To think most women have been victims of sexual assault? Has anyone not?

[Lighthouseturquoise]

Has anyone here honestly never been a victim of some kind sexual assault.

Even if not rape be it some drunk bloke groping you in a nightclub, a date getting heavy handed or pushy,

an ex boyfriend who just got carried away,

a sleazy boss or work colleague roughing your leg or making an appropriate remarks,

a friends boyfriend coming onto you,

a man thinking you were coming onto him because you were friendly then not taking no for an answer,

a boyfriend coercing you into sex or something as a teenager.

Getting beeped at or wolf whistled and feeling embarrassed and uncomfortable.

I think we sweep it all under the carpet and I bet the average woman during her life gets assaulted or harassed more than once.

[c3pu]

This will (hopefully) come as no comfort to anyone, but I've kissed without invitation from girls and been groped by them too, so it's not something that happens exclusively to women, it does happen to men as well.

No I didn't report it either.

[QueenLizIII]

Ive been physically assaulted by an ex. He hit me.

Not sexually.

[Lighthouseturquoise]

Mumofthemonster I'm so genuinely sorry that's fucking horrific

I'm sorry that women have to put up with this bullshit everyday.

[RitchyBestingFace]

But lots of people are quoting pubs and clubs as being places where it's almost expected you'll get assaulted

But people are also quoting schools, public transport, public parks, the street and work as well - if not more often than pubs and clubs.

[TragicallyUnbeyachted]

"I really don't think it is victim blaming to suggest that some of us who have not experienced any of the things in your list have not done so because of the kinds of places we do or don't go to. [...] As for never having been assaulted within a relationship, by a friend or a work colleague, or whistled at in the street - that's pure luck."

So which is it? Have you not experienced any of the things on the list because of the kinds of places you go to, or out of pure luck?

I mean, I can see that lifestyle influences some specific items on the list -- so I don't have large numbers of friends (reduces opportunities to get chatted up by hypothetical friends' boyfriends), have had a few longer-term relationships rather than dating widely (statistically more likely not to have had a date who was heavy-handed if you've had fewer dates), and hate clubbing (drastically reduces chances of getting groped in a nightclub).

But I've had a strange man shouting at me about my breasts when I was walking down the street as a student, and another strange man deliberately rubbing himself up against me on the tube on my way to work in my 20s. But I guess that's just because I went to those kinds of places, like university and work.

[herecomesthsun]

Hmm

breasts groped in a library. I was 14 and in the Latin/ middle English section of the local library, mid afternoon. I screamed very loudly. He apologised and said he thought I wanted him to do that (I was reading a book). Looking back, the oddest thing I think is that none of the staff came to see what the matter was.

A man exposed himself and masturbated when I was on the beach, about the same age.

Attempted rape when I was travelling, age 19 and again age 22. I don't see myself as a victim exactly - one time I was in a youth hostel, bundled up in a sleeping bag, and I was able to talk the guy out of it/ push him away.

Another time I was doing volunteer work, in a remote location. That time, I punched the guy in the forehead before he gave up. He was most put out at being hit by a woman, he thought that was somehow demeaning to him.

[OvariesBeforeBrovaries]

Shimmy It's every bit as likely that CE did it as he didn't - one guilty verdict, one not guilty verdict on spurious evidence. Whatever the truth, he is quite open about his vile behaviour and attitude towards women and deserves all the vitriol being thrown his way, and his girlfriend bribed "witnesses" to discredit the young woman by bringing up her sexual history.

Regardless, this isn't the thread.

Yes, I've been sexually assaulted. It took me a long time to realise I have, because he was an ex-boyfriend and I just thought that's what boyfriends do if you don't put out enough. And even today I couldn't tell anyone. He's now in a relationship with a man, and is therefore apparently immune to criticism and "wouldn't sexually assault a girl".

[Boundaries]

mumof I would absolutely say that was rape. No question. You "consented" because you were scared and had no other way of getting away.

In the assaulted camp here. Ditto most of my girlfriends.

[ageingrunner]

Mumofmonsters it was rape. It wasn't your fault. They gave you no choice. So sorry those pieces of shit did that to you

[StormStrike]

I've only had very low level things such as wolf whistling. I've had come on to me when I've not wanted it but they have always backed off as soon as I've said I'm not interested. Ive had boyfriends almost continuously since 14 but was never one for clubbing or partying, I've also never been a drinker and mixed with people who drink a lot.

[CarrieLouise25]

I have had many incidents, including flashing (age 9), groping at aged 11 (by a man in his 60s), sexual assault ongoing aged 13-15, rape aged 15 (by a 28 year old), rape in a relationship several times, attacked and sexually assaulted walking under a subway (only got away because I 'joined in' and didn't bother screaming no). Almost got pushed/dragged into a car by man, but managed to run away to local police station. But never said anything as I'd been drinking.

Amongst groping at work, rubbing up against, nightclub groping and gyrating against, drinks spiked, wolf whistling, sexual comments....the list goes on and on.

A neighbour telling me 'you've grown up in all the right places'
A celebrity who kissed me full on the lips aged 7 (he was in his 40-50's)
A boyfriend who tried to force me to have sex aged 13 and was disgusted to see I was on my period.
Married men at work trying it on.
Again, the list goes on and on.

And it does start with the wolf whistling. It starts with the attitude that women are objects. Their bodies are not their own, and if a man wants to touch them, then they can.

It has happened at work/school/church/nightclubs/home. Anywhere.

If a woman smiles at a man, well then that's a yes right there. If she wears a short skirt, she's asking for it. If she gets drunk, well she's only got herself to blame. If she has sex before and after rape, then it wasn't rape and clearly she's a slut.

Never reported anything ever. I wonder how many women also have never said a word.

We have a very long way to go.

[thedogsvagina]

mum you were raped. You were being kept locked in a room for hours they were frightening you and putting pressure on you. You did what you needed to survive. If you hadn't it might have been worse.

www.doctornerdlove.com/2012/01/coerced-consent-yes-means-no/all/1/

Other forms of coercion involve making the person feel as though the only answer is to have sex - I'm sorry that happened to you

[carefreeeee]

How many women here have ever touched a man's bum or made an inappropriate comment?

If you are classing a comment or a whistle (or even a mild grope in a nightclub from someone you were actually dancing with or talking to at the time) as assault then there are definitely very many women who have done the same and I wouldn't call it assault.

If someone stops doing something when you tell them, even if it is inappropriate it may be a case of them misjudging the situation especially when drunk.

Some of this stuff is just human interaction!

[yerbutnobut]

At worst my ears have been subject to assault of the crappest chat up lines but that's about it.
To even out the balance should we start a thread about how many of you/your friends have lead a man on and then accused them of harassment?

[BagelDog]

Yep. Quite a lot of incidents on reflection. Groped in clubs. Man on a tube wanked at me and a friend, jumped in an ally but managed to get away. Ex both physically and sexually assaulted me. Most friends similar definitely the being groped.

[LynetteScavo]

I think women should be able to go clubbing in short skirts and get drunk, if that is what they want to do, without having to worry about criminals attacking them.

The only time I've been harassed I was modestly dressed.

The onetime I have experienced physical assault it was "just" a grope from my boss and my reflex action was to slap his hand away. He seemed to find the whole thing amusing

[EverySongbirdSays]

YANBU OP

[witsender]

Yup, many times.

Date raped when drunk by then boyfriend in late teens, have only flashbacks to know what happened.

Masturbated at on bus in early teens.

Groped by 'friend' on regular basis. Had no idea how to say no and keep the friendship.

Chased/stalked and groped on a high Street in the middle of the day when on the way to meet my parents.

Grabbed on nights out.

Followed in the dark.

Lewd comments shouted.

I find it very telling that I relish my relative invisibility now I am older/fatter/blander.

[RitchyBestingFace]

To even out the balance should we start a thread about how many of you/your friends have lead a man on and then accused them of harassment?

Why don't YOU start that thread? And let us know how it goes. don't

One thing I think is interesting about this thread is when people say putting street harassment under the same heading as sexual assault / rape is insulting to real victims. But the OP is a real victim and so are the many women who agree with her.

[Boundaries]

yerbut your last comment is sarcastic, right??

[Sniv]

I had honestly never been assaulted or harassed until I got with my current girlfriend. In the 6 months since then, we've had men demanding to come home with us, men wanting to know where we're staying, men shouting everything from 'threesome?!' to 'dykes!' to just the observation "LESBIANS!!!", all kinds of leers and jokes, and possibly people taking photos of us.

Never had any that with any of my previous girlfriends, but then they were all more-or-less androgynous/butch and my current girlfriend is very feminine. That's the only difference I can think of.

I loathe it and find it really threatening. I try not to let it get to me, but it's such a relief to go to gay bars/nights now, where we won't get so much as stared at.

[AnyFucker]

Yes, many times in several different combinations and from a young age

Most of my friends have also

The early minimisation on this thread is disgraceful. Those who indulged in it.... educate yourself

[witsender]

yerbut...are you actually serious?

[ageingrunner]

The only possible place one could go where this sort of thing is definitely not going to happen is somewhere where there aren't any men.