Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to smack this intrusive hand away?

392 replies

jayisforjessica · 13/10/2016 00:17

I'm 20 weeks pregnant with twins, and I'm the first to admit it: I'm getting to be a big girl! I do have quite a big round belly.

I have this group of friends who tend to be quite touchy feely, much more so than me personally. They're not bad people, but I've always sort of made my boundaries clear: If I come in for a hug, I want one, but until then, please assume I don't. And this has never been an issue. I used my words, asked for what I needed, and they willingly gave it.

Until now.

Somehow, being pregnant has opened the floodgates of what appears to be their thinly veiled desire to pet me. Every time I hang out with these friends, I have to tell them over and over, please, do not touch my belly. Please, I don't want to be petted and stroked. Please, I do love you, but I need you to keep your hands to yourself. Most of them have been great, but one woman (C, for argument's sake) just wouldn't let up, insisting that she was "only showing some love for [her] pregnant sister" and once again rubbing my belly despite my repeated clear and direct requests that she stopped.

I slapped her hand away.

She was outraged and immediately went into pout and sulk mode. I, on the other hand, think she's being completely unreasonable and childish. I TOLD her multiple times I didn't want to be touched. I TOLD her that I needed her to keep her hands to herself. She CHOSE to ignore those requests. It's my feeling that she deserved what she got (a little slap on the hand).

Our friends are somewhat divided. Some of them agree with me - that C is notorious for not respecting boundaries and they're proud of me for sticking up for myself. Others say "well, C's just like that, there was no call to hit her". Well, to that I say, I was not the one who made the first (clearly unwanted) physical contact. Was I?

For the record, this isn't the first time I've had issues with C. She has similar boundary issues around children "Oh, give Aunty C a hug" (whether the child wants to or not). DS, from the age of about 2-6, was afraid of her - would literally ask me to pick him up rather than face her.

OP posts:
pictish · 15/10/2016 15:52

Blanche - whatever.

OurBlanche · 15/10/2016 15:56

Smile Happy Saturday

Bagina · 15/10/2016 16:17

But you're all going to have to open each other's post!

pictish · 15/10/2016 16:27

"She meant no harm but crossed a line. You meant no harm but also crossed a line."

This.

For me it was all over when I read the post comparing their respective children, which I see OP has since had deleted. I am not surprised - it spoke volumes about OP's overall disdain of C and her daughter and her prevalent sense of superiority over both. The arrogance was palpable.

OP wouldn't have slapped away any of the others like that. Bet you.

Sunshineonacloudyday · 15/10/2016 16:49

Pictish I thought you and the op made up but clearly there is no love lost.

pictish · 15/10/2016 16:57

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

ayeokthen · 15/10/2016 17:14

What was the kiddy comment Pictish I missed it.

SuperFlyHigh · 15/10/2016 17:38

ayeokthen some people I've found it nigh on impossible to talk to in person so when it came to getting my point of view across esp re money owed and me flirting with someone's partner I flagged it up!!! Op sounds a bit like me, C needed to be called out obviously! I'm sure op wouldn't have resorted to this had she not been really pissed off!

SuperFlyHigh · 15/10/2016 17:38

I saw that post pictish too, a bit unfair of op to do that.

SuperFlyHigh · 15/10/2016 17:40

And yes pictish op and C don't seem to get on, maybe clash of personalities which happens...

ZuleikaDobson · 15/10/2016 17:44

Planning a group night excluding C from attending

The important piece of information you miss out when referring to that, Pictish, is that the group night in question is at OP's home. Also the home of OP's son whose boundaries C has consistently refused to accept, and whom she describes to her friends as "grumpy and antisocial." Did you leave it out deliberately?

ayeokthen · 15/10/2016 17:45

Fair enough SuperFlyHigh but I don't see why the whole group needs to be involved? Couldn't OP have challenged C over private message and then explained to their friends if necessary? It's the whole group email thing I find quite mean, and adding PM to it seems very spiteful. Comparing children just isn't fair.

SuperFlyHigh · 15/10/2016 17:52

ayeokthen if op knows her friend C as well as she's said maybe she knows pointless speaking to her alone as she'd ignore!

SuperFlyHigh · 15/10/2016 17:52

I agreed the children comparison was unfair

ayeokthen · 15/10/2016 17:53

In that instance I'd just stop speaking to her and let other friends make their own minds up. It's the act of bringing the entire friendship group into it that I'm uncomfortable with.

Spadequeen · 15/10/2016 18:49

But c has proven time and time again that she takes no notice when spoken to. So why would she be any different this time. Why should op have to have someone in her home who has disregarded her and her sons wishes many times.

So many times in here you see people telling someone to stand up for themselves and to call someone out on their behaviour, op has done this, words and actions were twisted to portray c as a victim and how mean op was. So she's stood up for herself again and then gets this shit. You just can't win.

Op all the best for the rest of your pregnancy and I would just disengage from c. Don't exclude her but equally you have no reason to go out of your way for her. Everyone now knows what's happened and I'd just draw a line under it.

Spadequeen · 15/10/2016 18:50

Ayeokthen - c bought the friendship group into it by badmouthing op

ayeokthen · 15/10/2016 18:53

Then they both need to grow up and stop behaving like teenagers. I didn't realise that it was C who started it (it's been a while since I RTFT), but honestly, the argument "but he/she started it" doesn't fly with me when I'm dealing with my toddlers, let alone grown women.

pictish · 15/10/2016 19:11

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Spadequeen · 15/10/2016 19:18

Op has the right to defend herself when someone has been badmouthing her.

ayeokthen · 15/10/2016 19:54

And this is why I don't have large groups of friends, I can't be arsed with the drama.

Daisies123 · 15/10/2016 20:06

Really don't see the problem with sharing the private message- OP wasn't breaking a confidence and hadn't asked to be contacted by PM. It was C who's pushing the limits here and trying to avoid the rest of the group finding out what she's up to. Also seems entirely unreasonable for her to visit the OP's house- your space; your rules.

Feel sorry for the OP. I hate people touching me and being in my personal space and the huggy types drive me mad. Being pregnant was a nightmare of bump touchers. Boundaries are boundaries, whether it's your bump, bum or boobs being touched, it's your body.

pictish · 15/10/2016 20:15

Why have I been deleted for saying OP is Wendying? Confused
This place is so random.

SuperFlyHigh · 15/10/2016 22:35

ayeokthen that is also why I cut down on and diluted my friendship groups and culled the ones who sucked the life out of me! I am no angel but I can't be dealing with Queen Bees, Wendy's etc!

The drama was too much for even me!

Now I have a nice manageable group of friends who all get in and no drama/bitching! Grin

SuperFlyHigh · 15/10/2016 22:36

Get on I mean!!!

Swipe left for the next trending thread