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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think most women have been victims of sexual assault? Has anyone not?

989 replies

Lighthouseturquoise · 15/10/2016 17:19

Has anyone here honestly never been a victim of some kind sexual assault.

Even if not rape be it some drunk bloke groping you in a nightclub, a date getting heavy handed or pushy,

an ex boyfriend who just got carried away,

a sleazy boss or work colleague roughing your leg or making an appropriate remarks,

a friends boyfriend coming onto you,

a man thinking you were coming onto him because you were friendly then not taking no for an answer,

a boyfriend coercing you into sex or something as a teenager.

Getting beeped at or wolf whistled and feeling embarrassed and uncomfortable.

I think we sweep it all under the carpet and I bet the average woman during her life gets assaulted or harassed more than once.

OP posts:
ItShouldHaveBeenJessMass · 15/10/2016 23:47

There was a thread a week or so ago about a sexual assault on a schoolgirl. A teenaged girl came on to post about remarks she had received from men while wearing her uniform. Women are almost 'trained' from an early age to accept that this is 'just what men do' and not to make a fuss. Depressing.

venusinscorpio · 15/10/2016 23:48

And thank you for your last post.

RalphSteadmansEye · 15/10/2016 23:49

Garrr. I mean, obviously it's much worse and far scarier if you have been assaulted, attacked or inappropriately approached before.

venusinscorpio · 15/10/2016 23:50

Everything I was going to say sounded shit but I totally agree.

venusinscorpio · 15/10/2016 23:51

I couldn't find the right words is what I meant.

RitchyBestingFace · 15/10/2016 23:52

One more point on male power - Serena Williams (SERENA WILLIAMS) boasted that she was more powerful than a man on a tennis court - but a mediocre male tennis player beat her after a couple of beers.

(To be clear Serena is one of my heroes. This is not a reflection on her.) She is probably the most powerful female athlete in history - and still not as powerful as an average male one.

venusinscorpio · 15/10/2016 23:53

YY Ritchy.

Backingvocals · 15/10/2016 23:53

Just to add to the chorus, yes I have been sexually assaulted, many times. First when I was 9 or 10, loads as a young woman (particularly when I lived in France), much less often now but I still get the odd leary comment at 48.

So I've had this as a child, as a young woman and as a woman in her 40s (in one case when I was pushing my baby in a buggy).

I think this is absolutely common for women. Almost all women know this stuff from first hand experience. My daughter, who is ten, will have her first experience of it some time soon and will then spend decades dealing with various versions of it. My son will not, I think.

Obviously I hope both of them will be kept safe from assault of any kind but it seems very unlikely that my daughter will make it through her whole life as a girl/woman and experience none of it.

lifeissweet · 15/10/2016 23:53

Actually, yes. I hadn't really thought about that, but the first sexually inappropriate comments and gestures I experienced (apart from my assault at 9 years old) came at around 12/13 years old and continued all the way through my teen years.

I was followed down a quiet, isolated country road by a man in a car with the window down who wanted me to go closer so he could smell me - when I was about 15. There was nowhere to run apart from into the hedge at the side of the road. I had to stay pleasant and try jot to provoke him until I could finally run to the nearest house for help. (One I didn't mention before: it is terrifying how many of these memories are coming back now)

Teenage girls get harassed all the time by older men - and that is threatening. We learn to deal with it by shrugging it off - as tackling it is not an option when you are that young and vulnerable.

And that is the start of it.

I seriously can't imagine the world is full of cougar women cat-calling 12 year old boys...

EnthusiasmDisturbed · 15/10/2016 23:56

Sexually harassed and assaulted more times than I care to remember. Travelling to work on the tube when I was young it happened often. Men (especially older men) coming on to me and touching me I didn't know how to handle it. I would often giggle nervously , some this made them even more pushy they enjoyed the fact I was nervous

Raped by an ex and yes I thought it was my fault because I happened to be in bed with him

It makes me so angry that we have to deal with this shit

Backingvocals · 15/10/2016 23:57

and yy to the massive discrepancy in strength. It always amazes me because I live my life alongside men and feel equally capable of course but when it comes to strength there is no comparison.

But also that strength is not the issue. It's entitlement. It's men thinking they are entitled to take me/abuse me/belittle me/touch me. Women don't think they are entitled to any one else's body.

Actually all I ask of men reading this thread, whom I assume to be men of good will, is that they take away an understanding of something that they do not know. Often men simply do not know that this abuse is a daily reality for women. If one extra man understands the extent of it and the fact that it is absolutely the norm for women, then that's really useful.

EnthusiasmDisturbed · 15/10/2016 23:58

And every woman I know has been harassed or sexually assaulted at some point. I am sure more have been raped than I know about

TheDowagerCuntess · 15/10/2016 23:59

That is seriously depressing, Ritchy.

She looks and seems so powerful.

user1470269632 · 15/10/2016 23:59

Yes.
I was flashed at when I was 16.
Physically and brutally raped by a man who got into my room at 18.
Most recently sexually assaulted a few months ago. In a hospital side room by a male member of staff. All authorities involved 'this time.
I've also been the subject of sexual harassment at work. He was rather partial to hot chocolate, so myself and I added some chocolate flavoured ex lax just to spice things up. That was just the tip of our revenge, too. I believe it serves him right though. He had a wife at home with prem twins...

LassWiTheDelicateAir · 16/10/2016 00:01

Have some of you never been catcalled or had bum grabbed in a bar?

How many times does this have to be repeated? I'm very sorry some of you have had traumatic experiences but could you just stop challenging those of us who haven't?

CreepyClown · 16/10/2016 00:04

Yes I have been probably over 20 times

LouBlue1507 · 16/10/2016 00:04

When I was 18, I was on a night out and had far too much too drink.. I was silly and was drinking any drinks handed to me... I was dancing and drinking with an schoolmate most of the night... Towards the end of the night I was a little worse for wear and decided to get a taxi home...

My 'friend' insisted on coming with me to make sure I was ok (my parents were on holiday). He jumped in the taxi before I could really think let alone object..
Back at my house was a blur.. I woke up on my kitchen floor and shouted to my 'friend' for help... He carried me on to the sofa and I must of passed out... I woke up with him having sex with me... I was so out of it I couldn't function.. The room was spinning and colours everywhere.. I believe I was spiked.

The next morning my 'friend' apologised (he had a gf, still with her to this day) and said he shouldn't of done what he did. Could I please not tell his girlfriend? I asked him to leave and I've only ever told my boyfriend.

Was it rape? Legally yes but if anyone ever found out, I'd be painted out to be the bad guy for getting so drunk and sleeping with someone's bf! If I'm being honest at the time, I didn't think it was rape, now I believe it was Sad

venusinscorpio · 16/10/2016 00:11

Lass, sorry if you feel people are pushing you to say you've been sexually assaulted. A lot of women have. You haven't. I'm not sure what else there is to say really.

RestlessTraveller · 16/10/2016 00:13

Nope I've not been assaulted or harassed. I've been beeped at and wolf-whistled at but it didn't make me feel those things.

quencher · 16/10/2016 00:13

God I have experienced so many of those I would not know where to start.

The worst memory for me is being attacked at 9.12 am Sunday morning on the seven of July leaving the train station. Thank goodness for my loud voice and screaming for help. Bitting his lips leaving it all bloody. I can still smell him years on. I only know the time because I looked up at the clock at the train station turned a corner and there he was. Two mins later someone who was sitting in front of me had followed me out. I was scared for months thinking I had contracted some sort of disease.

I don't know any female in real life who hasn't been through some sort of sexual assault or harassment. This would include my aunt in her sixties now who has vowed to get her revenge for something that happened in her teens.

ItShouldHaveBeenJessMass · 16/10/2016 00:16

lass to say you are 'very sorry that [some posters] have had traumatic experiences, but could you just stop challenging those of us who haven't?' is disingenuous and false. Some posters are sharing awful experiences which they undoubtedly find difficult to discuss in real life. It's not all about you. You are one of the fortunate ones; other women have clearly not been so 'lucky'.

MerryInthechelseahotel · 16/10/2016 00:22

For a while, when I was young, I lived as a nun in a convent. I was almost raped by a very senior priest in his late 50's. I put up a real struggle and managed to get out but I was very scared. I told one of the nuns who said I should have known better Shock

There have been other things too but that was by far the worst.

Schmoochypoos · 16/10/2016 00:28

It's crazy because until you see all these things written down you don't realise how many things happen that totally aren't ok, but you've been conditioned to think they are.

I was coerced into sex with an ex boyfriend plenty of times as I felt I owed it to him as he had paid for dinner/bought me things

An old boss of mine (i was 22 he was 56) took me out for dinner and told me he wanted to 'fuck me' over the table. He was the CEO so I didn't feel I could complain to anyone

Another director used to smack me on the bum frequentlyConfused

I can't believe I didn't do anything about it at the time.

Idefix · 16/10/2016 00:30

Yanbu and yes as a younger woman 15-22 yrs I had what I think of as many close shaves Sad.

I feel so sad that dd is walking in to a life where this is still situation normal.

onemorecupofcoffeefortheroad · 16/10/2016 00:30

I would like to add my voice to those who have been sexually assaulted where to start: age 13 had my tits grabbed hard by some bloke squeezing past me in Cambridge market; bf forcing me into penetration aged 14 threatened to 'chuck me' if I didn't comply; age 27 boss telling me he'd give my job to some one else if I didn't sleep with him; age 49 ex colleague rampaging around my house in his underwear after a night out and him missing the last train home and me generously giving him a night st my place with a duvet on the sofa / he appeared in my bedroom in his underpants and continually got into into bed with me then chased me around my house while my two sons were asleep in bed in the next room until I threw him out.
There's more but I can't be arsed giving the tossers airtime

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