To think most women have been victims of sexual assault? Has anyone not?

[Lighthouseturquoise]

Has anyone here honestly never been a victim of some kind sexual assault.

Even if not rape be it some drunk bloke groping you in a nightclub, a date getting heavy handed or pushy,

an ex boyfriend who just got carried away,

a sleazy boss or work colleague roughing your leg or making an appropriate remarks,

a friends boyfriend coming onto you,

a man thinking you were coming onto him because you were friendly then not taking no for an answer,

a boyfriend coercing you into sex or something as a teenager.

Getting beeped at or wolf whistled and feeling embarrassed and uncomfortable.

I think we sweep it all under the carpet and I bet the average woman during her life gets assaulted or harassed more than once.

[MoonHare]

I was groped by a GP (not my own but while away on holiday) when I was 21. You would think I was old enough to know and object but I politely let him do a 'breast examination' without anyone else present. I had gone to see GP for gastroenteritis. Nothing to do with my breasts!

It was only many years later I realised the reality of what I'd experienced.

[MrsHathaway]

As an example of how widespread this is and how we are all absolutely accustomed to dealing with it, I'd like you to consider what you do in this kind of situation:

Boiler conks out. British Gas say they'll send a man out.

There are obvious sensible precautions like not leaving a pile of cash / new iPhone in its box in the bathroom next to the boiler cupboard - precautions that protect you both.

Make sure you have tea/coffee/milk/sugar.

So far so good.

But as a woman at home on her own I also made sure:

• to have mentioned to several people that the boiler man was coming
  
  
• not to lock the front door while he was here
  
  
• not to mention that DH is away for a few weeks
  
  And it's only because of this thread that I realised I did those last three things to protect myself from a hypothetical opportunist. Completely illogical, but just in case.

[Boundaries]

Yup, mrs - male meter reader came today, I let him in but stood on the outside of my front door until he'd gone.
just in case

[seriouslyclueless]

Saw this on. A Mighty Girl today and thought it was really good and appropriate.

[deeedeee]

Interesting to think about this. I too would never have said that I've been sexually assaulted or harassed.

but

When i was at primary school (six or 7?) , me and a friend showed some boys in our class our bottoms and vaginas because they asked us too. The teacher who found us punished us but not the boys.

Locked in a abandoned garage down a back alley by a teenage boy when I was 8 or 9 or something and he told me he wasn't going to let me go and would rape me. I don't think he did, but don't really remember.

Our PE teacher at school was well known for liking young girls, it was an open joke. He used to teach us all trampolining. We'd have to be dressed in PE knickers and vest and standing around the edge of the trampoline, he'd call the trampoline "the bed" and ask us one by one to get up on the bed with him. He'd then put one hand between your thighs from the back so he was basically holding your vagina and one hand on your chest and bounce you up and down. We were all about 11/12. It took another 15 years or so for him to be sacked.

I remember at this point of my childhood being absolutely desperate for noone to think I was a virgin. It was almost as if it was shameful to be a virgin at my school. Girls were just expected to be having sex and doing everything with boys. I was quite overweight as a teenager, so I was actually a virgin until I was sixteen, but I was so ashamed of that. I made up boyfriends and pretended to be sexually experienced to all my friends, who were all giving boys blow jobs in the cloaks room at break times. I almost felt ashamed that I wasn't. Boys just called me fat and I was ashamed that none of them wanted to try and have sex with me like they did with the other girls. Funny writing that now and thinking about it! I was 12/13/14 when i felt like this.

I remember one boy ( i must of been 14) who I really liked sticking his hands in my knickers and into my vagina and then saying that i really smelt and that he had fishy fingers. That mortified me. Deep shame. Almost cry now thinking about it.

When I got to about 14/15 and lost the baby fat I'd grown out of boys my age anyway and looked far older than my age. Me and my friends used to hang around clubs and laugh at older blokes who we'd let grope and kiss us and buy us drinks and then run off without having sex with them. Looking back it's a miracle none of us got raped. But strange thinking back about how normal it felt to be groped and leered at by older men who would buy us more and more drink.

I'm only really going up to my teenage years now. but so startling to think of those and how utterly normal I felt it was. Is it?

[Felascloak]

deeedeee I think it is normal but not ok Lots of people on here have come on saying they thought nothing had happened until they really thought about it.
Amazing what we block out.

My DD (she's preteen) told me a boy in her class had been groping all the girls but they didn't tell anyone as all the teachers lived the boy so wouldn't believe them
I think I persuaded her it wasn't ok but it shows how deeply persuasive those messages are

[2kids2dogsnosense]

The first time I met exP (father to dc) he repeatedly groped me, despite my objections. Later, he had sex with me, despite me saying no many times. As I gave in and let him, and later had consensual sex, although I was uncomfortable about it, I brushed it under the carpet. I still struggle to say it was rape as I was open to some sexual contact at the time, but it certainly showed me the kind of person he was (even if I didn't want to see it at the time). There were many other incidents where I felt uncomfortable with the sex we had. The relationship became abusive in many other ways too (which I blamed myself for).

It's not unusual for women to be repeatedly raped in what could be misconstrued as a consensual situation (in the way you describe here).

It is usually connected to very low self-esteem, and a condition that they "deserve" it, because if they had been decent girls it wouldn't have happened in the first place.

[ecuse]

Oh, and one I forgot ... on my 16th birthday, in a nightclub, bumped into a friend/work colleague of my step dad's. Didn't know him hugely well but had been at family bbqs at both his place and our place with his wife, kids, our family. He must have been mid 40s, maybe. He snogged and groped me. I was willing enough (drunk, flattered) but afterwards was terribly ashamed, never told anyone, thought I would be judged for snogging a married man. I look back and think WTF that is disgusting. He knew how old I was, had known me for several years as a CHILD. I had literally turned 16 that day. Grim.

[EmmaWoodlouse]

I can easily believe most women have, but just for the sake of accurate stats, I haven't.

[PortiaCastis]

This is from Women's Aid

www.womensaid.org.uk/chedevanstrial/

[Mysecretgarden]

A boy at secondary school used to run his hand up my legs. Others saw and laugh and the teacher would not move me.
At the swimming pool boys chased me to cover and drop me.
2 boys followed me and cornered me in the lift. I was terrified.
One 'friend' invited himself to my flat in my 20's and I just did not manage to stop him.

[Pinkstranger]

I was rubbed up (his hand on my genitals) on a crowded train on way to school age approx 13. I kept trying to turn away he managed to follow me with his hand. I felt powerless and never reported it.

[Lj8893]

Not rtft.

I have had my breasts groped more times than I can remember by strangers in pubs, clubs etc. Not just by men either. I've also been told that because they are large than that's a free pass for people to grope them

My ex fiancé (note the ex) used to coerce me into sexual activities when we had an argument "if you do this then I will forgive you" etc.

I'm shocked that people wouldn't find these things and other similar examples sexual assault.

[BigFatTent]

2kids just seen your comment on my post. In my case it wasn't really low self esteem but a man who doesn't take no for an answer in all kinds of situations and makes out your are unreasonable if you don't go along with it. He is just someone who who can only think about himself, but it concerns me he's now with someone else who's probably being made to feel he's entirely reasonable in the same way. I'm certain he thinks Ched Evans did nothing wrong. I wonder what she thinks.