To think most women have been victims of sexual assault? Has anyone not?

[Lighthouseturquoise]

Has anyone here honestly never been a victim of some kind sexual assault.

Even if not rape be it some drunk bloke groping you in a nightclub, a date getting heavy handed or pushy,

an ex boyfriend who just got carried away,

a sleazy boss or work colleague roughing your leg or making an appropriate remarks,

a friends boyfriend coming onto you,

a man thinking you were coming onto him because you were friendly then not taking no for an answer,

a boyfriend coercing you into sex or something as a teenager.

Getting beeped at or wolf whistled and feeling embarrassed and uncomfortable.

I think we sweep it all under the carpet and I bet the average woman during her life gets assaulted or harassed more than once.

4 rapes. 3 by partners, 1 by strangers. Multiple assaults. I don't trust any men.

Many experiences of sexual assault, harassment and rape.

13 year old dd is now experiencing cat calling and whistling etc. but it's just a compliment isn't it

I was raped aged 13 by a lad from my social circle, he was 17. It wasn't violent as such, more experimentation that went too far and when I told him to stop he wouldn't. Lots of other minor incidents, men shouting stuff and whistling from passing cars etc plus a couple of more physical encounters that stick in my mind. Pervy bloke rubbing his legs and letting his fingers touch my thighs as he did it while sitting next to me on a bus, he had chosen to sit next to me despite most other seats being empty so I knew it wouldn't end well. Got followed on the way to my friends house quite late one night, guy changed direction when he saw me walking alone and crossed roads repeatedly as I did (I was doing it deliberately to see if he was actually following me), luckily I had to pass my old neighbours house so went and knocked their door and waited til he'd gone, don't like to think what might have happened if I hadn't. And once in a nightclub a guy put his hand right between my legs from behind, much more than 'just' feeling my bum, that one really upset me, think he was a bit shocked when I turned round and punched him full in the face. There's probably others but I took a lot of drugs when I was younger and my memory isn't great, hope to god my DD doesn't go through the same sorts of things and, although I strongly believe women should be able to do anything they want and still be safe, the truth is we aren't so I hope she will take better care of herself and not put herself at risk the way I did

Two were reported, never again.

Sexual assault as a teen then general harassment until I decided to start calling people out on it...

When a subordinate wrote in size 4 font at the bottom of an email what he'd dreamt about me and inviting me for a drink to get things going, I rapidly enlarged it, sent it back to him with his answer and copied in the "CEO" level officer.

Whether I'd be brave enough to call out someone feeling me up on public transport etc (pretty common) is another consideration. I hope so.

Been groped/ rubbed against on the tube
Had comments made about my breasts randomly and from about the age of 12. I have a large chest and this happened to me hundreds of times. No it's not as bad as rape but it's fucking demeaning, embarrassing, humiliated.

I was raped at the age of 22. "Date rape" (minimising term).

It doesn't define me, I don't spend my life thinking about it but I remember every moment of what happened and how I barely told anyone (1 person) at the time because I knew that being very sexually active meant that no one would believe me.

A couple of years after I told a bloke I'd just met and liked, he said:

"You haven't been raped. I know women who've been raped and they don't act like you do.
That comment still burns me.

Minor but prolonged (several occasions, several years) unwanted sexual touching from a family member as a child. Never told family although did tell friends years later.
Lots of groping in clubs etc, seemed normal at the time.
One scary stranger propositioning me on the street and tried to prevent me getting away (9am on my way to work). I reported to police who took it v seriously and were great.
One really horrible wolf whistling incident when I was about 14. Nothing physical but it made me feel very upset and ashamed of my body, the feeling comes flooding back thinking about it now. Never told anyone.
I think all of these things are very very common, of my close friends I would say we have all experienced something like this.

I have been pressured into sexual contact on several occasions despite making it clear that it was unwanted (either entirely, or to the degree that was being pushed for). I have also had unwelcome advances that have not progressed as far as becoming physical - again multiple times. Also inappropriate comments designed to embarrass.

Never reported anything as every time i did tell someone i was either laughed at,blamed or not believed.that fucked me up more than the actual incidents.

I was once at a red hot chilli peppers concert in London - early evening. Friend had gone to face the loos. Some guy started grinding on me from behind.

I put a stop to it by saying - I had a baby 6 weeks ago! The look on his face....

But horrible.

Quite a few times, ranging from being flashed at by a stranger to being raped by an ex several times, and a few sexual assaults inbetween, but they are too hard to write about. I can't think of any one of my close female friends who hasn't experienced any of what the OP listed.

And then you get yerbut wanting a thread about how many of 'us' have led a man on and then claimed harassment, and shimmy saying some of us that are 'normally intelligent' (thanks Shimmy! that means SO much...not) had the cheek to write awful things about Ched Evans girlfriend. Damn fucking right I'll say I think she's a disgrace to women because I'm sure the input of her and her dear father had A LOT to do with the retrial and his susbequent acquittal, because the ball started rolling at the appeal when she was referred to as 'a slag' and then in the second trial her sex life was put on trial (how dare she have sex before that night with CE, and actually enjoyed it... what a slut, she asked for it!)

With attitudes like yours, we're up shit creek without a paddle.

The only time someone beeping and shouting at me from his car had a happy ending was when the fucker was looking out the window shouting what he wanted to do to me and not concentrating on the road, and he crashed into a parked car. I only wish he'd been going faster.

I wonder, the people who think cat calling/beeping/whistling is complimentary, would you feel pleased that two 40 year old men in a van 'complimented' your 12 year old daughter/sister/niece?

Rebel rogue - I hear you. People's/police responses can be far more traumatising.

3 times flashed at, all under the age of 16, once grabbed and dragged down an alley where he attempted to sexually assault me ( I was at a bus stop waiting to go home from work) and luckily a bloke from across the road saw and helped me. I reported it and was told not to expect anything. Nothing happened. This was 1994.

At university one lecturer consistently brushed past my breasts on any pretext. He was known for this. Also at uni, pub boss in my evening job routinely groped. I thumped him one evening and left my job.

One guy on a night bus wouldn't leave me alone and trapped me in a corner, luckily the driver saw through the mirror thing and stopped.

One boyfriend did things when I was asleep that i refused when awake. I dumped him.

One boyfriend thumped me when I asked him to leave after refusing to take no for an answer for something sexual. I dumped him.

I am average looking and mild mannered. I am lucky I also met brave man, kind man, and have lovely man as friends.

From.discussions with friends I don't think I am unusual. From working in education, I think low level abuse of females is getting worse. Young men objectify them horrifically and easy access to open and media is undoubtedly shaping their opinions. I worry for my daughter and hope my parenting will keep my lovely gentle not that way.

Embley never got as far as the police..the responses from my mother and my teachers were enough deterrent.

In fact the Majority of all my sexual encounters have been from heavy handed/ obnoxious/ older men
Teenage years with far too many occasions of being plied with heavily spiked drinks, head pushed down/ pants pushed aside/shouted at if resisting..
Held down on a beach at 15 by a married man (i saw him th next day with wife on the poolside)
Literally picked up by a man in broad day light and put over his shoulder whilst in a foreign country, shouted and kicked whereupon i was flung to the ground and he strolled off
A teacher (deputy head no less) made sure i knew he was trying to look up my skirt as i walked up the stairs in front of him ( i was 14). In a lesson with him , i put my hand up to answer a question, he laughed when my answer was wrong and suggested i would' like to leave and go to the cookery block to bake a cake instead of attempting to learn science'.
Another teacher would invite girls to th front of th class to bend over and touch their toes, so he could make his point about their skirts being 'too short' - whilst he stood behind to check.
Dancing in clubs ive had a man , a total stranger, come up behind me, put his hand up my skirt and insert his finger inside me whilst i danced with friends and then walk off and call me a slut when i shouted at him to fu*k off and burst out crying.
i could go on and on and on
it makes me sad and scared to have daughters who will be going out into the world soon

Argh typos! My phone is rubbish, hopefully you can make sense. My lovely boy, and men not man.

An old man rubbed against me on a bus when I was a young teen.

Otherwise nothing.

to everyone on this thread.

I have for a long time thought being wolf whistled at was complimentary, However I would not be at all happy with either of my daughters being wolf whistled at so Thyme thank you for making me see it through different eyes.

I have been sexually assaulted, from a grope at work, being grabbed from behind and sex simulated in front of an office full of laughing workmates, to attempted rape on two occasions by an ex boyfriend. Youngest DD (15) was also sexually assaulted, she found courage to report it last year but the police told her the man responsible "was an old school friend and isn't the sort to do that". Things haven't really changed from the 70s/80s at all

As for it only happening in seedy places....

When I was 15 I was volunteering with my church. There was a Christian camp that my vicar and his wife used to help run. I went away with them to a training and planning camp for the leaders to look after their children whilst they were in the meetings. A youth minister (a vicar in his late 20s who ran ministries reaching out to teenagers ) said I looked tense and so massaged my shoulders and groped my tits while my three little charges were in the same room. He was trying to get me to agree to more. I was wearing modest clothes, was at a Christian camp and was in the presence of 3 kids under 8. It happens everywhere.

My comment was a reverse, highlighting how in some cases men blame us women for leading them on, hence the confused face at the end. I didn't think I'd worded it so badly it would be taken so wrongly.
Believe me, I ranted at the Tele yesterday when ched Evans news came on, the whole thing is vile and watching his simpering gf face just made me want to slap her!

There's so many that it'd take hours to list them. From the arse feeler walking past me in a tight spot in a shop, to the multiple flashers, knee and leg groping, all the way to the coercive sex, csa and the rape which the cps told me off about. My female friends are the same. I'm 42, btw.

I find it hard to think of many of my female friends who haven't had some sort of unwanted advance, from tedious cat-calling/grabbing to actual 'date' rape.

My own experience was at 19 (I was very very inexperienced and in fact a virgin) when a male 'friend' led me up to the bathroom at a party he was hosting, sat on the edge of the bath, undid his flies and pushed my head down for me to give him a blow job. Which I did. Because I was off my head drunk (which he knew) and because, embarrassingly enough, I had literally no idea what he was doing. I just didn't know it was a 'thing' (as said above, I was very inexperienced.

I just had literally no idea that I could say no. I was also pretty much too drunk to form words tbh.

I finished (sorry to be graphic but I also had no idea what it was that ended up in my mouth at the end) and he got to his feet and went to open the bathroom door to let in his friend who had been listening to tell him how amazing it had been.

I just sory of grinned and wandered off.

If this happened to my (currently fast asleep in bed, tiny) DD years from now, I would cheerfully kill the man who did it to her.

I wish I had been more educated about sex and consent. I will make sure my DD is not as naive and ignorant as I was.

I also, mostly, wish I hadn't had the misfortune to attend the party of a so-called friend who happened to want to stick his penis into my mouth without any form of consent.

Also, worryingly, I didn't even remotely class this incident as an assault until a couple of years ago (I am now 40) when I was reading stuff on MN in the wake of some of the Savile/Harris scandals. I thought it was all my own silly fault for being drunk and that it wasn't that big a deal.

to all those who have reported their own horrible experiences on this thread.

A man tried to abduct me at the seaside when I was lost when I was 6 or 7. The last (currently) was an assault from a sort of colleague when I was 30. Can't remember what I was wearing at the seaside but I know I wasn't drinking, though I'd probably not perfected resting bitch face at that age. Makes me so sad to think how many of us have these experiences. And I feel angry that so many people minimise them too.

I'm lucky because I've never experienced a serious sexual assault or worse.

But yes, I've had countless experiences of being groped, flashed at, catcalled, had obscene comments shouted in the streets. (The guy who followed after me in broad daylight shouting 'suck my helmet' did so while I was wearing jeans and walking with my boyfriend).

I have never reported any of it, because I've always just assumed that's life for women. The thought of my daughters going through it makes me feel sick.