To think most women have been victims of sexual assault? Has anyone not?

[Lighthouseturquoise]

Has anyone here honestly never been a victim of some kind sexual assault.

Even if not rape be it some drunk bloke groping you in a nightclub, a date getting heavy handed or pushy,

an ex boyfriend who just got carried away,

a sleazy boss or work colleague roughing your leg or making an appropriate remarks,

a friends boyfriend coming onto you,

a man thinking you were coming onto him because you were friendly then not taking no for an answer,

a boyfriend coercing you into sex or something as a teenager.

Getting beeped at or wolf whistled and feeling embarrassed and uncomfortable.

I think we sweep it all under the carpet and I bet the average woman during her life gets assaulted or harassed more than once.

ItShouldHaveBeenJessMass

This thread is about everyone who posts. There is no need for the repetition of "what, really you haven't?" questions.

Me too. 13 and 'grabbed'. Just got on with it at time. But what are we going to do now? I know who my atacker was but not sure I'd be brave enough to do anything there...

lass I completely agree with you, and I do think you have been picked on for disagreeing, but, from the point of view of women who have experienced this crap, I guess some of your posts might possibly come across as minimising how prevalent sexual assault/harassment actually is. It's clearly happening to a lot of females, across all age groups, and we are still (in 2016) being encouraged 'not to make a fuss'.

Age 14/15 - boy at school grabbed my breast

Pretty much every time I went out to a pub or a club as a teen or at uni I had a bloke rubbing some part of his body against me on the dance floor

At least three times on the tube at rush hour I have had an erection pushed into my hip

Once on the tube I had a man stroking my hair (until I got up and moved - my friend urged me to report him to the transport police I wish I had)

I don't think my experiences, sadly, are anything unusual

Just been catching up with the posts, and sadly realised that there are a lot more incidents that I could add to my previous list

Makes me despair for my daughters and granddaughter.

Actually, my biggest regret for that day was not standing inside the train station and waiting for the rain to stop. I wish had. I know it wasn't my fault but i can't help blaming myself.

I've thought about this question, too, and am really interested to see the answers. Strict definitions aside I would speculate some form of unwanted physical sexual attention has probably happened to every woman.
Some pp have implied lifestyle is a factor. I've always been "quiet", no drinking, never wore revealing clothing, no make-up etc. and I can think of at least three times I was groped and several more times men exposed themselves or passed inappropriate comments.
Thing is, it was unacceptable and out of order but it hasn't massively affected me. I don't feel traumatised or think about it except when it's in the news like at the moment. The only times I was really scared were the two times I was flashed as a pre-teen. What I'm trying to say is that many women who maybe didn't feel particularly affected just don't think in those categories and would struggle to remember.
That doesn't make it ok.
But I read "daily sexism" type blogs for a while and had to stop because I somehow felt it didn't help to be constantly "looking" to feel victimised, almost to prove the point. Don't jump on me, this is very hard to put into words, but there was a certain feeling that some of the outrage was more on principle than on actually experiencing trauma. Which is still justified, but once it becomes a counting exercise updated on social media there's a bias towards viewing every interaction with a male through the lense of being a victim. Er. Sorry for the rant.

I've never experienced anything from OP's list

So sad to read how many women have had go through this, to all

11/12 - was flashed at by a bloke in a bush.

14 - was fingered whilst passed out through being drunk, woke up to find it happening.

16 - was kidnapped by 3 men but thankfully returned without anything else happening.

16 - was dragged down the side of a pub and he attempted to rape me.

28 - woke up to find someone was having sex with me and I was too scared to stop it.

I'm sure there's more, that's off the top of my head.

Lass I asked that because I know some people don't view those things as sexual Assaults so may not have included them when saying they have never had these things happen.

Yes have had several incidents.

Worked in a bakery when I was 16. Baker wouldn't let me pass without making me give him a kiss or lewd comments. I wouldnt let that happen now.

Driving instructor would pat my bum when I left the car.

Being asked if my breasts were real, and could he touch them to make sure.

Followed down to a tube platform late at night, he then stood in front of me masturbating. Reported it, but they never caught him.

Yup - teacher when I was 14 (sexual assault). Haunts me still and I feel guilty for not reporting it as I wonder who else he hurt (he's died since).

Yep everything on the OP list and more
I was offered money to have sex with a man whose child I was babysitting for,
I was 12.
He said it could be our little secret.
No I don't think so.
Fucking animal
I loved the mum but stayed away after that.

quencher Don't regret a thing; you were not the one in the wrong. The most heartbreaking aspect of your first post is that you remember the exact date and time. And why wouldn't you? So sorry you experienced that, and brave to share. Another tragedy that gets brushed under the carpet

No, not experienced anything on that list, looks like I must be lucky.

Yep.

Yes. Have been whistled/beeped at more times than I can remember.

When i was 19 I was groped in the lift at work. He lifted up my top and I was too scared to say no. He was actually younger than I was, but had been egged on by older colleagues. My nickname was 'top totty' at the same workplace, mostly used by men double my age.

Had a man rubbing my leg constantly during a 12 hour coach journey, again too scared to say anything.

These are just the 'highlights". Most other incidents I can even really remember because the were so normal.

Totally agree. I've been flashed at no less than 4 times, including once by a 12 year old showing off front of his mates (I was 19). I've had a teenage make-out suddenly become full, shortlived, dry sex - it was happening and over before I had a chance to protest. Lots of catcalling like 'does the collar match the cuffs' because I have red hair. Clubland groping, men rubbing their crotch on me at gigs, a boss asking me if I have a 'shaven haven'. The list goes on.

Reported none of it, as it mostly happened when I was still a vulnerable teen. Obviously I'd kick off now, but I guess confident women aren't as appealing to mysogynistic arseholes.

I am one of the very few lucky women who hasn't been molested. I just want to say that I still feel the fear, am still aware of the threat, and still avoid being friendly to unknown men, being alone with unknown men, getting close to men I know a bit. I am very cautious, and aware. The threat of violence infects all of our interactions with men, even if we have not actually experienced violence.

I also want to comment on the issue of men being molested. Both my sons have been molested and even stalked by girls when they were about 15. To them, it was a mildly disturbing, mildly flattering, annoying, but laughable experience. They are both feminists and completely understand that this is in no way equivalent to the fear that a woman feels under similar circumstances. Yes there are a few men who have experienced horrific abuse, but the fear of women's violence does not loom over the lives of men in general. That is ridiculous.

Op and bambam asked me to to confirm that I haven't been assaulted. Like Ralph, I feel like I'm not being believed.
I don't think I've ever actually been wolf whistled. I'm one of those women who are quite normal looking and a bit non descript. Pleasant but nothing special. Scrub up well.

Would it help to tell you that I went out with a huge group of mumsnetters, and wore my favourite high heeled black patent knee high boots, and the waitress said , I love your boots. I said oh thank you they're Are fantastic aren't they? Sexual harassment? that's about the most exciting thing anyone has taken any notice of me about!!

I haven't been groped. No work colleague has even said anything remotely offensive to me, let alone groped me. At work or a Christmas party. No man has touched me, overpowered me, done anything to me that I didn't want. I never woke up with someone next to me or on top of me. On a scale of 1-100, my experience of being anywhere near raped is 0%.
No uncle has ever come anywhere near me, no person I did babysitter for ever touching me, or groped in nightclub. I just went nightclubbing and danced, snogged someone and then snogged them the next week aswell. Through choice.
Nothing. No bad experiences at uni.
I appreciate that many woman have had bad experiences. Many assaulted. But I'm not one of them.

And it's NOT like I've had something minorly bad happen that I'm then dismissing, because I'm some sort of rape sympathiser, I just haven't had anything bad happen to me. I never woke up in the morning feeling bad, all was fine, when I look back at things. If I slept with someone, I was glad then and am still glad now that I had slept with them.

I feel like you might thing I'm naive, or looking back with rose tinted specs, but I'm really not.

But I'm not dismissing anyone to whom anything awful has happened/ has been assaulted.
I do acknowledge that it has happened to many posters,a Dennis widespread. I'm not dismissive.
I'm not sure how I am supposed to win here
I don't think I can.

My boyfriend at 16 had unprotected sex with me when I didn't want to. I ended up pregnant, had a termination. He made me have sex with him the day after and ended up in hospital with an infection. Don't think I've ever really got over that. And when I think I was 16.

Various other incidents, but this is the one that 20 yrs on still makes me a bit sad.

You are very lucky. Oblomov.

For what it's worth, I've never experienced harassment or assault from someone I know - a family friend, relative, date, etc. I've never been raped, coerced or threatened.

Every one of my (countless) experiences has been strangers. Well, except for the regulars at the City bar I worked in. I mean, I don't recall a single one of their names, but they weren't complete strangers.

Most of it was low level harassment, and much of it I laughed off at the time. Looking back, it was pretty shit, but in the words of Baby from Dirty Dancing, most of the time, it didn't occur to me to mind. The wolf-whistling / cat-calling, I always loathed, though. And actual grabbing/groping I hated.

I consider myself one of the lucky ones.

Have no idea what I'm going to say to DD. What I'm going to say to DS is much clearer.

Beeping and wolf whistling are both assault.

They are not the worst kind of assault but they are still assault.

Personally I find it worse than unwanted touching, I'm quite happy to scream 'Fuck off and take your hands with you' but it's harder when it is a whistle or shouted comment.

As for it being a complement - how? What is so great about a man valuing you on your shagabiity?

How would you feel if they did that to a child and why is it different?Unless you are quite happy for your 10 year old to be thought of as a sexual object.