all roaring with laughter.

I often play this back in my mind and wonder why I had sex with him and I have no answers. It wasn't rape or assault because I consented.However, it was one of the defining moments of my teenage years.

[ShimmyShimmyYa]

Yes, I've been held down by one young man and forced to fellate his friend (wish I'd bitten it!)
That was obviously assault- I can see that now and I hope that most people would agree , but what is also wrong is the vitriol that was spewed on here last night towards Ched Evans- a man whose life has been ruined by a false allegation. Horrible comments towards his girlfriend;. normally bright posters who would require a bit of evidence before levelling vile accusations claiming to just "know" that he did it- baying for his blood!
I'm disgusted but I know I'm swimming against the tide here.

[paxillin]

Our PE teacher used to grope girls. 11 to 14 year olds usually. This was in the 80s. The response whenever a girl complained? Well, why did you go into Mr Perv's office on your own, you know what he's like.

[littleprincesssara]

God yes.

I've also interceded several times in incidents that I witnessed, or that didn't involve me directly, including putting my foot down and saying a convicted pedo couldn't come to the dress rehearsal of a play I was involved in (since he couldn't legally attend a public performance). Got a lot of stick for that.

[ageingrunner]

I got felt up twice by (I assume) the same man while at a gig. He did the thing Donald trump likes to do, but from behind. I looked round both times but there was no obvious culprit and tbh I was quite drunk so not at my sharpest. I didn't really think much of it. It happened a couple of years ago and it's only now that I'm starting to feel outraged. At the time I just thought 'shit happens' but there was obviously some predatory weirdo going through the crowd feeling women up
If I'd been sober maybe I'd have been able to do something about it or make more of an attempt to find out who it was, but it was a massive crowd of people standing really close together and most people were drunk and on drugs

[IreallyKNOWiamright]

I haven't thankfully. Recently tho I had a delivery driver coming on to me and even though the dog chased him off he had the cheek to ask me for a drink. He said he has kept me till last when he was on his break. I didn't like him the first time he delivered my stuff. Second time he delivers tried to find out if I was married or had a boyfriend. Third time still tried to lure me into conversation and hang around, despite knowing I'm married. I'm the type not to be rude and tell someone I'm busy but I think in future I'm going to have to be.
The dog hated him I had a bad feeling about him so after the third delivery I've stopped ordering from that company. I'm worried now he will come back because he has noticed I've stopped ordering, and use it as am excuse. I won't be answering the door.

[JustDanceAddict]

Yes I have. Worst was being jumped on at 14 coming back from school, by a boy in school uniform (not mine) - pushed me into bushes and kissed me - was awful and I never told my mum, in fact barely anyone knows. I should've gone to the police, I could've easily identified him. This is why I understand when victims don't come forward as it's such a horrible thing to have done to you. And mine was relatively mild.
And the usual tit gropes etc, being flashed and the like.