To think most women have been victims of sexual assault? Has anyone not?

[Lighthouseturquoise]

Has anyone here honestly never been a victim of some kind sexual assault.

Even if not rape be it some drunk bloke groping you in a nightclub, a date getting heavy handed or pushy,

an ex boyfriend who just got carried away,

a sleazy boss or work colleague roughing your leg or making an appropriate remarks,

a friends boyfriend coming onto you,

a man thinking you were coming onto him because you were friendly then not taking no for an answer,

a boyfriend coercing you into sex or something as a teenager.

Getting beeped at or wolf whistled and feeling embarrassed and uncomfortable.

I think we sweep it all under the carpet and I bet the average woman during her life gets assaulted or harassed more than once.

Bambini false allegations of rape are incredibly rare - they make up less than 2% of all reported rapes. But they are splashed all over papers like the Scum & The Fail so people start saying it's women's fault the conviction rate is so low, and it's bollocks. Then it's used to trot out the anonymity for men line, which is the last thing the ant rape movement needs. And a lot of so called 'false allegations' aren't. If anyone is interested please look at this link:

www.womenagainstrape.net/content/why-women-against-rape-opposes-prosecutions-women

1DAD

I've spoken to my sons about situations you describe. It's not OK. It must have made you feel crap, demeaned, humiliated. Did you ever feel scared?

No. I haven't. And I have read all your lists of what may even be considered very very mild, and no, I haven't even had that either.

Do you believe me or do you think I have and just don't realise it?

There must be many women who haven't. Yes, many who have, but why is it so hard to imagine that not everyone has?

For those who say they never have...

I would probably have said that, barring a serious sexual assault at the age of 9 by a second cousin, I have got away without being sexually assaulted.

And then I thought long and hard about it.

And what I have discovered frightens me.

In my teens, I had a boyfriend who stuck his hands down my pants and when I said no said 'I thought you weren't a virgin' and I said 'no I'm not' and he said 'well then. What's the problem?' And carried on.

I felt unreasonable for daring to want control over where I was touched. After all, I wasn't a virgin, so I must have been fair game.

I can't count how many instances I have had of feeling scared and out of my depth and like I had got myself into a dangerous situation where my only option was to give in.

And now I see that as coercion.

One boyfriend later in my early 20s sulked and emotionally battered me until I had sex with him. Repeatedly. I thought it was my fault and that denying him was being frigid and unfair, so I used to lie back and think of England.

Then at University, a guy I quite fancied had come back to my shared house after a party. I was quite drunk and went to bed. He asked my housemates where I was. They told him I was unconscious, so he came and climbed into bed with me. I was woken up by him groping me. And I went along with it in a drunken, slightly woozy haze.

It took a long time before I realised how utterly fucked up that was - because I have come to expect that kind of treatment.

And that is without the times I've had to walk past groups of men in the street - maybe outside the pub smoking - and felt intimidated and afraid - and hoping to God no one shouts anything at me. And more often than not, they do.

For the record, I am overweight and very average looking. For those who think this is a compliment, think again. It is a way to put you in your place.

I have been followed while walking through the park in broad daylight (with my baby in a pram) by a man who was commenting on my body and trying to get me to 'fuck him behind a tree'. He didn't touch me, but I felt assaulted and violated and very scared.

All that and my first reaction to the question was 'no. I've never been sexually assaulted.'

But yes. I fucking have. It is just minimalised and normalised so much that I've pushed it out of my mind as 'one of those things.'

I started typing out one of my (many) experiences earlier and couldn't finish it. It's painful to revisit and also the stigma of not being believed/the shame clearly still follows me more than I thought.

Cooking pasta with my wonderful DH and sipping a red wine on what would be a normal Saturday night if I hadn't empathised with all you fantastc strong women in reading every page of this thread whilst settling DS... Still feeling a bit shaken and spooked in revisiting my experiences.

My dd had her bum pinched at school (she's 17) she swung round and zapped the boy on the nose and they suspended her. Admittedly he was knocked to the ground with all his friends laughing, he was unaware of my dds temper and self defence training.

No, I have not been sexually assaulted. I've also never been catcalled or groped in a pub, club or public transport. The last time there was a thread on this I was accused of being a liar.

Yeah I was touched by my older cousin when I was 9.

I told him i didn't want him to but he wouldn't stop. I managed to leave the room and get away, I then blocked it from my memory.

I freaked out a bit when I suddenly remembered when I was 17.

Yes sexual assault when I was about 9 until 11ish on and off from the same 'family friend' before it was discovered and contact thankfully stopped. Being groped and kissed without my permission as a young teen and then my first proper job being sexual harassed and made to feel as if I was a trouble maker for reporting it. So frustrating I generally try not to think about it. I'm sorry so many others have too its really hitting home at the moment, things still have a long way to go.

I don't want to deny sexual assault by women on men. It is wrong. but I also don't think it compares.

Women are generally physically weaker and more conditioned to be compliant.

I have felt genuinely scared more times than I could mention. And I'm not sure that women cat-calling men is as sinister and frightening as when it's a gang of men doing it to a woman.

Being touched when you don't want to be in awful - and we have that in common.

Being bullied and coerced can happen to men as well as women - and I'm sorry if that has happened to you.

However, I know a man could over power me and that he could penetrate me. It is a violent act.

Don't underestimate that fear.

I started typing out one of my (many) experiences earlier and couldn't finish it. It's painful to revisit and also the stigma of not being believed/the shame clearly still follows me more than I thought.

I know exactly what you mean. Exactly.

I once woke up the morning after a party to find a hand having a thorough rummage in my pants. He was not someone that I would have invited in there and was an acquaintance in a wider circle of friends. At least I gave him a bloody good kick in the face for his efforts.

I was mixed up about it for a while (fortunately not in a life changing way). The night before I was drunk. I had also engaged in somewhat heavy flirting with a person that I was realising that I was attracted to (he is now DH). I was still a virgin, and just beginning to enter the world of sexual relationships and was getting my head around that on its own.

I had consented to what took place with now DH. I had not consented to the aquaintence's actions. I couldn't consent in my sleep. It was a shock to wake up and register that the person at the foot of the bed was not a person that I had ever given consent to.

It took me a while to process that being drunk the night before was irrelevant, and my behaviour with A did not condone B's behaviour to me. This is why victim blaming is so dangerous, because it holds women back from reporting what has happened to them, and the bastards get away unchallenged.

Hopefully being more open about this topic will encourage more positive action to deal with it leading to less occurrences and more successful action when it does occur.

Oblomov - i do actually find it difficult to accept that some women have experienced nothing of what is being discussed here. I'm not completely convinced tbh, but that's not a criticism of those who have said so.

Thank you under. Having someone get that means so much.

I was raped and beaten by an ex for two years.

Apart from that for most of my teenage years I was the subject of groping from grown men at the place I worked from the age of 14 - a place with very few females and very much a male culture (a Premiership football club). My dad being the boss didn't seem to make any difference and I didn't dare tell him because I thought it was just how things were. Now I know better and would be horrified with my teenage attitude.

Of course women can rape men, just like men can rape men and women can rape women. It's sex without consent, regardless.

Groomed then raped by a much older man at 13, all the usual being felt up and groped while out, the doctor at the hospital where I worked: all the girls knew not to get cornered by him! Pinned into a corner and had my breasts squeezed and genitals groped by a work colleague of dh's(this was at his silver wedding party!).
I am not even going to list the cat calling and verbal abuse - no I have never found it complimentary, often scary and threatening.
I didn't "ask for" these things to happen, I don't think being a normal teenager in jeans gives anyone the right to abuse them, or that having a drink with a man gives him the right to assume any more than that I like tea or red wine!

Just about every woman I know can tell similar stories, from my mil who was groped by her boss when she started work at 14 in the 1940's, to a friend of my dil's, who was raped on her 20's - broad daylight, town centre.

lifeissweet - I agree. The very real fear that a man can hurt me - really very easily. I'm not physically strong. I've often thought to do a self defence class or something - but the fact remains I'm not strong, most men are taller than me, and probably just about all of them are stronger than me.

When people ask why women don't fight off men, and freeze, I think that can be a large part of the reason. We're afraid of being hurt by a much stronger man.

Lass and oblo, have you never been beeped at or cat called by men even walking down the street? Or has that happened and you don't consider it harassment?

I'm not calling you liars, if you haven't you haven't. It's just it happens so much and so often it's amazing you've had the good luck to not have that happen to you. But statistics are never 100% I guess so there's got to be some women it hasn't happened too.

Not in this country maddie

Oblomiv of course I believe you if you say you haven't.

There isn't an epidemic of women falsely accusing men ffs. Most women don't even report and few of those even get to court.

I can assure you that just because it doesn't get to court doesn't mean that it didn't happen.

Rape is extremely difficult to prove.

Of course women can rape men, just like men can rape men and women can rape women. It's sex without consent, regardless.

Actually no. Rape means penetration by a penis - look it up in UK law. Oh, and then go away.

Mycatwants

I'm totally with you on all that regarding false allegations. I just find some men's insistence on misreredenting the facts quite worrying and threatening - shows a real disdain and hatred for women.

Yes, I'm not going into details but most of that list. And that is normal for the women I know - it's unusual for women in my social circle not to have experienced any of that. We're just ordinary women in our 30s.

In addition to all my own experiences, one friend was raped on a night out, and really shaken up. I asked her what she wanted to do, but she said nothing. She had slept with a lot of guys, and felt no one would believe her.

Another friend was abused by her stepfather.

Another friend abused by her brother (both her and her sister) - never came out until years later.

Another friend was raped and beaten (almost to death). Her attacker is behind bars now, after putting her through a trial by saying 'not guilty' even though the evidence was insurmountable. And yes, her sex life was brought up in court.

Too many examples. Too many to count. So sorry for women, and so sorry for DD.

I wanted to start a thread on this a while ago, to ask if it was just me that had had numerous assaults/rapes/groping etc but was worried it would actually just be me. Now I'm so sad because it isn't.

to everyone affected by the news of CE and what it has brought up.

#Ibelieveyou all