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AIBU?

To think most women have been victims of sexual assault? Has anyone not?

989 replies

Lighthouseturquoise · 15/10/2016 17:19

Has anyone here honestly never been a victim of some kind sexual assault.

Even if not rape be it some drunk bloke groping you in a nightclub, a date getting heavy handed or pushy,

an ex boyfriend who just got carried away,

a sleazy boss or work colleague roughing your leg or making an appropriate remarks,

a friends boyfriend coming onto you,

a man thinking you were coming onto him because you were friendly then not taking no for an answer,

a boyfriend coercing you into sex or something as a teenager.

Getting beeped at or wolf whistled and feeling embarrassed and uncomfortable.

I think we sweep it all under the carpet and I bet the average woman during her life gets assaulted or harassed more than once.

OP posts:

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LegoCaltrops · 15/10/2016 17:31

Yes. My first boyfriend tried to rape me. My XP bullied & forced me into sex numerous times (although never with actual violence; he never struck me).

Most women I've spoken to have had at least one unpleasant experience which they did not consent to. Consent should be active, a lack of consent should not imply consent under any circumstances. Where to draw the line, how many units of alcohol, at what age, how ill does a person have to be that silence doesn't imply consent.

Mrscog · 15/10/2016 17:32

Yep - low level nightclub groping as a teen in the early 00's it's only now I'm older and wiser I see it for what it was. Disgusting and the thin end if the wedge. Would be appalled if either of my DSes behave like that in the future.

katienana · 15/10/2016 17:33

I had a man put his hand up my skirt on the street when I was 15. He grabbed me from behind. I reported it to the police and they made every effort to catch him but they never did.
Plus almost everything else on the list. I never used to think much about nightclub gropes but if someone tried that now I would not let them get away with it.

Laiste · 15/10/2016 17:33

Loads of 'minor' incidents (in other words not actual rape) have happened to me. From apx age 13.

(Proper actual unwanted physical sexual contact, not just 'perceived', IYKWIM.)

So much so, thinking about it, that i fully expect it and would factor it in to my plans. On the tube for eg as a teen: 'Can i be bothered to walk all the way down the platform to a less busy carriage or shall i just get on here and stand for the journey and put up with the usual hand or hard on rubbed against my arse scenario. sigh.

(I know OP has asked for posts from women who've had none. sorry).

Lighthouseturquoise · 15/10/2016 17:34

Of course a man groping a woman is sexual assault. Ffs.

As for a friends boyfriend coming into you, it depends I suppose how you interpret coming onto you.

If he grabbed you and shoved his tongue down your throat then yes it would be.

OP posts:

Laiste · 15/10/2016 17:35

expected it, not expect it.

Freshprincess · 15/10/2016 17:35

Yep, almost all of your list.

MyGiddyUncle · 15/10/2016 17:36

Of course a man groping a woman is sexual assault. Ffs

Who said it's not?

danadas · 15/10/2016 17:37

Genuinely don't think I have - nothing I can think of anyway.

Laiste · 15/10/2016 17:37

My very first experience of 'men being bad' was when i was about 7 or 8. A bloke exposed his self to me and my friend in the park. He made my friend touch it :(

My mum, when i told her, told me not to 'go near strange men in the future'

gillybeanz · 15/10/2016 17:37

I take assault very seriously but feel some of your suggestions aren't assault.

If I had my hands on a man in a nightclub (many years ago) (grin) and he ventured a grope I'd say no or push him away if I didn't want his advances or i'd agree, probably doing likewise.
I've never had a bloke drunk or sober just trying to grab a feel.

Is beeping or wolf whistling abuse? I used to take it as a compliment, I'd be really happy if it happened now.

Kel1234 · 15/10/2016 17:38

When i was 16, one of the boys from my class at school and 2 of his friends attempted to rape me.
I was walking home and they grabbed me and forced me into a communal garden of a block of flats and things started. Only a women looked out her window or they would have continued.

Lighthouseturquoise · 15/10/2016 17:38

Beeping and wolf whistling is NOT a compliment.

OP posts:

RalphSteadmansEye · 15/10/2016 17:39

No, I have literally never had any of the things in your list happen to me, including being wolf-whistled at or inappropriately chatted up.

Mumoftwoyoungkids · 15/10/2016 17:40

I was going to come on here and say I haven't. But looking at your list I guess I have. Weird thought.

I guess the correct answer for me is that I have never been a victim of a serious sexual assault.

gillybeanz · 15/10/2016 17:41

speak for yourself not everyone else. YABVVVVVVU.
If you don't like it fair enough, I get that. Don't speak for others who like it though as obviously it isn't abuse to them. I'm not sure it is anyway.

kilmuir · 15/10/2016 17:41

Goodness me over the top.
I have never been sexually assaulted.
Yes I have been beeped and wolf whistled at but no way do I see that as assault or even that bothered by it

heateallthebuns · 15/10/2016 17:41

I've had men jump out from behind trees / fences and have a wank when I was walking past three times. Not sure that's assault or harassment, as I wasn't touched and it was only one instance in each case (does harassment have to be ongoing?). But it was some sort of crime, just not sure what you'd call it.

And in ref to victim blaming. Once I was going into a nightclub so probably did have a short skirt on, not that that justifies it. But the other two times it was cold and I had on jeans and a long coat and was definitely just minding my own business.

Every woman I know and have had a conversation about it with has had some sort of similar incident. Groping on tube, someone squeezing past you with a hard on etc etc.

Lighthouseturquoise · 15/10/2016 17:43

I think I've been very unlucky. I've had all of the things happen to me in varying levels of seriousness.

I wouldn't say I've lived a particularly colourful life either.

Even now in my 30s I know if I walk along certain roads you get lots of vans beeping, even with my children. I don't class that as assault but a form of harassment.

OP posts:

LuckySantangelo1 · 15/10/2016 17:43

Yes OP, I've had most of the things on your list happen to me and I don't know any women who haven't experienced the same. I went to clubs a lot in the late 90's/early 2000s and getting groped was expected. It's crazy to look back and think how that was accepted as just something that happened.

I've had hands up my skirt, my crotch grabbed a couple of times, bum fondled more times than I can remember.

I've been flashed at, had abuse shouted at me from cars, been threatened with rape.

I'm 36 now & it doesn't happen any more. I do feel for today's young women and girls as things don't seem to have got better.

PotteringAlong · 15/10/2016 17:43

Beeping and wolf whistling is NOT a compliment.

Not to you, but to some people it is.

BackforGood · 15/10/2016 17:44

I agree with the first reply. I think sexual assault is very serious and don't think it helps when people try to lump other things together under some broad heading.
Oh, and no, I've managed to get through my life without being the victim of a sexual assault, and I don't think I'm unusual in that.

BreatheDeep · 15/10/2016 17:44

gillybeanz Are you saying that because a man has never randomly groped you that it couldn't have happened to me? Because I assure you it has, with no warning. A lot of the times it happened from behind when I didn't even know he was there. And that would happen probably at least once a week at university. I'm not talking about men I was already 'engaging' with.

RitchyBestingFace · 15/10/2016 17:44

The OP did not call wolf whistling or beeping assault. She called it harassment.

NotYoda · 15/10/2016 17:44

Wolf-whistled
Bum pinched
Flashed at
Drink spiked then attempts made to get off with me

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