AIBU to smack this intrusive hand away?

[jayisforjessica]

I'm 20 weeks pregnant with twins, and I'm the first to admit it: I'm getting to be a big girl! I do have quite a big round belly.

I have this group of friends who tend to be quite touchy feely, much more so than me personally. They're not bad people, but I've always sort of made my boundaries clear: If I come in for a hug, I want one, but until then, please assume I don't. And this has never been an issue. I used my words, asked for what I needed, and they willingly gave it.

Until now.

Somehow, being pregnant has opened the floodgates of what appears to be their thinly veiled desire to pet me. Every time I hang out with these friends, I have to tell them over and over, please, do not touch my belly. Please, I don't want to be petted and stroked. Please, I do love you, but I need you to keep your hands to yourself. Most of them have been great, but one woman (C, for argument's sake) just wouldn't let up, insisting that she was "only showing some love for [her] pregnant sister" and once again rubbing my belly despite my repeated clear and direct requests that she stopped.

I slapped her hand away.

She was outraged and immediately went into pout and sulk mode. I, on the other hand, think she's being completely unreasonable and childish. I TOLD her multiple times I didn't want to be touched. I TOLD her that I needed her to keep her hands to herself. She CHOSE to ignore those requests. It's my feeling that she deserved what she got (a little slap on the hand).

Our friends are somewhat divided. Some of them agree with me - that C is notorious for not respecting boundaries and they're proud of me for sticking up for myself. Others say "well, C's just like that, there was no call to hit her". Well, to that I say, I was not the one who made the first (clearly unwanted) physical contact. Was I?

For the record, this isn't the first time I've had issues with C. She has similar boundary issues around children "Oh, give Aunty C a hug" (whether the child wants to or not). DS, from the age of about 2-6, was afraid of her - would literally ask me to pick him up rather than face her.

C needs to get over herself. You did nothing wrong and were more patient than I would have been.

No means no. Why do some people have a problem with this?

Why is C your friend, she sounds awful. Any way to let the friendship go?

I mean - is there any way to let the friendship go?

I've never understood the need to touch a pregnant woman, and I got pretty much my fair share of it when pregnant however, even the more elderly in my family who continually touched my tummy had there hand lifted from my tummy and I would either say "I don't like that" or "that's uncomfortable", I would never EVER slap/strike anyone. I think that's a terrible thing to do, and if you had slapped me, highly unlikely as I wouldn't be touching you, I would have been inclined to slap you right back.

YANBU

C needs to learn to respect people's boundaries and I'm glad you've reacted to her overstepping boundaries as it would appear others haven't.

It's about consent, keep strong and keep firm and tell anyone else getting their sticky beak involved that you reacted in a manner that was fair, she was warned repeatedly, and still continued to ignore a request so was removed from doing what she wanted.

Urgh people like that get my goat. Thankfully my body language is quote obvious and I'm a big bastard so people tend to respect my 'don't touch me please' boundaries.

I would have swatted her hand away too, fair play

**their

YANBU x 100 !
Don't back down, sounds like she needs to be told forcing yourself on people is wrong!

Yanbu, she assaulted your personal space and you defended yourself, she is stroppy about your son having personal space, she sounds horrible.
When I was huge with twins I went to punch a person in the supermarket who thought it was OK to grope my stomach whilst screeching "you're enormous" and it was only a dear friend stepping in the way and telling them to stop or she would call security that stopped me beating her obnoxious face in and rightfully being arrested.

Oh God I HATED people touching my bump. If someone had persisted in doing so, even if I had repeatedly asked them to stop, I would been beside myself.

I can see myself screaming at them to be honest, I cannot put up with it. Your friend got off lightly if all you did was slap her hand away (which is completely different to 'slapping her').

Yabu to hit someone. Sorry but I think you know this already.

Why are you still spending time with someone who behaves in this way? Why are you subjecting your 12yo to someone who doesn't respect his personal space? You don't have to be around her, you know.

I love that you slapped her hand away like a naughty child.

Brilliant. Yanbu!

YADNBU C is out of order and rude and you owe no apology. You've been friends a long time if your 12 year old disliked her from babyhood. I'm very tactile, very affectionate. My friend A is not, if she's sad or upset we have an unacknowledged code where I'll put my hand in her arm and if she gives me a little nod I can hug her. We respect each other. Your friend is showing you no respect, I think you've shown incredible restraint as I'd have been a lot ruder

I loathe the 'it's just their way' shite. It's code for 'well we were too lazy to do anything about it at the start so now you have to put up with their bad behaviour so that we don't feel bad about not telling them to behave properly'. No, no, no! Their 'way' offends me and I will not put up with it!

Yes, tell the shit-stirrer that C upset you by pawing you after being repeatedly asked not to. C is trying to back you into a corner, don't you even think about backing down.

"Ive told C over and over and over not to touch me, you all know I dont like it, but shes ignored me. Im not her toy to be pawed at."

Who does she think she is? Donald Trump?

Not at all unreasonable, OP, not ever. Why do people insist on touching other people when they don't like it and have said so? Pregnant or not - don't touch!

Aside from the commonsense aspect, the politics of your particular situation mean that you might have to disengage with some of your friendship group because it looks as if you're being used a bit as a cat's-paw, which is very unfair.

Next time she strokes your bump, pat her boob in a friendly manner.

I bet she complains.

Who does she think she is? Donald Trump?

I bloody hate the idea that as soon as you become pregnant you're public property.

I didn't even go near my own sister's pregnant belly unless she said it was okay - plus she's got a killer right-hook..

"I don't hate her but I do hate being touched - as she was told"

Good for you. Hardly anyone touched my bump - but a good friend came to stay with her dp. I sat next to him on the sofa and had s bare belly. He leaned over and rubbed it - disturbingly intimate and proprietorial. My friend and dp had just left the room so it felt a bit creepy.

I HATED having my bumps groped, it was really intrusive. My standard response was "Unless you put it there or have previously lived in there, please don't touch me."

I think you don't like C very much.
I would have firmly pushed her hand away and given her a stern verbal reproach. I would not have slapped her.