Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think most women have been victims of sexual assault? Has anyone not?

989 replies

Lighthouseturquoise · 15/10/2016 17:19

Has anyone here honestly never been a victim of some kind sexual assault.

Even if not rape be it some drunk bloke groping you in a nightclub, a date getting heavy handed or pushy,

an ex boyfriend who just got carried away,

a sleazy boss or work colleague roughing your leg or making an appropriate remarks,

a friends boyfriend coming onto you,

a man thinking you were coming onto him because you were friendly then not taking no for an answer,

a boyfriend coercing you into sex or something as a teenager.

Getting beeped at or wolf whistled and feeling embarrassed and uncomfortable.

I think we sweep it all under the carpet and I bet the average woman during her life gets assaulted or harassed more than once.

OP posts:
1DAD2KIDS · 15/10/2016 23:22

I am not convinced that human nature is that different. It would be an interesting experience to see a world run by women. Would it be a more peaceful, fairer society for all? Or just the same unjust warring hell hole? I would love to find out. But that is going of the point. Maybe one for another thread.

2kids2dogsnosense · 15/10/2016 23:22

1Dad
Would the problem be eradicated if we all woke up tomorrow with equal physical builds?

I assume by this you mean equal physical strength?

I don't think so, because

a) men can penetrate - women can't

b) there is a mindset that men are ENTITLED to do this. I'm not saying you feel that way, but many men, and too many women, agree

c) many women find it hard to assert themselves and demand the equality which should be theirs automatically because they are human beings and entitled to their own choices

TheDowagerCuntess · 15/10/2016 23:22

I've seen enough of your posts on here to not be at all surprised to hear this has never happened to you.

I believe you. Your experience of it never happening it certainly an anomaly, though!

lifeissweet · 15/10/2016 23:22

Boundaries - you said the same, but far more succinctly!

Boundaries · 15/10/2016 23:23

life 10%, but yes, absolutely

LassWiTheDelicateAir · 15/10/2016 23:24

I'm sure it is Venus but we believe you should still apply. Dowager's comment to me is very questionable.

Boundaries · 15/10/2016 23:24

1DAD you are not listening to what any of the women on this thread are saying.

2kids2dogsnosense · 15/10/2016 23:24

Well said stitchglitched

limon · 15/10/2016 23:25

I think yanbu. I was first sexually assaulted by a stranger at10 years old. And have been sexually assaulted several times since over the last 38 years.

UnderTheGreenwoodTree · 15/10/2016 23:25

My DH is only a few inches taller than me, and definitely not much heavier - he is a slim build. He can overpower me easily. I only know that from such things as 'tickling playfights" and the like- he has never been remotely violent towards me. But I know, I just know that I could never overpower him and he could easily overpower me. He can pin me down with 1 hand.

It is frightening how much stronger men are than women - if we did have a fight and I hit him, he'd barely feel it. If he hit me, he could probably hospitalise me. Thankfully, he is profoundly decent man, and we would never have such a fight. But men that are physically threatening/aggressive - you know the sort I mean - scare me so much.

ItShouldHaveBeenJessMass · 15/10/2016 23:27

candle. I'm so sorry you and all other posters with similar experiences had to experience that. You're right; I think a lot of women have a moment when they realise that men are physically stronger. During arguments, my ex used to shove me to make a point (not actually hitting - and, oh look, I'm excusing it) but as a way of showing his 'strength ' and letting me know not to fight back. There were couple of times when I felt frightened, but brushed it off by telling myself "He only pushed me".

heateallthebuns · 15/10/2016 23:28

2kids2dogsnosense It can happen. There are accounts of it and military personal are taught not to feel bad about because it truly doesn't reflect any consent of enjoyment. For men it is a very taboo subject and it is not something that a lot will choose to account.

'There are accounts of it' is not at all the same as 'it has happened to nearly every woman I know'. Most men have never had the feeling of fear that women experience every day.

Usually it's small, but it's there. If I'm in a lift with a man on my own for example, I'm a bit afraid he might say something, or even touch me. Only a little bit, but enough to make sure I don't make eye contact and look at the floor.

RalphSteadmansEye · 15/10/2016 23:28

Absolutely, Venus. I'm sorry if I implied anything different.

Odd, though. Feels like I'm being accused of being either stupid or a male apologist. I'm neither.

RebelRogue · 15/10/2016 23:30

But rapists don't have horns or the letter r tattooed on their forehead. And if one of those men did decide to attack me then there would be little I could do to stop him.

This. Also the fact that it can be completely out of the blue,unpredictable,that they don't need premeditation,they don't need weapons..their body is the weapon..both to restrain and assault.

It's hard to understand it when you've never been pinned down unable to move,wondering what would happen if you should scream or what would happen if you would scream,if it's all just a fucking bad joke,after all you've known these guys for 6 years. And then you realise that for 6 years they disrespected you,and most females in their class. That they've bullied you,and others. That they even turned violent sometimes and that yes you should fucking scream and then you scream.you scream with all your might,and the other people in the room do nothing because they've also been bullied. Your friend is told by her bf to not do anything or they'll turn on her. So you still fucking scream hoping someone,anyone will hear. And you trash around,but there's 3 of them,stronger and laughing and pinning you down like you're a fucking doll rag. And then you see a dick coming at your face and you stop screaming....

heateallthebuns · 15/10/2016 23:31

Sorry my last post was really confusing, I should have put the quote in bold!

lifeissweet · 15/10/2016 23:31

Sorry OP - mainly due to me engaging, we have descended into a debate about whether we have to discuss men's experiences on here.

Of course we don't, because that wasn't the question.

And from the evidence so far on here, sadly, YANBU.

A few women have been lucky enough to escape it, but the sheer volume of horrible stories on here - from the low level to the most horrific rapes - would suggest that MOST women have, indeed, received unwanted sexual attention.

mycatwantstokillme1 · 15/10/2016 23:32

Rebel Rouge and everyone who's shared something - xx

2kids2dogsnosense · 15/10/2016 23:36

greenwoodtree
I could never overpower him and he could easily overpower me. He can pin me down with 1 hand.

I became aware of how physically strong the average male is when I went to push my 15 yo DS out of the way after an argument and realised it was like hitting a wall!

He was 15 , not much taller than me and about 8 st dripping wet, and I couldn't move him!

He just laughed and picked me up - "Oh, Mother. Mother. Silly little Mam" and gave me a kiss. (He has his dad's good nature, thank heavens.)

itsbetterthanabox · 15/10/2016 23:37

Have some of you never been catcalled or had bum grabbed in a bar?
I'm believe you I'm just shocked as its happened so often in my life and the women I know.

venusinscorpio · 15/10/2016 23:38

I'm sure you aren't Ralph and I'm reassured by your response. Understand though that it's not about you.

dentydown · 15/10/2016 23:40

I've been raped, then the guy used the threat of rape to get me to do his coursework for uni.

I went out with a guy when I was at uni. He was a nightmare, looking back my friends kept saying I was out of his league. He would grope me at every opportunity. I ended up wearing leggings, a body, very large jeans with the belt done done up tight and an xxl tshirt to hide my figure because "I wanted sex all the time". He would also try to control when I would go to toilet, come in when I was weeing and tell me to stop because I've pee'd enough.
He would do this weird examination thing where he would examine my bits, insert his fingers and say "why you no cam? Ha ha? Tell me.. why you no cum?"
He would turn up at uni, and I had to cancel plans drop everything and go out with him. I would be taken to houses to fill out forms for his mates. The list goes on

I've been groped in london. In the street and on the tube

RalphSteadmansEye · 15/10/2016 23:42

Of course it's absolutely not about me - and this will be my last post BUT the OP did explicitly ask if any of us had NOT had any one of the things listed in her OP happen to us. Some of us answered - and we're disbelieved. We didn’t derail the thread, we answered the question.

As I said, off now. Don't want to cause any offence at all.

UnderTheGreenwoodTree · 15/10/2016 23:44

Yes, 2kids you're so right!

I've just realised I would have no chance of overpowering my DS14. He is taller than me, and broader in the shoulders than me already. In fact, I hugged my DS12 the other day, and he's getting strong too. I don't think they realise it - they just are strong.

RalphSteadmansEye · 15/10/2016 23:46

Final post - following on from the last few comments: I have always been aware all of my life that almost all men are more powerful than me and find that threatening, including dh. His biceps are several times more powerful than mine despite being similar height and weight. It's scary being a woman even if you've never been the victim of either mildly inappropriate behaviour or far worse.

venusinscorpio · 15/10/2016 23:46

I believe you haven't been sexually assaulted. You have shared your experience of not being sexually assaulted. Thank you.

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.