To think most women have been victims of sexual assault? Has anyone not?

[Lighthouseturquoise]

Has anyone here honestly never been a victim of some kind sexual assault.

Even if not rape be it some drunk bloke groping you in a nightclub, a date getting heavy handed or pushy,

an ex boyfriend who just got carried away,

a sleazy boss or work colleague roughing your leg or making an appropriate remarks,

a friends boyfriend coming onto you,

a man thinking you were coming onto him because you were friendly then not taking no for an answer,

a boyfriend coercing you into sex or something as a teenager.

Getting beeped at or wolf whistled and feeling embarrassed and uncomfortable.

I think we sweep it all under the carpet and I bet the average woman during her life gets assaulted or harassed more than once.

[Discobabe]

A man once touched me between the legs on the bus home at the end of a night, I was stood in front of him. I was 17/18. It was witnessed by someone who asked if I was ok but I was young and embarrassed and brushed it off and never told anyone.

We used to have a client at work who would stare at all the girls breasts. We complained to my boss and I think he had a word!

I had another more serious assault when I wanted to stop doing something but my partner at the time forced me to continue.

I once went to a works dinner with my dh. The bloke sat next to me brushed my leg lightly on 3 separate occasions. I was stuck between it must be an accident? and wtf!

[stitchglitched]

I'm surprised at those posters who don't think catcalling and beeping should be discussed alongside more serious sexual harrassment and assault. Don't they realise it is all part of the same problem?

[neveradullmoment99]

I meant to say, I agree with the poster i highlighted above.

[StopLaughingDrRoss]

Sadly yes.. rape included.

I didn't report it though as was alone, abroad and blind drunk I was conditioned to just get on with it - I wish I was as strong as I am now!

[neveradullmoment99]

Even when i had children i was wolf whistled by a set of builders working on a house. It was embaressing.

[DoomGloomAndKaboom]

I don't think I've ever been sexually assaulted or harrassed.

[Sativa]

Mental note: must remember to tell my teenage daughter to enjoy the leering, wolf whistles and cars beeping at her as it won't last for ever.....

[Lighthouseturquoise]

Oh yes the pinging of the bra strap.

I've even been touched by a driving instructor.

The reason I put all of these things under one umbrella is because it gets people thinking a bit more about behaviours that make women and girls feel frightened, embarrassed and uncomfortable.

Beeping and wolf whistling may feel like a compliment to some, but what about if it was your 13 year old daughter these men were beeping at?

What about the ones who shout 'oi blondie', or 'big tits'.

[RitchyBestingFace]

Clara - I didn't say that you victim blamed. :-s
I agree with the rest of your post.
Many women's history of sexual harassment and assault starts in primary school. A significant women are sexually assaulted and raped in old age. Nightclubs and drinking do provide risk factors but I have drunk and gone clubbing many many times but I've experienced sexual harassment and assault far more often at 'safe' places like work, church and school.

FWIW, I also have a 'fuck off' face (see my user name) which has been sadly ineffective as a deterrent.

[ZippyNeedsFeeding]

My first boss grabbed my arse. He thought it was a joke, but unfortunately it was something which happened to me a lot and I'd developed an almost reflex reaction to it. I dropped what I was doing, span round and punched him. I was just pleased not to be sacked, after that.
Since then I've had men thinking they had the right to grope me, rub themselves against me, and a list of other stuff. That's without the ones who thought that buying me a drink entitled them to more than a smile and a thank you. Fortunately most of the time it made me angry rather than afraid, but there have been times when I thought I wasn't going to be able to get out of a situation in one piece and there were definitely times where i have agreed to sew because it was clear what the alternative was.
Now I'm over 40 I expect I'm pretty much invisible, but I don't go out much so it's difficult to know. I don't have daughters but I'm very keen to make sure my sons don't become part of this problem. I'm just not sure how to do it without going too far the other way and making them think that I see them as some sort of predatory fiends. Lots of conversations about boundaries and consent etc, obviously, but it is difficult.

[Purplebluebird]

You said sexual assault in your first post, then harassment in the second. I agree some of those things are not assault, (some are) and some are more in the harassment category. I've twice been sexually assaulted by "friends", twice abused by a paedophile health professional (same person) and harassed on the street several times. Once I had a man twice my age literally chase me down the street trying to convince me to have a drink with him. Wth made him think that's an ok way to behave?! I ran in to the train station in the end, to get away!

[paxillin]

Yes, many times. Groped, theatened, rubbed against and worse. From early teens to today.

I am in my fourties and it hasn't stopped yet, I am eagerly awaiting the middle age invisibility cloak.

[Lighthouseturquoise]

I've got a 'fuck off' face. Sadly some men see it as a challenge and think they will cheer me up.

[MagicChanges]

Interesting thread. I'm 72 but have very clear memories of being touched sexually/attempted assault x 2

First one I was 16 and my friend was working in a office that was also a shop and I used to go to meet her sometimes at the end of the day and her boss asked me if I'd like to practice typing (I was doing a secretarial course) so I agreed. On the 2nd day he came behind me while I was sitting at the typewriter and put both his hands over my breasts and kept them there for quite a few minutes. I honestly can't remember what I did or said, but told my friend on the way home and she scoffed and said "Mr X isn't like that............." but he was.

Next time was more scary. I was walking home from work in daylight and a friend of my ex boyfriend stopped his car and asked if I wanted a lift so I got in because I knew him and his girlfriend very well as we had spent a lot of time together as a foursome. He said he had to go to where they had been living to collect the post and I said OK - he asked me if I wanted to go in and I said NO - not because I suspected anything but it just seemed pointless as he was going to collect post. Thank god I didn't go in. Anyway he came out of the house and drove off down a lonely lane and stopped the car and leaned over and tried touching my breasts and pulling at my skirt. I opened the door and got out (he was a very big bloke) and could easily have prevented me but he didn't. I left my bag in the car and ran up this lane which fortunately wasn't far from a main ride. He drove slowly up the main road and asked if I wanted my bag and I said NO - he then out it on the pavement and drove off. I never saw him again and reporting it to the police never entered my head. I think I told my sister. I was about 20 I think. Thankfully there were electronically locking doors on cars in those days.

Then I was babysitting for my sister and bil and they used to go out with 2 friends and they usually came back for coffee. We were chatting one night and I said I liked swimming and the male friend said he did too and suggested we went on Sunday morning. Again I was completely naive because I never suspected anything. I was about 18 and he was in his 30's I think. We did go swimming but then he drove off to a local beauty spot and tried touching me up.............I don't recall very much but he wasn't insistent and drove me home.

Oh just remembered another one when I was about 15/16 I was staying over at my friend's house and her dad bought me a cup of tea in bed and felt my breasts and stroked them and then started to laugh and left the room. I never told my friend or anyone else but I wouldn't stay the night at hers again.

Strange how the memory of those incidents have stayed with me for over 50 years!

[lentilbone]

Lots of times.

The most major incident was a rape by my boyfriend aged 16.

Other incidents include being groped by strangers on public transport/in crowds, being flashed at, a colleague groping me, and a few occasions of wolf whistling. That sort of thing happened a lot to me in my teens/twenties.It hasn't happened much at all in the past ten years - not sure if that is because I'm older and frumpier, or if men's attitudes have changed. I am probably much more assertive as I've got older as well (the last time I got groped in a crowd I kicked the guy quite viciously and he scarpered pretty sharpish!)

I also had sexualised experiences with older men when I was 14-15 - I did consent at the time and initiated it rather than being coerced but obviously as I was a minor it would be recognised as sexual assault now.

[RalphSteadmansEye]

I really don't think it is victim blaming to suggest that some of us who have not experienced any of the things in your list have not done so because of the kinds of places we do or don't go to.

I never went clubbing as a young person, or into pubs and am completely teetotal. I did and do spend all of my time in bookshops, coffee shops, theatres and art galleries. It'd be extremely unusual for someone to attempt to touch you or speak to you inappropriately in any one of those places.

That doesn't mean I don't think women who go to pubs and clubs and who drunk should be safe doing so: of course I do.

As for never having been assaulted within a relationship, by a friend or a work colleague, or whistled at in the street - that's pure luck.

[thedogsvagina]

Oh I forgot about the guy who was wanking in the stairwell of the block of flats I was living in. When I disturbed him he looked me in the eye and then continued. He left his gift in the lift for me to find later.

In fact there have been so many that I could spend all day listing them

I suspect that those who say that they have never been sexually assaulted have and have forgotten because it's so normal to them that it hasn't even registered. Often it's only with the passing of time that we can see what happened as sexual assault/harassment.

[DanGleballs]

I have. From before I can even remember until 9 - a son of a family friend, about 5 years older than me.

I was 12 when my Aunt's husband touched me up. I was about 22 when I was raped by a near enough stranger.

That doesn't account for minor incidents in between.

My daughter has never been abused, it is my greatest achievement. All of my friends have in one way or another. Very sad really

[ChickenVindaloo]

My school PE teacher used to just touch us on the arm/shoulder, often in the guise of helping our sport technique. We didn't really have the words to explain why we didn't like it. I'd like to go back in time and scream DO NOT TOUCH ME! in his face. This was in the 90s.

[heateallthebuns]

I realise wolf whistling and cat calling is part of the same problem. It objectifies women and is especially bad as it's unrequested. But at the same time it usually (if not too lewd) does not actually harm anyone in itself. And it can be pleasurable if you fancy the man back. It's a quandary.

[Lighthouseturquoise]

Ralph although alcohol and clubs are 'risk factors' I suppose.

I've been assaulted within a relationship, I've been harassed on public transport, I've been groped by a driving instructor. I've been perved at at work in an office.
To say you've avoided it because of the life you've led does imply that these things happen to a certain type of woman.

[UnderTheGreenwoodTree]

Yes, I have.

Many times - including attempted rape and rape.

[sorryoldwoman]

Only time was when I was 19 and at a club in Rome with a friend we were with a European tour group. Some old man asked me to slow dance and he made sure I felt his hard self.

[stitchglitched]

I was once harrassed and followed whilst at the bloody library.

[motherinferior]

Like many other posters, I thought it was somehow my fault for having large breasts early on and that the many ADULT MEN who felt me up were my fault too, doubtless for being so fat.

I was also assaulted by a man who climbed in through the window when I was asleep next to my boyfriend when I was 27.