To think most women have been victims of sexual assault? Has anyone not?

[Lighthouseturquoise]

Has anyone here honestly never been a victim of some kind sexual assault.

Even if not rape be it some drunk bloke groping you in a nightclub, a date getting heavy handed or pushy,

an ex boyfriend who just got carried away,

a sleazy boss or work colleague roughing your leg or making an appropriate remarks,

a friends boyfriend coming onto you,

a man thinking you were coming onto him because you were friendly then not taking no for an answer,

a boyfriend coercing you into sex or something as a teenager.

Getting beeped at or wolf whistled and feeling embarrassed and uncomfortable.

I think we sweep it all under the carpet and I bet the average woman during her life gets assaulted or harassed more than once.

Mumofthemonster808 - I am so sorry that is truly awful. I hope life is better now?

See 1Dad, that's why I would suggest that your experiences aren't entirely relevant.

Women can be 'pests'. They can be 'annoying' they can make you very, very uncomfortable.

But the balance of power always remains with you.

Women don't have that privilege, so it's an entirely different situation.

Oh god yes. Even in my 'day' 19 years ago as a teen it just seemed acceptable to put up with the odd grope here and there and sexual derogatory comments- part of being a barmaid apparently.

I'm not defending it, but I do think some women minimise sexual assault due to trauma or defensiveness related to unresolved personal issues.

I remember Helen Mirren making some unsavoury comments about date rape and in the same interview said she'd been date raped several times. I can understand how people who've experienced something like date rape would have a psychological need to tell themselves it's not rape because acknowledging that they have been raped, that they are a rape victim, is so completely devastating. It's easier to live in a state of denial. But it hurts other women.

Loads, flashed at, groped by boyfriends best mate,hand up my skirt on the London Underground etc etc to be honest it led to me wearing baggy clothes through my teens and 20s. It wasn't because I am a looker- far from it but I was tall, slim with long blond hair and that was enough. Hated it. Knocked my confidence and has led to me to always have a negative opinion of men.

Women don't have that privilege, so it's an entirely different situation.

^This

1dad2kids, change the sex of the offenders against you to 6ft5 men built like brick shithouses. It changes things totally if someone can overpower you and forcefully penetrate you. Also the groping and unwanted attention has more of an impact if you have previously been raped.

As a child, a 'friend' of the family would tickle me. Too hard and for too long, it made me feel so uncomfortable and upset. It's only now I see that for what it really was.

As a 19 year old I'd stayed over at a party I woke up to a male 'friend' grabbing at me, holding me down, trying to put his tongue in my mouth and refusing to take no for an answer. it took over 20 minutes and all of my strength to fight him off and get away. I have never been so frightened in my life. I later found out he'd done the same to two other girls that night. His friends were quick to write it off as 'laddish behaviour'.

A former partner I caught trying to masturbate over me while I slept.

My husband attempted to have sex with me while I was asleep. I woke up to him pulling my pyjamas down and trying to stick his dick in me. We hadn't had sex since before my 9 month old (at the time) baby was born. We'd argued that night and I'd made it clear I was very unhappy in the relationship. So there was no presumed consent. He minimised, obviously and continues to do so. I haven't told a soul because I feel so ashamed.

Just last week I was cat called by two 12 year old boys on their way home from school. Fucking 12 years old! In a 'nice' area, from a 'nice' school. Yelling at me about my tits and how they 'bet I want some, oh yes you'll get some'. And again just written off as 'boys will be boys'.

I am a strong, confident, educated, professional. I am 33 years old. And fucking kids think it's ok to shout at me in the street. Just because I'm a woman.

I am heartily sick of it.

i do actually find it difficult to accept that some women have experienced nothing of what is being discussed here. I'm not completely convinced tbh

Really ? "I believe you" doesn't apply?

Apologies, haven't RTFT 'cos I think it probably has upsetting things in it - but yeah, I have. Been raped a couple of times, (first time when I was 15), have been groped more times than I can count, have had sex when I didn't want to even more times (but wouldn't count it as rape). Somehow, I seem to have come through it OK, now have a lovely husband and very few issues, I rarely think about this stuff unless I see a question like that in the OP. Looking back, the way I see it is that there were things I would prefer hadn't happened, but they did, and I am certainly not going to let them ruin the rest of my life. I understand other people may feel differently, and sympathise with them - but I can't change my past, I don't think every man is like that, and am continuing to live with hope, optimism, and an appreciation for the good stuff. Think that's all I want to say about that.

Lass, do you think it's just luck that hasn't happened to you? Not meaning to be offensive, I'm just wondering!

I had thought I was too old for it but the last time a horn was beeped at me was about three weeks ago. Walking back to our cars with my mum friends from a dinner out. Dressed up but you couldn't see that, we had on jeans/trousers and coats. And I'm 40, it was men in a car who saw a group of women I guess.

1dad I was interested to read your post. Most women I know have experienced something on the list, including me, most thankfully at the milder end of the scale. But there are also very brash women who make inappropriate comments to men, and a groping incident I experienced was perpetrated by a female (lesbian) who was a friend of mine. This is an as well contribution, not detracting from the initial post at all.

Cancelly
ran home in a panic, told my family and they treated it as a total non-event, like - that's just what men do.

I'd forgotten about this (believe it or not)but something similar happened to me. A lad on a cycle grabbed my breast as he rode past.

I was furious (a healthy reaction, I think) - this was as I was starting to have counselling regarding my experiences, and developing a sense of my own worth.

I got home and was so angry and told my mam "Oh - that's nothing." Refused to countenance me calling the police. Dismissed the whole thing as being "nothing". Thinking about it now, I could sit and weep - his entitlement, her attitude, and my compliance - it just breaks my heart.

If anyone laid a hand upon my DD I swear I'd rip his balls off with my bare hands, and laugh as I did it.

2kids2dogsnosense there has been cases of male rape where the man being raped has got an erection. Does this mean that if the stimulation of physical elements causes an erection however undesired its any less rape?

Also the whether a man is able to penetrate or not during a forced act make it any less evil?

Ok so... exP wouldn't start the engine of the car we were sat in ready to go to visit relatives overnight because I hadn't 'packed condoms'. "I won't start the car until you go back up and pack condoms". I was in floods of tears. He was abusive - physically and emotionally, we hadn't had sex in over a year and he'd obviously had enough. What kind of sex would it have been if I'd agreed to go back in and pack some?! The few times he had sex with me after DD, at age 21 I was screaming in my head "think of England think of England think of England' because that's the only way I could ever get through it. When that hand has hit you... I don't know. I can't explain the dread of being emotionally coerced into sex (don't even want to call it that) by someone who is your husband and father to your child, outward appearance, but has battered your soul and still doesn't get that his touch makes your skin crawl.

i do actually find it difficult to accept that some women have experienced nothing of what is being discussed here. I'm not completely convinced tbh

I've been beeped at maybe once or twice max

If you were to ask me if I'd been sexually harassed or assaulted I'd say no

If you specified that YOU considered being beeped at to be sexual harassment then technically yes I have been harassed, by your definition

But touching, groping, grabbing etc? Never

I don't question those who say they have been assaulted

Why is my voice less valid?

No, not really. Not catcalling, the worst harassment was the "smile" sort.

I did know a weird guy who would tweak everyone's nipples, men and women, when we were out clubbing. He did stop when I asked him to.

I'm not defending it, but I do think some women minimise sexual assault due to trauma or defensiveness related to unresolved personal issues.

Also it would mean that admitting the men around you - the men who are your friends, family, OH, the men you love - don't love or respect you. That's a hard thing to do.

frances

I feel so upset reading these accounts. They say "misery loves company", but IsweartoGod I wish I was the only person this had happened to - the wave of pain here is heartbreaking.

I thought I had suffered, but some of roulades here - my heart goes out to you, it really does. And the future for our daughters doesn't look much better.

No-one should have the power to make other people feel like this.

1dad

Not sure i get the relevance

Its quite well documented that rape victims can orgasm during rape

She was talking about a female raping a male not what happens to a male rape victim

Although saying that i do think that a man could have an erection with a woman even if he really didnt want one

Although a woman cant rape a man in this country

Yes - several times.

Groped /grabbed in pubs and clubs more times than I can count.

Had my breast grabbed by a man in the street on my paper round, I was about 13.

Had a man try to drag me off the street into a car.

God it's grim.

I haven't RTFT (I suspect I may be in the minority with this response) but I have not been the victim of sexual assault. I know many women who have been, but I personally have not.

Also not sure why we can't be believed saying "none of those things have ever happened to me"? (Including I've never been around or seen them happening to other women - I mean literally never heard a wolf whistle - I presumed it was just something that happened on TV. I live in a city, too, not the middle of nowhere).

Doesn't mean I'm not very, very sorry for everyone it has happened to, absolutely believe them, and absolutely don't blame them.

LittleWingSoul. So glad you've escaped that.