AIBU as a single mum to consider uprooting my DDs and relocating to the other end of the country for a bloody good job

[thisgirlruns]

DDs are Y6 and Y4
Have lived in the same area all their lives.. currently have amicable, shared care with ex DP who lives less than a mile away
He does all school pickups (works from home), I work full-time
We split up nearly two years ago, I am looking to change jobs and want to progress my career particularly due to the financial situation I have been left in (unmarried!) I want to be able afford holidays with my children every now and again, to be able to afford my own home etc.
This new job is in the right sector for me, in the part of the world I have always longed to be in. A big step up career wise and, had I no ties, I wouldn't think twice.
Limited opportunities where I am now. Cost of living for new job higher South East) but otherwise it would be a great move.
ExDP said tonight if I decided to take it I would have to take the girls (my preference anyway) as he couldn't cope with them full time
I am feeling incredibly selfish and guilty at the prospect of taking them away, but the thought of living my life out where I am is really hard.
ExDP said he might consider moving further south, but obviously I couldn't bank on it..
Would involve school change of course, and DD1 in final year of primary school. Can't even get my head around practicalities - what do single working parents do for the 3:30-5:30 slot??
Please help....

Just do it.

Absolutely you must do this - if you don't you will spend the rest of your life wondering "what if" and feeling resentful. Well, I think that's how I'd feel anyway. You've put serious consideration into the options and tbh your ex seems fairly uninvested. Your children will see what you have achieved and be proud of you - yes there will be challenging times ahead but it sounds so exciting, good luck!

You need an au pair, you really do. You'll not want to clock off on the dot every night and race home to tea/homework/chores, relentlessly, for the next 10 years. Only having one weekend off every fortnight - which you won't even EVER be able to enjoy in your own house. ?!?!

You will really not want him staying at your house every other weekend. Where will you go..? I don't think you've thought that bit through, realistically, at all.

As my username implies I'm a rural mum so thought I would add that perspective for you too it could be the best move you ever make and as for making friends as you run already and develop other interests I think you would make a social life easily enough. It is a great opportunity and your dds ex DP and mum are supporting you, good luck with your new job and new life op!

OP - at the moment what is the care split between you and your ex? And does he pay maintenance, or is it 50/50 so he doesn't?

Regardless of whether or not you have the right to be selfish for yourself, I think it should be about whether the extra happiness you yourself will have and the extra opportunities you'll be able to give to the children will compensate for them going from seeing their sad every day to once every other weekend, and as a separate part of their lives rather than an integral part.

On the stepparenting board we are constantly being told that we have to do what is best for the children, who aren't even ours, and that our own desire to sometimes be selfish and not be beholden to DP's ex is something that just has to be sucked up.

I am not saying you are wrong for wanting to go and take this fantastic opportunity for yourself, but on a personal level as a stepmum I feel somehow confused that you are getting so much support and encouragement when NRPs/stepmum are so often villanised for wanting to move away for their career.

That said I do get it is different if you are providing 100% for them financially and there was never an agreement that ex was in a SAHD role.

I'm a working single parent too OP. My dc see their dad several times a week, he does some school pick ups and they go to after school club other days.

I would say that moving could be very hard on them if they will see their dad significantly less. I haven't moved for the same reason. I earn a decent salary but would probably get a better standard of living if I moved, however I dont really want to reduce their contact with their dad. Would your kids dad be interested in moving too?

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